Turned Away from Confession

[YADA]

Just some questions to help you the next time you go to confession …

Hello,
Two nights ago, I went to church where they had three priests hearing confessions. The time for confesssions was scheduled for 4 until 6:30pm. I arrived there at 5pm and got into one of the very long lines.

Why did you ge into a longer line and not a shorter line? Or was that not what you meant?

I finally got to point where there was only one person in front of me and 2 behind me at 6:30, when the priest came out and said that he & his associate priest had another meeting and confessions were over. He did not tell us that it was an emergency; he just said goodnight and we walked out. The other priests had already left and this was the last time before Christmas.

As the other lines shortened - why did you not move to a shorter line - then the other priests might not have left because they would still have had penitents … then all of the priests may have been finished by 6:30 and about the same time. When we have multiple priests hearing confessions - that is common amoung the penitents in our parish - to move or adjust to equalize the lines and the waiting …

 

[Pax2u]

I think at least one if the priests should have stayed and heard the rest of the confessions. No meeting is more important than absolving the sins of the faithful who have presented themselves…and when they got there so early!! I would send a note…kindly written, but really…I just don’t think that was a very pastoral thing for them to do.

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

I think at least one if the priests should have stayed and heard the rest of the confessions. No meeting is more important than absolving the sins of the faithful who have presented themselves…and when they got there so early!! I would send a note…kindly written, but really…I just don’t think that was a very pastoral thing for them to do.

No, it wasn’t. Really, why do priests think they prostrate themselves in front of the Altar during their ordination?? Being a priest is not a job or a career. It’s a vocation. When my priest hears confessions, unless it’s before Mass, he stays until they’re all heard.

 

[Friar_David_O.Carm]

Its judgmental comments like this that hold men back from answering a possible call.

It took me time to realize how misguided they are and to not let them get to me.

None of us know what was scheduled so there is no way anyone can say that it was not important enough.

That will be my last word on this.

I will pray for you, please pray for me.

 

[GwenL]

Its judgmental comments like this that hold men back from answering a possible call.

It took me time to realize how misguided they are and to not let them get to me.

None of us know what was scheduled so there is no way anyone can say that it was not important enough.

That will be my last word on this.

I will pray for you, please pray for me.

Why is it that people seem to assume the worst possible motivation of priests?

The OP posted an interpretation of an event, and subsequent posters have concluded that priests treat their vocation like an everyday job. Posters have judged the priests for not staying to hear more confessions, accused priests of not scheduling enough confessions, determined that the priests showed poor judgement, and accused priests of condemning souls to hell just to get to a meeting. The only thing you know about this situation is what the OP said and yet people conclude the worst possible.

For all we know, “important meeting” was the priest’s way of saying, without revealing private information, that he was on the way to anoint someone in the hospital. He might have been going to hear confessions at a retirement home. He might have been going to baptize someone on their deathbed. He might have been going to say Mass at the hospital. He might have been going to counsel a grieving wife on the death of her husband. All of these are reasons that my priest has had to depart the confessional at the scheduled time.

What happened to being charitable, and assuming the best about people (especially priests!), when hearing a situation like this?

For everyone who thinks that priests in their parishes don’t schedule enough confession time, have you ever talked your priest about this? Have you ever asked them to schedule more time? Or do you just grumpily observed that more people are at communion than confession and then whine and complain?

 

[Friar_David_O.Carm]

Why is it that people seem to assume the worst possible motivation of priests?

The OP posted an interpretation of an event, and subsequent posters have concluded that priests treat their vocation like an everyday job. Posters have judged the priests for not staying to hear more confessions, accused priests of not scheduling enough confessions, determined that the priests showed poor judgement, and accused priests of condemning souls to hell just to get to a meeting. The only thing you know about this situation is what the OP said and yet people conclude the worst possible.

For all we know, “important meeting” was the priest’s way of saying, without revealing private information, that he was on the way to anoint someone in the hospital. He might have been going to hear confessions at a retirement home. He might have been going to baptize someone on their deathbed. He might have been going to say Mass at the hospital. He might have been going to counsel a grieving wife on the death of her husband. All of these are reasons that my priest has had to depart the confessional at the scheduled time.

What happened to being charitable, and assuming the best about people (especially priests!), when hearing a situation like this?

For everyone who thinks that priests in their parishes don’t schedule enough confession time, have you ever talked your priest about this? Have you ever asked them to schedule more time? Or do you just grumpily observed that more people are at communion than confession and then whine and complain?

I know I said that I already had my last word on this topic but I must comment on this post.

Thank you GwenL for the wonderful post.

