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apromisemade
Guest
How do you forgive someone who doesn’t seem to think they’ve done anything wrong? And, for arguments sake, let’s say said someone is your mother.
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Blade_and_Blood
Guest
Talk to her. Try to understand her side; the entire situation in a bigger picture other than your own point of view. Then, let it heal in Time.
You can’t force yourself to forgive, however, forgiveness is certainly goal within reach.
Ironically Yours, Blade and Blood
You can’t force yourself to forgive, however, forgiveness is certainly goal within reach.
Ironically Yours, Blade and Blood
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Pray4Life
Guest
What the offending party (for argument’s sake, your mother, but it doesn’t really matter who it is) thinks is irrelevant. Forgiveness does not depend on the attitude of the person being forgiven. Look at God. He offers His forgiveness even to those obstinate in mortal sin. They may not accept, because they do not think they have done/are doing wrong, but the forgiveness is still there and still real, if they choose to take it. So you should imitate your Father in heaven; forgive your mother, understanding she may never accept that forgiveness because her blindness on this subject, but let it always be there. Let go of anger, for the love of our Lord.
It is difficult and frustrating to do this, we are only human, we want the other guy (gal) to say, yeah, I did wrong. It’s hard. Some wounds are already going to take a long time to heal without the other person pretending not to notice. If that is the hypothetical situation, I really feel for that person.
On a side note, do you like the Phantom of the Opera, by chance?
That is a beautiful song to quote from, it’s in my regular ipod rotation (the movie version, I know a lot of people hate that one but I just love Emmy Rossum’s voice, probably spelled her name wrong though!)
It is difficult and frustrating to do this, we are only human, we want the other guy (gal) to say, yeah, I did wrong. It’s hard. Some wounds are already going to take a long time to heal without the other person pretending not to notice. If that is the hypothetical situation, I really feel for that person.
On a side note, do you like the Phantom of the Opera, by chance?
That is a beautiful song to quote from, it’s in my regular ipod rotation (the movie version, I know a lot of people hate that one but I just love Emmy Rossum’s voice, probably spelled her name wrong though!)
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apromisemade
Guest
Thank you for your wisdom and empathy. It means more than you’ll ever know.What the offending party (for argument’s sake, your mother, but it doesn’t really matter who it is) thinks is irrelevant. Forgiveness does not depend on the attitude of the person being forgiven. Look at God. He offers His forgiveness even to those obstinate in mortal sin. They may not accept, because they do not think they have done/are doing wrong, but the forgiveness is still there and still real, if they choose to take it. So you should imitate your Father in heaven; forgive your mother, understanding she may never accept that forgiveness because her blindness on this subject, but let it always be there. Let go of anger, for the love of our Lord.
It is difficult and frustrating to do this, we are only human, we want the other guy (gal) to say, yeah, I did wrong. It’s hard. Some wounds are already going to take a long time to heal without the other person pretending not to notice. If that is the hypothetical situation, I really feel for that person.
On a side note, do you like the Phantom of the Opera, by chance?
I do like Phantom of the Opera to
. I listen to that song a lot. Not only is it beautiful but it is about letting go and moving forward. Which can be so hard when, as you said, everyone around you doesn’t understand what the problem is.
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PhilotheaZ
Guest
Forgiveness is not a feeling or emotion. It is possible to forgive and yet still feel the hurt.
If you forgive someone, it means that you are not allowing the injury to make you want harm to come to the offender. You desire their welfare and conversion.
A good sign that you have forgiven (or are in the process of doing so) is that you are able to pray for them.
I heard recently that if you are having trouble forgiving, you can pray: “Lord, help me to forgive.” If that is too difficult, “Lord, give me the desire to forgive.” If even that is too difficult, “Lord, give me the desire to desire to forgive,” etc.
If you forgive someone, it means that you are not allowing the injury to make you want harm to come to the offender. You desire their welfare and conversion.
A good sign that you have forgiven (or are in the process of doing so) is that you are able to pray for them.
I heard recently that if you are having trouble forgiving, you can pray: “Lord, help me to forgive.” If that is too difficult, “Lord, give me the desire to forgive.” If even that is too difficult, “Lord, give me the desire to desire to forgive,” etc.
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Marycruz
Guest
Forgiveness is not easy, but with prayer and courage you can do it and it will get easier with time, trust me
Most of the time in situations where the person doesn’t seem to think they’ve done anything wrong, trying to convince them of the contrary can be mission impossible (and a frustrating experience). However, what you can easily do is pray for the strength to forgive that person.
Try to follow Jesus’ example:
"Then Jesus said, ‘Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing.’ " - Luke 23:34
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DebChris
Guest
Sometimes we have been hurt so deeply that it is humanly impossible to forgive. That is when we call on God and allow Him to forgive through us.
