Tried to post before, but don't know where it went. Friendship problems

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I have been friends with a person for about 8 years. Most of my friendship consisted of listening to her describe her own family conflicts and trying to help her see God’s viewpoint on things. However, lately, we had a strong disagreement over a topic and I was told that I “should be ashamed of myself” for how I felt about things. (She had given a gift to my granddaughter, who is very busy and who had her best friend dying in the hospital.) She felt that my granddaughter should have written a thank you note for the gift right away. I tried to explain that my granddaughter had a lot on her plate and would write her a thank you when things calmed down a bit. She did not accept that explanation and her reaction was so harsh that I had to hang up the phone on her. About a week later she wanted to talk on the phone again, and she apologized, I forgave her, but then she wanted to rehash the same subject again. I didn’t want to go there, but she insisted, and we ended up right in the same disagreement again. I said that I just couldn’t handle the drama that surrounds the topic, so she ended the friendship. My question is, should I just leave things as they are? Am I obliged to “make peace before the sun goes down” or did she close the door on that?
 
She’s the one who closed the door, and over something relatively minor, at that, so I would just let it go if I were you.

It sounds to me like you made an honest effort to make peace and you aren’t harboring ill will towards her, but she keeps resurrecting the conflict on her end. Furthermore, “making peace” to me means you are pleasant to her when you meet her and you don’t harbor ill will in your heart against her. It does not mean you have some obligation to keep seeking her out or to continue a friendship that is no longer working because you have different priorities or values (she obviously thinks the thank-you note is a major issue, and you do not). If you want to keep trying to contact or help this person and make a free choice yourself to do so, then that’s fine, but you do not have an obligation to do so.
 
Why is that she believes you can force a thank you note out of the girl?
Certainly that would be insincere, no?
Why did you provide an excuse?
She should make her own decisions regarding further gifts or confronting the recipients, and you should stay out of these things. You both have some culpability in the disagreement.
If this is all it takes to derail a friendship, I’d have to reflect on if this person is worthy of my time. Sure she has a good point…young people tend to let these things slip by, but that really has nothing to do with you.
Just my 2 cents.
 
This sounds as though t has been a rather one sided friendship, and if it foundered over something as trivial as a thank you note it is probably not worth salvaging. The explanation you offered seems a perfectly valid one for the delay in your granddaughter’s note of thanks - but at the end of the day any dispute about it is really between your friend and your granddaughter. You are not in any way responsible so I cannot understand why so trivial an omission is being laid at your door. In the face of such overreaction I would let the friendship quietly drop.
 
Gilly_flower said:
You are not in any way responsible so I cannot understand why so trivial an omission is being laid at your door. In the face of such overreaction I would let the friendship quietly drop.
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That confirms my own thoughts…thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut!
 
Tis_Bearself said:
She’s the one who closed the door, and over something relatively minor, at that, so I would just let it go if I were you.

“making peace” to me means you are pleasant to her when you meet her and you don’t harbor ill will in your heart against her. It does not mean you have some obligation to keep seeking her out or to continue a friendship that is no longer working because you have different priorities or values (she obviously thinks the thank-you note is a major issue, and you do not).
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Thanks for your point of view…it’s very helpful!
 
Tis_Bearself said:
She’s the one who closed the door, and over something relatively minor, at that, so I would just let it go if I were you.

It sounds to me like you made an honest effort to make peace and you aren’t harboring ill will towards her, but she keeps resurrecting the conflict on her end. Furthermore, “making peace” to me means you are pleasant to her when you meet her and you don’t harbor ill will in your heart against her. It does not mean you have some obligation to keep seeking her out or to continue a friendship that is no longer working because you have different priorities or values (she obviously thinks the thank-you note is a major issue, and you do not). If you want to keep trying to contact or help this person and make a free choice yourself to do so, then that’s fine, but you do not have an obligation to do so.
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I agree with this. I would let it go myself as life is too short to be rehashing arguments over and over again.

JMO

May God help you with deciding what you would like to do.

Mary.
 
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