Trying to decide if I sinned or not

[Cimachol]

Yesterday (Sunday) my wife and I had plans to go to a wedding. I’d gone to Mass the night before, but our kids prefer the youth-oriented Mass, so the plan was that our eldest, who is an adult, would drive them to church at that time. Unfortunately, one of my kids came down with a stomach flu. I reasoned that missing Mass because of the flu is legitimate, and staying home to take care of a sick child is legitimate, so the kids ended up not going to Mass.

Now I’m second-guessing myself. Should I have skipped the wedding to watch my sick child so that the other kids could attend Mass? I felt some obligation to go to the wedding, since we had RSVP’d, but now I wonder if I messed up by not putting my obligation to have my kids attend Mass ahead of a social obligation. But sometimes I can be a bit scrupulous.

 

[Convert_in_99]

Yesterday (Sunday) my wife and I had plans to go to a wedding. I’d gone to Mass the night before, but our kids prefer the youth-oriented Mass, so the plan was that our eldest, who is an adult, would drive them to church at that time. Unfortunately, one of my kids came down with a stomach flu. I reasoned that missing Mass because of the flu is legitimate, and staying home to take care of a sick child is legitimate, so the kids ended up not going to Mass.

Now I’m second-guessing myself. Should I have skipped the wedding to watch my sick child so that the other kids could attend Mass? I felt some obligation to go to the wedding, since we had RSVP’d, but now I wonder if I messed up by not putting my obligation to have my kids attend Mass ahead of a social obligation. But sometimes I can be a bit scrupulous.

I vote it’s your scrupulosity!

I am VERY glad you kept your sick children at home. You had no idea they’d get sick. And since they DID get sick you were permitted to stay home and care for them. The flu can be devastating if a pregnant mother, elderly person, or those with comprised immune systems caught it. In other words you did the morally RIGHT thing by not exposing at risk persons to a potentially serious illness! So be at peace!

 

[Cimachol]

I vote it’s your scrupulosity!

I am VERY glad you kept your sick children at home. You had no idea they’d get sick. And since they DID get sick you were permitted to stay home and care for them. The flu can be devastating if a pregnant mother, elderly person, or those with comprised immune systems caught it. In other words you did the morally RIGHT thing by not exposing at risk persons to a potentially serious illness! So be at peace!

I appreciate the vote of confidence, but perhaps my first post wasn’t clear on the scenario. Only one of my kids was sick; the others were healthy. The issue was that I had a choice to go to a wedding as planned, having already attended Mass myself, or staying home from the wedding so my eldest son could drive his other siblings to Church while I watched the sick one. I’m worried that, in choosing to go to the wedding as planned and allowing my children who weren’t sick to miss Mass, I did the wrong thing.

On the other hand, I had made a commitment to be at the wedding and had tried to make arrangements for my kids to go to Mass; it just didn’t work out. I’m not sure what Jesus would have done.

 

[bitterhope]

Things like this happen all the time. You didn’t make your kids miss Mass, the sick child’s illness made them miss. Illnesses can’t be planned out ahead of time. You did the best you could and God understands. You went to an earlier Mass in order to attend a wedding planned out ahead of time. The kids planned on attending their preferred Mass but illness struck. Just say a thanksgiving prayer that you have a young adult child that is caring enough and responsible enough to trust with his/her siblings like that. You obviously have instilled a love of God and family in their hearts. Good job!

 

[misspriss]

And also, the fact that one of your kids has a stomach flu, the others may be carriers anyway (as you are generally contagious with illnesses before showing symptoms) so I would have kept all children living in the same household home anyway, since that is how things go at our house…

 

[Antegin]

I appreciate the vote of confidence, but perhaps my first post wasn’t clear on the scenario. Only one of my kids was sick; the others were healthy. The issue was that I had a choice to go to a wedding as planned, having already attended Mass myself, or staying home from the wedding so my eldest son could drive his other siblings to Church while I watched the sick one. I’m worried that, in choosing to go to the wedding as planned and allowing my children who weren’t sick to miss Mass, I did the wrong thing.

