B
bluebird123
Guest
Hey friends,
So I am a young adult who’s struggled with anxiety/depression my whole life, mainly stemming from genetic predisposition and an un-nurturing childhood (to say the least). I recently started taking an antidepressant mainly for my anxiety (the same class of medications are used to treat both) but mostly I saw an improvement in my overall mood. I was pretty surprised because I was kind of in denial that I had depression, perhaps over-spiritualizing it a little.
Anyways, now I don’t feel that deep sorrow that was my faithful companion for most of my life. That pain that cut so deep I could feel it physically hurting in my heart. Theoretically this should be a good thing, but I kinda feel a little lost and not myself anymore. Most people in my life don’t even know I had depression; it was more like a hidden cross I carried.
But what concerns me the most is how I feel like it changed my relationship with God. I always felt close to Jesus in my sorrows, and the Psalms spoke so deeply to the brokenness in my heart. My problem is, I know many of the wounds are still there. It feels like I’m wearing a life jacket that’s preventing me from drowning, but I know I cannot swim on my own. In this new state of mind, I don’t really know how to connect with God. I always brought myself to the foot of the cross in prayer, joining my own brokenness with that of Christ. But now that is not there… I know I should try to connect with Jesus in other, happier settings but it just feels unnatural and unrelatable. I almost wonder if I should stop taking the medication…
I dont know if any of this makes sense, but if anyone has any helpful (name removed by moderator)ut I would greatly appreciate it.
So I am a young adult who’s struggled with anxiety/depression my whole life, mainly stemming from genetic predisposition and an un-nurturing childhood (to say the least). I recently started taking an antidepressant mainly for my anxiety (the same class of medications are used to treat both) but mostly I saw an improvement in my overall mood. I was pretty surprised because I was kind of in denial that I had depression, perhaps over-spiritualizing it a little.
Anyways, now I don’t feel that deep sorrow that was my faithful companion for most of my life. That pain that cut so deep I could feel it physically hurting in my heart. Theoretically this should be a good thing, but I kinda feel a little lost and not myself anymore. Most people in my life don’t even know I had depression; it was more like a hidden cross I carried.
But what concerns me the most is how I feel like it changed my relationship with God. I always felt close to Jesus in my sorrows, and the Psalms spoke so deeply to the brokenness in my heart. My problem is, I know many of the wounds are still there. It feels like I’m wearing a life jacket that’s preventing me from drowning, but I know I cannot swim on my own. In this new state of mind, I don’t really know how to connect with God. I always brought myself to the foot of the cross in prayer, joining my own brokenness with that of Christ. But now that is not there… I know I should try to connect with Jesus in other, happier settings but it just feels unnatural and unrelatable. I almost wonder if I should stop taking the medication…
I dont know if any of this makes sense, but if anyone has any helpful (name removed by moderator)ut I would greatly appreciate it.
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