Trouble believing that God exists

[Tom_Swanson]

K, here’s the deal. I’ve been catholic all my life. All 20 years of it. I can’t really believe that God exists or if he cares or if he’s just picky about who he cares for or if he even creates some people to be his children and others to be against him.

Just to warn anyone that isn’t into helping someone like me, I’m broken and I’m here trying to find answers cause if God is real then I’ll be going to hell if I don’t bring myself around, but if he doesn’t exist then I didn’t lose anything by trying.

I’ll give you the story in a nut shell. Boy (me) likes girl, they get together, have a very good and chaste, and it seems they fall in love. The boy truly falls in love with the girl, praises God for his blessings, feels that he is doing what God wants him to do and is thus able to persevere through hard times and continue to become a better man. However, here’s the kicker, 2 years into the relation, girl losses feelings for boy, girl rips out boys heart and stomps on it, and finally girl plays the victim and probably lies to herself so she can sleep at night by saying that I was messed up and had issues.

Ya I freakin had issues!!! The girl I loved was trying to break up with me but was too spineless to ever say it out right! Kept playing yo-yo with my heart and kept letting me think she might get back together!

So, this is my problem. God is a lie. I had never been stronger in my Faith before the relationship and during it. She brought the best out in me. I could swear that I felt God working in my life, that he was there and that even though there might be hard times that I could make it through. I felt like she was God’s way of helping me to come closer to him. But now everything is completely turned around. If God is real then he’s given me the middle finger and is taking care of her. She got to walk away unhurt. He took care of her cause she’s his little chosen child and I’m just the reject. Where is the justice? God would just let one of his children destroy one of his other children and then God takes care of the destroyer child? If that’s what God is like then he is nothing to be worshiped. I’ve thought about her every day for the past 3 months and I hate her. With every part of my being I hate her. God never helped me when I cried out. He did nothing and in doing nothing he drove me deeper into hate, anger, and despair.

I don’t think that anyone who reads this will understand. I am angry at God. We have always been told that God cares. I don’t see it. I do not see how he cares. He cares for her and leaves me to rot. I’m forced to find my own purpose. My own reasons to live and keep going.

So as you see there are alot of questions in there and what I want is for someone to rationalize it. Although I don’t think it’s possible because I’ve been asking God to rationalize it so that I can actually live but that hasn’t happened.

 

[momor]

I am very sorry for your pain and loss - both at losing your girl and at losing faith in God too. I have been where you are and I know it can be nearly unbearable.

This girl behaved very poorly in the end. Having seen her true colors, is this someone you would want to spend your life with?

God really does work for the best in your life. It’s not his fault that she broke up with you but God is there to comfort you and help you pick up the pieces of your heart if you will let Him.

I pray that God will shower you with His loving grace.

 

[Julian0404]

When God answers prayers, sometimes the answer is No. We don’t know why. It feels unfair. Anger makes us think He has abandoned us. Your love for the girl prevents you from expressing the outrage you feel, so you take it out on God - as we all have.
Want to fix it?
Start volunteering at your parish food kitchen. Spend all your spare time serving others and cleaning tables, and see how God has truly blessed you. Take the focus off of your self suffering and assist those who are suffering in other ways.
Serve others, offer it up to God as a sacrificial prayer and ask for His blessing on finding a girl who can love Him and you both, then wait for His answer while you serve others.

 

[flowergrdn]

I’m sorry that you are hurting. Every broken relationship hurts. We hurt God all the time when we don’t do his will. Don’t worry God knows you are in pain. This is the way of the cross. In our dark moments ( when we hurt the most, God is embracing us with his comfort and his care) Don’t worry God knows you’re angry with him and the girl.
It’s part of grieving. yes, grief over a broken relationship, it’s an end to something A new chapter in your life is beginning. Take time for yourself now. Self care and make peace with God and yourself, God will heal your heart.
God has a very special plan for just YOU!
Did you ever think that maybe God answered you already by telling you that this relationship was not the one for you?
That He has something or someone better in store for you? That he wants you to develop the gifts he has given you to become a better man
I’l pray that you feel God’s love from another and ask God to guide you closer to Him!
Merry Christmas

 

[StrawberryJam]

So, God’s existance is based entirely on if things go our way?

