Trust Issues that may lead to Divorce

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jane79

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I’ve been with guys for 12 years. I was cheated on 3 times. 3rd time being a few months before we got married. I forgave him. after we got married, there were two red flags…a text and a earring i found. then i found a photo with 3 other females one of the he is holding as if its his girlfriend. the past cheating episodes came back and now i am no longer living in our home. he wants me back…i want to end this marriage. i feel like a fool. i never cheated on him. i cant look at him. im digusted. he says the photo was innocent and that nothan happend. he suggest that we see a marriage counselor. i didnt want to but i did. He so got grilled. i forgive him…but i do not want to be with him. we have no children. i need some advice. what would you do? i do not love him as husband anymore. its hard to sleep. ive been going to mass and adoration of the blessed sacrament. i just want to heal and starpt my life over. its very painful. im a strong catholic raised in a very strong catholic family. please pray for me.
 
Quickly make an appointment to see your priest.
Pray for guidance---- especially ask St Joseph to pray for you.
Find a counselor of your own to go to for support in figuring out what you want to do.
 
This is a hard one. I agree that you need to see your priest. And if your husband is serious about wanting to get back together, he will also see the priest, and even get counseling of his own to help figure out why he does this. Being divorced myself, I’m slow on giving advice on this. Of course, my daughter was just a toddler back then. He may have a sex addiction or some such problem. I think my ex did as well. Anyway, it seems like fidelity is more difficult for some men than for others.
 
Take some time to do some deep soul searching on your own commitment to chastity - hopefully it is strong now but it sounds as if prior to this marriage it may not have been as strong. You may, without fully realizing it, have been drawing your examples from worldly ways rather than from the Church’s teachings, and you may not have known of the many good chastity resources that are becoming more and more available. Sometimes people don’t even fully understand what the Church teaches. So educating yourself and examining your conscience is a good foundation.

Having a healthy, Christ-centered self-esteem is another important thing. In order to attract someone who respects both you and God’s plan for marriage, you will need to be self-respecting and committed to the same ideals as well. And if this sounds like a humongous challenge - well, it is - but it’s never too late to start, and God’s graces are always sufficient. Pray to the Immaculate Heart of Mary for help - she won’t let you down! 😉

When you have nailed down some of the above, then you will be in a position to discern better about the relationship itself, and a priest will be able to help you better. God bless!
 
thank you so much for yhe advice. I’m not confortable going to my own pri[SIGN][/SIGN]est. im trying to get in touch with another one. i pray and cry a lot. right know i dont want to be in any relationship except with God. Before I was with my husband I had morals. I had rules of premarital sex and stuff like that. i gave in. i let myself get lost in this man. now i know the saying…love is blind. i do not see any reason to be with him. its like everything apologetic thing he says is the so familiar to me. i know he is sorry…i forgive him…but i do not want to be with him. my heart is so broken. ive been reading about annullments.
 
Jane79,

I know what you are going through and I am sorry that you are. You are doing as you should in talking to a Priest. Also remain strong and always trust in God, He will help you get through this.

Remain strong in faith and forever trust in God.

Winter
 
I’m so sorry to hear about this. Definitely see a priest you can be totally frank with. If you do not believe a word that your husband says, I would not blame you. It is his job to rebuild your trust, not your job to keep offering it up after he has violated it again and again…I am not the least bit surprised that he got grilled by the marriage counselor. I cannot go so far as to say that this fellow is incapable of fidelity, but one has to wonder about that.

Talk to a priest; you need solid guidance based on the particulars of your actual situation. Do not go back to your husband until you are ready to forgive the infidelity, though. When you go back, it should be because the two of you are ready to make an entirely clean start. If the way isn’t clean, don’t give in on that.

