Trouble finding a practicing wife

[kozlosap]

You are still very young, so relax and worry about the MCATs instead of finding a wife. Just as in law school, med schools enroll more women these days then men, so your med school life will most likely be full of eligible women. There is a huge difference in being 21 and 26 or 27 when you start your residency and by then you will have learned many things about yourself and what constitutes a suitable mate in your opinion. Love is funny, it just doesn’t appear when we think it should or with a person we could never imagine ourselves with. Somewhere there is a young woman just as yourself, who is getting ready for grad school, but still wondering if she will find someone who is as faithful and earnest as you! Please have fun while in college and remember that 21 is very young!

 

[SusanneT]

Hi everyone,

I’m currently a college student (21 years old) that’s on track to becoming a doctor. I’ve been a practicing Catholic my entire life and I feel like the vocation of marriage is what I should be pursuing. The problem is, I have trouble meeting practicing Catholic women. I’m friends with quite a few cultural Catholics that I could easily date, but I feel like that could lead me down the path of sin.

Whenever I attend mass, it’s also hard to meet people. Usually everyone runs out right after the mass ends. There’s a youth group in the parish I attend, but it’s mostly filled with younger teenagers (13-17 years old).

What should I do? Are there any prayers specific for finding a spouse?

Thank you and God bless.

Given that you are young I would concentrate on other aspects of your life, not date unless you meet someone you feel entirely comfortable with and I am sure that God will bring you together with the right girl in his time.

There are a lot of Catholic girls out there who really do want to follow God, and would dearly love to meet a man who was equally committed.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Hi everyone,

I’m currently a college student (21 years old) that’s on track to becoming a doctor. I’ve been a practicing Catholic my entire life and I feel like the vocation of marriage is what I should be pursuing. The problem is, I have trouble meeting practicing Catholic women. I’m friends with quite a few cultural Catholics that I could easily date, but I feel like that could lead me down the path of sin.

Whenever I attend mass, it’s also hard to meet people. Usually everyone runs out right after the mass ends. There’s a youth group in the parish I attend, but it’s mostly filled with younger teenagers (13-17 years old).

What should I do? Are there any prayers specific for finding a spouse?

Thank you and God bless.

Where do you go to Mass? A parish? Perhaps try a couple others. Does your town have a young adult ministry " theology on tap" group?

Is FOCUS involved in your college?

Finally, do you adorate? Sometimes the adoration chapel at 10 pm on a Friday night is a good idea…

 

[Ridgerunner]

Well, I wasn’t referring to people who have had a history of premarital sex, but of people who see no issue with continuing to do it.

Now, you may think it doesn’t really matter if a woman is more “liberal” on this issue than a man, because you envision a manly man taking a leadership role and stating “I know you’ve had sex before, but as the man, I’m stating we’re not having sex until marriage, that’s that” and the woman saying “okay, I agree, what you say goes, no sex until marriage, yep!”

Now, as a woman I’d find such an ultimatum to be quite controlling and intolerable. Not because of the principle, but the sentiment, that the man in a relationship can make all the decisions with no room for discussion, as a matter of course. But I guess some women would like that kind of relationship.

However, it is not just men who pressure women into sex these days. And it’s not just “loose” women who do that. Many women have bought into the secular idea that “love = sex”, so they assume think that “if he doesn’t want to have sex with me it’s because he doesn’t find me attractive enough, or because he doesn’t really want to be committed to me”. Such a woman could definitely set out to lure a man into bed, not because of lust, but because they truly believe they have to have sex with a man to be sure he loves them.

I don’t disagree with a thing you have said other than the mischaracterization of what I intended to communicate. But perhaps that was my fault. I do think it’s possible, though, for a man to handle sexual restraint in a relationship without being an overbearing jerk. You seem to assume there is no alternative. I submit to you that it’s possible for a man to be insightful, considerate and tender, even when it comes to sex.

Dating can be a bruising business, and I know well, and perhaps better than you realize, how women can sometimes feel they are being somehow rejected if a man does NOT introduce serious sex into the relationship after a time. And I include in that, women who really want to be chaste. And let’s be honest here. Young women have every bit as much desire as young men do; perhaps more, and neither is made of iron.

I could give examples from life, but I had better not.

Men can be horribly frustrating to women. “Is something wrong with me?” comes, I believe, easier to women than it does to men who, after all, can be the most obtusely vain of all God’s creatures. But sex can be enormously hurtful, and a man who respects women would risk “Is something wrong with YOU” before risking imposing hurt on a woman.

But regardless, my actual point was not about sex. It was about religion. I still believe a man can encourage religious maturation in a woman and should not reject a woman just because she seems indifferent presently. But he has to be religious himself, and in a persuasive and giving, not a domineering way. It’s not imposing religiousness on another. It’s drawing it out; giving the other the chance to be what (likely) she really wants to be.

