Trouble with Porn and Masturbation

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Alyosha777

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I’m not sure if this is the right place for this, but if there’s a better section please move it.

So I’ve struggled with Porn and masturbation for most of my life, something not too rare these days unfortunately. Though I still relapse regularly, I’ve improved a lot spiritually and psychologically in regard to this. So while I do have hope, it is a frustrating thing and I want to find just the right approach to it so I can root it out of my life once and for all.

I’ve tried a couple different approaches to fight this. First purely secular (usually stuff like meditating, eating right, exercising, and other more practical things.) But though that helped eliminate guilt and depression in regard to it, I still relapsed a lot. Then I found a Catholic forum dedicated to this exact problem. But after awhile I got disillusioned with it, because basically the only advice was to pray a lot and receive the sacraments, and that didn’t help much.

Then I discovered NoFap. It’s a secular movement, though not hostile to religion, basically with the angle that, rather than saying porn and masturbation are morally wrong and we should stop for that reason, we should stop because it harms us physically. People end up with erectile disfunction, depression, and various other side effects from - what is essentially a drug. They focus a lot on the neural science of it.

So that’s been the most effective so far. But I’m beginning to feel like it’s not enough either. They basically recommend a person quits cold turkey and tries to build up a “streak” of about 90 days in a row without masturbating or looking at porn. 90 days is the agreed upon amount of time to change a neural pathway (habit) in the brain.

I’ve gotten up to 70 days before, but in the last year probably the longest I’ve gone is 30 days, and since I’ve relapsed these last couple of times, I have trouble even getting over 10 days. So I’m wondering if anyone has any advice from a Catholic standpoint - of how to synthesize these two sides - secular and spiritual into a perfect remedy against this problem.

I appreciate any feedback.
 
Alyosha777 said:
I’m not sure if this is the right place for this, but if there’s a better section please move it.

So I’ve struggled with Porn and masturbation for most of my life, something not too rare these days unfortunately. Though I still relapse regularly, I’ve improved a lot spiritually and psychologically in regard to this. So while I do have hope, it is a frustrating thing and I want to find just the right approach to it so I can root it out of my life once and for all.

I’ve tried a couple different approaches to fight this. First purely secular (usually stuff like meditating, eating right, exercising, and other more practical things.) But though that helped eliminate guilt and depression in regard to it, I still relapsed a lot. Then I found a Catholic forum dedicated to this exact problem. But after awhile I got disillusioned with it, because basically the only advice was to pray a lot and receive the sacraments, and that didn’t help much.

Then I discovered NoFap. It’s a secular movement, though not hostile to religion, basically with the angle that, rather than saying porn and masturbation are morally wrong and we should stop for that reason, we should stop because it harms us physically. People end up with erectile disfunction, depression, and various other side effects from - what is essentially a drug. They focus a lot on the neural science of it.

So that’s been the most effective so far. But I’m beginning to feel like it’s not enough either. They basically recommend a person quits cold turkey and tries to build up a “streak” of about 90 days in a row without masturbating or looking at porn. 90 days is the agreed upon amount of time to change a neural pathway (habit) in the brain.

I’ve gotten up to 70 days before, but in the last year probably the longest I’ve gone is 30 days, and since I’ve relapsed these last couple of times, I have trouble even getting over 10 days. So I’m wondering if anyone has any advice from a Catholic standpoint - of how to synthesize these two sides - secular and spiritual into a perfect remedy against this problem.

I appreciate any feedback.
Click to expand...
First off what proof does this movement have that masturbation causes any of those things?
 
Alyosha777 said:
I’m not sure if this is the right place for this, but if there’s a better section please move it.

So I’ve struggled with Porn and masturbation for most of my life, something not too rare these days unfortunately. Though I still relapse regularly, I’ve improved a lot spiritually and psychologically in regard to this. So while I do have hope, it is a frustrating thing and I want to find just the right approach to it so I can root it out of my life once and for all.

I’ve tried a couple different approaches to fight this. First purely secular (usually stuff like meditating, eating right, exercising, and other more practical things.) But though that helped eliminate guilt and depression in regard to it, I still relapsed a lot. Then I found a Catholic forum dedicated to this exact problem. But after awhile I got disillusioned with it, because basically the only advice was to pray a lot and receive the sacraments, and that didn’t help much.

