Trying experience waiting for confession

[C.Ray]

I had a very trying experience with confession this weekend, and I am not sure how to feel about it. I hope someone here with greater wisdom and experience will have some helpful advice.

I am new to the area and this was my first experience with confession at this parish. It is an older church, very small and intimate. The confessional at the rear has a door with a large glass window, so you can see the penitent if you happen to look in that direction. I was the first penitent to arrive; I entered the church, and the door was open and the confessional empty, but I wanted to spend a little time recollecting my transgressions before going in, so I took a pew about four rows up from the confessional.

As I prepared, someone slinked into the church and straight away dashed into the confessional. Shortly after hearing the door close, I could hear their voice, laughing, giggling, and at times very loudly describing their sins, feelings, and also many other trivial details completely unnecessary for a good confession. This went on for twenty minutes.

It went on for twenty minutes. Twenty minutes. 20. Minutes.

It is fine by me that the Lord should teach me patience. But I lost my patience, and periodically peeped my head into the window, catching the penitent’s notice, and hoping this would spur this person to wrap up their therapy session. Anyways it made me irritable and angry… angry that the penitent would do this, and that the priest would indulge it, when there were others waiting their turn. I mentioned so much to him. It was an awkwardly silent moment for us.

I would like very much to have a chuckle at this experience, but it still gets my hackles up when I think about it.

 

[LawyersGunsAndMoney]

Yeah, that’s annoying. Not sure what else there is to say about it.

I think it’s fine to admit that you were annoyed, but at some point you’ll have to just let it go.

 

[angel12]

But I lost my patience, and periodically peeped my head into the window, catching the penitent’s notice,

My advice would be to look the beam in your own eye, frankly.

• How would you feel if someone kept looking in at you while you were confessing?
  If you were four rows up, how do you know that this person “slinked” into the church?
• Since you don’t know this person at all, how do you know what they may be going through; whether they may have emotional or mental issues; what may be necessary in their case for a good confession?
• Did you consider moving further away in order to respect this person’s privacy?

It is fine by me that the Lord should teach me patience.

Your reaction indicates otherwise. Personally, I would apologize to the priest at the next opportunity.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

The correct behavior when someone is confessing so loud that you can hear them is for you to move farther away from the confessional. You do not want to be overhearing someone’s confession. If you do that you are bound by the seal of confession and frankly, I just don’t want to be privy to someone else’s sins. Sometimes priests who are aware that voices can carry depending on the design of the confessional will tell the person to speak more softly, other times it’s an old person with hearing impairment or someone who gets into a heated or excited conversation with the priest and isn’t going to be responsive to a request to lower their voice.

You should NEVER approach the confessional when you know someone is in it. The general etiquette is to remain at least 10-20 feet away. You knew there was a person there, so there was no reason for you to be peeking at them to show impatience. Many confessionals do not have a window to peep through - the church I frequently use has curtains across the opening that end about a foot from the floor so there is no way a person could see you unless you put your head under the curtain - and others have a window but it is facing the back of the kneeling person’s head so they cannot see you. In any event, windows if any are there for the safety of the priest and penitent so that no one will either be committing nor accusing anyone of committing untoward acts in the confessional. They are NOT there for you to peep through unless you thought someone was in serious physical danger or medical distress.

In the future, if you wish to make sure you get to confess during the allotted time and not have a long wait, go straight into the confessional. Do not take time to kneel in the pew beforehand and examine your conscience. Do that BEFORE confession time. Because even if someone doesn’t take up 20 minutes, you may have 5 other people arrive and all line up while you are collecting your thoughts in the pew, and then even if each of them takes 5 minutes you will be waiting for 25 minutes to get in there.

 

[C.Ray]

look the beam in your own eye, frankly.

I am well rebuked. But please know that I also rebuke myself in this too; I am conflicted because I don’t think this experience was at all proper, and was something I’ve never before experienced. Hence, I am conflicted, and that is why I’ve taken some time to post about it in the hopes for receiving some practical advice. But your admonishment is well taken.

If you were four rows up, how do you know that this person “slinked” into the church?

As I mentioned, it is a small, intimate church, and it was not hard to hear their movements. For the same reason, there was nowhere to go to give this person more space. In fact at first I though the voice was coming from the sacristy, but actually it was just echoing off the walls. It was loud.

How would you feel if someone kept looking in at you while you were confessing?

Personally, it would tell me I was maybe taking advantage, and should consider perhaps making a private appointment.

Personally, I would apologize to the priest at the next opportunity.

I’ll consider that.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

But please know that I also rebuke myself in this too; I am conflicted because I don’t think this experience was at all proper, and was something I’ve never before experienced.

It’s fairly normal for some people to take up a lot of time in the confessional. Those of us who regularly confess have all run into this, and while it is frustrating, it is going to continue to happen.

That is why those of us who really want to make sure we get to confession will attempt to arrive at the beginning of the confession time and go straight in, or else accept the fact that we may get shut out if the priest runs out of time. And also try to take advantage of any confession time where a lot of priests are present or where there is less likely to be a big line (some churches are extremely busy and others not so much).

It is improper for you to suggest, hint, gesture or do anything else to tell somebody else how to handle their confession (make an appointment etc). It’s just not your business, or mine either when it has happened to me. It is something we need to offer up, and try to time or arrange our confessions so that we avoid this situation as much as possible, though it’s still going to happen occasionally by the luck of the draw.