But to do that, a man (or a woman for that matter) must be real and peaceful with religion within himself. If a man is real inside himself, a mature woman will know it.

 

[Ridgerunner]

You are still very young, so relax and worry about the MCATs instead of finding a wife. Just as in law school, med schools enroll more women these days then men, so your med school life will most likely be full of eligible women. There is a huge difference in being 21 and 26 or 27 when you start your residency and by then you will have learned many things about yourself and what constitutes a suitable mate in your opinion. Love is funny, it just doesn’t appear when we think it should or with a person we could never imagine ourselves with. Somewhere there is a young woman just as yourself, who is getting ready for grad school, but still wondering if she will find someone who is as faithful and earnest as you! Please have fun while in college and remember that 21 is very young!

I shouldn’t be so flippant about this, but I can’t help it.

It was remarkable to me how popular I became when it became inevitable and obvious that I would graduate from college. Then it started over when I entered graduate school. It was amazing how popular I became when it became inevitable and obvious that I would get my degree. Interested women popped up out of nowhere like mushrooms after a spring rain.

And here, I thought it was my choice of aftershave.

Did I blame them for a certain, ah, mercenary aspect to it? Oh no. I thought it was the most natural thing in the world. Still do.

 

[ToeInTheWater]

I don’t disagree with a thing you have said other than the mischaracterization of what I intended to communicate. But perhaps that was my fault. I do think it’s possible, though, for a man to handle sexual restraint in a relationship without being an overbearing jerk. You seem to assume there is no alternative. I submit to you that it’s possible for a man to be insightful, considerate and tender, even when it comes to sex.

No, I wasn’t assuming that, I think I did misinterpret your statements about a men being leaders. I do however appreciate that you do not put all the burden on the woman to be a sexual gatekeeper, as many who are devoutly religious do.

Dating can be a bruising business, and I know well, and perhaps better than you realize, how women can sometimes feel they are being somehow rejected if a man does NOT introduce serious sex into the relationship after a time. And I include in that, women who really want to be chaste. And let’s be honest here. Young women have every bit as much desire as young men do; perhaps more, and neither is made of iron.

I totally agree with this. And that is why I would personally caution the OP against dating a woman who doesn’t have the same attitude about sex as he does.

But regardless, my actual point was not about sex. It was about religion. I still believe a man can encourage religious maturation in a woman and should not reject a woman just because she seems indifferent presently. But he has to be religious himself, and in a persuasive and giving, not a domineering way. It’s not imposing religiousness on another. It’s drawing it out; giving the other the chance to be what (likely) she really wants to be.

There is room for this to be sure, but there is also the risk (and this can happen with the sexes reversed) that the less devout person merely goes through the motions to appease the more devout one, especially in a dating relationship when they are motivated to “woo” someone. There are even cases of people going as far as to convert to another’s religion, again not due to personal conviction but to appease them.

The problem then becomes, what happens once the marriage is achieved and that motivation does not persist? Of course, it can happen that someone starts out going through the motions and later does undergo a true conversion. But I understand the OP’s concerns in this matter.

 

[DebChris]

I shouldn’t be so flippant about this, but I can’t help it.

It was remarkable to me how popular I became when it became inevitable and obvious that I would graduate from college. Then it started over when I entered graduate school. It was amazing how popular I became when it became inevitable and obvious that I would get my degree. Interested women popped up out of nowhere like mushrooms after a spring rain.

And here, I thought it was my choice of aftershave.

Did I blame them for a certain, ah, mercenary aspect to it? Oh no. I thought it was the most natural thing in the world. Still do.

It’s not the degree.
Women like Old Spice. My father wore Old Spice. My husband wore Old Spice.
Women were flirting with my grandson when he was 4 years old. When he was old enough, I introduced him to Old Spice.

BTW My father’s ambition for each of us was the high school diploma he didn’t have.
I was a little self conscious when I thought how handsome he was at twenty. Less so when my brothers and sisters wanted to make a poster from a photo of my parents running into the beach from the ocean.

Definitely the aftershave.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

It’s not the degree.
Women like Old Spice. My father wore Old Spice. My husband wore Old Spice.
Women were flirting with my grandson when he was 4 years old. When he was old enough, I introduced him to Old Spice.

BTW My father’s ambition for each of us was the high school diploma he didn’t have.
I was a little self conscious when I thought how handsome he was at twenty. Less so when my brothers and sisters wanted to make a poster from a photo of my parents running into the beach from the ocean.

Definitely the aftershave.