Then I discovered NoFap. It’s a secular movement, though not hostile to religion, basically with the angle that, rather than saying porn and masturbation are morally wrong and we should stop for that reason, we should stop because it harms us physically. People end up with erectile disfunction, depression, and various other side effects from - what is essentially a drug. They focus a lot on the neural science of it.

So that’s been the most effective so far. But I’m beginning to feel like it’s not enough either. They basically recommend a person quits cold turkey and tries to build up a “streak” of about 90 days in a row without masturbating or looking at porn. 90 days is the agreed upon amount of time to change a neural pathway (habit) in the brain.

I’ve gotten up to 70 days before, but in the last year probably the longest I’ve gone is 30 days, and since I’ve relapsed these last couple of times, I have trouble even getting over 10 days. So I’m wondering if anyone has any advice from a Catholic standpoint - of how to synthesize these two sides - secular and spiritual into a perfect remedy against this problem.

I appreciate any feedback.
Click to expand...
I was very addicted to porn and masturbation, and I sometimes slip back into the sins. It’s a constant struggle for me, especially since my wife is not very sexual. It’s been over 2 years since my wife and I last had sex.

Anyway, I recommend the following:
  1. go to confession right away if/when you fail to remain chaste
  2. when you feel tempted - start praying multiple Hail Marys. It really works if you do it. When I give into temptation, it’s when I failed to pray the Hail Marys. It really works… Just keep praying it until the temptation goes away. For me, it usually takes between 2-7 Hail Marys (depending on how long I’ve entertained the sinful thoughts
  3. this is something I’m trying now to further help me. I purchased a male Consecration bracelet from the Franciscan University Bookstore (I’ve consecrated myself to Jesus through Mary). But I’m hoping the bracelet will remind me to remain Chaste. I got the idea from Chastity Speaker Jason Evert (he wears one). It only cost $3.99 on their website: bookstore.franciscan.edu/ePOS?form=shared3/gm/merch.html&item_number=W42380&cat=756&store=421&design=mbl
Oh, and as one of my priests often says during confession, don’t get discouraged. They fact that you go to Confession is an encouraging thing and to continue praying for the graces necessary to resist this addictive sin.

I pray this is helpful to you.

God Bless!
 
Alyosha777 said:
I’m not sure if this is the right place for this, but if there’s a better section please move it.

So I’ve struggled with Porn and masturbation for most of my life, something not too rare these days unfortunately. Though I still relapse regularly, I’ve improved a lot spiritually and psychologically in regard to this. So while I do have hope, it is a frustrating thing and I want to find just the right approach to it so I can root it out of my life once and for all.

I’ve tried a couple different approaches to fight this. First purely secular (usually stuff like meditating, eating right, exercising, and other more practical things.) But though that helped eliminate guilt and depression in regard to it, I still relapsed a lot. Then I found a Catholic forum dedicated to this exact problem. But after awhile I got disillusioned with it, because basically the only advice was to pray a lot and receive the sacraments, and that didn’t help much.

Then I discovered NoFap. It’s a secular movement, though not hostile to religion, basically with the angle that, rather than saying porn and masturbation are morally wrong and we should stop for that reason, we should stop because it harms us physically. People end up with erectile disfunction, depression, and various other side effects from - what is essentially a drug. They focus a lot on the neural science of it.

So that’s been the most effective so far. But I’m beginning to feel like it’s not enough either. They basically recommend a person quits cold turkey and tries to build up a “streak” of about 90 days in a row without masturbating or looking at porn. 90 days is the agreed upon amount of time to change a neural pathway (habit) in the brain.

I’ve gotten up to 70 days before, but in the last year probably the longest I’ve gone is 30 days, and since I’ve relapsed these last couple of times, I have trouble even getting over 10 days. So I’m wondering if anyone has any advice from a Catholic standpoint - of how to synthesize these two sides - secular and spiritual into a perfect remedy against this problem.

I appreciate any feedback.
Click to expand...
Yo! I’m going on 5 days clean. Unfortunately I’m not in a state of grace due to unrelated reasons. I started masturbation when I was 8, porn last year. It really does screw with you.

I semi-use NoFap.

In response to Kate, it messes with you. You need more and more each time to… You get the picture, and that’s without porn involved.

My advice: Take stock of all secular and spiritual issues in life. Ask God’s help for that, as well as the intercession of the Holy Souls in Purgatory(pray for them too!), the Saints(especially Mary!), and the Angels.

