"Turn the other cheek?" or Pushover?

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Where does one draw the line between following Christ’s teaching to turn the other cheek, deny oneself…and being a pushover?

Example: At work I prefer to eat my lunch in the lunchroom. My 3 co-workers are all on fad diets and do not eat. They socialize in the lunchroom at lunchtime and have asked that I not eat my carbs in there so as to not provide temptation to them.

I could easily eat in my office. But I don’t want to!

I understand that their request is a bit outrageous, but a saintly, charitable thing to do would be to comply to their request.

But then am I being a pushover?
 
The title of your post caught my eye because I feel like a sucker most days of my life. And I can look at my life and see that I suffered because of the fact that I was a sucker.

While I understand that your example is just that - an example and its not the complete expression of your experience, I wouldn’t worry about those people in your lunch room. If they in fact were serious about you not eating in the lunch room - they need to understand what the breakroom is for. Eat in your office when and if you feel like it. I eat in my office because the guys who eat in my breakroom are very annoying and I don’t want to listen to them.

I heard an example of being a pushover that I think about alot - but just like yours its only an example not a full expression of anything:

If my neighbor’s lawn mower breaks down and he asks if he could borrow mine - well the Christian thing to do would be to let him borrow my lawnmower. However, he does have the responsibility to fix or replace his mower - he can not expect to continue to borrow my mower every week for the rest of the summer. If I were to let him use my mower every week, all summer long that would make me a pushover and it would make my neighbor lazy.:yup:

I know a lawnmower is nothing at all like eating lunch - but its all about boundaries. Have you read that book Boundaries? Its a great book.

Terry
 
Hi

yeah the title to this caught my eye as well - 🤷 my so-far-so-good view of turn the other cheek is - turn it right up to and including the cross.

Jesus gave absolutely no examples (that I know of) where we were to be selfish. Strong yes - The Faith, Truth, Love, Hope etc. but that is it. Father Corapi put it this way - we all have a cross, sometimes several smaller ones…and sometimes we are married to that Cross. :eek:

I don’t have an answer really, just those musings. I guess the determining factor is - how much does your example reach out and show Christ? If you continue to stubbornly sit there and eat your lunch - does that serve to ‘‘toughen them up with reality’’ or is that just your excuse not to be a witness of Christ? After all one of those people may show up in your office one day to see what type of person could put up with so much, and there you have an opportunity to witness.

Another way to look at it is: sometimes the very people who terrorize us, are the people we have the most impact upon as they are the people who come to want the peace and security we have had through all their torture.

I will quit rambling now

Peace
 
Turning the other cheek is a spiritual concept.

Being a pushover is a secular concept.

That is why this question seems difficult.

"The world’ teaches us not to be pushovers.

Christ teaches us to turn the other cheek.

Dan
 
You are using the employer provided area to consume fuel for your body during a specified time… a necessary bodily function. This space is not required, but provided as a courtesy to employees to use when needed.

If other company employees take offense to your biological need to provide nourishment (as you see fit) for your body, tell them to congregate & socialize in the rooms designated “Men” or “Women”… the one’s with the porcelain fixtures bolted to the walls/floors. (Another set of rooms that are NOT required, but provided as a courtesy to accomodate bodily functions.)

Then they can fight the battle & lodge complaints of having to talk/socialize while like-sex members are eliminating… another necessary bodily function!

Until you eat in your “cube” you’re not a pushover.
When you stand and state “This is the lunchroom/breakroom”… “People eat here”… and ingest your carbs you’re merely putting the “game” back on their field… with a valid reason, and giving them reason to try and ruin things for someone else.
 
PRmerger said:
Example: At work I prefer to eat my lunch in the lunchroom. My 3 co-workers are all on fad diets and do not eat. They socialize in the lunchroom at lunchtime and have asked that I not eat my carbs in there so as to not provide temptation to them.
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It’s the LUNCH room. Your co-workers need to learn some will power or drop the fad diet thing- I’m sure both would be nice.
 
