Traveling...With a Guy

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lovedance4ever

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I have a question about a problem that I am currently facing. I’ve been going out with a really great, Catholic guy for a while. We greatly enjoy each others company, and we are always throwing around suggestions about what activities around the area we can do. Nothing is “official” yet as they say, but we are both interested in having a relationship. In other words, we’re not friends, but we are not yet a couple.

So here’s the problem. After spending all of Saturday together, (we’ll refer to him as Jack) Jack suggested that it might be fun to go on a road trip together. AND now you see my problem. I agreed that it would be fun, and that I would love to go. But at the same time, I am wondering if this is a good idea, as I am Catholic girl who hopes to save herself for marriage, and the thought of possibly sharing a room is intimidating.

Is this a big no no? Money is an issue, and we agreed to share the cost of everything. So this is where the problem with booking a hotel comes in. Two rooms will be hugely expensive, but at the same time, I don’t want to do anything wrong…or anything that others might perceive as wrong.

I talked to my mother about it and she is apprehensive, and I can definitely understand. I do not want to do anything that will offend them, so if they come to the decision that it is out of the question, I will understand. However, part of me thinks traveling with Jack would be so much fun.

So these are my questions: Is this a huge no no for a Catholic? Would sharing a room be completely out of the question (separate beds, obviously lol)? If my parents decide against this, how can I address it with Jack? I’m 19 and he is 23, if that makes a difference. He is also from India, and one of the reasons he wants to travel is to see the US.

Thank you in advance! God bless.
 
If you want to see if you have a future with this guy, do not go on a trip with him right now, and definitely do not ever share a hotel room with him. It’s hard to maintain boundaries these days in relationships. This is crossing a line that I think you will come to regret.

Your language is confusing. You have been “going out for a while” but you are also “both interested in a relationship”? What is the difference between going out for a while and a relationship?

In my opinion, taking trips together is something you do when two people are in a serious relationship. There is an intimacy in two people going off together, even with the separate hotel rooms. Rushing things too quickly can spoil the relationship altogether.
 
Ditch the idea of a trip together. Honestly, even if you weren’t Catholic or didn’t have any moral qualms about pre-marital sex I’d STILL day, ditch the idea of the trip. Why? Because you are putting too much time and effort into a lopsided relationship. You seem to be attracted to him but the fact that you’ve spent an entire day together but still don’t have a “relationship” status suggests that he’s just not that into you. Believe me, I’ve been there. A guy who is smitten doesn’t ask you to go on a road trip before he declares his feelings for you. A guy who enjoys your company but doesn’t want to get tied down does. Remember, we teach people how to treat us. A friendly statement, “After thinking about it, the road trip doesn’t sound like such a good idea after all.” If he presses as to why, you can explain that it would require far more physical intimacy than is appropriate for a single Catholic woman.
 
I agree with the two posters above. Even apart from the moral coniderations, this sort of trip just doesn’t seem suitable to your relationship status (whatever that is).

I think you should spend more time “going out” (dating?) and working out whether you are going to have a relationship or not before entertaining ideas such as travel together.

My opinion would differ if it was a group of you going, but if it’s just the two of you, I think it’s just not a good idea.
 
Yeah…I agree with everyone else.

You two aren’t really in a relationship status and I think a “road trip” isn’t really suitable for you two at this point.

And, of course, do not share a hotel room. Even if the two of you are committed to being chaste and saving yourself for marriage…that is a massive step for two people who are just getting to know one another.

My husband and I certainly weren’t the best examples of a chaste courtship before we got married. In fact…we were horrible examples.
But even I wouldn’t think about snagging a hotel room with someone I just started to be romantically involved with. That is way too personal and way too soon.

I wouldn’t get a hotel room with him until your wedding night to be totally frank.

Either budget for two hotel rooms or ditch the whole trip entirely. My advice? Ditch the trip. I don’t think it’s really appropriate for anyone who is so early in their relationship.
 
I agree with the others who have responded so far. For you to spend 24 hours a day with a man and share sleeping quarters is not appropriate for the new relationship you describe in your first paragraph. I’m a Catholic guy, now also a married and family guy, but when I was your age, I would have found this situation quite tense.
 
