True Repentance

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3Lumineux

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I’m 25 years old and have now been with my boyfriend for 3 years. We’ve never had intercourse but have engaged in different sexual acts. Over the last couple of months, I have been working hard to follow the Lord and live as He wants me to. My boyfriend and I stopped all sexual activities but we were really tempted over the weekend. I prayed so many times and went to church, prayed the rosary to ask for strength. Yesterday, we gave in to temptation and as much as I prayed during the day, I felt weaker and weaker and my mind somehow kept justifying that what I was doing wasn’t that bad, although I know it was.

Last night and today I have spent the day crying and praying because I know I have done what is evil in His sight. I have betrayed Him. My problem is that I know how easily I fell into sin. I’m so sorry for having betrayed my Lord but how do I know my heart is really contrite if in that moment, I chose to ignore Him?

I have to confess this mortal sin but I’m not sure if I truly am sorry since I chose not to stop. Right now, I don’t want to sin in this way, or any other way again, but I don’t want to go to confession and take that sacrament for granted either.

I have been praying the rosary and asking Mary to lead me to true repentance but would appreciate it if I knew from others what it means to be truly contrite in cases like these.

How can I say I’m sorry if I knew what I was doing in the moment although now I am sorry I hurt the Lord?
 
I understand completely where you are coming from. I am facing the same challenges you are, except my girlfriend is protestant…and they don’t take the same stance on sex and such.

And while i can’t offer you any advice…it’s completely between you and the Lord…i can only offer you my support and the knowledge that you’re not alone.

In a society where sexual behavior is normal, it’s extremely difficult to stay the course. We must find strength in the Lord and our Faith. Take comfort in His forgiveness and don’t concern yourself with what has happened…the only thing you have control over is what happens next.

The only remedy i can think of is to cut his stuff off :eek: ok…so that was a joke that i told to myself earlier in the day…
 
Yes, in that moment you chose to sin. But, you are sorry now and you do have firm purpose of ammendment, which is what is required of us for Reconciliation.

Now, to help yourself keep that committment, take some practical measures. Prayer is good, but concrete actions are also needed.

Create an accountability system by choosing not to be alone together and/or by involving another couple also committed to chastity. Go on group dates, have a chaperone by double dating or going in groups, do not be alone with each other-- study in the library, hang out at the coffee shop, watch movies with others, etc.

If you both have your own apartments, avoid being alone there.
 
3Lumineux said:
Last night and today I have spent the day crying and praying because I know I have done what is evil in His sight…

I have to confess this mortal sin but I’m not sure if I truly am sorry since I chose not to stop. Right now, I don’t want to sin in this way, or any other way again, I have been praying the rosary and asking Mary to lead me to true repentance but would appreciate it if I knew from others what it means to be truly contrite in cases like these.

How can I say I’m sorry if I knew what I was doing in the moment although now I am sorry I hurt the Lord?
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That’s precisely what a mortal sin is. Read what I have selected above from your post. Your contrition is there in the first part. You say that you do not want to sin this way again right now. We are weak and our tendency towards sin is inherent by our fallen nature. That’s exactly why Christ died for us. Keep praying, as this is the best defense against sin. After confession, receive the Eucharist. We will always fall. Our flesh is weak. God knows that but He infinitely knows your heart and your love for Him. Go to Him. Do not worry about committing that sin again. Take it one day at a time and try your best not to put yourself in the near occasion of sin. If you two are alone together find something that you could do elsewhere. If you’re snuggling up on the couch watching a movie, move to a chair or go to a movie.

Basically what I am saying is that confession is not for the perfect. It’s for those who love Christ enough to say I’m sorry and I will put forth all effort to remain in that love. Peter denied Christ three times and then affirmed his love for Christ three times.Don’t give up. God’s mercy far surpasses any sin that you might commit and you are not making a mockery out of a Sacrament that Christ gave us for our reconciliation with Him. Get to confession and my prayers are with you. And one last note: Having dated for three years and being 25 years old and not engaging in intercourse shows that your intentions are virtuous. Keep up the good work…God Bless…teachccd:)
 
I would also like to ask why, after 3 years of dating, you are not moving to marriage?

A prolonged period of “dating” is also an aggrevating factor in your temptation to sin. Three years is a very long time to be in a serious relationship and unable to consummate it. You should begin moving towards marriage quickly, or identify this relationship as one that needs to end if marriage is not in the cards.

Otherwise, you will remain in this “dating” sphere far too long and continue to be tempted.
 
Thank you so much for all of your advice! It really does help and He really is merciful as long as we keep going back to Him for strength and resolve.

My boyfriend and I are about to be engaged. The problem is that he was raised Catholic but his parents never practiced the faith, nor made sure he did his Communion or Confirmation. It took months for them just to find his baptism certificate!

He’s starting RCIA classes this Sunday so that he can be a full member of the church and we can marry in the church.
 
1 Corinthians 7:9 (New International Version)

But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

I suggest you simply follow the scriptural advice to christians, this is assuming that both you and your boyfriend are christians. If one of you is not an christian than you should break off your relationship completly because of the nature of your relationship that is.

2 Corinthians 6:14
Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

👍

Yes, Gods’ will is that simple,

If both Chrisitans in your situation then Marry him.

If one is an unbeliver than seperate, break off the relationship.

Why is it hard to discern God’s will? when it is spelled out in scripture?
 
A general princple with sin is look for the escape route.

1 Corinthians 10:13 (King James Version)

There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

The escape in this case is to marry or break off the relationship completely.
 
Daniel_Marsh said:
A general princple with sin is look for the escape route.

1 Corinthians 10:13 (King James Version)

There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

The escape in this case is to marry or break off the relationship completely.
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I think she said that she plans to marry him and I think that they are doing one heck of a fine job following our Lord. Keep up the good work and best wishes to your future husband in his RCIA classes. May the peace of Christ be with you both…teachccd 🙂
 
True repentance will include a firm purpose of amendment. In other words, you must be willing to take active measures to insure that you do not commit the sin again. As I see it, you have two options before you: you may marry your boyfriend or you may break up with him. Continuing with your current arrangement will only present more opportunities for you to sin.
 
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