Please, for the love of Pete, and the consideration of those of us with noses, THROW AWAY all the old spice in your home…

 

[DebChris]

Please, for the love of Pete, and the consideration of those of us with noses, THROW AWAY all the old spice in your home…

Choose whatever aftershave is right for you.
Not everybody can wear the same fragrance. Definitely don’t overdo.
I liked Old Spice on my father and husband, but I would never wear my mother’s White Shoulders perfume on myself.
Nothing says you can’t change your wardrobe and wear something different.

Working in a medical setting, the OP will want to keep fragrances to a minimum anyway because of allergy issues.
I was hoping add to the tease by mentioning an aftershave, not add more controversy.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Choose whatever aftershave is right for you.
Not everybody can wear the same fragrance. Definitely don’t overdo.
I liked Old Spice on my father and husband, but I would never wear my mother’s White Shoulders perfume on myself.
Nothing says you can’t change your wardrobe and wear something different.

Working in a medical setting, the OP will want to keep fragrances to a minimum anyway because of allergy issues.
I was hoping add to the tease by mentioning an aftershave, not add more controversy.

Old spice is not right for anybody…

That’s an iron clad fact.

 

[Jacob18]

Hi everyone,

I’m currently a college student (21 years old) that’s on track to becoming a doctor. I’ve been a practicing Catholic my entire life and I feel like the vocation of marriage is what I should be pursuing. The problem is, I have trouble meeting practicing Catholic women. I’m friends with quite a few cultural Catholics that I could easily date, but I feel like that could lead me down the path of sin.

Whenever I attend mass, it’s also hard to meet people. Usually everyone runs out right after the mass ends. There’s a youth group in the parish I attend, but it’s mostly filled with younger teenagers (13-17 years old).

What should I do? Are there any prayers specific for finding a spouse?

Thank you and God bless.

Here’s the deal, bro. God killed the dinosaurs becuase he realized how bad he messed up when he gave them arms that weren’t in reach of their cocks…so he threw a few meteors to clear up the sheet and start fresh again, this time, creating his newest species, the human. After realizing his mistake, he quickly fixed it and and made our arms in length to reach our cocks and pleasure ourselves when we weren’t praying to him. God truly is unbelievable…oh, and read the bible you guys, it says everything you need to know in that book.

 

[Allegra]

catholicmatch.com

 

[E_7]

Hi everyone,

I’m currently a college student (21 years old) that’s on track to becoming a doctor. I’ve been a practicing Catholic my entire life and I feel like the vocation of marriage is what I should be pursuing. The problem is, I have trouble meeting practicing Catholic women. I’m friends with quite a few cultural Catholics that I could easily date, but I feel like that could lead me down the path of sin.

Whenever I attend mass, it’s also hard to meet people. Usually everyone runs out right after the mass ends. There’s a youth group in the parish I attend, but it’s mostly filled with younger teenagers (13-17 years old).

What should I do? Are there any prayers specific for finding a spouse?

Thank you and God bless.

I have an idea! Start a parish group yourself for Singles ages 21 & up. Tell your parish priest about it.

 

[randomuser]

[web site retracted by me]

So, now the role of Catholic churches to foster the needs of singles and to discern marriage has been outsourced? Brilliant. Why can’t I find a practicing Catholic wife at…oh, I don’t know, at church? It boggles my mind why so many Catholic parishes and dioceses leave so much money on the table (to be frank about it) when Protestant/Evangelical churches are WAY ahead of the curve on this point.

And here’s the ironic part: the very people who complain about growing Muslim births and growing Muslim populations are the same ones who think when someone asks about more (any) ministries for Catholic singles, we’re accusing of wanting to be “entertained” in church or wanting the Church to find us a wife. Amazing.

 

[Xantippe]

So, now the role of Catholic churches to foster the needs of singles and to discern marriage has been outsourced? Brilliant. Why can’t I find a practicing Catholic wife at…oh, I don’t know, at church? It boggles my mind why so many Catholic parishes and dioceses leave so much money on the table (to be frank about it) when Protestant/Evangelical churches are WAY ahead of the curve on this point.

And here’s the ironic part: the very people who complain about growing Muslim births and growing Muslim populations are the same ones who think when someone asks about more (any) ministries for Catholic singles, we’re accusing of wanting to be “entertained” in church or wanting the Church to find us a wife. Amazing.

Well, if the OP wants immediate, usable advice, a good Catholic dating site will be of much more than spending the next couple years bugging his pastor and then discovering that there are only 5 single women his age in his parish, anyway.

Muslims use online dating too, by the way.

bbc.com/news/magazine-30397272

In any case, given the math, it usually is going to make more sense to do singles groups as a diocesan level activity.

