Trouble with a 5 year old

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cessnawag

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I need some advice. My 5 year old son is starting to act out. He yells at my wife and I and grandma and grandpa. He has also gotten into trouble at preschool this week He hit a kid then broke a toy. When I talk to him about it he starts crying and says he’s a bad kid and he can’t help it. He seems very sorry after the fact.

What worries me is at he is usually very good. This has only been going on for a couple of weeks.

Is this just a phase or is it a sign of something else. First time parent of a 5 year old
 
cessnawag said:
I need some advice. My 5 year old son is starting to act out. He yells at my wife and I and grandma and grandpa. He has also gotten into trouble at preschool this week He hit a kid then broke a toy. When I talk to him about it he starts crying and says he’s a bad kid and he can’t help it. He seems very sorry after the fact.

What worries me is at he is usually very good. This has only been going on for a couple of weeks.

Is this just a phase or is it a sign of something else. First time parent of a 5 year old
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I have the opposite problem lol. My sons mind me and everyone else, but when it comes to mom they tend to act out.

I am no expert but I do not think there is anything wrong with maybe asking an expert in the area. Go with your parental “gut” here. I will keep your family in my prayers.
 
Hi. Tough situation. Praying for your family!
Who knows, maybe your son has a friend that is setting a bad example, or even is being bullied at school?
I suggest seeing the family doctor and asking the doctor’s opinion on whether your son needs some counselling, and you can get a refferal from the doctor if needed.
 
all it takes is for one person in the classroom to lead by example, even a negative one, for the rest to pick up on it. I see this all the time, the one who usually causes trouble gets the most attention, so the others pick up on that. I would find out from the teacher who he associates with. The teacher may not be able to tell you about that child’s personality (or issues) but if you observe you will learn quickly about that child.
 
cessnawag said:
IWhat worries me is at he is usually very good. This has only been going on for a couple of weeks.

Is this just a phase or is it a sign of something else. First time parent of a 5 year old
Click to expand...
May just be a phase. Could be frustration in dealing with something, sometimes kids having trouble processing something get frustrated, and like anybody who’s frustrated they become irritable.

Talk to him, find out if he’s having trouble handling something. Kids don’t want to play the games he does, he doesn’t get a turn with a particular toy, whatever might be frustrating him. Let him know what the standards of behavior are, that he is expected to control himself. Give him some other options for dealing with frustration— walking away from a situation to do something more productive etc. Then explain what the discipline/consequences will be of him not acting appropriately. You know him better than anyone else, so you’ll know what those need to be.

Also, and most importantly- Rewards can be more effective than punishments. Pick something that he’ll earn by going a specific time period of appropriate behavior. An activity with you or mom that he likes. Getting to pick what’s for dinner on saturday, a small toy. Whatever motivates him.
 
I cannot for a fact say what is wrong with the poor child (goes without saying really,) but whatever it is, I would suggest praying for him constantly as you go about your day and have others pray as well. The Rosary is very effective and works all kinds of wonders. From what you describe, it seems unlikely that he would like to pray much himself, but teach him to pray anyway, if you have not–perhaps the Our Father and Hail Mary.

Above all, make sure he knows that not only you and your wife love him, but that God does too and that he is NOT A BAD KID. I think it would pay if you said these things to him in a firm, yet gentle tone. As a child I didn’t know God loved me and it affected me in a very deep way. Sure, I was told about God, but got confused about sin and thought that God hated all sinners. This kind of thinking, for me, started at about age six and went on into my twelfth or thirteenth year.

I will now say some prayers for your son.
 
I think that you should invest on an hour and consult with a psychologue for children.

Some children can be very sensitive and the old ways to raise them and at school isn’t going to work with them and they need to be reward instead for good behavior.

I started to have this problem again recently with my daughter when we got a puppy. She just wasn’t appropriate with the dog and my husband and i kind of raise our voice at time just for the sake to protect the dog. Anyway, my daughter started to have behavior problem and test us greatly in other area. After settting back and thinking this through, i came to realize that she picked this from our ways to protect the dog. Now we redirect her and if we know, she won’t listen, we simply remove the dog from her.

You will figure out something, your son seem to need to have some built up confidence and you can do this with rewarding the good behavior. Maybe, you can promise him something he would like and he must do everything he cans to listen at school and home (no need to be perfect but if he does a great deal of effort, this is good), it might help him.

A very simple thing: Rosary and Mystery, i find since devoting to this prayer, so much peace are present in my family.

All the best to you!
 
I will start this with “I don’t have any kids so take what I say with a grain of salt”, but I saw a situation similar to this happen with my cousin, Leo. While he was at school in kindergarten, a teenage volunteer called him a “bad” kid. It hurt him emotionally, and he didn’t have the capacity to explain why, so he began acting out, and saying he was a “bad” kid.

It just took a lot of love and reminders that he was a good kid from his parents to fix it, but I thought I’d mention it.
 
This worries me: “When I talk to him about it he starts crying and says he’s a bad kid and he can’t help it.”

Where would he get such an idea? Are the phrases bad/good boy used at home? If not, where is he hearing them? Why does he think it? [rhetorical]

If a child develops a self-image of being the bad/wild/etc child, that can be hard for them to leave behind. I would see if this warrants further intervention or not.
 
Something is bothering him that he is not able to explain, so he is ‘acting out’ in the only way he knows how. Like another poster said, where did he get the idea that he is a ‘bad’ kid? Either someone has repeatedly told him he is ‘bad’, or he has done something he knows is bad and feels guilty about it.

I wouldn’t see a professional at this stage, but I would start to invest a lot more time in my son. Is it possible to turn up at preschool and spend an hour there at random times? You do not know what is going on with all the staff or how they discipline children unless you witness it first hand. I would also talk to his teacher and see what she has to say.

I would also spend more time with him, just hanging out, walking in the park, reading and talking. Make him feel safe enough that he can tell you anything and know he will not be rejected. Behavior can be labelled ‘bad’ but not the child. Talk to him about good and bad choices. Find out how he feels about the other kids at school. Five year olds need lots of time and attention, and preschool, where they are just one among many, can be a big eye opener for them. Give him lotsof time and attention at home, and lots of praise to build up his idea of himself as a good boy.

Good luck! Parenting is the toughest job!
 
cessnawag said:
I need some advice. My 5 year old son is starting to act out. He yells at my wife and I and grandma and grandpa. He has also gotten into trouble at preschool this week He hit a kid then broke a toy. When I talk to him about it he starts crying and says he’s a bad kid and he can’t help it. He seems very sorry after the fact.

What worries me is at he is usually very good. This has only been going on for a couple of weeks.

Is this just a phase or is it a sign of something else. First time parent of a 5 year old
Click to expand...
I have two 5 year olds. They have been going through a phase where their tempers are a bit high. At this age they have so much going on in their head that it is not always easy to express it. Mine turn on each other when they are frustrated or mad. I would have a talk with the teacher because him saying that he is a bad kid, had to come from somewhere. When my boys are in trouble, the first thing they say is their were being good and not being bad. I think at this age no matter what they do, they aren’t going to admit they were being bad till after a long talk and they are calm. Sitting down with the teacher is a good way to go.
 
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