Trying to decide when to tell about pregnancy

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Cariethra

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I found out I’m expecting a few weeks ago. I’ll be about 7 1/2-8 weeks on Christmas. I’ve been avoiding telling family. I really didn’t want to tell everyone to only fine that I’m losing another one. I also don’t get the best reception from my husband’s family with any pregnancy.

However, I’ve been so sick that I don’t think I can hide it during the festivities. I don’t mind telling my family. My mom hates it when I get pregnant, because I get so sickly and have had a lot of complications. None the less she loves her grandchildren all 14 now going on 15 of them (3 are mine). My dad likes being grandpa and will have similar worries. There isn’t anything bad about telling them. It just don’t like the attention or sympathy when things go wrong.

My eldest sister did a similar thing with her second to last child. She had two miscarriages in a row (the second of which we found out about when she told us of the new pregnancy). We are similar in the fact that we don’t like pity parties.

My in-laws are another can of fish. My father in-law is the warmest when it comes to us having children. But everyone else are almost negative about it (one person being extremely so). It has taken 2 years for my son to be treated fairly by my husband’s grandmother. When I was pregnant with him I got an, “Oh, that’s too bad. Lilian won’t get as much attention.” I actually went away and cried after that. My husband was pissed and now doesn’t want to tell his family about this pregnancy. He said that he doesn’t want to tell them until July (the baby is due Aug 3rd). This isn’t really possible because we see them often.

I’m not sure if I should only bring it up if someone asks if I’m feeling alright, or if I should just say that I’m fine and end it there. Really I just want a pregnancy where I can be happy and not feel guilty for wanting to have children.

Any suggestions or incite would be appreciated.
 
You don’t owe anyone an explanation when it comes to your body. If you’re sick, just say you aren’t feeling well and leave it at that. I’m a private person myself, so I get it.

I wouldn’t tell until at least the end of the first trimester, because of the miscarriage issue. Beyond that, it really comes down to when you’re comfortable. If someone is upset about not hearing sooner, you can just have your husband politely say “We wanted to keep it between us because we know how you feel about us expanding our family”. That should be enough to shut them up and make them think twice before commenting on your children or future children in a negative way again.
 
Oh, and CONGRATULATIONS!!! :extrahappy::extrahappy::extrahappy:
 
Cariethra said:
I found out I’m expecting a few weeks ago. I’ll be about 7 1/2-8 weeks on Christmas. I’ve been avoiding telling family. I really didn’t want to tell everyone to only fine that I’m losing another one. I also don’t get the best reception from my husband’s family with any pregnancy.

However, I’ve been so sick that I don’t think I can hide it during the festivities. I don’t mind telling my family. My mom hates it when I get pregnant, because I get so sickly and have had a lot of complications. None the less she loves her grandchildren all 14 now going on 15 of them (3 are mine). My dad likes being grandpa and will have similar worries. There isn’t anything bad about telling them. It just don’t like the attention or sympathy when things go wrong.

My eldest sister did a similar thing with her second to last child. She had two miscarriages in a row (the second of which we found out about when she told us of the new pregnancy). We are similar in the fact that we don’t like pity parties.

My in-laws are another can of fish. My father in-law is the warmest when it comes to us having children. But everyone else are almost negative about it (one person being extremely so). It has taken 2 years for my son to be treated fairly by my husband’s grandmother. When I was pregnant with him I got an, “Oh, that’s too bad. Lilian won’t get as much attention.” I actually went away and cried after that. My husband was pissed and now doesn’t want to tell his family about this pregnancy. He said that he doesn’t want to tell them until July (the baby is due Aug 3rd). This isn’t really possible because we see them often.

I’m not sure if I should only bring it up if someone asks if I’m feeling alright, or if I should just say that I’m fine and end it there. Really I just want a pregnancy where I can be happy and not feel guilty for wanting to have children.

Any suggestions or incite would be appreciated.
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I would wait until after the Holidays are over before telling either family you are expecting, then tell your family first. Tell your Father-in-Law first and let him tell the rest.
 
I agree with Blue Eyed Lady. Hold off till at least the end of the first trimester, maybe a little longer, through the fourth month if you don’t show much. After that, tell them at your leisure.

As for their reaction:
‘No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.’ -Eleanor Roosevelt

Congrats on the baby! And God bless you and your entire family. Hope everything goes really well!
 
Catholic1954 said:
I would wait until after the Holidays are over before telling either family you are expecting, then tell your family first. Tell your Father-in-Law first and let him tell the rest.
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This is right. If you don’t feel good, tell them you came down with some sort of stomach flu?

I wish you well 🙂
and congrats!
 
barboza21 said:
This is right. If you don’t feel good, tell them you came down with some sort of stomach flu?

I wish you well 🙂
and congrats!
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She probably doesn’t want to lie, but she has no obligation to say anything other than that she doesn’t feel well or is under the weather.
 
Cariethra said:

“However, I’ve been so sick that I don’t think I can hide it during the festivities. I don’t mind telling my family. My mom hates it when I get pregnant, because I get so sickly and have had a lot of complications. None the less she loves her grandchildren all 14 now going on 15 of them (3 are mine). My dad likes being grandpa and will have similar worries. There isn’t anything bad about telling them. It just don’t like the attention or sympathy when things go wrong.”

On the other hand, if you’re just randomly throwing up at Christmas, you’ll make people worried that they and their kids are all going to wind up with stomach flu from being around you, and thinking that you’ve been really thoughtless by coming to the party. If it does come up, please tell them, so they don’t spend the next couple weeks wondering.

“My in-laws are another can of fish. My father in-law is the warmest when it comes to us having children. But everyone else are almost negative about it (one person being extremely so). It has taken 2 years for my son to be treated fairly by my husband’s grandmother. When I was pregnant with him I got an, “Oh, that’s too bad. Lilian won’t get as much attention.” I actually went away and cried after that. My husband was pissed and now doesn’t want to tell his family about this pregnancy. He said that he doesn’t want to tell them until July (the baby is due Aug 3rd). This isn’t really possible because we see them often.”

Gah.

Is it realistic to dodge them for another 5 weeks? I would be very tempted.

“I’m not sure if I should only bring it up if someone asks if I’m feeling alright, or if I should just say that I’m fine and end it there. Really I just want a pregnancy where I can be happy and not feel guilty for wanting to have children.”

That is not unreasonable.
 
Thank you all for your responses. My husband and I are very happy about having another child.
Xantippe said:
On the other hand, if you’re just randomly throwing up at Christmas, you’ll make people worried that they and their kids are all going to wind up with stomach flu from being around you, and thinking that you’ve been really thoughtless by coming to the party. If it does come up, please tell them, so they don’t spend the next couple weeks wondering.
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This is exactly my concern. I’ve been able to quell it to a degree with ginger ale.

I think I’ll keep this plan for my family, if I’m really sick, I just let them know.

As for my husband’s family… I like your come back BlueEyedLady. I’ll keep that in mind when it comes time to tell them.
 
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