Turning 3 - and end to terrible 2's

[Serap]

I have heard that age 3 is this magical number where the terrible 2s end. Like some rabbit being pulled out of a hat, age 3 is where they become more rationale and they want to please you.

My son, in the height of his terrible 2’s, was awful…a biter, hitter, a bully in the playground, always having temper tantrums that would last for 1/2 hour - 3 or 4 times a day, constant anger and crying. I thought there was something wrong with my child. In fact everyone was telling me that there was something wrong with my child.

Nothing worked…time outs failed, yelling failed, biting back failed (all the bad advice I received from well meaning people) - I felt like a failure.

Then his doctor gave us the magic…get down on his level, hold both hands and firmly say, “NO BITING”, “NO HITTING”, or “NO PULLING HAIR”. That was all.

Fastforward 4 months, his behaviour improved each week. I can officially say the terrible 2’s are over. He’s turning 3 in 2 weeks and wow what a change!!! Time outs now work, just as his doctor said that they would (as he approaches age 3) and he is successfully potty training.

When I searched “terrible twos” on the web, all I found was parents complaining that at age 3, the terrible 2’s were not over. Now, looking back, perhaps these parents didn’t really experience the “terrible 2” phenominon to the degree that I did with DS. My DD never had terrible 2’s really either.

My son is now a beautiful happy little boy who sings, plays with his cars, who hugs me and tells me he loves me, who plays with his sister nicely (most of the time), who brings me pretend food and presents, who cries when he thinks he has made mommy unhappy…just a gorgeous little boy and I can’t wait to see him grow some more.

 

[ShanaA1984]

Who ever told you that 3 is better than 2 lied to you. For my daughter her 3 year old year has been the WORST. She fights me over everything and anything and ignores me when I ask her to do something simple like putting a toy away. I hear 4 is the magic number but I’m not sure I can trust that.

 

[oldcatholicguy]

I have heard that age 3 is this magical number where the terrible 2s end. Like some rabbit being pulled out of a hat, age 3 is where they become more rationale and they want to please you.

My son, in the height of his terrible 2’s, was awful…a biter, hitter, a bully in the playground, always having temper tantrums that would last for 1/2 hour - 3 or 4 times a day, constant anger and crying. I thought there was something wrong with my child. In fact everyone was telling me that there was something wrong with my child.

Nothing worked…time outs failed, yelling failed, biting back failed (all the bad advice I received from well meaning people) - I felt like a failure.

Then his doctor gave us the magic…get down on his level, hold both hands and firmly say, “NO BITING”, “NO HITTING”, or “NO PULLING HAIR”. That was all.

Fastforward 4 months, his behaviour improved each week. I can officially say the terrible 2’s are over. He’s turning 3 in 2 weeks and wow what a change!!! Time outs now work, just as his doctor said that they would (as he approaches age 3) and he is successfully potty training.

When I searched “terrible twos” on the web, all I found was parents complaining that at age 3, the terrible 2’s were not over. Now, looking back, perhaps these parents didn’t really experience the “terrible 2” phenominon to the degree that I did with DS. My DD never had terrible 2’s really either.

My son is now a beautiful happy little boy who sings, plays with his cars, who hugs me and tells me he loves me, who plays with his sister nicely (most of the time), who brings me pretend food and presents, who cries when he thinks he has made mommy unhappy…just a gorgeous little boy and I can’t wait to see him grow some more.

Three is worse than two. They can get into more places, are more independent, and are now grand masters of the word “no.”

 

[SamH]

Three is worse than two. They can get into more places, are more independent, and are now grand masters of the word “no.”

To a degree I agree. The one thing that makes 3 better than 2 is that usually the child can talk and can tell you what they want - at age two they are usually grunting and crying because they know what they want but they just can’t tell you. We have a 3.5 year old and a 20 month old right now - the 20 month old is the bigger handful.

I think I read *5 Little Ducks *at least 40 times over the Thanksgiving weekend - amazing how much the 20 month old wants to hear that story (ei song) even though the only words he knows are Quack Quack Quack Quack. Help me please…

 

[Serap]

Who ever told you that 3 is better than 2 lied to you. For my daughter her 3 year old year has been the WORST. She fights me over everything and anything and ignores me when I ask her to do something simple like putting a toy away. I hear 4 is the magic number but I’m not sure I can trust that.

compared to 2, he’s amazing. I’d have to say that for me, he’s way better now than before.

