Turned Away from Confession

[Elizabeth502]

Sounds typical of a lot of parishes…

I find this in many parishes. Catholics are lectured on how they should be going to confession a lot more—yet, it is not uncommon for this sacrament to be offered once a week for an hour.

If the sacrament is this important, it should be offered DAILY (like the parish across the street from where I work).

Yep – a point many of us have made repeatedly on this forum. Before daily Mass is the obvious solution, which many parishes do offer. When a parish will never offer pre-Mass confessions (I mean a parish with at least one full-time pastor, let alone 2 or 3), then it seems that it is not a priority for the parish in question.

I was recently involved with a parish in which the priest “couldn’t figure out” what to do to increase regular attendance/involvement. So, at a large meeting suggested by him, the parishioners told him (I was there): the church itself open more often for prayer, and frequent confession. We all provided a number of options for both requests, including collaborating on staggered confession times and open churches with other nearby parishes in the diocese, and publishing those. (So as not to overly burden any one pastor or parish.)

The pastor was completely non-responsive, despite the parishioners pleading with him. Confession is still only the one hour before Saturday Vigil Mass.

I’m quite sure that hearing confessions is draining, or certainly can be. Here’s a solution, if you don’t want to hear confessions, don’t become part of the Roman Catholic ministerial priesthood; instead, find another role, such as an Order, a function, a location in which not ministering to a parish is a possibility. That’s why many men become Brothers instead of priests, and other men join contemplative orders, and still others don’t get ordained at all but teach in Catholic locations without Holy Orders. The main function of the ministerial priesthood is administering the sacraments. I am not commenting on the particulars of the OP’s situation; the meeting may have indeed been an emergency, not to mention confidential in nature & sensitive – just commenting on the above poster’s remarks.

I don’t expect all parishes to have the same focus as my local parish does, which is Sacraments in Extremus . (Multiple times a day, every day of the year) But except for truly understaffed situations, such as rural parishes and other exceptions, it is difficult to believe that where’s a will, there is not a way, within any dioceses that are dense enough to have some kind of cooperative scheduling with other parishes. Even 2-3 times a week, within a narrow geographical range, would be a vast improvement.

 

[TrueLight]

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In any case, I think the OP should bring this to the Pastor’s attention for future reference. Perhaps something can be done to avoid this in the future, such as having someone let the people in line know he can only hear confessions until a certain time, regardless of how long the line is, etc.

The confession times are posted.

The problem here is that there is was a reasonable expectation that was not met. Solution: change the expectation or meet it.

What was that reasonable expectation? That everyone on a confession line would be seen even if it is past confession time?

 

[TrueLight]

I absolutely think priests should offer more frequent confession times, but I also think there is a role we as laity have as well. We need to show how we value this sacrament and should arrive early and often for confession.

I agree with you. Clergy won’t set long confession hours if no one is there, but if enough people make their displeasure known about the confession hours and actually show up to confession, the hours will get longer.

 

[Newbie2]

The confession times are posted.

What was that reasonable expectation? That everyone on a confession line would be seen even if it is past confession time?

Obviously, it’s not clear to parishioners or there would not be an issue. It seems that they expected that if they were in line before 6:30, their confession would be heard. I think it reasonable if one showed up an hour before confession ended, that their confession would be heard. Not the same, methinks, if they showed up at 6:25, which I would consider unreasonable, particularly during Christmas.

 

[TrueLight]

Obviously, it’s not clear to parishioners or there would not be an issue. It seems that they expected that if they were in line before 6:30, their confession would be heard. I think it reasonable if one showed up an hour before confession ended, that their confession would be heard. Not the same, methinks, if they showed up at 6:25, which I would consider unreasonable, particularly during Christmas.

Then there would need to be a staff member or volunteer there who would monitor if someone made it before the cutoff.

The priest really can’t monitor that.

Either way, someone will be turned away.

 

[Newbie2]

Then there would need to be a staff member or volunteer there who would monitor if someone made it before the cutoff.

The priest really can’t monitor that.

Either way, someone will be turned away.

Post a sign, place it in the bulletin, whatever, that says confessions end at 6:30 even if there are people in line. Tell those in line that confessions end at 6:30 even if they are still in line. Whatever. I’m not suggesting specific solutions, those are up to the individual priest or parish.

If people then do not read or ignore the notice, their expectation is unreasonable. All I’m saying is that it is obviously unclear at present. Clear it up.

