Trying to discern vocation - what to do in the meantime?

[SecretaryMonday]

I have been attracted to religious life since highschool (as a Protestant); I received Confirmation about 5 months ago and the attraction seems more serious now.
I probably need to be Catholic for a longer period of time before starting a discernment process. I have wanted to move out of my parents’ home for a while (I’m 27, its sad, I know ), but I have felt restricted, partly by not knowing what I might end up doing/becoming; a house is such a huge burden/responsibility, especially if I end up becoming a Sister and/or moving out-of-state. (My parents and I get along very well, I take care of the yardwork and other chores, I purchased a vehicle, and I have a job, so I’m not a total sponge.)
I am wondering if I should move out now and rent a home for a while to experience more independence, or do I stay with my family?

 

[Aelred_Minor]

I have been attracted to religious life since highschool (as a Protestant); I received Confirmation about 5 months ago and the attraction seems more serious now.
I probably need to be Catholic for a longer period of time before starting a discernment process. I have wanted to move out of my parents’ home for a while (I’m 27, its sad, I know ), but I have felt restricted, partly by not knowing what I might end up doing/becoming; a house is such a huge burden/responsibility, especially if I end up becoming a Sister and/or moving out-of-state. (My parents and I get along very well, I take care of the yardwork and other chores, I purchased a vehicle, and I have a job, so I’m not a total sponge.)
I am wondering if I should move out now and rent a home for a while to experience more independence, or do I stay with my family?

I can’t say what you should do, but some communties do recommend a person have some experience living and working on their own before joining. Men’s communties anyway.

Cool name by the way.

 

[constantconvert]

Well, you should probably talk with your parents about it. If everyone is happy with the situation, there’s really no reason to move.

 

[jpjd]

Why are you focused on renting a house? You could rent an apartment and have no maintenance responsibilities at all. You should talk to the vocations director of your diocese about your situation, and see what he has to say about the desirability of living with your parents vs on your own, during discernment.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I have been attracted to religious life since highschool (as a Protestant); I received Confirmation about 5 months ago and the attraction seems more serious now.
I probably need to be Catholic for a longer period of time before starting a discernment process. I have wanted to move out of my parents’ home for a while (I’m 27, its sad, I know ), but I have felt restricted, partly by not knowing what I might end up doing/becoming; a house is such a huge burden/responsibility, especially if I end up becoming a Sister and/or moving out-of-state. (My parents and I get along very well, I take care of the yardwork and other chores, I purchased a vehicle, and I have a job, so I’m not a total sponge.)
I am wondering if I should move out now and rent a home for a while to experience more independence, or do I stay with my family?

Have you contacted a vocations director yet? You might tell that person that you had a calling even as a Protestant, which might give you a little more credit in terms of your faith journey and time spent as a Catholic. That you are following God’s call to become a religious sister and that call led you to become a Catholic.

Anyway, I think you should start by talking to your priest and then the diocese vocations office. That way, you will get a list of requirements and you won’t have to wonder any more.

God bless you!

 

[SecretaryMonday]

Cool name by the way.

Thank you, its from G.K. Chesterton’s “The Man Who Was Thursday”.

Well, you should probably talk with your parents about it. If everyone is happy with the situation, there’s really no reason to move.

We’ve had multiple conversations about this. While dad may jokingly say things like, “You’re still here?”, whenever I bring up the subject of moving out or at least paying rent I get “Why would you do that? This is your home.”

Why are you focused on renting a house? You could rent an apartment and have no maintenance responsibilities at all. You should talk to the vocations director of your diocese about your situation, and see what he has to say about the desirability of living with your parents vs on your own, during discernment.

True, though I have a small lawn care business and would need more storage/security than most apartments provide.

Have you contacted a vocations director yet?

Not yet; I brought up the topic of a religious vocation to my priest and he said he’d try to get me in contact with one.

You might tell that person that you had a calling even as a Protestant, which might give you a little more credit in terms of your faith journey and time spent as a Catholic. That you are following God’s call to become a religious sister and that call led you to become a Catholic.

Perhaps, though I didn’t consciously become Catholic in order to enter religious life. It never occurred to me to consider Catholicism until I began doing research to see if I should be a Calvinist or a Methodist, or at the very worst, an Episcopalian.

 

[Aelred_Minor]

Thank you, its from G.K. Chesterton’s “The Man Who Was Thursday”.