I guess every child is different.

 

[Serap]

Three is worse than two. They can get into more places, are more independent, and are now grand masters of the word “no.”

I’m experiencing the opposite. He’s listening to me now and he’s using his words to communicate.

I love that my son is more independent. He plays with his toys on his own and is no longer crying all the time for me.

Again, I guess each child is unique.

 

[Serap]

To a degree I agree. The one thing that makes 3 better than 2 is that usually the child can talk and can tell you what they want - at age two they are usually grunting and crying because they know what they want but they just can’t tell you. We have a 3.5 year old and a 20 month old right now - the 20 month old is the bigger handful.

I think I read *5 Little Ducks *at least 40 times over the Thanksgiving weekend - amazing how much the 20 month old wants to hear that story (ei song) even though the only words he knows are Quack Quack Quack Quack. Help me please…

I think it’s a communication thing too. Now that my son can tell me how he’s feeling and I can validate him (before he cries); his temper is almost gone.

He’s no longer bullying other kids too when he wants their toy. He knows now that it’s not appropriate behaviour.

 

[jilly4ski]

To a degree I agree. The one thing that makes 3 better than 2 is that usually the child can talk and can tell you what they want - at age two they are usually grunting and crying because they know what they want but they just can’t tell you. We have a 3.5 year old and a 20 month old right now - the 20 month old is the bigger handful.

I think I read *5 Little Ducks *at least 40 times over the Thanksgiving weekend - amazing how much the 20 month old wants to hear that story (ei song) even though the only words he knows are Quack Quack Quack Quack. Help me please…

I think the problem with three is that they are more vocal. It means a lot of “no” and a lot of sass. I swear, the day after my eldest turned 3 he became stubborn as mule. He also was no longer looking for our praise at every turn. Prior to that he loved to hear us, clap and praise him. And while he was always good at ignoring us he became even better at it. He is better now at 3.5 in that he has better learned our expectations and the consequences that follow. But yes I thought that 3 was much worse than 2. (of course the next one will turn 2 in a month here so we will see. He went through a terrible twos before he even turned 1, throwing tantrums etc.).

 

[Bezant]

Three is worse than two. They can get into more places, are more independent, and are now grand masters of the word “no.”

Exactly. My niece, who just turned three, is now fluent in backchat.

 

[Serap]

I love age 3. I’m surprised by the comments.

 

[EasterJoy]

Every day is a new day. You’ve seen your son at his best. He has matured into some self-control and self-direction skills, and it has to feel even better to him than it does to you. You are right to be singing alleluias, because he has gained a truly wonderful knowledge that not everyone gets! Some poor souls suffer a great deal and spread a lot of suffering because their self-centered phase never ends, for whatever reason. Even though some to seem to unfairly “get away with things”, their lot in life is nothing to envy.

Put it in a canteen. There will be days in the future–maybe later today, maybe not for ten years, but the day will come–when he goes back to “what I want, the way I think I should have it, and when I want it, which is now”. After all, don’t we all? Now, though, you’ll be able to say, “I know you get it. I know you know how to have a happy life. Let go of what is never going to work, and let’s get back to that.” I don’t mean to hold his good behavior over his head when he fails. I mean to use his successes to encourage him (and yourself) when he fails, even if spectacularly. You’ll have that tool, now, of knowing not only that he does know how to live peaceably, but that he enjoys it. It won’t always work, but do yourself a favor and remember that there is an earthly Jerusalem in that boy. Even by the adolescent streams of Babylon, that memory will be there to sustain you. Dare to believe in it.

If you are very lucky, indeed, he will only backslide occasionally, and never very far. It is so scary for a child to totally lose it that most will not ever fully regress. They tend to push boundaries in other ways…sometimes with some malice, but sometimes just as self-assertion. It varies. Be ready for those weather changes, though. If you are ready, if you have a plan, if you aren’t surprised into feeding some drama into a monster it didn’t have to be, and if you don’t take for granted your part in helping him succeed, I think the storms will not get so violent again.