On the other hand, I had made a commitment to be at the wedding and had tried to make arrangements for my kids to go to Mass; it just didn’t work out. I’m not sure what Jesus would have done.

There’s no expectation that you’re going to abandon the sick child for mass or send the other young’ns off on their own. BTW wasn’t the wedding you went to part of a mass?

 

[UbiCaritas]

As others have mentioned, stomach viruses can be contagious before symptoms show up. Stomach viruses can be particularly deadly to newborns and infants; they get dehydrated fast.

I wouldn’t have let the other kids go to Mass, either. Leaving aside anything else, even if you knew for a fact that they weren’t getting sick, kids aren’t exactly great at hygiene at the best of times, and could easily transmit something via touching common surfaces.

FWIW, a few weeks ago I discovered on a Sunday morning that DD, a toddler, threw up in the middle of the night. (I guess she threw up and went back to sleep…? I heard nothing on the monitor!) She had already been showing cold symptoms, and I wasn’t sure if this was another symptom (upset tummy due to mucus?) or an additional twist (food poisoning/GI bug). However, we have a lot of babies and elderly people at our church. We all stayed home that day. If I knew then what I know now (it was a one-time thing, almost certainly tummy upset because of the cold) then DH and I would have taken turns staying with her and going to Mass. (Neither of us had the cold at that point.) However, I had no way of knowing that at the time, so I made a judgment call–that we’d all stay home so as to not risk infecting the people around us. Although it turned out to be an unnecessary precaution, I couldn’t know that for sure at the time, so I made the right call with the information I had.

 

[EasterJoy]

You did the best you could at the time. It is worth examining your conscience when you are uncertain if you did the right thing, but don’t beat yourself up when you made the best choice you could for charitable reasons.

You did not teach your children anything wrong. One adult stayed home to take care of a sick child, the others kept their commitment made in good faith to a bride and a groom, and so the situation could not really be helped.

 

[runningdude]

Yesterday (Sunday) my wife and I had plans to go to a wedding. I’d gone to Mass the night before, but our kids prefer the youth-oriented Mass, so the plan was that our eldest, who is an adult, would drive them to church at that time. Unfortunately, one of my kids came down with a stomach flu. I reasoned that missing Mass because of the flu is legitimate, and staying home to take care of a sick child is legitimate, so the kids ended up not going to Mass.

Now I’m second-guessing myself. Should I have skipped the wedding to watch my sick child so that the other kids could attend Mass? I felt some obligation to go to the wedding, since we had RSVP’d, but now I wonder if I messed up by not putting my obligation to have my kids attend Mass ahead of a social obligation. But sometimes I can be a bit scrupulous.

You did not sin. Things happen.

 

[Cimachol]

Thanks for all the responses. I spent much of my adult life making excuses for my sins and have been trying to do better in recent years. Sometimes I have trouble finding that middle ground between scrupulosity and self-justification.

 

[MomaMary8]

Thanks for all the responses. I spent much of my adult life making excuses for my sins and have been trying to do better in recent years. Sometimes I have trouble finding that middle ground between scrupulosity and self-justification.

Do you have a regular confessor? You should take these issues to a priest and let him help you sort these sorts of things out. We are Internet posters and not qualified to determine such things for you.

 

[Cimachol]

Do you have a regular confessor? You should take these issues to a priest and let him help you sort these sorts of things out. We are Internet posters and not qualified to determine such things for you.

Ironically, the last time I tried to discuss with a priest whether I’d sinned or not, he basically said it was up to me to figure out before coming to confession.

 

[porthos11]

Ironically, the last time I tried to discuss with a priest whether I’d sinned or not, he basically said it was up to me to figure out before coming to confession.

If this is what your priest said, and you trust him, then I would say proceed with the assumption that you have NOT sinned.