Jesus’ teaching about turning the other cheek is very important as are all of Jesus’ teachings. But lets examine what happens when Jesus is actually slapped–

John 18: 22-23

When he had said this, one of the officers standing by struck Jesus with his hand, saying, “Is that how you answer the high priest?”
Jesus answered him, “If I have spoken wrongly, bear witness to the wrong; but if I have spoken rightly, why do you strike me?”

Did Jesus turn the other cheek? It seems that he did not. Jesus’ teaching about turning the other cheek is not meant to mean that Christians should not be assertive and stand up for ourselves. But keep in mind too that Jesus voluntarily died for us “like a lamb lead to the slaughter.” But this wasn’t without a purpose.

If you don’t want to eat in your office, just be honest with your coworkers about how you aren’t comfortable eating there and that if there is something else that you all can work out to be able to enjoy your meals, that would be better.

You might benefit from looking into some assertiveness training. I’ve studied it a little and I think a lot of people, especially in the work environment could benefit from it! Here’s just some random website I found about it when I typed it into a search engine
tufts.edu/hr/tips/assert.html
Just becareful that you don’t run into any weird New Agey psychobabble stuff when you look for it online.

God bless! I hope it works out.
 
Jay2 said:
snip

When you stand and state “This is the lunchroom/breakroom”… “People eat here”… and ingest your carbs you’re merely putting the “game” back on their field… with a valid reason, and giving them reason to try and ruin things for someone else.
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…as you ostentatiously open a pack of Twinkies

:devil smiley here:

DaveBj
 
Short answer: if you were trying hard to deal with something that was difficult, and someone else was doing something that in and of itself was innocuous, how would you feel about asking them to not do it in your presence? Particularly if it was a significant temptation to you that could easily side-track what you are attempting to do?

And how would you feel if they basically told you “Tough. It’s not my problem.”
 
You might try to offer a compromise, such as offering to turn your back to them to hide the food you’re eating.

The title of this thread caught my attention too, because it reminds me of the difficulty in explaining about people asking for money when they simply are too lazy to work. I know Jesus said, “If he asks for your cloak, give him your coat also,” but like the lawnmower analogy earlier, it would seem that there should be some allowance for using our intelligence. Carrying it to an extreme case, when the Muslims were invading various parts of the Christian world, “turn the other cheek” and “give him your coat also” would point to simply letting them conquer the lands and do whatever they wanted with the people. However, then you get the numerous examples of martyrs.

Obviously, I don’t have a good answer. What is the Church teaching on this issue?
 
Larry1700 said:
You might try to offer a compromise, such as offering to turn your back to them to hide the food you’re eating.

The title of this thread caught my attention too, because it reminds me of the difficulty in explaining about people asking for money when they simply are too lazy to work. I know Jesus said, “If he asks for your cloak, give him your coat also,” but like the lawnmower analogy earlier, it would seem that there should be some allowance for using our intelligence. Carrying it to an extreme case, when the Muslims were invading various parts of the Christian world, “turn the other cheek” and “give him your coat also” would point to simply letting them conquer the lands and do whatever they wanted with the people. However, then you get the numerous examples of martyrs.

Obviously, I don’t have a good answer. What is the Church teaching on this issue?
Click to expand...
If someone asks for what he needs, and you are able to help him, you are obligated to do so.

If someone asks for something he does not need, you are not only excused from giving it to him, you should consider withholding it if it will do him harm.

If someone does not asks, but steals, rapes, pillages and burns, well then grab the best weapon you have and protect your family from harm. That is a parents secondary responsibility (after seeing to the salvation of themselves and their children).

Dan
 
Stella_Matutina said:
If you don’t want to eat in your office, just be honest with your coworkers about how you aren’t comfortable eating there and that if there is something else that you all can work out to be able to enjoy your meals, that would be better.

You might benefit from looking into some assertiveness training.
Click to expand...
This is not an assertiveness problem. I would have no problem whatsoever telling my co-workers: this is THE LUNCHROOM, i.e. a room to eat lunch!

My question is whether, as a Catholic, I should just deny myself, eat in my office, and “turn the other cheek”. Would this be a charitable thing to do, or is it unnecessary?
 
