W
wirespider
Guest
First off, Let me say hi to everyone that hasn’t got a chance to see my post at “meet and greet”.
I am married with two children. I live in Pa where my father is from but my mother is from Seattle and Whidbey Island. She was raised strict Catholic. She raised her children Catholic.
My wife and I have been painfully dealing with my daughter since about August of 2011. She is 22 now. She is very beautiful and bright young lady but for some reason around the age of 20-21 I noticed she was getting desperate for a relationship with a guy. I think it was mostly due to peer pressure. I talked to her about it, gave her some advice and let it go.
Last summer (2011) she met a guy. We thought she met him for the first time at a local event but found out later she had been talking to him online before they met. She started a relationship with him and it quickly turned into an obsession. She started breaking some of the house rules. We talked to her about them but as she continued to push the envelope the talks became more aggressive then level headed (yes I’m at fault just as much as her).
Finally in September she broke the no sleeping together rule of the house by bundling up in a sleeping bag out in our yard and not coming in till the next morning. It pretty much came to a head that night with a huge argument with her telling us she should be able to sleep with whomever she wanted. After being up all night we called the church and sought help. We went that morning as a family and talked to our priest and a sister (Nun). He spoke with us and with her by himself in length and told us that he felt that we were doing everything possible and that she was making horrible decisions.
We had figured that she wanted to move in with him for about a month before the big blow up in September (remember she just met him in the summer). She confirmed that’s what she wanted and we expressed our disagreement with it. We did not tell her she was prevented from doing so (If she was 16 again we would’ve). She continued to see this guy all winter and our life’s where miserable. Finally in late February I was able to sit down with her and ask her why she was so miserable. She stated that she still wanted to move in with him. We then told her that if she was waiting on us to change our minds on living together and not being married she would be waiting a very long time. She said that since we weren’t going to change our stance on that she was moving out.
She moved out toward the end of March. We went 5 weeks without seeing her. She finally came back for a visit this weekend. The guy is from the area also. They live 3 hours away from here. His Father and Step-Mother live about 4 miles from us. My Daughter and him got in here around 3am Friday night. We had to ask for a hug and they went and slept in the study (with the door open). They where up and gone to his parents before we where awake Saturday morning. She had told her brother she’d be back early afternoon to do something with him. She didn’t show. He’s 18 around and around 5pm he was getting upset because she made him wait all afternoon and didn’t show. He tracked her down at one of her friend’s house and informed her he was doing something with a friend of his or his GF. She got upset with him. She nagged him on his cell till around 6:30pm and he agreed to go out and do something with her and him.
Now, by this time I was pretty upset. Not only did she blow her brother off who still lives at home (graduates HS this year) but her mother was quite upset that she couldn’t take 5 minutes away from his parents or the one friend to see her on Saturday. We had left Saturday open because we knew she was coming home. I sent her a not so nice text explaining this. She told us then that she was planning on visiting us Sunday afternoon but not till after she ate lunch with someone and she also told she had to leave early. Well she came Sunday around 2pm and she had to leave before 5pm. In the short time she allowed for us she had to visit her Grandfather, Grandmother, Aunt, Niece and Nephew. Plus she needed us to Fill out her FASFA. Before she left though I told her I was done being a doormat. She needed to get her morals and her priorities set straight. I asked her how she could prioritize his parents and a friend (People that never came out and checked on her when she was recovering from a bad car accident or when we found out last summer that she has an auto immune disease) over her own parents. She didn’t really have an answer. She left around 5pm.
I’m getting really close to not wanting a relationship with her anymore. Because of the things I typed and because of the things I didn’t type, (figured this rant was long enough) and it’s tearing me and her mother up.
What we put up with and the pain we felt all came back with her this weekend (In our eyes, her actions didn’t help). We haven’t stopped missing her, in fact, its’s been pretty rough but the house has been so peacful since shes moved out.
Any opinions or Ideas would be greatly appreciated. Please feel free to ask whatever. I have nothing to hide as id love more than anything to be able to move past all this, no matter what. She has chosen her life and I’m happy that she’s happy. But, if she can’t even come back home and not do something to make us feel pain and anger then I’m at the end of my tolerance of my daughter’s actions and that thought alone isn’t helping either.
She wasn’t like this until she met him. She was very strong in her Faith and not a wreckless or hurtful person.
