Trouble with In-laws

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Mashka

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So my husband and I have been married six years now. We met in my home state and moved days after we got married to his home state and unto the family ranch, moving right in with my father-in-law. My brother-in-law was super jealous that we moved to the ranch, even though he didn’t want to make the ranching commitment like we did. My brother-in-law would constantly tell me that I was in the way of him and my husband from ranching together and would bash everything I would do. Both my sister-in-laws like starting drama even before we moved out here. I just thought it was a passing phase, once my husband was the first in his family to get married. They ruined our wedding announcement by getting it out of my husband before he even asked me!!! Then pouting during our wedding. And more drama to even mention after we have been married. My mother-in-law believes everything negative her kids tell her about me, yet they have never bothered to get to know me. I get along great among the neighborhood and community, so I’m kinda thinking it’s not me. Happily we no longer live with my father-in-law (three years was really playing a tole and me emotionally) and I have been avoiding the mother and sibling-in-laws so I can get my emotional and physical (I internalize stress) health back on track. Anyways, my husband hates conflict and ingnores the situation. He completely abandons me when we are around his family. He doesn’t like conflict, so he ignores problems I feel he could fix. I also feel like he is two-faced thinking that will makes things better to try to keep everyone happy, which has actually really damaged things between in-laws and between us in our marriage.
I don’t want him to take sides, but then again, I do. I’ve tried to convince him that we should go to counseling, but he thinks we don’t need it. Any advice on how to handle my situation in a way that is pleasing to God, would be great. Thank you!
 
This is a case where professional help would be good. It seems to me that you need both help to forgive the past and seeking advice for moving forward.

It doesn’t matter if he won’t go. YOU need to go.
 
Wow, I can see why you’re having trouble! I agree with the previous poster - even if you can’t get your husband to go to counselling, go by yourself. Maybe after a few sessions, you could persuade your husband to come with you. Even if he doesn’t want to participate, he could just sit and listen to you talk, which might help. Have you told your husband that this stress is impacting your health? It might be worth talking to a counsellor about how to set boundaries in your relationships with your in laws, so you can have as minimum stress as possible.
 
Your husband is a member of that family, therefore the lack of charity to you may not be a compete surprise.
Because of that conditioning that he shares with them, their family first, and not a huge commitment to charity for anyone else, it is possibly unlikely he will change.
As @Xanthippe posts, you need the help so you can cope, and also so you can find strategies and responses to be your most cheerful and positive self in these unfair relationships.
If they know they’re hurting or harming you, they’re winning and you’re hurting the more.
Charity towards others, even to a wife, is not part of their family culture.
I will pray for you and any children you might have, that at least with you and any children, that cycle can be broken in that family.

Marriage can be a lonely state, and many find it so, but your health and strength, your flourishing, and your children’s become your main focus if there is no chance of your husbands departure from his family’s culture. From what you share, he has no intention of doing so,

May God bless your marriage and family, and your husband’s family
 
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You may like to consider reading Toxic In-laws and Boundaries. These are books that may help you find healthy boundaries.

Frankly, your husband may indeed not be aware of it because he’s so used to their toxic behaviour. That doesn’t make it okay. He needs to step up to the plate and defend you as his wife. I completely agree with therapy as well.
 
Thank you everyone for the very good advice and prayers! So often when I have asked people for advice or help I often get, “It can’t be that bad”. Everyone copes with different situations differently, so if I or anyone is seeking help about a situation, it must be that bad. So I really appreciate the constructive feedback!
We do not have children. When it comes down to it, I am not able to have children due to the stress with the in-laws. The stress and strain has caused a fair amount of health problems. 😦
 
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