TTC/Nursing dilemma

[Rosalie]

Hi all, I’ve been lurking for a while and finally made an account.

My daughter is 18 months and still nursing very frequently, despite eating a good amount of solids. Back in late July, I started getting signs that my cycles might be returning, but so far nothing. We struggled to conceive her due to endometriosis and luteal phase defect, so I’m very nervous about having trouble again. I’m 28 and my husband, a lapsed Catholic, is firmly against us having children after I’m 35 due to the increased risks, so I only have 7 years left! I’ve always wanted at least 3 or 4 children, so I feel very pressured by this timeline, especially since my obgyn said to wait 6 months after my cycles return before coming in to get tested. I’ve been thinking of trying to reduce her feedings, and a lot of it is comfort nursing, but I feel so guilty and selfish at the idea of taking that away from her to further my own desires. I’d really appreciate your thoughts and perspectives!

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

Without delving too much into medical jargon…are you using NFP? Are you using strips along with temp/body signs to check for ovulation?

You have a lot going on hormonally and an absolutely insane amount of stress you’re putting on yourself. Do not create tension between yourself and your child because of your desires. Give her what she needs. If God said “no” to any further children, would you look back and feel sad you denied your child comfort? I cannot answer that for you.

My own child weaned during my pregnancy as my milk changed. She just didn’t enjoy it anymore. It was a mutual decision for the both of us. I can’t imagine denying her. However, my friend stopped breastfeeding at 11 months because she wanted another child. Her son cried and struggled but soon got over it. Kids are resilient.

Also, do your research…the “risks” over 35 are far overblown. Adam Ruins Everything did a great bit on this.

 

[Rosalie]

I’ve been using OPKs along with checking body signs. I haven’t been temping because she still nurses a few times throughout the night. I would feel awful if I denied her and then wasn’t able to conceive anyway, which is what’s holding me back. She’s very well-attached and cheerful, which my husband partially attributes to her being fed on demand. I’m just worried that it’s going to be ages until my cycle comes back, then who knows how much longer until we conceive again, if we are able. I’ll make sure to check out Adam Ruins Everything.

 

[heidi_storage]

Rosalie, at 18 months your daughter doesn’t need nighttime nutrition, and there are plenty of other ways to give her comfort and security. If you wish to wean, you would not be harming her in the slightest. In your position, I would stop the night nursing sessions at least and ask my husband if he could go in when your daughter wakes up.

That said: You should probably make this decision independently of your conception efforts, because weaning isn’t a guarantee of returning to fertility. If nursing is something you mutually enjoy, you may wish to keep it up. Please try to find peace, whatever your decision.