 

[Serap]

Every day is a new day. You’ve seen your son at his best. He has matured into some self-control and self-direction skills, and it has to feel even better to him than it does to you. You are right to be singing alleluias, because he has gained a truly wonderful knowledge that not everyone gets! Some poor souls suffer a great deal and spread a lot of suffering because their self-centered phase never ends, for whatever reason. Even though some to seem to unfairly “get away with things”, their lot in life is nothing to envy.

Put it in a canteen. There will be days in the future–maybe later today, maybe not for ten years, but the day will come–when he goes back to “what I want, the way I think I should have it, and when I want it, which is now”. After all, don’t we all? Now, though, you’ll be able to say, “I know you get it. I know you know how to have a happy life. Let go of what is never going to work, and let’s get back to that.” I don’t mean to hold his good behavior over his head when he fails. I mean to use his successes to encourage him (and yourself) when he fails, even if spectacularly. You’ll have that tool, now, of knowing not only that he does know how to live peaceably, but that he enjoys it. It won’t always work, but do yourself a favor and remember that there is an earthly Jerusalem in that boy. Even by the adolescent streams of Babylon, that memory will be there to sustain you. Dare to believe in it.

If you are very lucky, indeed, he will only backslide occasionally, and never very far. It is so scary for a child to totally lose it that most will not ever fully regress. They tend to push boundaries in other ways…sometimes with some malice, but sometimes just as self-assertion. It varies. Be ready for those weather changes, though. If you are ready, if you have a plan, if you aren’t surprised into feeding some drama into a monster it didn’t have to be, and if you don’t take for granted your part in helping him succeed, I think the storms will not get so violent again.

Thanks very much…very profound. I guess you’ve been following my history over the past 3 years.

I’ve read that those first 3 years are crucial to development and these are the years that shape them forever. Thanks be to God that my son is turning into a beautiful little boy. We will have a few steps back every now and then; I’m expecting that to happen as he’s only a little human being BUT, I do not ever expect it to be the way it was b/c he has come so far in learning about himself and how things work. I’m very proud of him.

 

[wmw]

I’ve a 19 and 17 year old, both A students; one studying to become a BioEngineer the other is in doubt if she wants to go to Medical school, but has that choice. I would have been a terrible parent on my own. My wife was 16 years old when her youngest brother was born and brought fantastic parenting skills to our household.

Terrible 2’s are much shorter lived with better parenting. This OP’s experience is typical, once you gain better parenting skills the children quickly respond and are no longer terrible anything.

My number 1 tip would be, “They need lots of attention, they know when you don’t want to continue to give them attention, they will do just about anything to get your attention. Make yourself happy to give them the love and attention they need everyday and everyone will be happier. As they grow older they still need lots of attention. It’s form just changes with age and their personality. If they don’t want your attention any longer it is largely something that you have taught them to go without.”

 

[EasterJoy]

Thanks very much…very profound. I guess you’ve been following my history over the past 3 years.

I’ve read that those first 3 years are crucial to development and these are the years that shape them forever. Thanks be to God that my son is turning into a beautiful little boy. We will have a few steps back every now and then; I’m expecting that to happen as he’s only a little human being BUT, I do not ever expect it to be the way it was b/c he has come so far in learning about himself and how things work. I’m very proud of him.

You ought to be proud of him! Even the best of us have our days, though. It will be easier to remain calm when he veers off the trail in the future if the possibility neither seemed inevitable nor impossible. But yes, figure on the next trial to be something different.

The first three years are crucial, but we are what we are, too. There isn’t a way to force a late bloomer into a healthy early bloom, and there isn’t a way to do temperament transplants. Even identical twins go through life with their own little individual quirks. Find someone whose life has been one unbroken progression in the positive direction…the person doesn’t exist. The people who talk to parents as if every incident of misbehavior was preventable are off their rockers, then! Even if it were possible, that wouldn’t mean a childhood of total mistake prevention would be a good idea. Our Lord’s parents spent three days in Jerusalem tearing their hair out looking for him. Two perfect people and a saint, and even the Holy Family had their days. Always remember that: Hard times in parenting do not mean you’ve done something wrong. Sometimes, hard times can mean you’re doing everything just right.

 

[Aggies08]

I prefer the 2’s over the 3’s.

At two, they are learning the rules, how far they can go, etc.