Then, look at the saints which have dealt with your issues. Look for passages in the Bible where Jesus, one of the OT prophets, and/or the Apostles.

Then, if you don’t already, try to speak with a priest regularly. Me and my dad visit Father monthly.

Finally, keep recieving the Sacraments.

That’s your spiritual side

Then take action with solutions on the secular, or rather the less explicitly religious side, and begin to fight through some issues.

These two, aiding each other, can help. I’m taking inventory pretty soon myself.

PM me if you need anything.
 
Read the treatise by Saint Louis de Montfort about the power and graces of the Rosary as well as the powerful intercession of Mary. It is pretty incredible stuff. Reading it changed my life.
 
Thanks for the responses.

First off, I’m a little leary of Louis de Monfort. I looked into total consecration to Mary a few years back, and his writings on Mary were just too much. Bordering on heresy. And I’ve really never had a devotion to Mary.

I do however see the merit of her intercession, and I’ve actually done the exact thing Phil said - Hail Marys every time I’m tempted. The only problem is, it’s more complicated than that. Granted, I haven’t just kept saying them until the temptation goes away.

But it’s kind of like a dark cloud that descends on me, and I avoid it in one scenario. But I feel like it’s inevitable, and even though I keep trying my best to avoid it, it always comes in these circumstances. I have learned that you have to keep just getting back up. There’s nothing else to do. And God’s mercy is endless. I just feel like this is holding my life back.

But I do sense hope. I’ve resisted temptations more thoughtfully, and really tried to remind myself of the repercussions. I pray more often. And I do believe I’m not in a state of Mortal sin, because my will was impeded by a habitual compulsion. But I am going to confession.

So I do have a filter on my laptop now, and I’m actually getting rid of my Smartphone because of the temptation. So hopefully with those out of the way it’ll be easier. And if I grow in my relationship with God. It just takes so much work to definitively put it behind me. But probably I’m not working hard enough against it.

Also, just for context, I’m a 22 year old college student so I guess there’s hope for this to be gone by the time I (hopefully) get married. But up to now I haven’t had a girlfriend, so that could be awhile anyway.
 
You can try fasting. Whenever you give into masturbation, punish yourself by eating only bread and drinking only water for the rest of the day. Fasting can be used as a form of repentance.

By the same note, you can award yourself whenever you successfully resist masturbation.

Personally, I found that castrating myself was the best way to stop masturbating. 😛 Just kidding.
 
phil19034 said:
As a man who was addicted to porn and masturbation, I can testify that it does lead to those things.
Click to expand...
No offense but your account is just anecdotal. There is not facts other than you saying so. I was asking the OP for a study or something that backs up the claim made by No-Fap. Reason is because many doctors tell of the benefits of masturbation. Porn, to me, is take it or leave it. I enjoy it but mostly through reading and not as much through audio or visual.
 
Faxero said:
You can try fasting. Whenever you give into masturbation, punish yourself by eating only bread and drinking only water for the rest of the day. Fasting can be used as a form of repentance.

By the same note, you can award yourself whenever you successfully resist masturbation.

Personally, I found that castrating myself was the best way to stop masturbating. 😛 Just kidding.
Click to expand...
Really. Punishment for what many do? Also I strongly suggest not making a joke about castrating. There may be some who will not see the joke and do it.
 
NM505StKate said:
No offense but your account is just anecdotal. There is not facts other than you saying so. I was asking the OP for a study or something that backs up the claim made by No-Fap. Reason is because many doctors tell of the benefits of masturbation. Porn, to me, is take it or leave it. I enjoy it but mostly through reading and not as much through audio or visual.
Click to expand...
My opinion is anecdotal as well, but I know of several men that have said the same thing. And so do their wives.
 
phil19034 said:
I was very addicted to porn and masturbation, and I sometimes slip back into the sins. It’s a constant struggle for me, especially since my wife is not very sexual. It’s been over 2 years since my wife and I last had sex.