 

[Jotobo]

Its a good point you make…

I do know that God is ok with you being mad, frustrated, and the like with him. You arent the first and certainly arent the last. In no relationship can you not be allowed to vent and say whats on your heart.

Life sucks a lot of the time. Me telling you I understand you means nothing, even though both of us know it does - just not in this situation

I dont know man, if I could take your pain away I would, but I cant, in the meantime just keep talking to God, even if it means you want to be mad at Him right now. Im sure he will help you work it out in some crazy way that will blow your mind later on

 

[Ceysa]

I’m very sorry for your loss, relationships are so painful sometimes.

I’m surprised to be reading this on St. Stephen’s day. God never promises an easy ride, but really the opposite. Christ died a horrible painful death, thousands of Martyrs roasted by fires, were dipped in boiling oil, fed to beasts, drowned or slaughtered by sword, you name it Christans died by it.

If you love God, you will suffer. It’s a purging suffering so it’s good, but man is it painful. We’re all called to die to ourselves. It’s such a tall order I’m surprised I even try sometimes. This girl whom you loved seems to not have any suffering over leaving you, and she might not, but that doesn’t mean that God doesn’t love you anymore or anyless than her.

I can tell that intellectually you believe there is a God, but emotionally it’s tough. Why has he let me suffer, I thought he was good? He must not exist because I cannot understand why if he did he would let all of this happen to me. It’s an honest objection. Why all this pain? When at his mere thought it could all be set aright?

You must remember Original Sin, that pockmark that we really can’t escape while living here on earth. With the fall of man all that pain and suffering began because of our separation from God, from our own disobediance. I’m not saying that you personally have caused your own pain, (no more than a child with cancer caused his own cancer.) We are a human family, and so because as an organism we are in this lot, suffering will be shared by all.

Ehh I’m posting a brick up here. I apologize.
I guess in short maybe you should take a step back from your anger. Instead of casting stones at God, seek out the answer to your suffering. Go to a good priest, go to adoration. Don’t just pull yourself away and cast him off like a piece of trash, but go to his door and keep knocking until you get an answer. If you have a problem with God, let him know about it.You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Many times in my life I’ve believed things wrongly about God. I’ve been through a lot of suffering that I felt I was completely abandoned through it. I didn’t blame God for the suffering, but wondered why I was left alone like an orphan. God didn’t make that person die, because death is a part of life, but he allowed me to suffer and recieve little consolation. Now that I look back on that time in my life, it was never he who abandoned me, but I shut myself away from him. I was so hurt and lonely that I let myself be hurt and alone. I locked myself in and blamed everyone else for not comming to my rescue.

Through the prayers of my parents and ultimately the mercy of God, that time passed as all time does, and now I see what God was doing. My suggestion to you is to keep at the faith, keep going to mass, keep seeking him out, this time of suffering will pass.

If you read this I’m surprised (I wouldn’t have the endurance to read so much after such heartache), I just hope that you recieve healing.

 

[Incomplete]

The girl has free will. God isn’t going to force her to stay with you. Someday you’ll see that she wasn’t right for you.

But if you really want to figure out if God exists or not, look somewhere besides your feelings. When things go good, it’s no proof of God’s existance. When they go bad, it’s no proof that He doesn’t exist. And nowhere in the Bible will you find that those who believe and love Him have a great life on earth.

If you become convinced that He exists but doesn’t care, take a look at a crucifix and think again. God loves us all in that can’t-get-my-mind off of you way that you loved this girl. Just look at the crucifix to see the depths of our rejection.

Our happiness is not assured in this life. And we don’t love and worship God only when life is going well.

 

[lorraine_peters]

Hi,
I had a 44 year oydessy, being neither atheist or agnostic. I believed in God, but I saw
Him as a very, very not nice person. My attitude led to alcoholism and two suicide
attempts. Seven months ago God gave me incredible saving grace and I returned to
the church I had walked away from when I was 18yrs old…
I am now 62yrs old. I’m literally starting over again. One loses a lot things in a 44yr
span.
My advice, for what it’s worth, is to not feed or focus on that ravenous fire of hate
inside you. I think doubt and anger are understandable but hate will consume you and claim your soul.

Hope you can find a holy priest that can guide you through this confusing and very
hurtful time.
Best Wishes,
Lorraine

 

[Incomplete]

That last line of Lorraine’s is great advice.

