Here’s what I got after mulling over it for a while:
I did not embrace my Catholic Christian identity because it was easy. No, I became Catholic because I wanted the Truth, and I found it only in the Catholic Church. I still remember when I went to my first real Mass. It was a Saturday morning in July, 2006. My spiritual father was serving as deacon and my pastor (who administered to me Confirmation and First Holy Communion) was the celebrant. In that liturgy my heart found Christ, yes even in that liturgy. For a whole year I loved Mass, without qualm. Why? Because I had found the true faith. I had found Christ in a way I never had before, and so nothing else mattered. Since that time I am ashamed to say that I think I am losing sight of this.
There are two key points that I cannot ever let go of. Should ever let go of either one of these truths, then there is nothing to live for. And each of these shed light on the situation.
- No matter what happens, Christ is in charge of His Church.
- No matter what happened, the Holy Spirit was at work in the Second Vatican Council.
Now with regard to the Liturgy, there comes a question that is inescapable: what are pretty liturgies to Christ?
“What did you go out into the wilderness to look at? A reed shaken by the wind? What then did you go out to see? Someone dressed in soft robes? Look, those who wear soft robes are in royal palaces. What then did you go out to see? A prophet? Yes, I tell you, and more than a prophet.” (Matthew 11:7-9)
The origin of aesthetically beautiful Masses and Liturgies originated with the explosion of Christian culture after St. Constantine the Great. The Church wanted to make her little services tantamount to Imperial pomp and circumstance with the objective that since Christ was King, He should be treated like the Emperor.
No, the earliest liturgies were incredibly simple as the Didache shows. The early Masses in Rome were almost identical to the current Pauline Mass and St. Justin Martyr’s description of the Mass does not look so much like the Divine Liturgy or the Tridentine Rite…it looks much, much more like the Mass of Paul VI.
So, I had to ask myself: what is the heart of Catholic Christianity. It simply could not have been the power of majestic liturgies…else we wouldn’t even have majestic liturgies. No, the heart was the Eucharistic Christ who empowered the Early Church to be a Church of mighty saints.
Also aesthetical beauty has limits to its power. The Eastern Orthodox have been doing the same Liturgy since the year 402 A.D. and possibly earlier. Yet despite the incredible power and majesty of the Divine Liturgy, the Eastern Orthodox have become both partial schismatics and in some cases heretical (cf. contraception, divorce). Also we must look at the Tridentine rite in places like Africa and China. No matter how powerful it may have been aesthetically it probably had little effect on newly converted peoples from heathenism.
Also, despite my love of the old ways…I am NOT a judge of what is Holy Tradition. The Fathers of the Council and current Magisterium, including Arinze, have the authority to judge what is timeless and changeable in the realm of liturgy. I do not have this right, nor should I, as I know very little compared to them.
Lifteteen and the Charismatic renewal have had powerful effects on Catholics of all ages. I see this in the teens who I worship with on the Lord’s Day. Who am I to say that this is wrong? I am a son, and an unprofitable one at that. Sons must obey what their Father says and does, trusting that their Father knows what is best for His family. My Father has decided that Lifeteen and the Charismatic Renewal is not just acceptable, but also beneficial to the members of His family. And we say: “Yes, Abba.”
Now comes the big question: Why do I go to Mass? This question will lead to a deeper question:
What is the heart of Orthodox Catholic Christianity. When I ask this question, it is clear that things like Liturgy, ritual pomp, aesthetical beauty, and ossified views of Tradition are NOT the heart(s).
The heart is Jesus Christ.
I do not go to Mass to see pretty liturgies, or get the undeniable “high” of aesthetics…and if I do then I should be ashamed of myself…and looking back at recent days, I am a little ashamed.
To be a disciple of the Lord Jesus Christ means a total giving of my whole life. This love of Liturgical pomp and this insensitivity to anything not like it, is something that must be handed over. He is in charge, and He is
TRUSTWORTHY. Everything that has happened legitamately since Vatican II, even the approvals that I disagree with, have been HIS DOING.
And as one who claims Christ as Savior and Lord, I must follow where He leads.
So, the next time I feel myself “suffering” through Mass, then I need to humble my arrogant heart and recognize that the feeling I experience means that my focus is NOT on Christ, but on wordly things. The feeling means that I am getting wrapped up in externals. I need to learn to let go of these inhibitions and SURRENDER them to Christ. I need to embrace the things that may “hurt” and focus on the same Jesus who spurred the backwater churches of Early Christianity into being a church of saints: the Eucharistic Christ and Him alone.
As Christ would no doubt say to me:
“Antonius, Antonius…You are thinking not as God does, but as human beings do.”
-Antonius Ioannes