Trying to stay abstinent till marriage

[samuelc]

I am currently engaged and been my fiance for 3 years. And we have been sexually active for the majority of our relationship. However, I am currently becoming Catholic and I want to change my life. And I was wondering, how do I communicate to her that I do not want to have sex again until we become married? I am having trouble telling her, do in part to the fear of what she will say. What is the best way to tell her this?

 

[carguy]

I would just tell her because if she cannot understand why or does not feel that it is important that might be a problem. Good luck to you God bless

 

[E_7]

something like “I need your support and understanding on something concerning my beliefs…I would like to abstain from sex 'til we get married. And I was afraid of telling you because of what you may think or say.”

something like that.

 

[bmullins]

Honesty. Explain to her how much your faith means to you. Explain to her that you feel that the bond that you two have is too important, too beautiful a thing to cheapen it by reducing each other to merely sexual objects. That you think sex between two people is such an intimate bond that to do so outside of marriage is to offend the natural dignity that she deserves as a being created in the image of God.

Make sure to convey it in a way that reminds her that she is more important to you than just sexual intercourse, that she is the object of your love, your respect, and your admiration. If she loves you, she’ll be more than happy to accept that you want to cherish her not just as a physical object, but as a part of your own being. That when you two are married, you will no longer be separate people, but joined in a union of immense beauty and love. One that can only be experienced in the Spirit of Truth.

 

[patrickp200]

Get a book like this…read it and then talk about it. Tell her what the book says. Dump everything on the book so she can’t get mad or upset with you. Like “the book says…” It’s easy to talk like this because all you need to say is…I read it in the book. The book will have your back

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[Viki63]

Congratulations, Samuel on joining the church.
It’s very important to discuss this with your fiance. Does she know you’re joining the church? Because when you marry in the church, your spouse has to agree to raise the children in the Catholic faith. She needs to understand how important your faith is to you, and what you will need to do, such as go to mass every Sunday, confession sometimes, and so on. It would really help if she could attend RCIA to learn about the church.
If you can’t talk about things like this with her, your relationship is not ready for marriage, and you might consider counseling with your priest.

 

[TheWatcher]

Do you plan on getting married in the Catholic church?

Perhaps you can set up an appointment with a priest to discuss what needs to happen before you can set a date (if you haven’t already) and start marriage classes. He would likely tell you that sex needs to be avoided- and if he didn’t, you’d be able to ask him. She might have some questions, too.

Actually, that advice would work for most non-Catholic Christian churches, if you’re planning on having a Christian wedding. Speak to the Pastor or whoever runs marriage programs.