Anyway, I recommend the following:
  1. go to confession right away if/when you fail to remain chaste
  2. when you feel tempted - start praying multiple Hail Marys. It really works if you do it. When I give into temptation, it’s when I failed to pray the Hail Marys. It really works… Just keep praying it until the temptation goes away. For me, it usually takes between 2-7 Hail Marys (depending on how long I’ve entertained the sinful thoughts
  3. this is something I’m trying now to further help me. I purchased a male Consecration bracelet from the Franciscan University Bookstore (I’ve consecrated myself to Jesus through Mary). But I’m hoping the bracelet will remind me to remain Chaste. I got the idea from Chastity Speaker Jason Evert (he wears one). It only cost $3.99 on their website: bookstore.franciscan.edu/ePOS?form=shared3/gm/merch.html&item_number=W42380&cat=756&store=421&design=mbl
Oh, and as one of my priests often says during confession, don’t get discouraged. They fact that you go to Confession is an encouraging thing and to continue praying for the graces necessary to resist this addictive sin.

I pray this is helpful to you.

God Bless!
Click to expand...
Wow - I give you a high five! Great advice.
 
Alyosha777 said:
I’m not sure if this is the right place for this, but if there’s a better section please move it.

So I’ve struggled with Porn and masturbation for most of my life, something not too rare these days unfortunately. Though I still relapse regularly, I’ve improved a lot spiritually and psychologically in regard to this. So while I do have hope, it is a frustrating thing and I want to find just the right approach to it so I can root it out of my life once and for all.

I’ve tried a couple different approaches to fight this. First purely secular (usually stuff like meditating, eating right, exercising, and other more practical things.) But though that helped eliminate guilt and depression in regard to it, I still relapsed a lot. Then I found a Catholic forum dedicated to this exact problem. But after awhile I got disillusioned with it, because basically the only advice was to pray a lot and receive the sacraments, and that didn’t help much.

Then I discovered NoFap. It’s a secular movement, though not hostile to religion, basically with the angle that, rather than saying porn and masturbation are morally wrong and we should stop for that reason, we should stop because it harms us physically. People end up with erectile disfunction, depression, and various other side effects from - what is essentially a drug. They focus a lot on the neural science of it.

So that’s been the most effective so far. But I’m beginning to feel like it’s not enough either. They basically recommend a person quits cold turkey and tries to build up a “streak” of about 90 days in a row without masturbating or looking at porn. 90 days is the agreed upon amount of time to change a neural pathway (habit) in the brain.

I’ve gotten up to 70 days before, but in the last year probably the longest I’ve gone is 30 days, and since I’ve relapsed these last couple of times, I have trouble even getting over 10 days. So I’m wondering if anyone has any advice from a Catholic standpoint - of how to synthesize these two sides - secular and spiritual into a perfect remedy against this problem.

I appreciate any feedback.
Click to expand...
Meditating is not purely secular. I meditate when I pray the Rosary. When I was Buddhist, meditation was a major part of it. If you are doing Buddhist meditation, I advise you to stop. With regards to the OP. It is a problem I have too. It is an addiction. But, like any addiction, it takes time to heal. I had a relapse yesterday, and went to confession that afternoon. That really helped.
 
Okay, this may seem like a really stupid question, but here goes.

For all of you single men who are old enough to be married, would getting married to a healthy, happy woman help your problem?
 
Alyosha777 said:
I appreciate any feedback.
Click to expand...
I wish I knew what to say that could help you. God literally took away my desire to use porn or masturbate when I was Baptized 3 years ago. It was what I feel was literally a miracle. Sure I have been tempted at times since then but nothing really serious.

Prayer did not do it for me really. Neither did hanging a picture of Mary in my room, neither did coming to the realization that women are not objects for my amusement. That was just not helpful to me. The only thing I can really say is that I do not want to betray my relationship with God for the sake of a few minuets pleasure. It is just not worth it and God does not want me to do it. But, I am also 31. Being 22 is a world of difference. Some young men (not that I am not a young man myself) in their early 20s have a tough time with self control and that can improve as they get older.

Listen, this may be something not easy to hear and I really hope it is not this way for you but here is something to think about. You are 22 never had a girlfriend. You assume one day you are going to get married. I am on dating sites (Catholic ones) with men who have never been married and they are well into their 40’s, 50’s 60’S!! Even older. Some NEVER get married and it is not because they do not want to either. Please keep reading…