By three they KNOW their boundaries, and want to see what happens if they go outside of them, or what your reaction will be to certain things. LOL

I’ve never had a real problem child, though, over the last 5 years, spending all day with 10-15 2 yr olds! They all respond well to being given responsibilities, talked to as an adult at eye-level, and treated as an independent person.

 

[Z_Ninja]

That’s awesome! My two older children were terrible 3’s, or as I like to say, "it’s not the terrible 2’s, it’s the terrible 2-18’s. LOL. But, you are right, my wife tells me all the time to just really listen to them and I do realize kids are a lot smarter than most adults give them credit for, and I find myself expecting more from them than their 10 and 7 year old selves can handle. Now our 3rd is going to be 1 in just over a week.

 

[Serap]

I prefer the 2’s over the 3’s.

At two, they are learning the rules, how far they can go, etc.

By three they KNOW their boundaries, and want to see what happens if they go outside of them, or what your reaction will be to certain things. LOL

I’ve never had a real problem child, though, over the last 5 years, spending all day with 10-15 2 yr olds! They all respond well to being given responsibilities, talked to as an adult at eye-level, and treated as an independent person.

You would not have wanted my son when he was 2 - trust me on that. It is a year that I’d like to forget.

It wasn’t until he was 2 years and 8 months that we began to notice positive changes in his behaviour. For us, the terrible two’s were just that…bloody terrible! He used to bite the other kids so hard that they would bleed. This used to happen at least once or twice a week. I used to have weekly scratch marks, bite marks and bruises from his temper tantrums. It was a year that I’m glad to forget.

so if at age 3, I get “NO!”…I’ll take that any day!!!

 

[7armyrugrats]

All children are different. It is part of what makes being a mom so much “fun.” my sixth child was the perfect little lady until she turned 6. It’s been pure evil ever since with her. Most of mine children have had 6-9 month cycles in their behavior. It seems that for 6-9 months they are easy to deal with, and for 6-9 months things are more difficult. At least until they start to hit puberty and then it is a weekly/daily/hourly/moment hormonal attitude change. Kids definitely keep life interesting! And it doesn’t seem to be a boy -vs- girl thing. My two girls are polar opposites, and all five of my boys are different too. Two of the boys are autistic and even those two boys are nothing alike! I’m looking forward to seeing how our new one will be when he/she arrives in a few months

 

[Serap]

All children are different. It is part of what makes being a mom so much “fun.” my sixth child was the perfect little lady until she turned 6. It’s been pure evil ever since with her. Most of mine children have had 6-9 month cycles in their behavior. It seems that for 6-9 months they are easy to deal with, and for 6-9 months things are more difficult. At least until they start to hit puberty and then it is a weekly/daily/hourly/moment hormonal attitude change. Kids definitely keep life interesting! And it doesn’t seem to be a boy -vs- girl thing. My two girls are polar opposites, and all five of my boys are different too. Two of the boys are autistic and even those two boys are nothing alike! I’m looking forward to seeing how our new one will be when he/she arrives in a few months

You’ve sure had your share of experiences!!! My daughter is 5 and an angel…hope she doesn’t turn on me

 

[7armyrugrats]

You’ve sure had your share of experiences!!! My daughter is 5 and an angel…hope she doesn’t turn on me

I am sure your daughter will be just fine. You sound like you have good parenting skills and a loving household. I do get what you mean about your son and wanting to forget the past year. I’ve had a few of those years myself with one of my boys. He is autistic and VERY close to my husband. When my husband deploys it always takes an ugly turn at our house. We always make it through and choose not to dwell on how ugly it became…we just move on. Now that this son is 12, even when his father is gone it never gets as bad. It is so beautiful watching children grow, mature and become little people of God. I do tease my kids and Tell them how much easier my life would be if I was the mother of one of those families you see on TV where all the kids look alike, act alike, dress alike, etc. And especially if I could discipline them all in the same way and get the same results. Honestly I believe that it would be boring. I couldn’t imagine not having my big beautiful mess of a family. It’s not always easy but it makes deployments and other military separations more manageable. I have a mission in life and a purpose to fulfill. And it feels great being able to hand it all off to Papi when he returns home! He misses them all and I’m ready for a vacation so it’s perfect