Trouble with my brother

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Holland

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I have a brother who refuses to see our elderly parents. Its been about three years now since he has seen anyone in our family. I parked in front of his house about a year ago and surprised him coming home from work. He talked to me but he didn’t invite me into the house. I asked him why he didn’t visit and he pretended I didn’t ask the question. It was very odd. Our whole family is at a loss as to what is going on here. He doesn’t answer his phone and if you go to his house and he is home he doesn’t answer the door. Anyone out there experienced this kind of thing with a loved one? My parents will be lucky if they live another year or two and they ask about him constantly.
 
One of my best friends married a girl we both went to school with. Before he met her he was very loyal to his parents and they had a good relationship. After he was married, that all changed. They had a child and his wife threatened to leave him and take the child with her if he did not break off all contact with his parents. For whatever reason, he chose not to fight this ultimatum and as far as I know he has had no contact with his parents for over 15 years.
His parents are good people, were not abusive to him when he was a child.

I didn’t understand it then and I don’t now.
 
I suggest consant prayer. If you can’t get to him yourself, then ask God to. Pray for your parents as well.

God Bless,
Snert
 
There could be a variety of reasons but the first that comes to mind is that he is living some sort of ‘secret’ life that he does not want anyone to be a part of - and it does not have to be something like being gay or being married to someone who hates the family. It could be alcoholism or drug addiction.

I would try asking him directly one more time…and if he ignores the question, you gently stop him and say, “I didn’t hear your answer, Darling Brother. Why have you cut us out of your life? What can I do to make things ok with us again?”.

And pray pray pray…btw, if you want my brother, you can have him…

ok, I’m kinda kidding…😊
 
Praying like a PP suggested.

If he won’t answer the door, maybe he would read a short note in a “Thinking of You” card! 😃
 
Well, I always remember his birthday, holidays etc. with a letter and a card. I always end the letters with “Mom and Dad would love to see you.” I also tell him I miss him in my life. The rest of the letter is just “chatty” stuff about what is going on in my life. I have no idea if he even opens my letters and cards. A couple of years ago I was waiting in my car in his driveway when the owner of the business where he works stopped to talk to me. He said my brother was such a good worker and that he talked about me all the time. He then drove me to my brother’s workplace so I could see him. My brother acted very strange. He wouldn’t look at me, but he at least engaged in a conversation about his job. My brother’s behavior is just plain odd. I am thinking he has some sort of mental disorder. I just don’t know what.
 
Holland said:
Well, I always remember his birthday, holidays etc. with a letter and a card. I always end the letters with “Mom and Dad would love to see you.” I also tell him I miss him in my life. The rest of the letter is just “chatty” stuff about what is going on in my life. I have no idea if he even opens my letters and cards. A couple of years ago I was waiting in my car in his driveway when the owner of the business where he works stopped to talk to me. He said my brother was such a good worker and that he talked about me all the time. He then drove me to my brother’s workplace so I could see him. My brother acted very strange. He wouldn’t look at me, but he at least engaged in a conversation about his job. My brother’s behavior is just plain odd. I am thinking he has some sort of mental disorder. I just don’t know what.
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It certainly does seem like he’s ashamed of something or hiding something. :confused:
 
Holland said:
I have a brother who refuses to see our elderly parents. Its been about three years now since he has seen anyone in our family. I parked in front of his house about a year ago and surprised him coming home from work. He talked to me but he didn’t invite me into the house. I asked him why he didn’t visit and he pretended I didn’t ask the question. It was very odd. Our whole family is at a loss as to what is going on here. He doesn’t answer his phone and if you go to his house and he is home he doesn’t answer the door. Anyone out there experienced this kind of thing with a loved one? My parents will be lucky if they live another year or two and they ask about him constantly.
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I feel for you, “Holland” and for your parents. :console: I have two sisters, who haven’t seen our mother… one of them in 6 years; the other in 5 years. Our mother will be 87 in May, and has Alzheimer’s. They both have been unable (or unwilling) to get back to see her. She also hasn’t seen her 2 grandkids in 6 years. Because of Mom’s many medical conditions… we haven’t been able to go and visit them.

She talks about them, too. And she cries. That is very hard on me, when she cries. I feel so bad, for her. 😦

It’s a sad situation. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Please pray for us, too. Thanks and God bless.
 
Holland said:
Well, I always remember his birthday, holidays etc. with a letter and a card. I always end the letters with “Mom and Dad would love to see you.” I also tell him I miss him in my life. The rest of the letter is just “chatty” stuff about what is going on in my life. I have no idea if he even opens my letters and cards. A couple of years ago I was waiting in my car in his driveway when the owner of the business where he works stopped to talk to me. He said my brother was such a good worker and that he talked about me all the time. He then drove me to my brother’s workplace so I could see him. My brother acted very strange. He wouldn’t look at me, but he at least engaged in a conversation about his job. My brother’s behavior is just plain odd. I am thinking he has some sort of mental disorder. I just don’t know what.
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I sent cards to my brother periodically over 20 years during which he and our family didn’t see each other. The difference is that I knew why. There was a fight and disowning and Sicilians involved.🤷 Anyway when my father did pass away I insisted my brother be called to come to the funeral. I called him myself and he came. It took us another 2 years of uncomfortable phone calls to finally get to the point where we are today . We visit each other often , go out together send things to each others children at college etc. My older sister and he got together with thier families for a vacation… One thing that always meant something to my brother were those cards that would every once in a while show up. Even after he moved one time. So there’s hope.
 
Holland said:
Well, I always remember his birthday, holidays etc. with a letter and a card. I always end the letters with “Mom and Dad would love to see you.” I also tell him I miss him in my life. The rest of the letter is just “chatty” stuff about what is going on in my life. I have no idea if he even opens my letters and cards. A couple of years ago I was waiting in my car in his driveway when the owner of the business where he works stopped to talk to me. He said my brother was such a good worker and that he talked about me all the time. He then drove me to my brother’s workplace so I could see him. My brother acted very strange. He wouldn’t look at me, but he at least engaged in a conversation about his job. My brother’s behavior is just plain odd. I am thinking he has some sort of mental disorder. I just don’t know what.
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I agree. My first thought when I the original post: sounds like severe depression. 😦

I’ll join in prayer for him and your family.
 
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