Thanks for listening.
W.
I am married with two children. I live in Pa where my father is from but my mother is from Seattle and Whidbey Island. She was raised strict Catholic. She raised her children Catholic.
My wife and I have been painfully dealing with my daughter since about August of 2011. She is 22 now. She is very beautiful and bright young lady but for some reason around the age of 20-21 I noticed she was getting desperate for a relationship with a guy. I think it was mostly due to peer pressure. I talked to her about it, gave her some advice and let it go.
Last summer (2011) she met a guy. We thought she met him for the first time at a local event but found out later she had been talking to him online before they met. She started a relationship with him and it quickly turned into an obsession. She started breaking some of the house rules. We talked to her about them but as she continued to push the envelope the talks became more aggressive then level headed (yes I’m at fault just as much as her).
Finally in September she broke the no sleeping together rule of the house by bundling up in a sleeping bag out in our yard and not coming in till the next morning. It pretty much came to a head that night with a huge argument with her telling us she should be able to sleep with whomever she wanted. After being up all night we called the church and sought help. We went that morning as a family and talked to our priest and a sister (Nun). He spoke with us and with her by himself in length and told us that he felt that we were doing everything possible and that she was making horrible decisions.
We had figured that she wanted to move in with him for about a month before the big blow up in September (remember she just met him in the summer). She confirmed that’s what she wanted and we expressed our disagreement with it. We did not tell her she was prevented from doing so (If she was 16 again we would’ve). She continued to see this guy all winter and our life’s where miserable. Finally in late February I was able to sit down with her and ask her why she was so miserable. She stated that she still wanted to move in with him. We then told her that if she was waiting on us to change our minds on living together and not being married she would be waiting a very long time. She said that since we weren’t going to change our stance on that she was moving out.
She moved out toward the end of March. We went 5 weeks without seeing her. She finally came back for a visit this weekend. The guy is from the area also. They live 3 hours away from here. His Father and Step-Mother live about 4 miles from us. My Daughter and him got in here around 3am Friday night. We had to ask for a hug and they went and slept in the study (with the door open). They where up and gone to his parents before we where awake Saturday morning. She had told her brother she’d be back early afternoon to do something with him. She didn’t show. He’s 18 around and around 5pm he was getting upset because she made him wait all afternoon and didn’t show. He tracked her down at one of her friend’s house and informed her he was doing something with a friend of his or his GF. She got upset with him. She nagged him on his cell till around 6:30pm and he agreed to go out and do something with her and him.
Now, by this time I was pretty upset. Not only did she blow her brother off who still lives at home (graduates HS this year) but her mother was quite upset that she couldn’t take 5 minutes away from his parents or the one friend to see her on Saturday. We had left Saturday open because we knew she was coming home. I sent her a not so nice text explaining this. She told us then that she was planning on visiting us Sunday afternoon but not till after she ate lunch with someone and she also told she had to leave early. Well she came Sunday around 2pm and she had to leave before 5pm. In the short time she allowed for us she had to visit her Grandfather, Grandmother, Aunt, Niece and Nephew. Plus she needed us to Fill out her FASFA. Before she left though I told her I was done being a doormat. She needed to get her morals and her priorities set straight. I asked her how she could prioritize his parents and a friend (People that never came out and checked on her when she was recovering from a bad car accident or when we found out last summer that she has an auto immune disease) over her own parents. She didn’t really have an answer. She left around 5pm.
I’m getting really close to not wanting a relationship with her anymore. Because of the things I typed and because of the things I didn’t type, (figured this rant was long enough) and it’s tearing me and her mother up.
What we put up with and the pain we felt all came back with her this weekend (In our eyes, her actions didn’t help). We haven’t stopped missing her, in fact, its’s been pretty rough but the house has been so peacful since shes moved out.
Any opinions or Ideas would be greatly appreciated. Please feel free to ask whatever. I have nothing to hide as id love more than anything to be able to move past all this, no matter what. She has chosen her life and I’m happy that she’s happy. But, if she can’t even come back home and not do something to make us feel pain and anger then I’m at the end of my tolerance of my daughter’s actions and that thought alone isn’t helping either.
She wasn’t like this until she met him. She was very strong in her Faith and not a wreckless or hurtful person.
Thanks for listening.
W.