Trying to get over her

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realtiger

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I’m trying to get over this girl. I am tempted to look at pictures of women on the internet. They are not pornographic and I don’t want to look at these women lustfully but I just want to look at these pictures so I could tell myself that there are “plenty of beautiful fish in the sea.” I really don’t think she likes me and quite frankly I don’t think she ever will. Which saint should I pray to? What should I do?
 
realtiger thinks he is in a real pickle : "I’m trying to get over this girl.
I am tempted to look at pictures of women on the internet…
I just want to look at these pictures so I could tell myself that there are “plenty of beautiful fish in the sea.”
Which saint should I pray to? What should I do?"

Everything in Moderation.

If for a few weeks, after having a break-up of sorts from a girl, you want to look at pictures of other girls, that sounds like a Sane thing to do.

You already know that there is nothing lustful going on.
I view this like you went a Dating website, and were checking out the members there.
So, if this is simply what it is, I can’t offer any criticism about you doing it.

The situation changes, however, if you are spending HOURS and Hours, staring at these pictures, and feel the obsession to keep doing it.
At that point, this action (like any other action that one can obsess about), becomes counter-productive to your Spirituality.
If this is the case, then I hope you can find relief.

As far as Saints go, I do not know the Patron Saint of looking at pictures of Girls.
My only advice would be to pick a male Saint, and one who lived part of his Life in a less-than-saintly manner.

Good luck.
And remember, this is (most likely) just a Phase you are going through.
One day you will laugh at yourself, for feeling SO concerned about that temporary pre-occupation.
 
realtiger said:
I’m trying to get over this girl. I am tempted to look at pictures of women on the internet. They are not pornographic and I don’t want to look at these women lustfully but I just want to look at these pictures so I could tell myself that there are “plenty of beautiful fish in the sea.” I really don’t think she likes me and quite frankly I don’t think she ever will. Which saint should I pray to? What should I do?
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Truly? Stop looking at the internet and get out a little more. Not to bars either. Go to some concerts (orchestra), plays, theater, or do some volunteer work where you might find someone interested in the same things you are, start hiking, or climbing, or biking and see if there are others who are in a group that like to do this.

All I am trying to say, is I know a lot of people like to use the internet for this sort of thing, but really it is much nicer to meet people face to face. There is less guessing about who they are, and what they are about when this is done. Besides other activities help with boredom and increase your own sense of well being.
 
I believe St Raphael is the patron saint of single Catholics.
St. Raphael pray for all singles.
Mary.
 
I agree with cricket2, get out and interact with some real girls. Most churches have young adult groups, if yours doesn’t speak to your priest about starting one. It’s not just about finding a new girlfriend it’s also about making friends.
 
Cricket2 said:
Truly? Stop looking at the internet and get out a little more. Not to bars either. Go to some concerts (orchestra), plays, theater, or do some volunteer work where you might find someone interested in the same things you are, start hiking, or climbing, or biking and see if there are others who are in a group that like to do this.

All I am trying to say, is I know a lot of people like to use the internet for this sort of thing, but really it is much nicer to meet people face to face. There is less guessing about who they are, and what they are about when this is done. Besides other activities help with boredom and increase your own sense of well being.
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👍

There are all kinds of clubs, groups.

Good luck.
 
Sometimes we justify what we do to make it fit into what we are doing. There is no justification in looking at pictures of women to get over her. My opinion. There are thousands of other ways to get over her. Choose another way, please. Singles groups are a start. Just get out and get some fresh air, meet some new people, widen your circle of friends. But, do not obsess over whether this girl would like you or not. Have you asked her to go out with you? Maybe that is a first step. Try praying and going to Mass…you probably already do. Praying for you during this difficult time. God bless you.
 
Getting out and finding other women might seem like a great idea. That is if I wasn’t such an awkward person. I noticed that other guys have more in social skills and what I like to say “girl getting abilities” than me so I feel it is almost like tough market for me to get in with all these men who know more about women and have more experience.

I was volunteering with people in my same age group. I met some pretty women but I still felt insecure like I couldn’t be with women this pretty and I don’t know how to carry on a friendship with them without seeming like a creeper.

Plus my interests are very narrow. I like cities and ethnicity a lot. I haven’t met a girl who shares these interests as much as I do. I can only imagine me talking about urban plight, urban revitalization, and ethnic neighborhoods and the girl by my side yawning and being bored because I talk about that stuff a lot. I know I have a lot of issues to work on so I don’t think having a girlfriend should be an option right now. Plus I want to focus on my future. Still I have this temptation to look at pictures of women. There is a supermodel who I feel is stunningly beautiful but is married so I can’t look at pictures of her. I get so tempted to look at pictures of her but I can’t, I don’t look at pictures of her but this temptation is hard.