My 3 co-workers are all on fad diets and do not eat. They socialize in the lunchroom at lunchtime and have asked that I not eat my carbs in there so as to not provide temptation to them.
Click to expand...
One question that comes to my mind is, are they dieting for health reasons? or vanity?

You have the right to eat in a breakroom, no excuses. Nonetheless, I think my level of sympathy for the dieters may be influenced by the answer to the above question. I would hate to think that you would have to eat at your desk so that you could facilitate someone elses vain pursuit.

Tim
 
otjm said:
Short answer: if you were trying hard to deal with something that was difficult, and someone else was doing something that in and of itself was innocuous, how would you feel about asking them to not do it in your presence? Particularly if it was a significant temptation to you that could easily side-track what you are attempting to do?

And how would you feel if they basically told you “Tough. It’s not my problem.”
Click to expand...
Funny. This situation has, in fact, presented itself to me while at work! I have been told that the clicking of my high heels down the tile hall greatly irritates one of my co-workers. It’s like “fingernails on a chalkboard” to her.

I have, indeed, thought, "Tough. It’s not my problem, " and I continue to wear shoes which click. 🤷
 
timotheos said:
One question that comes to my mind is, are they dieting for health reasons? or vanity?
Tim
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Well, I think it would be judgemental of me to maintain that they’re dieting for vanity.

I will say that none of them is overweight (although one says she weighed over 200 lbs a few years ago and that is the reason she’s so interested in diet and exercise read: obsessed with her body and working out 😃)
 
PRmerger said:
This is not an assertiveness problem. I would have no problem whatsoever telling my co-workers: this is THE LUNCHROOM, i.e. a room to eat lunch!

My question is whether, as a Catholic, I should just deny myself, eat in my office, and “turn the other cheek”. Would this be a charitable thing to do, or is it unnecessary?
Click to expand...
When Jesus denied himself, he did so for a purpose. Would your eating in your office be for a greater purpose?
I think this situation calls for not “turning the other cheek” but rather being assertive.
 
Dan_Grelinger said:
If someone asks for what he needs, and you are able to help him, you are obligated to do so.

If someone asks for something he does not need, you are not only excused from giving it to him, you should consider withholding it if it will do him harm…

Dan
Click to expand...
But therein lies part of the problem. It is often difficult to be certain whether or not someone actually needs what they’re asking for, and whether you’re helping them more by giving or not giving.
 
PRmerger said:
Where does one draw the line between following Christ’s teaching to turn the other cheek, deny oneself…and being a pushover?

Example: At work I prefer to eat my lunch in the lunchroom. My 3 co-workers are all on fad diets and do not eat. They socialize in the lunchroom at lunchtime and have asked that I not eat my carbs in there so as to not provide temptation to them.

I could easily eat in my office. But I don’t want to!

I understand that their request is a bit outrageous, but a saintly, charitable thing to do would be to comply to their request.

But then am I being a pushover?
Click to expand...
the charitable thing to do would be allow those who work there to use the lunchroom for its designated purpose, eating lunch. Those who would like to devote their break times to weight loss activities also have the option of doing their socializing as they take a brisk walk around the premises.
 
PRmerger said:
Funny. This situation has, in fact, presented itself to me while at work! I have been told that the clicking of my high heels down the tile hall greatly irritates one of my co-workers. It’s like “fingernails on a chalkboard” to her.

I have, indeed, thought, "Tough. It’s not my problem, " and I continue to wear shoes which click. 🤷
Click to expand...
Hmmm. I would associate clicking heels with someone standing next to a chalkboard and tapping their fingernails on it. "Fingernails on a chalkboard) must mean you are draggin your feet? Either that, or their analogy most definitely overstates the issue!
 
I lost my job as a manager/lead painter of an automotive paint shop after I had a conversion experience in 2005. I became nonconfortational and a “pushover”. Turning the other cheek, trying to live the example of Christ in the workplace. I was chewed up and spit out, labeled a nut, replaced, trained my replacement, then laid off. In the small town I work in , my reputation is ruined. I can’t find a job in my field anywhere. I also wouldn’t change a thing.🙂 Tim
 
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