Turning a Blind Eye

[adricrimson]

Last night, the man I was dating ended our relationship because he said that we were too different and believed in too many different things. Our biggest hurdle was premarital sex. He saw no wrong in it; I did. And although he never forced his way with me, he would usually tell me that my choice to abstain was something he had to cope with, and asked why I had so many rules. This man’s spiritual life obviously is weak.

What I am struggling to understand is how he can choose to turn a blind eye to Christ’s teachings and beliefs. He is such a kind and generous man. He plays music for the homeless and the elderly, volunteers at an animal rescue shelter, and is kind and patient with all he comes across. His kind heart and generosity are what drew me to him in the first place because these are Christ-like virtues.

But when he told he was not sorry for his sexual past, being intimate with multiple partners, and even living with someone for two years, I was just floored. He does not see this as lust. He reasons that sex is a biological need that needs to be fulfilled.

I have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that someone with such a kind and loving heart can have such a skewed view of sex. It hurts my heart to know that someone with such a kind heart can blatantly disregard Christ’s teachings.

At this point, I feel that all I can do is pray for God to send the Holy Spirit to touch his heart and for him to turn from his ways. If this happened, it would truly be a miracle. Although it seems silly to ask, should I pray a novena for his salvation? To a particular saint?
I did/can see myself having a future with this man, but he needs to get his life right with God first.

Any advice or words of support would be greatly appreciated.

 

[robwar]

I am sorry about your pain but in reality he did you a big favor. Even though on the surface he had very nice qualities, he wasn’t committed to living a moral life and sex in marriage only. Faithfulness in marriage is proven before marriage and the last thing you would ever want is to end up with a philanderer. don’t try to understand him or make sense out of it. I know it’s painful to be rejected, but don’t blame yourself for following God’s plan and if he didn’t want that, then in the end be glad that this didn’t work out. May God give you some comfort and peace. When one door closes, a window will often open.

 

[Sunbreak]

He is obviously not on the same page as you are. He is turning a blind eye to the teachings because he doesn’t want to follow them in the matter of sexuality. If he thinks this is a “need” he has to satisfy (even though no one ever died from lack of sex), then you and he would probably not be compatible down the line. I pray that you can move on and find someone who will be more compatible with you and honor your morals.

 

[Petaro]

You do not say if the man was a Christian. If he claimed to be then your quandary over his attitude to sex is understandable. However if he is just a humanist he can have all these attractive characteristics whilst seeing sex from a humanistic framework without any spirituality behind it.
You were lucky he recognised the difficulties of the lack of common values. It is sad to see the good ones go, but there are basic values that are needed to get two people through the rigors of marriage. I see nothing wrong with praying for his conversion, and maintaining a valid friendship with him if that is what he wants.

 

[chefmomster2]

Sexual sins are some of the most difficult sins to face up to. Perhaps he isn’t ready to do so. Maybe he never will be. They can be especially tough to stop when you have grown accustomed to the pleasure, such as it is, that it brings you.

I want you to know that you have done an extremely courageous thing. You chose to allow a man you obviously have deep feelings for walk away. Have faith and stay strong. There is another who loves you far more deeply and He will never walk away.

I’m really proud of you!

 

[sjays]

You have demonstrated great bravery and perseverance in the face of temptation and I agree with other posters that you have been spared a potentially disastrous relationship.

Nonetheless, he clearly has a very good and compassionate side, which might prove the seed of a conversion of his attitudes towards sex.

I would offer a novena to St. Margaret of Cortona for his conversion. She is a powerful protectress against temptation and among her many patronages is assistance with sexual temptation.

 

[Cricket2]

Last night, the man I was dating ended our relationship because he said that we were too different and believed in too many different things. Our biggest hurdle was premarital sex. He saw no wrong in it; I did. And although he never forced his way with me, he would usually tell me that my choice to abstain was something he had to cope with, and asked why I had so many rules. This man’s spiritual life obviously is weak.

What I am struggling to understand is how he can choose to turn a blind eye to Christ’s teachings and beliefs. He is such a kind and generous man. He plays music for the homeless and the elderly, volunteers at an animal rescue shelter, and is kind and patient with all he comes across. His kind heart and generosity are what drew me to him in the first place because these are Christ-like virtues.

But when he told he was not sorry for his sexual past, being intimate with multiple partners, and even living with someone for two years, I was just floored. He does not see this as lust. He reasons that sex is a biological need that needs to be fulfilled.

I have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that someone with such a kind and loving heart can have such a skewed view of sex. It hurts my heart to know that someone with such a kind heart can blatantly disregard Christ’s teachings.

At this point, I feel that all I can do is pray for God to send the Holy Spirit to touch his heart and for him to turn from his ways. If this happened, it would truly be a miracle. Although it seems silly to ask, should I pray a novena for his salvation? To a particular saint?
I did/can see myself having a future with this man, but he needs to get his life right with God first.

Any advice or words of support would be greatly appreciated.

Given his “free sexual thinking” I have to wonder how “kind” his heart really is. Sorry, but a lot of men and women out there simply think sex is a necessary part of their “dating routine.” In the end I don’t think you have lost anyone that important to your life.

Stick to your ethics concerning this area of behavior. A man who really loves you will understand your position and not use sexual activity as a reason to break up with you. I just attended a wedding of a friend who’s fiance was chaste prior to their marriage. He did not believe in sex prior to marriage and stuck to this. They are out there, just harder to find now.

 

[adricrimson]

Thank you all for the kind words and support. Although it has been a rough few days since the relationship ended, I know that having someone who lives his life according to God’s teaching is so very important. I just wish he would be more open to listening and wanting to learn about living a Christ-like life, but I know that that is something that he must want for himself. He was raised a Catholic, but I don’t know what happened to make him harden his heart towards God. I pray that the Holy Spirit touch his heart and draw him back to the Church.

Thank you again for your support. Your words help remind me that I am on the right path and that the ending of this relationship was in fact a blessing. My mind knows that, I just need my heart to fully accept that.

 

[Oblaidon]

He does not deserve you. I hope you find that special man who shares our faith.