 

[Seamus_L]

Sometimes priests are at fault. As an example, last year I was rather perturbed about a situation where a church had listed in there bulletin, that confession is heard every morning at 8am, before 8:30 mass. Twice in a row I went there and found no one hearing confession. Another man waiting, told me that it was a common occurence. Now I realise that priests have very busy schedules, but quite often those waiting in line have jobs and other obligations to go to as well, and may not have the time to search for the priest and ask if he can hear there confession.
But just so I don't finish on a sour note. I've found priests who say the Traditional Latin Mass as well as the priests from Opus Dei to be extremely accomodating when it comes to confession. As one person put it "An Opus Dei priest would hear your confession while crossing a busy street in the pouring rain".

 

[Marybeloved]

I’ve found priests who say the Traditional Latin Mass as well as the priests from Opus Dei to be extremely accomodating when it comes to confession. As one person put it “An Opus Dei priest would hear your confession while crossing a busy street in the pouring rain”.

You’re exactly right!!! I began attending mass and confession at Opus Dei centers first. As I put it in the other thread (mine, about roughly the same subject), I think I got spoilt.

Not once in five years has an Opus Dei Priest said No to confession or a request for communion if you arrived late for daily mass. Also, they (plus the Traditional orders like FSSP) practice confession during mass. It’s all in a spirit of placing confession very high on their priority list- they make sure to avail it throughout, as much as they possibly can- And when an Opus Dei priest can’t he can never send a penitent away. He’ll have him wait until he can hear it or arrange for another Priest to come and hear it. The general out-look is one that places confession and mass very, very high in importance, and it is quite obvious too.

 

[TrueLight]

Also, they (plus the Traditional orders like FSSP) practice confession during mass.

I’ve definitely seen this, but there is a cut-off!

I don’t remember when the cutoff is during mass, but once we get to that point in mass, the priest leaves the confessional. If there are a few parishioners still waiting, in all docility, they take a seat.

I’m sure there are priests who arrive late for confessions regularly, and of course that’s not right.

I just don’t agree that a priest has to see everyone on the confession line even if confession is over.

 

[Kathryn_Ann]

Why is it that people seem to assume the worst possible motivation of priests?

The OP posted an interpretation of an event, and subsequent posters have concluded that priests treat their vocation like an everyday job. Posters have judged the priests for not staying to hear more confessions, accused priests of not scheduling enough confessions, determined that the priests showed poor judgement, and accused priests of condemning souls to hell just to get to a meeting. The only thing you know about this situation is what the OP said and yet people conclude the worst possible.

For all we know, “important meeting” was the priest’s way of saying, without revealing private information, that he was on the way to anoint someone in the hospital. He might have been going to hear confessions at a retirement home. He might have been going to baptize someone on their deathbed. He might have been going to say Mass at the hospital. He might have been going to counsel a grieving wife on the death of her husband. All of these are reasons that my priest has had to depart the confessional at the scheduled time.

What happened to being charitable, and assuming the best about people (especially priests!), when hearing a situation like this?

For everyone who thinks that priests in their parishes don’t schedule enough confession time, have you ever talked your priest about this? Have you ever asked them to schedule more time? Or do you just grumpily observed that more people are at communion than confession and then whine and complain?

:angel1:And let’s include the OP (and all those who reply,) in our charity. Sometimes people assume the worst possible motivation behind the original poster, who may be hurting and just wanting a safe place to inquire. :heaven:

 

[DoGodsBidding]

To the credit of the two Priests they listened to confessions for 2-1/2 hours. I don’t care to do anything sitting for 2-1/2 hours, including watching a movie or a ball game. I have no doubt that listening to confessions is much more taxing than watching a movie or a ball game.

DGB

 

[Marybeloved]

I’ve definitely seen this, but there is a cut-off!

I don’t remember when the cutoff is during mass, but once we get to that point in mass, the priest leaves the confessional. If there are a few parishioners still waiting, in all docility, they take a seat.

I’m sure there are priests who arrive late for confessions regularly, and of course that’s not right.

I just don’t agree that a priest has to see everyone on the confession line even if confession is over.

If you’ve been following all the posts then you note that the complaints are more than just being turned away- How the priests takes care of these remaining persons has been discussed but some posters who insist that the Priest may leave are failing to address that. What could prevent the priest from scheduling some other time? Yes, there’s a cut-off in the scenario I discussed (confession at mass) but seriously! The priest returns to the confessional right after mass and hears the parishioners who are left. I’m sorry, but I’ve simply never experienced the scenario where the Priest just finishes and takes off leaving people on the queue. They may have to wait a while, but not just told, “sorry… Time’s up”

 

[TrueLight]

If you’ve been following all the posts then you note that the complaints are more than just being turned away- How the priests takes care of these remaining persons has been discussed but some posters who insist that the Priest may leave are failing to address that. What could prevent the priest from scheduling some other time? Yes, there’s a cut-off in the scenario I discussed (confession at mass) but seriously! The priest returns to the confessional right after mass and hears the parishioners who are left. I’m sorry, but I’ve simply never experienced the scenario where the Priest just finishes and takes off leaving people on the queue. They may have to wait a while, but not just told, “sorry… Time’s up”

Fair enough.