Road trip? I actually don’t see a problem with that.

Shared room? Big time problem. Save that for marriage.

Discerning Catholics should not be sharing bedrooms together. Being away from friends and family, in a bedroom with one’s boyfriend/girlfriend, is very near occasion of sin x1000.
 
“In my opinion, taking trips together is something you do when two people are in a serious relationship. There is an intimacy in two people going off together, even with the separate hotel rooms.”

Right.

I also think there’s a mismatch between the OP and her boyfriend. 23 is very different from 19 (although both are technically adults), especially given the difference in nationality. It’s not insurmountable, but I suspect there is probably a mismatch in worldly experience, which is an additional reason not to go on a roadtrip alone. I was a very naive 19-year-old myself. I know that 19 feels SO grown-up, but it really isn’t.

Oh, and you don’t need to explain anything. “On second thought, I decided it wasn’t appropriate for us to do an overnight trip together,” is a complete sentence. A nice young man won’t need to hear a word more, and a not-nice-young-man won’t understand, no matter how much you say.
 
I’d go, but only if I could get a different room. 👍

Apart from that, I don’t think anyone has suggested this, but did you consider a single day trip instead? It could even be an all day thing. Is there any touristy stuff you can reach within a day?
 
lovedance4ever said:
So these are my questions: Is this a huge no no for a Catholic? Would sharing a room be completely out of the question (separate beds, obviously lol)? If my parents decide against this, how can I address it with Jack?
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First, even though you plan to have separate beds, there is the possibility of a “near occasion of sin”. Sharing a room could be too much of a temptation for you or for your friend. Second, sharing a hotel room would present the “appearance of sin”. Even though you don’t do anything, it would appear that something inappropriate is going on.

:twocents:
 
It is a big no no for a Catholic.
You can save the road trips for when you are married, with whoever that might be.
 
Viki63 said:
It is a big no no for a Catholic.
You can save the road trips for when you are married, with whoever that might be.
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Yeah, like that’s gonna happen for a Catholic—when you’re pregnant within the first 3 months due to lack of artificial birth control? 😃

That’s why I’m all for road trips before you’re married, just not sharing the same room with a member of the opposite sex.🙂
 
lovedance4ever said:
I have a question about a problem that I am currently facing. I’ve been going out with a really great, Catholic guy for a while. We greatly enjoy each other’s company, and we are always throwing around suggestions about what activities around the area we can do. Nothing is “official” yet as they say, but we are both interested in having a relationship. In other words, we’re not friends, but we are not yet a couple. So here’s the problem. After spending all of Saturday together, (we’ll refer to him as Jack) Jack suggested that it might be fun to go on a road trip together. AND now you see my problem.
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If you can’t define the relationship, why travel one-on-one? Odd choice for two people still sorting things out, I think.

Issues of conduct aside, I’d also discourage traveling overnight with anyone (regardless of gender) unless you know he/she is responsible and you have the means to return home safely. Some people make excellent company, but that doesn’t mean you can rely on them if something happens.
lovedance4ever said:
I agreed that it would be fun, and that I would love to go. But at the same time, I am wondering if this is a good idea, as I am Catholic girl who hopes to save herself for marriage, and the thought of possibly sharing a room is intimidating. Money is an issue, and we agreed to share the cost of everything. So this is where the problem with booking a hotel comes in. Two rooms will be hugely expensive, but at the same time, I don’t want to do anything wrong…or anything that others might perceive as wrong. Is this a big no no?

So these are my questions: Is this a huge no no for a Catholic? Would sharing a room be completely out of the question (separate beds, obviously lol)?
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It depends.

The primary issues, as others mentioned, are putting yourself in a situation where you are more likely to sin or cause scandal. Given your romantic but ill-defined relationship, and the fact that least one of you wants to be chaste until marriage, sharing a hotel room could be problematic.

On the other hand, we are talking about a temporary situation (as opposed to living together) for financial reasons (rather than, say, sharing a room with the intention to have sex); if both of you are comimtted to modest behaviour and sleeping in seperate beds, I don’t see this as a problem. Again, it goes back to how reliable and prepared both of you are.
 