 

[mjs1987]

I think a problem is in your understanding of who God is. Remember from the Gospels that Jesus refused to save himself from the cross despite having the power do so. He was mocked by the Jewish leaders for not doing so yet he did not save himself to show them that he could. He did not want to be a novelty side show act but the savior of the world. The ransom for our salvation was his death and his life was based on proving who he was and carrying out his mission to save mankind from death. There are many cases in the bible especially in the cases of Moses and Peter where there was a lack of faith and trust in Christ. You are not the first nor the last to become frustrated or lose heart in your relationship with God. He is a God that does not want us to be robots and he throws challenges and tests at us to make us stronger and to push us to our limits to get the best out of us and to help us to get our soul ready for heaven or purgatory.

Being in a similar situation as you a few years ago, I can say that the key to overcoming a girl is to realize that there are many fish in the sea. It is useless and counterproductive to get upset over a girl when she does not share your feelings. You are still very young and are probably at least 5-10 years away from marriage at least. I am only 22 years old yet I cant imagine myself being married or in a seriously committed relationship right now. This is the time in your life to have fun and to sample a variety of different ladies. I know many people that have had miserable experiences in college over a girl that is far away from them or that wants to take up more of their time than they can give. I have seen many relationships like yours from both sides of aisle. Immaturity plays a huge role in how they play out. She was acting like a teen girl by playing with you and you were acting like a teen boy who had his first love. You are describing the inherent problem in American youth today: an adolescence that extends well into a persons early to mid 20s. Our bodies are telling us that it is time to find someone but our culture still considers us to be kids still so for many they are in situations that they are in no way capable to handle. In your situation a good friend or advisor or parent should have been there from the very beginning to give you advice and to check on you to make sure you are on the right path. A good friend/advisor would have easily seen the signs early on that this relationship was a dead end. The good thing that God has blessed you with is knowledge that your friends and whoever you went to for life advice let you down. You know now who your real friends are or if you need to find new friends.

Also, do not focus on what she is doing now. Unless you can see into her heart, you cannot be sure exactly why she did what she did. The best thing to do is to wish her well and forget about her. Its her loss that she turned you down. Can you imagine how miserable you would be if you actually married her and she never returned your love for a whole lifetime? At least now you know she is not the one and you can search an almost limitless supply of girls for the one. The numbers are in our favor. There are millions of single ladies looking for a guy. We can wait and pick and choose. When you look back on it in 20 years you will wonder why you were so crazy to think the way you do now.

 

[Timbothefiveth]

K, here’s the deal. I’ve been catholic all my life. All 20 years of it. I can’t really believe that God exists or if he cares or if he’s just picky about who he cares for or if he even creates some people to be his children and others to be against him.

So, this is my problem. God is a lie. I had never been stronger in my Faith before the relationship and during it. She brought the best out in me. I could swear that I felt God working in my life, that he was there and that even though there might be hard times that I could make it through. I felt like she was God’s way of helping me to come closer to him. But now everything is completely turned around. If God is real then he’s given me the middle finger and is taking care of her. She got to walk away unhurt. He took care of her cause she’s his little chosen child and I’m just the reject. Where is the justice? God would just let one of his children destroy one of his other children and then God takes care of the destroyer child? If that’s what God is like then he is nothing to be worshiped. I’ve thought about her every day for the past 3 months and I hate her. With every part of my being I hate her. God never helped me when I cried out. He did nothing and in doing nothing he drove me deeper into hate, anger, and despair.

Chances are that she wasn’t meant for you. It may have been good then, but she may have some problem you would discover later down the road that would make life difficult for you. Or maybe you will meet someone even better.

I don’t think that anyone who reads this will understand. I am angry at God. We have always been told that God cares. I don’t see it. I do not see how he cares. He cares for her and leaves me to rot. I’m forced to find my own purpose. My own reasons to live and keep going.

I would suggest praying while really trying to connect with Him. He has a plan for you, you just don’t know what it is yet, so ask him

So as you see there are alot of questions in there and what I want is for someone to rationalize it. Although I don’t think it’s possible because I’ve been asking God to rationalize it so that I can actually live but that hasn’t happened.

Maybe that’s why you found this forum.

