Trouble Understanding Strictness of Penance

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Hello. I have a question about the strictness of assigned penances and whether there is “gray area” in them. I am a convert to Catholicism from being a Baptist:

A while back, I was assigned a penance after confession to pray the Rosary once daily with my family. Eventually, I failed in doing that and confessed so to another priest. He stated that I might consider praying the “Our Father” daily with my family, especially my kids, daily instead. One of the things about Catholicism that is different from the protestant upbringing that I am used to is that there really aren’t any memorized textual prayers in the Baptist church. I was more or less used to just “talking to God” and praying straight from my heart whatever words came to mind. Therefore, I began the practice of just praying with my family daily, and not necessarily saying the “Our Father” or praying the Rosary. Also, a day or so ago, I was very tired (I work about 55-60 hours every week), and I excused myself from dinner, saying “God bless you” to my kids, and not actually praying with them, although my daughter did pray over dinner. So, I have two questions:

(1) am I in violation of the assigned penances when I pray with my family but do not specifically pray the “Our Father” or the Rosary as the priests instructed, and

(2) is exhaustion a valid excuse for missing the prayer session a day or so ago?

Perhaps I am thinking too much about these things, but I appreciate the opportunity to get some (name removed by moderator)ut. Thank you all.
 
Ordinarily a penance is assigned as a one-time prayer, i.e., pray a decade of the rosary or pray the Our Father. These can be prayed immediately after confession before one leaves the church. Occasionally the priest may ask you to pray over the course of a few days, but the kind of open-ended prayer with no time limit you describe would be difficult for most people.

In your post you said the second priest “stated that I might consider praying the “Our Father” daily with my family, especially my kids, daily instead.”

If he phrased it exactly like that it sounds like more of a suggestion than a penance. A priest will sometimes give advice concerning additional prayers or spiritual practices during confession in addition to a penance, but is usually very careful to state which is the advice and which is the penance.

I would recommend discuss this with the priest during confession and let him know you are new to Catholicism. If something the priest says is not clear to you don’t be afraid to ask for clarification.
 
I’m curious about this as well. I had a confession back when I was in grad school that my penance was “pray this prayer whenever you feel something.” I’m not sure I even remember what the prayer was or what I was supposed to do. Instinctively I don’t feel like this is a violation of penance, but is there something more definitive?
 
(1) am I in violation of the assigned penances when I pray with my family but do not specifically pray the “Our Father” or the Rosary as the priests instructed, and
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(2) is exhaustion a valid excuse for missing the prayer session a day or so ago?
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The question about assigned penance is better answered by a priest, but I will try. Remember that there is a difference between pastoral advice and penance. A penance will have an assigned number or time frame. Daily family prayer is excellent advice, and is probably just that, pastoral advice, rather than penance.

Do you pray before family meals? Do you pray with your children? Everyone has time for that, as it takes only minutes. The Rosary is an excellent daily prayer, but not strictly required. All Catholics should know some basic prayers that they can use daily, the Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory Be. The ancient Grace before meals:

“Bless us, O Lord, and these, Thy gifts, which we are about to receive from Thy bounty. Through Christ, our Lord. Amen.”
 
I don’t think you’re in violation of any penance for the reason said above, that it sounds like the daily prayer was a constructive suggestion by the priest and that penances are usually designed to be accomplished within a short period of time, not open-ended.

It’s good that you pray every day with your kids. I know many people of religions other than Catholic who do that too. Obviously, once in a while something will come up like working late or an illness or some other conflict and you just won’t get the prayer done, but try to make that a “once in a while” thing rather than all the time.

However, with respect to the “Our Father”, that’s one of the really basic prayers (along with the Hail Mary and the Glory Be) that every Catholic should know. You can still do the free-prayer “talking to God” prayers but if you are committed to being a Catholic, then one Our Father a day with your kids, to get them in the habit as well, takes like 1 minute, so if you have the time to say “God Bless You” then it seems like you would have time for 1 “Our Father”. The “Our Father” is also straight from the Bible (Matthew 6:9) so it shouldn’t be that odd to pray. If you aren’t sure of the words, just get a prayer card or a cut out piece of paper with the words and post it on your fridge for quick reference.
 
PaulfromIowa said:
The question about assigned penance is better answered by a priest, but I will try. Remember that there is a difference between pastoral advice and penance. A penance will have an assigned number or time frame. Daily family prayer is excellent advice, and is probably just that, pastoral advice, rather than penance.