 

[AdamP88]

Hi everyone,

I’m currently a college student (21 years old) that’s on track to becoming a doctor. I’ve been a practicing Catholic my entire life and I feel like the vocation of marriage is what I should be pursuing. The problem is, I have trouble meeting practicing Catholic women. I’m friends with quite a few cultural Catholics that I could easily date, but I feel like that could lead me down the path of sin.

Whenever I attend mass, it’s also hard to meet people. Usually everyone runs out right after the mass ends. There’s a youth group in the parish I attend, but it’s mostly filled with younger teenagers (13-17 years old).

What should I do? Are there any prayers specific for finding a spouse?

Thank you and God bless.

You could try Catholic Match if you’re in the US. There are a fair amount of Catholic women there, actively seeking a spouse.

 

[AdamP88]

So, now the role of Catholic churches to foster the needs of singles and to discern marriage has been outsourced? Brilliant. Why can’t I find a practicing Catholic wife at…oh, I don’t know, at church? It boggles my mind why so many Catholic parishes and dioceses leave so much money on the table (to be frank about it) when Protestant/Evangelical churches are WAY ahead of the curve on this point.

And here’s the ironic part: the very people who complain about growing Muslim births and growing Muslim populations are the same ones who think when someone asks about more (any) ministries for Catholic singles, we’re accusing of wanting to be “entertained” in church or wanting the Church to find us a wife. Amazing.

The Church is not a dating service. I don’t think it’s the role of the church to be a match maker. The Church’s role is to preach the Gospel of Christ. If people defect to protestant churches because they offer better dating advice then so be it. Catholic Match is a group set up by the laity to cater to a need among Catholics. What’s the problem with that?

 

[AdamP88]

Well, if the OP wants immediate, usable advice, a good Catholic dating site will be of much more than spending the next couple years bugging his pastor and then discovering that there are only 5 single women his age in his parish, anyway.

**Muslims use online dating too, by the way.
**
bbc.com/news/magazine-30397272

In any case, given the math, it usually is going to make more sense to do singles groups as a diocesan level activity.

True. I hear their slogan is “Find a wife who’ll blow your mind…and BLOW UP the infidels!”

 

[LundyLund]

I’ve been out of the dating game awhile, so I don’t have much advice. But, I have a few thoughts.

First, people mature in their faith at different rates. I am in a vastly different place in my faith life than I was last year, two years ago, or 12 years ago when I met my wife. Remember that others might be “cultural Catholic” because they had poor instruction, or haven’t been firmly convicted of the truth. That doesn’t mean they won’t get there. I’d hesitate to exclude women you know to be Catholic but aren’t as orthodox as you, at least at the outset. You will probably figure out whether or not you are compatible in matters of faith as you get to know each other, just as you would in other aspects of your life.

Now, I met my wife when I was in law school. My university’s Catholic group put on a mission trip, and I decided to go on it. I met my wife on that trip. Granted, I wasn’t concerned about her (or my) orthodoxy, but at least I knew she was a believer and actually was willing to do something more than just go to mass. We’ve been married for almost 11 years now, and have both grown significantly in our faith. I would suggest that you look for opportunities to do something you personally enjoy with your Newman center. You will meet women with similar interests, and you’ll know they’re Catholic. Good luck.

 

[DebChris]

I’ve been out of the dating game awhile, so I don’t have much advice. But, I have a few thoughts.

First, people mature in their faith at different rates. I am in a vastly different place in my faith life than I was last year, two years ago, or 12 years ago when I met my wife. Remember that others might be “cultural Catholic” because they had poor instruction, or haven’t been firmly convicted of the truth. That doesn’t mean they won’t get there. I’d hesitate to exclude women you know to be Catholic but aren’t as orthodox as you, at least at the outset. You will probably figure out whether or not you are compatible in matters of faith as you get to know each other, just as you would in other aspects of your life.

Now, I met my wife when I was in law school. My university’s Catholic group put on a mission trip, and I decided to go on it. I met my wife on that trip. Granted, I wasn’t concerned about her (or my) orthodoxy, but at least I knew she was a believer and actually was willing to do something more than just go to mass. We’ve been married for almost 11 years now, and have both grown significantly in our faith. I would suggest that you look for opportunities to do something you personally enjoy with your Newman center. You will meet women with similar interests, and you’ll know they’re Catholic. Good luck.

The key that I see doing that you find enjoyable.
At this point in time, don’t worry so much about the long term relationship. That will come in its own course.
It is good to be looking for somebody with shared values as well as somebody who wants to share at least some of the same activities. After all, this a life together that is being planned. It’s hard to have a relationship with somebody who does not enjoy the same activities, although they do not all need to be the same, nor do you want them all to be the same.