As others have said, there may still be pain. Forgiveness itself is often a process, not a one time act. So what if the other person does not recognize the harm they have caused?
“Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do.”
Forgiveness lifts the burden of bitterness and resentment from our own shoulders. Forgiveness allows us to live the life to which we have been called. It allows us to heal.
There is a story of 2 monks who were traveling. They were given instructions to talk to nobody along the way. Along the journey, they came to a swollen river. There was an old man who did not have the strength to cross the river. The first monk, Bob, picked up the old man and carried him across the river. The 2 monks continued on their way. After a mile or two, Herman, the second monk finally spoke out and reprimanded Bob because he had carried the old man across the river. Bob replied. “I left him at the side of the river. Why are you still carrying him?”
As others have said, there may still be pain. Forgiveness itself is often a process, not a one time act. So what if the other person does not recognize the harm they have caused?
“Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do.”
Forgiveness lifts the burden of bitterness and resentment from our own shoulders. Forgiveness allows us to live the life to which we have been called. It allows us to heal.
There is a story of 2 monks who were traveling. They were given instructions to talk to nobody along the way. Along the journey, they came to a swollen river. There was an old man who did not have the strength to cross the river. The first monk, Bob, picked up the old man and carried him across the river. The 2 monks continued on their way. After a mile or two, Herman, the second monk finally spoke out and reprimanded Bob because he had carried the old man across the river. Bob replied. “I left him at the side of the river. Why are you still carrying him?”
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brigid12
Guest
Pray and decide, knowing that He will give you the grace necessary. Remember, He forgives us as we have forgiven one another.
Be aware that forgiving a person who is close to you (especially if you’ve known each other a long time) is like peeling an onion. Just when you think its done, more shows up. That’s being human - but He can do it.
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withwind
Guest
This is, to me, very difficult, but it helps me more nowadays when I take time reflecting on my own sins and how that defends the Lord but His mercy keeps on loving me. The more we see ourselves the way God sees us, the more we love others despite of their shortcomings. So, friend…pray that you see yourself the way God sees you. [This is what my bishop had taught me.]
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brigid12
Guest
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Tepeyac
Guest
I’ve found it helpful to make frequent Acts of Love always ending them with a prayer to love my neighbor as I love myself. Also to pray “Lord, please help me to forgive others the way you forgive us.”. Another thing that has been really helpful, but also more difficult, is to name the offending person in my prayers. For example I’ll say an Our Father and Hail Mary for so-and-so and within the Hail Mary insert the name, “…pray for so-and-so and us sinners”. It’s difficult when you’re really hurt but I think it helps in the long term. Sort of like naming a fear.
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IrishAm
Guest
Pray for your enemies. Really. Even if you don’t mean a word you say. Just make a commitment that every morning you say, “Lord, with these words I pray for the soul and well-being of ________.” Then let God handle the rest.
(And it isn’t my mother I’ve been praying for this Lent. But the graces that have come **my **way in the praying for, let’s say, my ex-husband, have been lovely and surprising. I don’t know if he has allowed any graces into his life, nor will I ever know that, but my life is overflowing with God’s love. Wish I had started the prayer sooner. Might have saved myself a lot of heartache.)
(And it isn’t my mother I’ve been praying for this Lent. But the graces that have come **my **way in the praying for, let’s say, my ex-husband, have been lovely and surprising. I don’t know if he has allowed any graces into his life, nor will I ever know that, but my life is overflowing with God’s love. Wish I had started the prayer sooner. Might have saved myself a lot of heartache.)
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DebChris
Guest
If we are waiting for the other person to acknowledge their guilt, are we focusing on the act committed or on our need to forgive?
By forgiving, we move our focus from ourselves and our own pain to the other person. This opens the door to understanding and compassion, even when there is no reconciliation. Reconciliation can only occur when one person reaches out to the other and the gesture is returned. It is our forgiveness that makes reconciliation, reaching out to the person who may have a grievous against us, possible. Our forgiveness removes the grievance we have against the other person.
“To err is human, to forgive divine.” Ask for the divine help you need. IrishAm’s prayer is a beautiful way to ask for that help.
By forgiving, we move our focus from ourselves and our own pain to the other person. This opens the door to understanding and compassion, even when there is no reconciliation. Reconciliation can only occur when one person reaches out to the other and the gesture is returned. It is our forgiveness that makes reconciliation, reaching out to the person who may have a grievous against us, possible. Our forgiveness removes the grievance we have against the other person.
“To err is human, to forgive divine.” Ask for the divine help you need. IrishAm’s prayer is a beautiful way to ask for that help.
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