Do you pray before family meals? Do you pray with your children? Everyone has time for that, as it takes only minutes. The Rosary is an excellent daily prayer, but not strictly required. All Catholics should know some basic prayers that they can use daily, the Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory Be. The ancient Grace before meals:

“Bless us, O Lord, and these, Thy gifts, which we are about to receive from Thy bounty. Through Christ, our Lord. Amen.”
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This. And if your children are in Sunday school, the back of their textbooks have all the basic Catholic prayers including the prayers of the rosary in them. You can learn together. 👍
 
When it was time for my children to learn a prayer, we would include it as a bedtime prayer. We would all get together, read a story, pray, and then they would go to bed. I thought this worked well for learning the prayers.
 
TideFalcon said:
Hello. I have a question about the strictness of assigned penances and whether there is “gray area” in them. I am a convert to Catholicism from being a Baptist:

A while back, I was assigned a penance after confession to pray the Rosary once daily with my family. Eventually, I failed in doing that and confessed so to another priest. He stated that I might consider praying the “Our Father” daily with my family, especially my kids, daily instead. One of the things about Catholicism that is different from the protestant upbringing that I am used to is that there really aren’t any memorized textual prayers in the Baptist church. I was more or less used to just “talking to God” and praying straight from my heart whatever words came to mind. Therefore, I began the practice of just praying with my family daily, and not necessarily saying the “Our Father” or praying the Rosary. Also, a day or so ago, I was very tired (I work about 55-60 hours every week), and I excused myself from dinner, saying “God bless you” to my kids, and not actually praying with them, although my daughter did pray over dinner. So, I have two questions:

(1) am I in violation of the assigned penances when I pray with my family but do not specifically pray the “Our Father” or the Rosary as the priests instructed, and

(2) is exhaustion a valid excuse for missing the prayer session a day or so ago?

Perhaps I am thinking too much about these things, but I appreciate the opportunity to get some (name removed by moderator)ut. Thank you all.
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While the priest that assigned you this “penance” gave good advice to pray with your family daily, this is not a “penance” as such. A penance by definition has a beginning and end, and by function is able to be completed in a concrete manner. This is not a proper penance. It is however a good habit to continue. That being said, your confession is certainly valid without your having completed this assignment. I would ask your confessor (if you go to this priest regularly) to give you something with a more concrete end for your senility.
 
TideFalcon said:
Hello. I have a question about the strictness of assigned penances and whether there is “gray area” in them. I am a convert to Catholicism from being a Baptist:

A while back, I was assigned a penance after confession to pray the Rosary once daily with my family. Eventually, I failed in doing that and confessed so to another priest. He stated that I might consider praying the “Our Father” daily with my family, especially my kids, daily instead. One of the things about Catholicism that is different from the protestant upbringing that I am used to is that there really aren’t any memorized textual prayers in the Baptist church. I was more or less used to just “talking to God” and praying straight from my heart whatever words came to mind. Therefore, I began the practice of just praying with my family daily, and not necessarily saying the “Our Father” or praying the Rosary. Also, a day or so ago, I was very tired (I work about 55-60 hours every week), and I excused myself from dinner, saying “God bless you” to my kids, and not actually praying with them, although my daughter did pray over dinner. So, I have two questions:

(1) am I in violation of the assigned penances when I pray with my family but do not specifically pray the “Our Father” or the Rosary as the priests instructed, and

(2) is exhaustion a valid excuse for missing the prayer session a day or so ago?

Perhaps I am thinking too much about these things, but I appreciate the opportunity to get some (name removed by moderator)ut. Thank you all.
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A penance cannot be opened ended in time.
 
thistle said:
A penance cannot be opened ended in time.
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And a penance can’t involve other people, in the sense that saying a rosary with your family is imposing that upon them. They might not want to say the rosary, as a family or otherwise. It is not obligatory to say it. And they weren’t the sinner, so why should they do the penance.

A penance can impact upon others in another way, of course, before anyone jumps in, For instance, if you were told to hug your kids and say that you loved them. But it mustn’t impact on others in a negative way or in a way that inconveniences or annoys them.
 
Thanks to all of you for your (name removed by moderator)ut and advice. It’s much appreciate it!!!
 
I don’t have the competence to tell you what can or can not be a penance. But you can always ask for a new one. You could ask the priest who gives you it or at the next confession explain to the priest your failure to fulfill your penance (which would normally be a sin but may not I would think if the assigned penance was problematic). That priest would then give you a new penance.
 
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