Trouble with sister. Going insane. Won't give me space

[Christianus_Dei]

For my entire teenage/recently adult life, I’ve been having major trouble with my older sister. She irritates me, gets on my nerves, and other things. This has been very strong the last few years. She still lives in the house with me, neither of us have moved out yet.

She constantly comes along when I go to be with friends. I’m emotionally intimate with my friends, and I feel extremely awkward around her, like I can’t be myself around her, meaning I might as well not be with my friends at all. After mass, she’s constantly there, smiling and wanting to follow me everywhere I go. I can’t talk with anyone the way I’d want to, she’s always there.

She doesn’t deserve the way I feel around her, but I can’t stand her. She’s not a negative person, she doesn’t do anything on purpose. But I cannot stand being around her. I refuse to be cruel to her, I refuse to tell her to butt out, I just smile and act like nothing is wrong. If I told her I wanted her to back off it would destroy her, she has absolutely no confidence, especially not socially, and I feel like everyone else would end up feeling the same way about her as I do, so I tolerate her so that she doesn’t have to feel that.

But I’m the one suffering, I’m going crazy while pretending I’m not, so that she isn’t hurt by my feelings. I’m trying to love her, and as far as she can tell, as far as anyone can tell, I am. But loving someone and liking to be around them are different things.

She has friends, but she never, ever, EVER even tries to get in contact with them. It’s always me. She never leaves me alone.

I’m sorry for venting. I just want help with a solution to this that involves somehow getting her to back off without hurting her, and even the act of backing off itself will hurt her because she refuses to find her own friends.

I’m so tired of this. She makes me so angry, and I refuse to lash out at her for it because I don’t want to hurt her. I refuse to do anything because anything at this point will hurt her.

 

[suella]

A note to who ever wrote this back in February. I m not a teen or young adult
but I am currently going through a similar situation. I recently moved back with
family temporarily and my thirteen year old niece visits on the weekends. She is
constantly my shadow and wants to go every place with me even if its just around
the block, not only that she has to constantly invade my privacy inside the home,
following me from room to room. The only reason I don’t explode and I have come
close so many times, is because I wanted to be a good example as a Catholic
Christian to her. She has no religious up bringing nor stable family life. I don’t know how
to react around kids nor do I understand them. She has no friends at school on
account of poor manners and etc. so I guess this is possibly the reason why she
wants to hang around me so much. Perhaps I would be more at ease if I had my
own kids but I don’t. Hope your situation has gotten better. Cant wait until I am able
to leave where I am at.

 

[Rete]

Then why not help her deal with all of those issues? She is following you around and modeling your behavior. You have the opportunity to help this person, who is your own flesh and blood, so perhaps the better response is to help her gain confidence, learn manners, and make new friends.

If you don’t help her, then who will?

 

[madelynn]

She has friends, but she never, ever, EVER even tries to get in contact with them. It’s always me. She never leaves me alone.

Could you elaborate on this part please? I don’t understand how your sister has friends, but she doesn’t contact them. How could she establish or maintain a friendship like this?