Here is what the OP said.

I finally got to point where there was only one person in front of me and 2 behind me at 6:30, when the priest came out and said that he & his associate priest had another meeting and confessions were over. He did not tell us that it was an emergency; he just said goodnight and we walked out.

Maybe he could have said, something about the next confession time or mentioned that one can call the office for an appointment?

I don’t think he had to say if it was an emergency.

I am reminded of this verse:

1 Corinthians 14:40
But everything should be done in a fitting and orderly way.

 

[Bklynguy]

I’m sorry, but unless the OP arrived at 6.30 or after confession time then your post makes no sense. He arrived in good time within the hours set by the Priest. If the priest could not see the last four he should have asked them to come back when he had time. Your presumption is also outrageous, suggesting that confession was not important to her. It was and she arrived well within time. if you did not read the OP, there were other priests who left earlier which is probably why they could not all be seen within the scheduled time.

Good post.

 

[Marybeloved]

Fair enough.

Here is what the OP said.

Maybe he could have said, something about the next confession time or mentioned that one can call the office for an appointment?

I don’t think he had to say if it was an emergency.

I am reminded of this verse:

There was a time I waited for a priest at an opus dei centre- He explained to me that he had to be somewhere for an hour/two and could I wait? When someone has been on the queue (per the scheduled time that YOU, not them, have set)- you do owe an explanation if you’re going to leave without attending to them- That’s basic human courtesy! :shrug:It’s not like more is being asked of priests here than other people- it’s exactly what is reasonable.

And if the reason is that there is an emergency, why wouldn’t you tell them? They are probably in mortal sin having stood there for an hour and a half- what’s the big deal about saying. “I’m sorry you’ve been waiting but unfortunately I can’t finish hearing all of you because of an emergency that I have to attend to. Perhaps you could try and make an act of contrition and come back in so many hours or tomorrow morning”…etc etc?

Yes, our priest are not slaves- but the parishioners are not robots either, and basic care must be shown especially when something urgent (like confession) must be put off due to no fault of the penitent.

 

[TrueLight]

There was a time I waited for a priest at an opus dei centre- He explained to me that he had to be somewhere for an hour/two and could I wait? When someone has been on the queue (per the scheduled time that YOU, not them, have set)- you do owe an explanation if you’re going to leave without attending them- That’s basic human courtesy! :shrug:It’s not like more is being asked of priests here than other people- it’s exactly what is reasonable.

He did give the OP an explanation (as basic human courtesy). He had a meeting to attend.

Anyway, this is going nowhere. I guess we have to agree to disagree.

 

[Bklynguy]

And if the sacrament is important to us, we will be there for the start of the scheduled time each week

To be honest, this is actually quite a ridiculous argument. If the time to hear confessions are 4-6:30 as set by the Parish, then you shouldn’t have to arrive AT 4pm in order to guarantee your confession being heard.

 

[Bklynguy]

We need to show how we value this sacrament and should arrive early and often for confession.

Standing in line for 1-1/2 hours is not valuing the sacrament enough for you? Maybe we should be standing outside the parish in sackcloth and ashes?

 

[EvelynEVF]

I definitely agree that it is a bummer that the OP waited for quite a long time and still didn’t get to confess. However, I am struck by how wonderful the underlying situation is:

THREE priests, all hearing confessions!!

For TWO AND A HALF HOURS!! (7.5 man hours, or would we say priest hours?)

and still there were SO MANY PENITENTS that all the time wasn’t even sufficient.

That is fantastic!

And in such a parish where confession is obviously highly valued, I wouldn’t for a second hesitate to call the parish office for an appointment if I really needed the sacrament before the next scheduled time.

 

[Pax2u]

Standing in line for 1-1/2 hours is not valuing the sacrament enough for you? Maybe we should be standing outside the parish in sackcloth and ashes?

Bklynguy…that made me chuckle! I just want to reiterate…I think the sacrament of Reconciliation is so important…and yes, sometimes an emergency situation, as much as any other situation. I can’t think of anything more important for a priest to do than be the instrument to give the sacraments to God’s people. Whatever the reasons the priests had for leaving in the OPs situation…my opinion is that they didn’t handle it in a very pastoral way. Others have suggested options that would have been better…suggesting a different day/time would have been kind.

I don’t believe anyone is “bashing” priests here. We love our priests. That being said…yes, sometimes I have to stay over on my job when I’m in the midst of something important, and yes…I’ve been late to meetings because I had to take care of the important matter in front of me first!