Keep in mind through all of your sufferings, He is with you, perhaps more so than in your best times. Jesus was born in a cave/stable and it appears He was for a time homeless, and this is before He was scourged and crucified, so He knows how hard it can be to suffer. He favors the poor and the sick, He healed the lepers and praised the widow. Remember the parable of the poor man Lazarus.

Good luck, and remember that even if it may not seem like it at the time, God loves you!

 

[ethereality]

I find myself in a similar situation – although not nearly as emotional: I tried to “find God” through studying, reading, learning the Christian faith – through reason. (I have very little faith.) I’m pursuing a Bachelor of Science degree for Physics, and I spent as much time “with Christianity” and “with God” as I did “with Physics”, and for a while I felt that I was with God, that things were great, that God put me in that position, with that relationship with my books, to make me a better person and draw me closer to Him, much as you described. Yet I feel like an isolated drifting balloon, useless, lonely, rejected, ugly.

It seems to me that God wants us to have faith independently from anything in our lives; good or bad, personal or material. Paul writes, “And without faith it is impossible to please him. For whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him” (see Hebrews 11:4-7). My Bible contains a footnote: “Here is stated the minimum necessary for salvation.”

I’m struggling, now, too. Nothing is definite, God seems close yet absent. Lonely and rejecting myself, I (frequently?) spend time in others’ written sexual fantasies trying to escape myself – and it seems this sexual sin is actually part of what is separating me from God (as the Church teaches, that sin is real and offends, and separates us from, God). I hope to go to Confession soon. I’m one of the most miserable people I know, and all my material needs are met. Perhaps God gives us a taste of hell in this life so we can avoid it later. Perhaps God doesn’t want me to try to “create” a false faith of him through knowledge, and so he makes me feel that my studies are worthless, so I can sincerely draw closer to him. Perhaps God wants you apart from this girl so you can draw closer to him. Ultimately, we have Job as an example: He was very blessed by God. God crushed him (through Satan) for a time, yet his life was better afterward. His life was better than it would have been if God had not allowed Satan to hurt him.

But perhaps we must have an open-ended question to have faith, just as we must have freedom to have love. Even so, without God, live is meaningless and irrational.

People seem happy with or without God, but, like Job, we must realize life is far too complex and vast for us to understand, and, like Job’s friends, appearances in this fallen world can be deceiving. Yet we know that good and bad things happen to everyone – there is no correlation between doing good and being happy on this earth. Yet the Christian faith still remains not contradicted by life: Jesus did not promise happiness during this life, but rather told us to look toward the life to come. We can also take comfort knowing that the writings in the Bible do not depict a life different from our own: humans wrote Psalms 77, 79, 83, 86, 88, 89, which share the feeling of God’s abandonment. The writings in the Bible should not appear like some far-off not-real place. The people then experienced the same things we experience today.

So the question is then, does God abandon us? It appears Jesus suffered this same feeling (or human temptation) within his human nature, and yelled out the first line of Psalm 22: “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? Why art thou so far from helping me, from the words of my groaning?” (Some guests to the Catholic Answers radio show say that, by saying only the first line, he obviously references the psalm, just like today we would say, “It’s the story about a man named Brady,” and everyone would know we were obviously referencing the Brady Bunch theme song.) Psalm 22 ends victoriously, denying that God abandons the afflicted (v. 24).

It appears that feeling may not match reality, and sociologists and social psychologists have fields relating to this contrast: Is reality external to the individual, or is it simply what is perceived by the individual? (This idea is huge in sociology with perceived racism, and how one defines self in relation to perceived culture.) As Christians, we believe truth exists, period. “Not feeling like God is there” does not change the physical presence of Jesus at the Eucharist, while thinking you were a king in a past life doesn’t make it true. Furthermore, getting a warm feeling at church on Sunday (or wherever) and neglecting the poor does not mean God is pleased with us (Luke 16:19-31) – so we must always remain active, alert, and waiting for Jesus’ return.

I hope this reflection helps you; I have been honest, and have spent a significant amount of time on it. Feel free to IM, email or PM me. (It also helps to count blessings and take a step back: There is a saying: God never closes a door without opening two more.)