I know it sounds fun, but some things just aren’t appropriate, especially when you still don’t know each other very well.

There is a level of intimacy to sharing a living space alone with someone, even a friend. This is compounded when your relationship is beyond friends.

I thought it would be exciting to travel with my husband when we were just dating. But we didn’t, and you know what? It made the honeymoon that much more exciting, jumping on a plane, sharing a hotel room and really living together for the first time. Save things for the right time.

I would focus my energy on figuring out what the relationship even means. You say you both want a relationship, so why aren’t you in one?
 
There is nothing intrinsically wrong with “sharing a room.”

But if you think this situation would be too tempting for both of you and there could be a chance you’d end up having sex, then of course it wouldn’t be the wisest thing in the world.

It’s really up to your best judgement because you know yourself, Jack, and your relationship better than anyone else here. Some people can handle things like that, no problem, others get too tempted and make mistakes.

My husband and I dated for 4 years before tying the knot and we did go on trips together and shared hotel rooms… and in some cases, even shared a bed. But we were both 100% dedicated to abstinence and had strong will power, so in our particular case it was no problemo.
 
Lorelei12 said:
I know it sounds fun, but some things just aren’t appropriate, especially when you still don’t know each other very well.

There is a level of intimacy to sharing a living space alone with someone, even a friend. This is compounded when your relationship is beyond friends.

I thought it would be exciting to travel with my husband when we were just dating. But we didn’t, and you know what? It made the honeymoon that much more exciting, jumping on a plane, sharing a hotel room and really living together for the first time. Save things for the right time.

I would focus my energy on figuring out what the relationship even means. You say you both want a relationship, so why aren’t you in one?
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👍

I don’t think the problem is that you are still not dating (although, I would probably worry safety-wise if you don’t know Jack that well yet). I think it would still be inappropriate if you were dating and going of traveling alone staying in the same room.
I think one good way to think about it is, how would you feel if your daughter (when you have one) wants to go off on a trip with a guy, sharing a hotel room? Also, how would you feel if your daughter knew you did this with a man that was not your husband (if it turns out you marry someone other than Jack)? Would you feel like you are setting a good example for your children?
 
I agree with the others that this seems too much, too soon.

It seems like you know this already. You say the thought of doing this is “intimidating” to you. Trust your instinct. Do not voluntarily place yourself into a situation that will make you uncomfortable – particularly since there will be no means of immediate escape should you want to leave.

If this guy is a great guy who truly cares for you, he will understand and not pressure you into doing something you are uncomforatble with. If he tries to pressure you, he’s not as great a guy as you think he is.
 
I don’t think “Jack” is so great. He wants to take you on a road trip yet he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you. What’s up with that?? I think you should ditch him. He’s playing games with you.

You’re only 19. You should not make yourself so available especially to someone who isn’t that into you. There are much better guys out there, but you won’t find that out if you continue to hang out with Jack.
 
newf said:
I don’t think “Jack” is so great. He wants to take you on a road trip yet he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you. What’s up with that?? I think you should ditch him. He’s playing games with you.

You’re only 19. You should not make yourself so available especially to someone who isn’t that into you. There are much better guys out there, but you won’t find that out if you continue to hang out with Jack.
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I think you’re jumping to judgement a little too soon.

Most people see no harm in taking a road trip with a friend or significant other. It doesn’t automatically mean they have devious intentions, or even that they’re trying to have sex… it may just mean their views aren’t as conservative as yours and they think it’d be a fun opportunity to get to know each other and to get to know a new country.

They are close friends who are thinking about starting a courtship.

From the limited amount of insight I got by reading the OP, I personally don’t think it sounds like the greatest idea because I would want to be very serious with someone if I was going to be sharing rooms with them for an extended amount of time. But it’s really up to the OP’s best judgement because she knows the situation and the people involved way better than we do. It’s best not to jump to conclusions regarding the character of the young man involved.

To get to the specifics of the OP’s question, the answer is NO. It is NOT intrinsically evil (“a big no no in Catholicism”) to spend the night in the same room with a male friend or boyfriend. It may not be a wise idea, depending on the circumstances and the people involved, but it is not some sort of intrinsically immoral issue.
 
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