You ask “What happened to being charitable, and assuming the best about people (especially priests!), when hearing a situation like this?” I think the answer is that people are making this about themselves. They want what they want when they want it. Those who do not give what they want are the ones in error.

Yes priests are servants of the community but they are not slaves. They have personal lives and other responsibilities to the community other than you. Regardless of what some think a priest is not at your beck and call 24/7. Heck they are not on call for everyone 24/7. Priests who act as though they are burn out and do not last. They end up with grave issues to deal with and at best have to take a leave of absence (that is if they do not out right leave the priesthood) to deal with them.

 

[Kathryn_Ann]

I know this must have been very upsetting and am sorry this happened the way it did, especially when you felt an urgent need to confess and had been waiting for so very long.

I had a similar learning experience: One year, I waited too long to go to confession. I learned since, to go more often! The regional reconciliation was offered in the spring, where many Priests are available at one larger church, for parishioners from all over. I thought if I sat near the front, I would be better off.* Wrong! * I wanted of course to see my own Priest, but it turned out that his line was very long, way across the room, and I coudn’t reach that side of the room in time to be one of the first! I was there for quite some time. I and my friends were all late getting out, and none of us ladies like to drive home in the dark, as it is a safety issue for some of us. Had I simply gone to the regular Saturday Confession time at my own parish a week before, (or gone more often) I would not have been in such a situation.

The next year, the regional reconciliation happened to be held at the same parish again. I asked one of the sisters if the back room was going to be used that night for Confessions. (I remembered seeing a Priest had been hearing Confessions the year before, in that room.) The sister said “Yes,” and I immediately sat in the back of the church. After the prayers, I was first in line, for the back room! Yes, it is nice to see your own priest when possible, but because I wasn’t wringing my hands, being the last in line, I was in a much better frame of mind to confess! It is good idea also to know the days and time when other priests are available for Confession, and whenever possible, to go more often before things become urgent.

I’m sure God saw your heart, and knew your intentions. With the large number of parishioners compared to the number of Priests, we all have to adjust and do our best.

Welcome to the forums, and please do come back and let us know how things are going.
Peace,
Kathryn Ann

Kathryn Ann

 

[Marybeloved]

Why is it that people seem to assume the worst possible motivation of priests?

The OP posted an interpretation of an event, and subsequent posters have concluded that priests treat their vocation like an everyday job. Posters have judged the priests for not staying to hear more confessions, accused priests of not scheduling enough confessions, determined that the priests showed poor judgement, and accused priests of condemning souls to hell just to get to a meeting. The only thing you know about this situation is what the OP said and yet people conclude the worst possible.

For all we know, “important meeting” was the priest’s way of saying, without revealing private information, that he was on the way to anoint someone in the hospital. He might have been going to hear confessions at a retirement home. He might have been going to baptize someone on their deathbed. He might have been going to say Mass at the hospital. He might have been going to counsel a grieving wife on the death of her husband. All of these are reasons that my priest has had to depart the confessional at the scheduled time.

What happened to being charitable, and assuming the best about people (especially priests!), when hearing a situation like this?

For everyone who thinks that priests in their parishes don’t schedule enough confession time, have you ever talked your priest about this? Have you ever asked them to schedule more time? Or do you just grumpily observed that more people are at communion than confession and then whine and complain?

I find it highly unlikely that any of these emergencies you list happened to occur right at the point of the end of the scheduled time. It just looks like the time was up and the Priest had other previous engagements scheduled right after confession time. I find the baptizing someone on their deathbed suggestion most unlikely- otherwise the priest may not have shown up for confession at all before taking care of such dire things first. And if it was an emergency, then the Priest should have said so- he has no obligations to give details, everyone would understand that something described as an emergency was exactly that and no one would complain.

 

[MartyrForJesus]

Why is it that people seem to assume the worst possible motivation of priests?

The OP posted an interpretation of an event, and subsequent posters have concluded that priests treat their vocation like an everyday job. Posters have judged the priests for not staying to hear more confessions, accused priests of not scheduling enough confessions, determined that the priests showed poor judgement, and accused priests of condemning souls to hell just to get to a meeting. The only thing you know about this situation is what the OP said and yet people conclude the worst possible.

For all we know, “important meeting” was the priest’s way of saying, without revealing private information, that he was on the way to anoint someone in the hospital. He might have been going to hear confessions at a retirement home. He might have been going to baptize someone on their deathbed. He might have been going to say Mass at the hospital. He might have been going to counsel a grieving wife on the death of her husband. All of these are reasons that my priest has had to depart the confessional at the scheduled time.

What happened to being charitable, and assuming the best about people (especially priests!), when hearing a situation like this?

