Trying to fix everything

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Student09

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I messed up my life a few years ago and am now trying to put it to right, and even though I know I’m doing the right thing and I feel relieved, it is very painful.

My boyfriend and I moved in together two years ago - both our families really encouraged this, I wish someone had warned me against it! - and then a year ago when I came to believe in Christ, we moved into separate bedrooms at my request but kept living together for various reasons (bad idea, I now realize). Anyway, we were engaged to be married this summer. A few weeks ago we agreed that we needed to call off the wedding, that we weren’t ready, etc, so we called it off, and he’s going to move out as soon as he finds a place to move to.

This is just such a painful situation to be in, especially because, once we called off the wedding, I realized that even though I love him, I don’t think he is really right for me. He still wants to get married. I am trying to deal with the pain of having made so many mistakes. And he’s still living here right now, so I don’t have the space to deal with all of this.

I’m not Catholic yet and I come from a non-Christian family, and I SO wish that somebody had told me, three years ago, that premarital relations was a sin, that cohabitation was a super bad idea, and so forth. But NO ONE told me! All my parents told me was to not get pregnant. :rolleyes: I just want to say that in this oversexed society, where the ideal of sexual responsibility is Planned Parenthood coming to school every year and passing out condoms to fourteen year olds, please please please talk to the teenagers in your family and tell them about sexual morality. I just can’t believe that nobody warned me.

But for all that, it’s my fault and I put myself in this situation. I feel lost and heartbroken right now. Please pray for me.
 
Praise be to God, that you are turning your life around–look at you! I know that when we make mistakes, it’s so easy to dwell on all that we did wrong, but you are making the right decision NOW, and so that is a step in a very positive direction. I also know that your bf and you are going to have some tough times ahead, it will be hard to live separately at first, when you have grown accustomed to how things have been. Rest assure that God is with you…He will help you when you are weak…where we cannot manage, He lifts us up. I encourage you to pray the Rosary…it is a beautiful way of asking Mary to pray for us and with us. The strength that I have received from the Rosary, is immeasurable. I will keep you in my prayers, hang in there…things will get better, easier. You are doing the right thing–be so thankful to God that He is leading you out of sin, and into the Light. Take His hand and allow Him to continue to show you all He has to offer. (((hugs)))
 
The fact that you have been so courageous through all of this to take the necessary steps to correct your situation shows to me that God is really working in you. You are an awesome witness to the Christian faith and the power of God’s grace.

I am a man, so I can’t exactly offer the most relevant advice to you, but seem to be doing well and so awesome. However, I can tell you that it is obvious that you guys need to separate for awhile, not to stop being friends or seeing each other, but just to allow each other to have your own space, and to think about these things, to talk about it with each other without feeling like you’re going to be kicked out.

I certainly will be praying for you.
 
It really stinks when people don’t tell you the truth (for whatever reason).

So glad you figured it out 👍. That’s the first step.
 
I admire you so much. It is difficult to do the right thing and you are mature enough to be making good decisions. Keep praying that you the Lord continues to lead you. He seems to be helping you see how you need to get onto the right path. Keep up the good work. We’ll pray for you.
 
It can be so difficult to do the right thing in the face of this oversexualized society–but there are other people out there who do feel the way you do. Not everyone had the benefit of someone giving them the truth, but the good news is you’ve figured it out on your own. You are very courageous, and this is quite admirable!
 
But for all that, it’s my fault and I put myself in this situation.
***not really. you were instructed wrongly by people you trusted to guide you. their guidance failed you. ***

I feel lost and yet, you’re not as you feel. your Heavenly Father has, like the prodigal’s Father, seen you from a long way off. he’s come out to meet you on the road to bring you home into his Truth.

and heartbroken your grief is real and natural. you’re losing so much of what you’ve previously counted on.

Please pray for me. ***will do. your guardian angel and many holy souls have been long praying for you. look how their prayers are being answered!

conversion is a life-long process. usually a person can only count on a very few of those powerful ‘Road to Damascus’ conversion experiences. the rest of our lives will consist of little conversions, little processes within the process. God is patient with us.

you’ve begun. sorting through all the wreckage of your misguided years takes time. God has made a good beginning of it in you. stay close to your Heavenly Father. follow His way for you. ***
 
Student09 said:
I messed up my life a few years ago and am now trying to put it to right, and even though I know I’m doing the right thing and I feel relieved, it is very painful.

My boyfriend and I moved in together two years ago - both our families really encouraged this, I wish someone had warned me against it! - and then a year ago when I came to believe in Christ, we moved into separate bedrooms at my request but kept living together for various reasons (bad idea, I now realize). Anyway, we were engaged to be married this summer. A few weeks ago we agreed that we needed to call off the wedding, that we weren’t ready, etc, so we called it off, and he’s going to move out as soon as he finds a place to move to.

This is just such a painful situation to be in, especially because, once we called off the wedding, I realized that even though I love him, I don’t think he is really right for me. He still wants to get married. I am trying to deal with the pain of having made so many mistakes. And he’s still living here right now, so I don’t have the space to deal with all of this.

I’m not Catholic yet and I come from a non-Christian family, and I SO wish that somebody had told me, three years ago, that premarital relations was a sin, that cohabitation was a super bad idea, and so forth. But NO ONE told me! All my parents told me was to not get pregnant. :rolleyes: I just want to say that in this oversexed society, where the ideal of sexual responsibility is Planned Parenthood coming to school every year and passing out condoms to fourteen year olds, please please please talk to the teenagers in your family and tell them about sexual morality. I just can’t believe that nobody warned me.

But for all that, it’s my fault and I put myself in this situation. I feel lost and heartbroken right now. Please pray for me.
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Sweet sister!
There is a party in heaven right now because of you.
Your sins are washed away. God too will heal the wounds. He restores what we think is impossible to be restored. As you live in chastity and time goes, you will feel like a whole new person who has been given a second chance. What has happend will become less and less part of you because you are a new creation in God. Just take real good care of your self from now on alright? temptation is not over because you have identified it

With Christ, the best is always to come. 👍
 
Thank you so much for all the kind replies.

Life looks a little better than when I last posted, though still painful and confusing. I do not know what is going to happen after we make the transition to living separately, but I’ve been reminded how much good has been mingled with the bad in our relationship. We have a lot of love, but it is tangled up right now with past errors and present problems of maturity for both of us. All I know right now is that I am determined, with God’s help, not to fall back into ignoring the problems we have or simply taking the path that looks easy.

What confuses me most is that for me it is hard to separate the good aspects of our relationship from all the things we have done wrong. So now I’m asking myself, do we have to throw *everything * out? Can we give ourselves time, and space from each other, and live chastely, but still be in each other’s lives and keep our options open? What if, having grown up a little more, we decide we do want to be married after all (going through the proper procedure this time)?

Is it naive to hope for that? Is it too late to purge the sins and rebuild on a more solid foundation?
 
Student,

you cannot know the future. but if you commend every moment of the past to God’s mercy, and if you can dedicate every moment of NOW to loving and obeying God, He will order your future to His perfect will.

so… if you can remain in friendship with the fellow while remaining in obedience to God, then do so. if you cannot be with the fellow without sinning, then remember what Jesus said about occasions of sin. He said even if our own eye or our own hand causes us to sin, we are to remove it from our lives.
 
Monicatholic, we have lived together in the same house in total abstinence for almost an entire year, and have both agreed how much better it has made our relationship. So can we spend time together without sinning? Yes! But will our relationship ever be free from the sins we committed in the past?
 
But will our relationship ever be free from the sins we committed in the past?
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look to the cross, Student. His Blood, poured out for us, assures us the answer is YES.
 
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