I can’t say what I would do in your situation. I would seriously consider permanent separation, though, even with the prospect that an annulment might not be appropriate. I’d want to feel I was willing to give trust without reservation before I even thought about going back. I say this having had a fiancé who cheated and didn’t know what he wanted to do after he was caught. Well, that was answer enough. If he didn’t immediately know he couldn’t live with himself if he ever did anything like that again, that would be it. In this case, that would probably take more changes than are likely, but I’m not there so I can’t know that. You need advice from a priest or a pastoral counselor a priest suggests to you as having sufficient competence to guide you rightly.
 
so i went to my priest. He is the one who baptized e and also married us. He knows about the past cheating and now this. I dont feel comfortanle talking to him. with all due restpect my priest irritates me. I went to my priest to tell him what has happend ans he want to see me and my husband in a meeting. its so hard to see my husband once a week at the marriage counseling session now twice a week? i was always taught to respect any priest and do as they say. i do. I went to him to open up and to tell him my feelings. I feel that he is not sensitive to my feelings. just today he calls me and says that he wants to meet up with me and my husband and i told him that its hard for me to see my husband…prist says “you are not be foward about this”. Then he says that maybe we should not the meeting at all…then says that why i havent been answering my husbands phone calls. really father?i feel like he talked me into marrying my husband using scriptures and what not. what part of trust do you not understand father?
i never been so mad at a priest till now. what do i do now? right now i just want to get divorce. can i see another priest from another church?
 
jane79 said:
so i went to my priest. He is the one who baptized e and also married us. He knows about the past cheating and now this. I dont feel comfortanle talking to him. with all due restpect my priest irritates me. I went to my priest to tell him what has happend ans he want to see me and my husband in a meeting. its so hard to see my husband once a week at the marriage counseling session now twice a week? i was always taught to respect any priest and do as they say. i do. I went to him to open up and to tell him my feelings. I feel that he is not sensitive to my feelings. just today he calls me and says that he wants to meet up with me and my husband and i told him that its hard for me to see my husband…prist says “you are not be foward about this”. Then he says that maybe we should not the meeting at all…then says that why i havent been answering my husbands phone calls. really father?i feel like he talked me into marrying my husband using scriptures and what not. what part of trust do you not understand father?
i never been so mad at a priest till now. what do i do now? right now i just want to get divorce. can i see another priest from another church?
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I think the priest you saw wasn’t trying to trample on your feelings but really wants to try and open up communication with you and your husband which (not to be mean) you need to do before filing for divorce or annulment.

I know you are angry and hurt but you will not be able to simply run away from this; after all you’ve already mentioned how the past is coming back to haunt you.

Try putting some faith in the priest and try to trust he really wants to help and is looking out for your best interests. He knows you and your past and might be able to offer a lot of help.

You can go to another priest if you want, but do not expect too different of a reaction. Anyone with good advice to give is going to recommend you work on your problems with your husband and reconcile if at all possible. Make divorce or annulment a very last resort.
 
What to do what to do…ive been visiting the Blessed Sacrament every other day. I cried a lot. Im not ready to work it out. Im feeling that I dont want to work it out. My husband still wants me back. I dont blame him. I Am a good women who is hard to find.
I just want to be alone now. Trust is gone.
 
If you’ve been in marraige counseling and nothing is changing, then talking to your priest as a couple probably won’t help either. I know that the Church teaches that once you’re married, then that won’t change. I mean, they teach against divorce. From my own heart, I suggest a “trial” separation. Maybe if your husband is reallly confronted with the idea of losing you, he might change. But, at the same time, don’t hold your breath.

Find another priest you are comfortable talking to if you’re really uncomfortable with your regular priest. But Ithink talking with your own priest is the first to try. If he knows the situation, if he truly understands what’s going on, he may give you better advice than another round of counseling. Be strong for yourself. If you can be strong enough to show your husband that you can’t be pushed around like this, he may bak off.

I’ll keep you in my prayaers, and I really hope that this situation is dealt with quickly and for the best interest of both parties.
 
I’m sorry to hear about your circumstances and I have little advice to give, but it does come from experience. I do know for certain that it was through Eucharistic Adoration and the frequenting of sacraments that saved us and our marriage. I know that forgiveness is the conscious effort of letting go and letting God take care of it. It is not the act of becoming a doormat and letting yourself get trampled. To reinforce not getting trampled on; some special rules, agreements and compromises were made as a set of standards in order to cure problems, rebuild trust, and fall in love again. My wife is one of the most incredible women you’ll ever get the chance to meet, and to her I am eternally grateful. Take care and know that God is there.

Joe
 
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