That’s why I picked that smiley. It’s you. Get it?

I was going to go with since the dark glasses also call to mind Saturday, but feared those who didn’t understand the reference would think I was being sarcastic.

Good luck with your discernment. Rereading your original post I realized that what you may have been getting at when you mentioned the burden/responsibility was your parents’ ability to keep up their house as they get older. I think this is something worth taking into consideration, whether your vocation might actually be to stay with them and gradually take over responsibility for the household as they get older. Then again most families these days don’t have that sort of thing, and there are a lot of good retirement communities and such if it’s easier for them down the road.

 

[SecretaryMonday]

SecretaryMonday;9315826:

Thank you, its from G.K. Chesterton’s “The Man Who Was Thursday”.

That’s why I picked that smiley. It’s you. Get it?

OH. You’re a policeman too, huh?

 

[jesusmylover]

According to me, no matter…

Because if you feel you are called, you have to be concentrated on that objective and have a spiritual or director father who could help you in your discernment.

So if you think you need more time to think about that by having your flat etc. you can, but don’t walk away from the objective : you vocational discernment.

God Bless You,

leandresz.com/en/

I have been attracted to religious life since highschool (as a Protestant); I received Confirmation about 5 months ago and the attraction seems more serious now.
I probably need to be Catholic for a longer period of time before starting a discernment process. I have wanted to move out of my parents’ home for a while (I’m 27, its sad, I know ), but I have felt restricted, partly by not knowing what I might end up doing/becoming; a house is such a huge burden/responsibility, especially if I end up becoming a Sister and/or moving out-of-state. (My parents and I get along very well, I take care of the yardwork and other chores, I purchased a vehicle, and I have a job, so I’m not a total sponge.)
I am wondering if I should move out now and rent a home for a while to experience more independence, or do I stay with my family?

 

[SecretaryMonday]

According to me, no matter…

Because if you feel you are called, you have to be concentrated on that objective and have a spiritual or director father who could help you in your discernment.

So if you think you need more time to think about that by having your flat etc. you can, but don’t walk away from the objective : you vocational discernment.

God Bless You,

leandresz.com/en/

Thanks!

 

[Poor_Clare_tobe]

I have been attracted to religious life since highschool (as a Protestant); I received Confirmation about 5 months ago and the attraction seems more serious now.
I probably need to be Catholic for a longer period of time before starting a discernment process. I have wanted to move out of my parents’ home for a while (I’m 27, its sad, I know ), but I have felt restricted, partly by not knowing what I might end up doing/becoming; a house is such a huge burden/responsibility, especially if I end up becoming a Sister and/or moving out-of-state. (My parents and I get along very well, I take care of the yardwork and other chores, I purchased a vehicle, and I have a job, so I’m not a total sponge.)
I am wondering if I should move out now and rent a home for a while to experience more independence, or do I stay with my family?

Hi to our New Catholic Friend!

As someone who converted so I could become a Nun, I so understand where you are coming from!
Yes there is a waiting period but there is no reason that you can’t begin discerning now! If your priest cant find the information for you (regarding a vocations director) you ought to be able to find the information by going to your diocese’s website. You may find as time goes on that you are in fact called to religious life or perhaps to marriage…

I*** wouldn’t be overly concerned with moving out of your home as you are most likely a help to your parents and also saving yourself money at the same time. (Don’t forget you will need to have your debts paid off…if any… I wouldn’t worry overmuch at this time about moving out… you have time on your side)***

If you do at a later date discern an actual vocation and contact a specific community then at that time the vocation directress would tell you what the community might wish to see (Such as a job …which you have or schooling or living on your own …requirements vary by community and in this day and age it isn’t necessarily a problem to have been living at home…especially in our tough economy)… at any rate good luck as you pray and discern where God is leading you.

Blessings!

Sr Debbie, O.S.C.

 

[SecretaryMonday]

Thank you for your response, Poor Clare tobe.
Right now I am thinking of investigating a Third Order, perhaps SFO. I don’t function extremely well in circumstances where I have to be deeply involved with many other people, and the idea of doing this daily for the rest of my life gives me far more panic than peace; it looks impossible, and possibly dangerous.

 

[Poor_Clare_tobe]

Thank you for your response, Poor Clare tobe.
Right now I am thinking of investigating a Third Order, perhaps SFO. I don’t function extremely well in circumstances where I have to be deeply involved with many other people, and the idea of doing this daily for the rest of my life gives me far more panic than peace; it looks impossible, and possibly dangerous.

