Trying to be attractive to others when married

[reclaimed]

I try to be attractive to other women even though I am happily married. Sometimes I’ll try to look my best before I go into the bank. Sometimes I’ll feel guilty if excuses to meet them crop up… like if there are two lanes (assuming the lines are pretty much the same) do I go to the one with the pretty cashier or the not so pretty cashier? I have no impure intentions aside from maybe polite chit chat or saying something humorous. Is this sinful or is it just human nature??

 

[ohioszo]

My parents will be celebrating their 65th year of wedded bliss. He received birthday cards from the bank with all of the tellers signatures. I don’t think that is done these days, with woman having the positions of managers. I would suggest that you see all people as equal in beauty, or find Christ in your fellow men. You are either rather old fashionably sexist, or, are looking for another woman, as my dad says when I suggest buying him some new clothes … I.e. he doesn’t care how he looks!

When he does “dress up” he does it for us, and on Sundays, for Mass. He’ll change if we ask him.

 

[JRKH]

I try to be attractive to other women even though I am happily married. Sometimes I’ll try to look my best before I go into the bank. Sometimes I’ll feel guilty if excuses to meet them crop up… like if there are two lanes (assuming the lines are pretty much the same) do I go to the one with the pretty cashier or the not so pretty cashier? I have no impure intentions aside from maybe polite chit chat or saying something humorous. Is this sinful or is it just human nature??

I don’t think that there is anything serious here but I would point out a couple of things.

You say that you try to be “attractive to other women”…Why?? I believe it when you say that you are appily married etc, but what is the reason behind wanting to be “Attractive to women”??
It’s one thing to be conscious of how you look and trying to look your best just in general, but when it is for the specific purpose of being attractive to the opposite sex, then I must say that it sounds like you are trying to have your selfish ego stroked by the female attention and - more seriously - you are courting the “near occasion of sin”…The goal is polite chit chat now but who knows what the future holds if you “hit if off” with the someone…could be a slippery slope.

As to your second question, go to the line with the not so pretty girl. If you treat her as if she is pretty, you will make her day, and you will assure yourself of being less “tempted”.

Are you being sinful?? Nope, not from what you’ve said.
Unless it be the sin of Pride.

Peace
James

 

[HeWillProvide]

If I learned my dad was trying to “be attractive to other women,” I’d be completely disturbed and hurt.

 

[thirdworld]

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with trying to look attractive, I think that’s natural. Unless you’re being immodest…

 

[angelerulastiel]

It’s the “to other women” that makes me nervous. If you asked if trying to look attractive is a sin, I’d say no. But when you throw “to other women” in there, there’s something off about that.

 

[06convert]

I’ll say that harmless flirting usually doesn’t have strings or other motives attached to it. Trying to get other women to notice you and be attracted to you seems like a motive, so you might want to be careful. There is such a thing as emotional cheating.

Here is a quick check. Use one or all of them to see if you might be crossing the line.

1. If you told your wife what you were doing, how would she feel? Or if you did this in front of your wife, how would she feel. It’s important to consider her when you do things.
2. Would someone standing to the side witnessing this think that it’s harmless or that you were trying for more?
3. Is there a chance the person you are flirting with will think you are interested in more?
4. Would telling the person you are flirting with that you are married spoil your fun?

It’s not sinful to look nice, but going out of your way to dress up for the bankers is kind of odd, maybe instead dress up and take your wife to dinner? Just a thought.

 

[Aboveallbereal]

Entirely natural and normal. I am unmarried and consequently celibate but I am aware I am not ugly and am relatively attractive. I love to flirt with women and regard such behaviour as perfectly gentlemanly and acceptable. Indeed it boosts the conficence of women tobe thought worth fllirting with and does no harm given I have no intention of trying to bed them.

Don’t worry about what does not need to be worried about.

 

[PatriceA]

I try to be attractive to other women even though I am happily married. Sometimes I’ll try to look my best before I go into the bank. Sometimes I’ll feel guilty if excuses to meet them crop up… like if there are two lanes (assuming the lines are pretty much the same) do I go to the one with the pretty cashier or the not so pretty cashier? I have no impure intentions aside from maybe polite chit chat or saying something humorous. Is this sinful or is it just human nature??

I would say your conscious has already told you this can be an area of sin for you by you saying you feel guilty if excuses to meet pretty women crop up. Better to be attractive for your wife, if other people notice, that’s just an added bonus.