This may be obvious and oversimplified, but I believe it helps tremendously.
Humans generally want to seek pleasure and avoid pain. Most things we do from a behavioral perspective can be put into one of those categories. You engage in that behavioral because you are seeking pleasure and/or avoiding pain. The same reason people use drugs and alcohol. The problem is, the thing you are using may bring immediate pleasure, but it
ALWAYS, without fail, brings pain. That is what you have to focus on–the pain it always brings.
Most people stay focused on the immediate pleasure. When the temptation arises you have to condition yourself to immediately think, “How will I feel afterword? How will I feel about it tomorrow? How long will this temporary pleasure last?” Focus on the pain it brings. Really dwell on the horrific feelings it causes as well as the psychological and social damage it causes.
Also stay focused on the fact that this pain
WILL happen. People will think, “Oh, it will be different this time.” But you know in reality it won’t. Ask yourself, “Has this ever made me feel good after the fact? How am I going to feel an hour from now?” Focus on the pain.
Right now your body is wired to focus on the pleasure, you’ve got to rewire it to focus on the pain. Why do people quit smoking? They drown out the craving for immediate pleasure while focusing on the pain of disease and death. You train your brain so that when that thought comes into your brain, it is immediately met with an overwhelming amount of pain, all the pain you have felt and know you will feel if you do it again.
Also, I have known people who got married believing it would “cure” them. It helped some but it did not cure them. They simply moved from using themselves to gain immediate pleasure to using someone else to gain immediate pleasure. They never learned what sex was supposed to be (i.e. it’s not about you). So I do not recommend the marriage route in an attempt to solve the problem.
Pray, focus on the pain, and have a plan for when temptation arises. That usually means finding some other activity that will bring you long-lasting pleasure rather than immediate gratification followed by massive pain.
We live in a culture that has completely perverted what marriage and sex is supposed to be about. Most people don’t even understand what love really is and how people actually stay married. They believe marriage is about some warm, fuzzy feeling you have about someone of the opposite or same sex (yeah, warped). They believe sexual gratification is a natural right of which no one should be deprived. They believe everyone should be allowed to get gratification whenever they want and however they want. Any word to the contrary is seen as archaic and hateful. Yet look at the results this new philosophy has brought us. A regression by any standard.
At least, that’s my two cents.