There are lots of Catholic women who are still single well into their 30’s. I do not know if you are a virgin or not and that is nobody’s business here either and I am not asking you to reveal if you are or not. It seems the women would rather date a guy that was sexualy active and had a bunch of sexual partners but repented over a guy that is still a virgin and only used porn and masturbated all through his 20’s. The former may seem worse but for a lot of women the latter is the worse for some reason. Maybe they just view it as creepy. You are going to have to explain your sexual past to a woman one day if you are going to get married. Really think about that… That does not mean you should try to go out and hook up with women. I am not saying that at all. I am saying there are also practical reasons to stop with porn and masturbation. Your addictions are going to come back to haunt you one day. You cant see that now because you are in your early 20’s but it will happen. Do not assume marriage will fix you. You need to resolve these issues now. And I am not saying that you think marriage will fix you. But lots of guys do and it is not always the case. You lessen your odds with women in the future if you keep doing what you are doing. Unless you think you are so good looking that it does not matter, you will definitely get a woman one day. You may be… you need to be honest with yourself about that. Looks never become irrelevant, no matter what people tell you. Some people get lucky, it does not mean you will. There are some beauty and the beast cases but those are the exceptions, not the rule.

I would seek out a spiritual director. You live in a big city so I am sure there are resources available too you. Talk to your senior pastor about your problem. Ask him for help. If he cannot help you, do not give up. Look up some monasteries, abbeys, places where religious people live. Send them a letter explaining your problem and asking if any of their priests can be your spiritual director. I did this because I have a problem with scrupulosity and my Spiritual director has helped me. Try that route. You need to be accountable to someone.

I hope everything works out for you. Those addictions will rob you of so much goodness in life. And for what? You can learn to enjoy a woman’s beauty without lusting after her. You can gain enough self discipline that sexual urges do not overpower you and you can forget them literally a few seconds after you get them and just go on with your life. Believe me, I know. But it comes with time. When will power is not good enough HIGHER POWER is what you must seek. Pray a lot but take other steps too. I will pray for you too. God bless.
 
lax16 said:
Okay, this may seem like a really stupid question, but here goes.

For all of you single men who are old enough to be married, would getting married to a healthy, happy woman help your problem?
Click to expand...
My problems are all dating related, so yeah 😃

I have no porn or masturbation addiction so the question is moot for me. I do not think I will ever know, one way or the other.
 
OP, I’m still struggling with this as well, but my biggest success came when I was attending support groups, that’s what I’d recommend. You will get a level of accountability and openness there you will not find anywhere else. I’ve also come to realize living alone has been a major hindrance. More likely than not, you’re going to need to do some things outside of your comfort zone to overcome this.

That’s my 2 cents, God bless
 
NM505StKate said:
No offense but your account is just anecdotal. There is not facts other than you saying so. I was asking the OP for a study or something that backs up the claim made by No-Fap. Reason is because many doctors tell of the benefits of masturbation…
Click to expand...
Yeah, but I fear it is anecdote vs hypothesis. Not a clear winner there.
 
phil19034 said:
I was very addicted to porn and masturbation, and I sometimes slip back into the sins. It’s a constant struggle for me, especially since my wife is not very sexual. It’s been over 2 years since my wife and I last had sex.

Anyway, I recommend the following:
  1. go to confession right away if/when you fail to remain chaste
  2. when you feel tempted - start praying multiple Hail Marys. It really works if you do it. When I give into temptation, it’s when I failed to pray the Hail Marys. It really works… Just keep praying it until the temptation goes away. For me, it usually takes between 2-7 Hail Marys (depending on how long I’ve entertained the sinful thoughts
  3. this is something I’m trying now to further help me. I purchased a male Consecration bracelet from the Franciscan University Bookstore (I’ve consecrated myself to Jesus through Mary). But I’m hoping the bracelet will remind me to remain Chaste. I got the idea from Chastity Speaker Jason Evert (he wears one). It only cost $3.99 on their website: bookstore.franciscan.edu/ePOS?form=shared3/gm/merch.html&item_number=W42380&cat=756&store=421&design=mbl
Oh, and as one of my priests often says during confession, don’t get discouraged. They fact that you go to Confession is an encouraging thing and to continue praying for the graces necessary to resist this addictive sin.

I pray this is helpful to you.

God Bless!
Click to expand...
This. Great advice. I too am a recovering self-abuse-aholic. Consistent confession and prayer work. Also the machine-gun-style-rapid-fire Hail Marys.
 
lax16 said:
My opinion is anecdotal as well, but I know of several men that have said the same thing. And so do their wives.
Click to expand...
Still anecdotal. Without a study to back it up it means nothing.
 
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