For everyone who thinks that priests in their parishes don’t schedule enough confession time, have you ever talked your priest about this? Have you ever asked them to schedule more time? Or do you just grumpily observed that more people are at communion than confession and then whine and complain?

Thanks for this post. We should reflect on it.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

I know I said that I already had my last word on this topic but I must comment on this post.

Thank you GwenL for the wonderful post.

You ask “What happened to being charitable, and assuming the best about people (especially priests!), when hearing a situation like this?” I think the answer is that people are making this about themselves. They want what they want when they want it. Those who do not give what they want are the ones in error.

Yes priests are servants of the community but they are not slaves. They have personal lives and other responsibilities to the community other than you. Regardless of what some think a priest is not at your beck and call 24/7. Heck they are not on call for everyone 24/7. Priests who act as though they are burn out and do not last. They end up with grave issues to deal with and at best have to take a leave of absence (that is if they do not out right leave the priesthood) to deal with them.

Bolded the phrase that is catch-phrase in my house for sinfulness. To only be concerned about our own desires.

Yes, confession is important, and yes it would be wonderful if it were scheduled more often. However, we as the faithful, have a role here also. We need to adjust our own schedules as well. We need to be prepared for confession, having done a good examine before we get in line. We should be prompt in arriving, concise in the confessional, and not expect Father to give us detailed counselling.

If priests arrived for confession to see folks already waiting, they would have a witness to how important we think this sacrament is. If we encourage our friends and neighbors to get to confession, show a good witness by regularly bringing our whole family, we can influence our whole parish for good.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

I find it highly unlikely that any of these emergencies you list happened to occur right at the point of the end of the scheduled time. It just looks like the time was up and the Priest had other previous engagements scheduled right after confession time. I find the baptizing someone on their deathbed suggestion most unlikely- otherwise the priest may not have shown up for confession at all before taking care of such dire things first. And if it was an emergency, then the Priest should have said so- he has no obligations to give details, everyone would understand that something described as an emergency was exactly that and no one would complain.

The priest does not owe an explanation for his schedule. The OP showed up an hour after the confession time has started. What was his excuse? If his confession was important to him, he should have arrived a few minutes before 4 to ensure that he was near the front of the line!

How is it that the priest is at fault for leaving at the end of the scheduled time, but the OP is ok even though he did not arrive at the beginning? Obviously something was more important to him than being sure that his confession would be heard.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

Sounds typical of a lot of parishes. One opens a missal and reads that in order to approach the altar and receive Holy Communion, one must not be conscious of grave sin without prior sacramental confession. In other words, you need to go to confession to confess mortal sins before partaking in the most central acts of what it meanse to be a Catholic–the Eucharist. But then, the priest bolts out the door before everyone is finished. If the Sacrament of Penance is so important, he would have waited for everyone until they were finished–unless there was a true emergency. This is an example of the Church talking out of both sides of its mouth.

I find this in many parishes. Catholics are lectured on how they should be going to confession a lot more—yet, it is not uncommon for this sacrament to be offered once a week for an hour.

If the sacrament is this important, it should be offered DAILY (like the parish across the street from where I work).

And if the sacrament is important to us, we will be there for the start of the scheduled time each week, we will call to make an appointment, we will ask our priests politely but repeatedly to schedule confession more often. We can also go to other priests for confession. In your case, you have a very convenient place to attend confession. *Most *of us have access to more than one parish - check confession times at them all. Or make an appointment at the downtown church right after work one day, at the church across town when you are going there anyway to shop or visit friends, etc.

If we think confession is important, we will find a way to get it. And in doing so, we will show our priests how important it is. Just as parishes stopped scheduling confession times when people stopped coming, they will be influenced to increased scheduled times when they see our desire.

 

[Marybeloved]

The priest does not owe an explanation for his schedule. The OP showed up an hour after the confession time has started. What was his excuse? If his confession was important to him, he should have arrived a few minutes before 4 to ensure that he was near the front of the line!

How is it that the priest is at fault for leaving at the end of the scheduled time, but the OP is ok even though he did not arrive at the beginning? Obviously something was more important to him than being sure that his confession would be heard.

I’m sorry, but unless the OP arrived at 6.30 or after confession time then your post makes no sense. He arrived in good time within the hours set by the Priest. If the priest could not see the last four he should have asked them to come back when he had time. Your presumption is also outrageous, suggesting that confession was not important to her. It was and she arrived well within time. if you did not read the OP, there were other priests who left earlier which is probably why they could not all be seen within the scheduled time.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

We arrive early or at the very beginning for things important to us. Folks queue up for tickets, sales, to see Santa, etc. If a famous person were going to be at the local mall for 2.5 hours, fans wouldn’t stroll up an hour into the event to get in line.