The girl that I said I was trying to get over is one of my best friends. She consoles me a lot and always supports and encourages me every time I tell her a problem. But why would she want to go out with me? I can be depressed and I don’t see myself as a “full man.” Don’t women need a “real man” if they were to date a man? I feel I’m emotionally fragile and not as strong as other men sometimes.
 
realtiger said:
Getting out and finding other women might seem like a great idea. That is if I wasn’t such an awkward person. I noticed that other guys have more in social skills and what I like to say “girl getting abilities” than me so I feel it is almost like tough market for me to get in with all these men who know more about women and have more experience.

I was volunteering with people in my same age group. I met some pretty women but I still felt insecure like I couldn’t be with women this pretty and I don’t know how to carry on a friendship with them without seeming like a creeper.

Plus my interests are very narrow. I like cities and ethnicity a lot. I haven’t met a girl who shares these interests as much as I do. I can only imagine me talking about urban plight, urban revitalization, and ethnic neighborhoods and the girl by my side yawning and being bored because I talk about that stuff a lot. I know I have a lot of issues to work on so I don’t think having a girlfriend should be an option right now. Plus I want to focus on my future. Still I have this temptation to look at pictures of women. There is a supermodel who I feel is stunningly beautiful but is married so I can’t look at pictures of her. I get so tempted to look at pictures of her but I can’t, I don’t look at pictures of her but this temptation is hard.

The girl that I said I was trying to get over is one of my best friends. She consoles me a lot and always supports and encourages me every time I tell her a problem. But why would she want to go out with me? I can be depressed and I don’t see myself as a “full man.” Don’t women need a “real man” if they were to date a man? I feel I’m emotionally fragile and not as strong as other men sometimes.
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  1. *]Get a hobby, discover yourself a bit more and grow as a REAL man by reading “Be a Man!: Becoming the Man God Created You to Be” by Father Larry Richards.
    *]Read “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” by Joshua Harris
    *]When you’re ready to court a woman to marry her, read “Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship” by Joshua Harris.
    *]Stop lusting after women and read “Sex is Not the Problem, Lust Is” by Joshua Harris

    I married my first boyfriend, the first man who gave me my first kiss on the lips, and it wasn’t because I didn’t have others chasing me, there were. But I chose not to have anything to do with them. My mentality was “why date if you’re not looking to get married?, why bother?”

    Hope it helps! And trust me, I’ve read all these books and I highly recommend them.
 
Find something to do which occupies your thoughts or burns your energy, or both, depending on what you need. Idle time is your worst enemy (or one of, at least) in such situations.
 
realtiger said:
Getting out and finding other women might seem like a great idea. That is if I wasn’t such an awkward person. I noticed that other guys have more in social skills and what I like to say “girl getting abilities” than me so I feel it is almost like tough market for me to get in with all these men who know more about women and have more experience.

I was volunteering with people in my same age group. I met some pretty women but I still felt insecure like I couldn’t be with women this pretty and I don’t know how to carry on a friendship with them without seeming like a creeper.

Plus my interests are very narrow. I like cities and ethnicity a lot. I haven’t met a girl who shares these interests as much as I do. I can only imagine me talking about urban plight, urban revitalization, and ethnic neighborhoods and the girl by my side yawning and being bored because I talk about that stuff a lot. I know I have a lot of issues to work on so I don’t think having a girlfriend should be an option right now. Plus I want to focus on my future. Still I have this temptation to look at pictures of women. There is a supermodel who I feel is stunningly beautiful but is married so I can’t look at pictures of her. I get so tempted to look at pictures of her but I can’t, I don’t look at pictures of her but this temptation is hard.

The girl that I said I was trying to get over is one of my best friends. She consoles me a lot and always supports and encourages me every time I tell her a problem. But why would she want to go out with me? I can be depressed and I don’t see myself as a “full man.” Don’t women need a “real man” if they were to date a man? I feel I’m emotionally fragile and not as strong as other men sometimes.
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Focusing on your future is a good idea. I attribute a large part of my career to being “brushed off” by a friend I was crushing on when i was younger. I put the energy into my studies.

I disagree with spending a lot of time looking at pictures of girls. It is much better to interact with people in person. The the best way to develop skills with girls is to interact with them in areas where there is a common interest that is not romantic. That is how it worked for me. I did not date much as an undergraduate. in graduate school, I ended up in “forced immersion” with both sexes and we helped each other get through school (classes, study groups, etc.) Dating was much easier after that.

Look for organized coed activities where you can interact with others face to face. This could be school, volunteering, or sport.

For example, one of our employees met her husband in Judo practice. They were both elite judokas. Sports like that are not for everyone. You will have to find what works for you.

Almost any sport where you interact with others will help build your social skills and self confidence.

Ask God to direct your path.

Good luck.
 
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