Blessings… and take your time, there are many fine third orders out there (including the secular Franciscans of course) The secular orders also take a time commitment so again take your time. You will find there are many fine spiritual “helps” available in the Catholic life so get to know them and enjoy. ( I am still learning after over 35 years as a Catholic convert)

Blessings,

Sr Debbie

 

[jesusmylover]

You are welcome

Thanks!

 

[SecretaryMonday]

I did contact a few Orders that I admired, and I haven’t heard back from them, which is okay with me right now…I’m learning and remembering more about myself, and I don’t think I belong in such a setting, or at least not until I’ve done some growing and healing.

I was thinking of purchasing cheap housing closer to town so that I could experience independence, walk or bike to daily Mass, and also have a shorter commute to work. I seem to have so many decisions to make, it is a little overwhelming; I used to feel apathetic as though I didn’t have a future worth worrying about, but since becoming Catholic I’ve felt like “Life matters, I can go out and do something now”. But I don’t know where to start…there’s stuff that I should have done something about years ago, if I’d cared back then.

I’m looking at lots of options involving big changes right now, sorry to seem flighty. In a way I wish that I could do well as a Religious because the only thing I really love to do (besides writing nonsense and wasting time online) is church. Even when I’m able to go daily, it is not enough; I wish that I didn’t have to leave after Mass.

[/RANT]

 

[lifeandhope]

I love the spiritual exercises of Ignatius of Loyola. My favorite quote: “In times of desolation we must never make a change, but stand firm and constant in the resolution and determinations in which we were the day before the desolation, or in the time of preceding consolation.” I recently purchased a book called Discernment of Spirits that discuss the Ignatian thought.

The only thing I would add is that I moved out when I was done with high school and lived on my own for five years before I met my most wonderful husband and got married. That time was so valuable–I learned how to take care of myself, run a household (I rented a house and had no roommates), pay bills, make a dollar sstttrrrreeeettttttccccchhhh!!! I think I am a much better wife beause of the time I spend figuring out who I was apart from my parents.

Whatever you do, best wishes to you!

 

[SecretaryMonday]

I love the spiritual exercises of Ignatius of Loyola. My favorite quote: “In times of desolation we must never make a change, but stand firm and constant in the resolution and determinations in which we were the day before the desolation, or in the time of preceding consolation.” I recently purchased a book called Discernment of Spirits that discuss the Ignatian thought.

The only thing I would add is that I moved out when I was done with high school and lived on my own for five years before I met my most wonderful husband and got married. That time was so valuable–I learned how to take care of myself, run a household (I rented a house and had no roommates), pay bills, make a dollar sstttrrrreeeettttttccccchhhh!!! I think I am a much better wife beause of the time I spend figuring out who I was apart from my parents.

Whatever you do, best wishes to you!

Thank you…

 

[Cowboy2012]

Do not feel limited because you do not have your own place. The way you explained things, you help out a bit with your parents. The idea of having to be out on your own when you do not have a family is a modern idea. I understand well enough that there are reasons to be out on one’s own and that not all homelife is pretty. If your homelife is not detrimental to you or your parents, then that is a big indicator that you are doing well to stay there. Rentiing w/o a need to rent only would get a landlord richer.
Remember, Our Lord did not leave home till he was 30. Tradition says that St Joseph died before His public ministry, but quite probably when Our Lord was in His 20’s, meaning that there probably was a window that Our Lord could have been on His own before His public ministry but He was not. The idea that times change is not a sufficient reason to just leave(meaning some people think that you are not a real grownup if you don’t go out on your own when young.).
God bless.

CB

 

[SecretaryMonday]

Remember, Our Lord did not leave home till he was 30.

CB

And then Our Lord chose to become homeless and unemployed. (Forgive me )

I appreciate your perspective, CB. Moving out due to peer pressure to “be a grown up” is a more modern invention, perhaps especially for women.

 

[Attempto]

Omnia possum in Eo qui me confortat! (Phl 4:13)
I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

Before such decision person must consider. On your decision should not affect either your parents or your friends. You have to think and pray in a quiet place. So,you need to go away and pray.

You are in my prayers
God bless you
Iacobus -Attempto

Post Scriptum : I hope that my language is not too bad!