I absolutely think priests should offer more frequent confession times, but I also think there is a role we as laity have as well. We need to show how we value this sacrament and should arrive early and often for confession.

 

[Marybeloved]

We arrive early or at the very beginning for things important to us. Folks queue up for tickets, sales, to see Santa, etc. If a famous person were going to be at the local mall for 2.5 hours, fans wouldn’t stroll up an hour into the event to get in line.

I absolutely think priests should offer more frequent confession times, but I also think there is a role we as laity have as well. We need to show how we value this sacrament and should arrive early and often for confession.

The OP did show she valued the sacrament. That’s why she was there within the time the church itself had indicated. There’s no justification for suggesting that she did not value the sacrament. Standing in line for 1.5 hours does not say “I don’t think this is important.” If he could not see all those who came within that time he should have arranged for another confession some time later.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

I am sure that there was another time scheduled. A parish that has 2.5 hours confession at a time is likely to have a regular weekly schedule of confession.

As I said in my first reply, I have also been turned away from confession. A few times because Mass was starting, but also just because the confession time was over and Father had other appointments. I was also disappointed, but realized that I was to blame by not arriving at the beginning and so assuring there would be time for me to get in. I simply went to the next available confession time - either at that parish or another nearby parish. And if necessary, I refrained from receiving communion at that Mass.

It does no one any good to revile our priests. If there is anything we can change in our behavior, it is our duty to do it, before we expect others to change for our convienence. Certainly, it would be more practical for the OP to speak to his/her pastor after Christmas and encourage more confession times, than to come here in righteous indignation against a priest.

 

[TrueLight]

We all have been turned away from confession at one point or another.

I think the whole point is that the priest has the right to leave when the confession time is over. Period.

God is not a tyrant. If you tried your best to go to confession but were not able to be seen, make a perfect act of contrition and go to confession as soon as you can.

 

[Cider]

I don’t think an emergency was require. The times were posree and it had reached the end of the time. How much longer is the priest expected to stay after a posted time especially when there is a scheduled meeting?

My personal opinion is that any priests that are scheduled to hear confessions should ideally not have other important appointments backed up so close. This parish had what, at least 3 priests hearing confessions at that time slot. At least one of those priests should have time preplanned in case the need for confessions goes over. In this day when there is already limited scheduled confession times per week it’s even more important, especially just before Christmas and Easter.

 

[Newbie2]

Yes priests are servants of the community but they are not slaves…

“Slaves”? Really?

Christmas and Easter: two busiest times. Christmas and Easter, the only times when many people come to mass and/or confession.

Three priests, and not one could stay for a few minutes to hear a couple more confessions?

In any case, I think the OP should bring this to the Pastor’s attention for future reference. Perhaps something can be done to avoid this in the future, such as having someone let the people in line know he can only hear confessions until a certain time, regardless of how long the line is, etc.

The problem here is that there is was a reasonable expectation that was not met. Solution: change the expectation or meet it.

 

[Marybeloved]

I am sure that there was another time scheduled. A parish that has 2.5 hours confession at a time is likely to have a regular weekly schedule of confession.

As I said in my first reply, I have also been turned away from confession. A few times because Mass was starting, but also just because the confession time was over and Father had other appointments. I was also disappointed, but realized that I was to blame by not arriving at the beginning and so assuring there would be time for me to get in. I simply went to the next available confession time - either at that parish or another nearby parish. And if necessary, I refrained from receiving communion at that Mass.

It does no one any good to revile our priests. If there is anything we can change in our behavior, it is our duty to do it, before we expect others to change for our convienence. Certainly, it would be more practical for the OP to speak to his/her pastor after Christmas and encourage more confession times, than to come here in righteous indignation against a priest.

Righteous indignation is something you could very well be accused of yourself. Who has reviled priests? The OP was disappointed and confused. This forum offers opportunity for advice and support (even fraternal correction when it is given in the spirit of love) from fellow Catholics. Why shouldn’t she post and ask her questions and make her complaints here before running off to do something without getting some different perspectives on the issue first? I see nothing insulting in her post- you think that mere complaining and pointing out what appears insensitive behavior of priests is reviling them? I don’t. I’ve seen plenty of such “reviling” done right here to liberal Bishops and Priests. People post here because they want other points of view. They are advised, like you suggest to speak to the pastor, to arrive earlier next time, to consider the Priest’s busy schedule etc etc. It’s not self righteous at all- it’s exactly what people do here all the time.