 

[James_S_Saint]

When God answers prayers, sometimes the answer is No. We don’t know why. It feels unfair. Anger makes us think He has abandoned us. Your love for the girl prevents you from expressing the outrage you feel, so you take it out on God - as we all have.
Want to fix it?
Start volunteering at your parish food kitchen. Spend all your spare time serving others and cleaning tables, and see how God has truly blessed you. Take the focus off of your self suffering and assist those who are suffering in other ways.
Serve others, offer it up to God as a sacrificial prayer and ask for His blessing on finding a girl who can love Him and you both, then wait for His answer while you serve others.

Good advice.

Try to remember that God does not exist to serve your wants. Your wants only exist to serve God (bet you didn’t know that) and when they actually don’t, well… someone gets heartache and hurt.

Getting angry at God is about like getting angry at gravity. It only makes it harder to stand upright and not fall again.

 

[PJM]

=Tom_Swanson;6097494]K, here’s the deal. I’ve been catholic all my life. All 20 years of it. I can’t really believe that God exists or if he cares or if he’s just picky about who he cares for or if he even creates some people to be his children and others to be against him.

Ya I freakin had issues!!! The girl I loved was trying to break up with me but was too spineless to ever say it out right! Kept playing yo-yo with my heart and kept letting me think she might get back together!

I don’t think that anyone who reads this will understand. I am angry at God. We have always been told that God cares. I don’t see it. I do not see how he cares. He cares for her and leaves me to rot. I’m forced to find my own purpose. My own reasons to live and keep going.

So as you see there are alot of questions in there and what I want is for someone to rationalize it. Although I don’t think it’s possible because I’ve been asking God to rationalize it so that I can actually live but that hasn’t happened.

Hi,

It’s been a long time ago, BUT…"Been there and Done That I got soooooo drunk that I had to lay down, could not even sit up. When I tried the room spinned in and out

DUMB, REALLY DUMB! But I do understand.

Your question about God existing is easy to answer. If you exist, then So does God!

How so?

Every human person dimly mirrors God’s nature. We all have a mind, intellect and freewill, which are all SPIRITUAL THINGS, so they can’t come our parents, can’t be part of evolution, which [even if real???] deal with “MATTER.”

We can give evidence of ones mind, intellect and freewill, but not quantify, or describe them in specific detail. Thus they have to be attributed to a SPIRITUAL SOURCE, and the only one we know of, we call “our God.”

It’s silly to claim that God does not love us… here are four evidences of this truth…

The Incarnation: God becomming a man, which might be compared to us retaining the spiritual gifts as “earthworms.”

The Passion, Death and Ressurection of Christ on the Cross… THINK ABOUT IT!

Christ instituation of the Seven Sacraments most especially; Baptism and the Eucharist, where God assumes the appearance of Bread and Wine [the accidents] but is very REAL and present to and with us, and the Sacrament of Confession, necessary for our Salvation.

Christ Founded His Catholic Church to teach, lead, guide and comfort us.

So now we know God is real, and God loves us a GREA:T DEAL more than we can [or do] Love Him back.

So the issue then must be, can there be, is there a reason God allows us to suffer Yes there is Because it provides the opportunity for us to prove to God that we LOVE Him for all that He did and DOES for us. Which is the precise reason for our Creation by God.

Having now been married for nearly 43 years to the same woundeful women, I KNOW you’ll get over it. How soon is up to you, and how willing you are to allow God to decide what is best for you. NOT an easy task at age 20

Tom, there is nothing that you and GOD cannot overcome…

TRY IT; You’ll like it…
**
Love and prayers, don’t give up on God! That is what Satan wants you to do!**

 

[ljubim]

Even Our Lord on the cross asked why God had abandoned Him.

When I started reading these forums I was a lost Catholic, thinking that prayer was like talking to a wall. Then I got into some serious sins and finally I could no longer deny that God was telling me to STOP! and to GO TO CONESSION! I was shocked; even though I still actively participated in the Church I had almost lost my belief.

God will speak to you somehow. Nothing we can say will convince you. Just be open to hearing His voice, somehow someway He will come to you(I’m not trying to be flippant, this is just from what I’ve seen). Just beg Him like crazy to do so!

Like somebody else said, the fact that you are on the forums is a huge step. CAF worked wonders on me!

God bless, please put up something for yourself in Prayer Intentions, prayers never can go wrong!
Ljubim