Trouble with my family again

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My daughter stayed with me for a while so she could get situated in her own place. The first time it was a week. The second time it was two or three weeks (I don’t remember.)

She stayed with me, but I rarely saw her. Sometimes she went to lunch or dinner outside with a friend. Many nights it was “Don’t wait up.” She would be gone till the wee hours of the morning.

It was obvious she did not want to discuss things with me. So, I left her alone. Maybe you should plan on different outside the house activities. If you made yourself scarce, she may back off. Of course some people are more independent than others. Getting out of the house for the time being might work if it doesn’t jeopardize the job you already have. Of course you probably wouldn’t want to stay out until 2 or 3 in the morning.
 
Arizona_Fat_Gir said:
My daughter stayed with me for a while so she could get situated in her own place. The first time it was a week. The second time it was two or three weeks (I don’t remember.)

She stayed with me, but I rarely saw her. Sometimes she went to lunch or dinner outside with a friend. Many nights it was “Don’t wait up.” She would be gone till the wee hours of the morning.

It was obvious she did not want to discuss things with me. So, I left her alone. Maybe you should plan on different outside the house activities. If you made yourself scarce, she may back off. Of course some people are more independent than others. Getting out of the house for the time being might work if it doesn’t jeopardize the job you already have. Of course you probably wouldn’t want to stay out until 2 or 3 in the morning.
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Yeah, once I get my schedule shifted (which should be in the next week or two) I’ll have to be getting up at 5:30 in the morning in order to make it to work. I don’t think staying out til 2am would really be a good idea.

But yeah, I’m thinking that the price of coffee and a bagel to sit at the local coffeeshop might be work it. Thankfully I know one that doesn’t much mind if I take up a table for half a day during the week - they don’t do a lot of dine in business on weekdays so I’m not taking up a table that anyone else wants.
 
DarkLight said:
Yeah, once I get my schedule shifted (which should be in the next week or two) I’ll have to be getting up at 5:30 in the morning in order to make it to work. I don’t think staying out til 2am would really be a good idea.

But yeah, I’m thinking that the price of coffee and a bagel to sit at the local coffeeshop might be work it. Thankfully I know one that doesn’t much mind if I take up a table for half a day during the week - they don’t do a lot of dine in business on weekdays so I’m not taking up a table that anyone else wants.
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I lived in a similar situation in high school. I stayed after school a lot, and when I went home, I stayed in my room. When things got intolerable, I left at age 18, got two jobs, and have been financially independent ever since. At the time, I was working 16 hours a day. It was well worth it to get away from crazy.

What is your health condition that prevents you working more, if you don’t mind my asking. How old are you?
 
1ke said:
Stop expecting her to act like a normal person. You are let down because you continue to operate as if she is going to behave like a loving mother. She is not. She is going to behave like a crazy person.

So, change your expectations and your responses to the crazy, Stop bringing up frustrations and problems to her. Stop initiating.
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I haven’t read the whole thread, but this is the acceptance I had to come to with my mom. My mom has mental illnesss and I always hoped she would change by helping her, my dad, all sorts of anything and everything. It took her yelling at my son (who is pious, innocent and naive) to finally realize her mental illness will not go away, nor will the treatment I get. It’s been so difficult coming to terms with this. Once you do, it is very liberating. God bless.
 
DarkLight said:
I know, I know, I need to move out. Believe me, I’m working on it. I need a car first though, and I don’t want to take out a loan (public transit around here just isn’t going to get me to and from work).

A lot of it is I feel like the standards are very unfairly applied. It’s ok for my mother to say something to me, but when I say almost the same exact thing back to her about how I feel like I’m being treated, it’s horrendously rude and how dare I accuse her of that sort of thing.

One big one is she has this rule that when one person brings up a problem, it’s not ok to respond with a problem of your own. Which would be a great rule if it was applied fairly. The trouble is it’s not. So when I bring up a problem I’m having, she’ll respond with a problem she’s having with me, often not even acknowledging the problem I mentioned. But if I then respond back with my issues, I’m being rude because she brought up a problem and I’m responding by turning the conversation back to the issue I’m having.

I also feel like I get a lot of dismissive language. Like if I say “I feel like when you say X, it really hurts me” I get responses like “well that’s just how you feel, feelings aren’t reality.” Or if I say “I have a problem with X” I get told “Well there are two people here, it’s not all about you.” Basically feeling like any time I try to ask for equal consideration as an adult, I’m being treated like I’m being selfish and making it all about myself.

Basically, I feel like she’s creating an environment where I’m expected to put up with whatever she does, even if I find it rude or hurtful or whatever. But I’m also expected to be unfailingly polite and never show any frustration or irritation. She’ll say I should talk things out with her instead, but when I try to talk frustrations out I get shut down.

How do I keep myself sane in the meantime?
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Here’s what you do. Wait until she falls asleep then hide a nickel in her anus. Later, ask her to let you borrow a nickel. When she says that she doesn’t have a nickel, pull the nickel out of her anus. She’ll think that you’re a wizard. Whenever she doesn’t want to be reasonable, you can threaten to turn her into a frog
 
Jacob18 said:
Here’s what you do. Wait until she falls asleep then hide a nickel in her anus. Later, ask her to let you borrow a nickel. When she says that she doesn’t have a nickel, pull the nickel out of her anus. She’ll think that you’re a wizard. Whenever she doesn’t want to be reasonable, you can threaten to turn her into a frog
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Jacob18 is my new favorite poster.
 
I wonder if he’s having some sort of mental health episode. He’s been posting vulgarities in the last day, but before that was engaging in normal discourse. Maybe the mods should put a hold on his account until he gets back on his meds, or something.
 
heidi_storage said:
I wonder if he’s having some sort of mental health episode. He’s been posting vulgarities in the last day, but before that was engaging in normal discourse. Maybe the mods should put a hold on his account until he gets back on his meds, or something.
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That is a definite possibility.
 
heidi_storage said:
I wonder if he’s having some sort of mental health episode. He’s been posting vulgarities in the last day, but before that was engaging in normal discourse. Maybe the mods should put a hold on his account until he gets back on his meds, or something.
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Hijacked account is also a possibility.
 
AdamPeter said:
or just a troll
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The only thing on that is that he seemed to be posting and interacting normally for a while, and then suddenly started having very weird posts. Usually trolls don’t have the patience to pull that off.
 
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