Turning a stone

  • Thread starter Thread starter tenderlynew
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
T

tenderlynew

Guest
My son is questioning me about the early onset of my 35-year mental health crisis. He is about to turn 21, the age at which I first saw a psychiatrist, and there is talk of his becoming ill at that age, like me. After talking with him I thought back. Actually my first emotional disturbance was at 19, I explained to him later in the day, when I almost left college. Instead, I was elected head of the undergraduate literary magazine under strained circumstances. After about a semester and a half I was so stressed I had lost my color vision and was having difficulty talking–that was at 20. I didn’t explain that the first signs of emotional stress came when I started crying uncontrollably the summer after high school when my boyfriend, who was playing Jesus in Jesus Christ Superstar, I was a chorus member, told me he couldn’t marry me. My father had abused me the winter before and both my parents had intimidated me into not talking about it. The stone in question is the roommate in college whose father turned out to be a professional association of my father’s. We formed a strange and negative relationship that lasted throughout college, and kept me there. The moment when she met my father, and something happened that formed an unwanted tie, is the stone I am trying to turn. Later manslaughter, first degree murder (two abortions), and felony child abuse (throwing coffee at my son, hitting him in the eyes) are at issue. These sins are on my soul. My parents have persisted in lying and covering, ALL THIS TIME, about the incident with my father when I was 17, and I have stayed wrapped in the embrace of the MH system. The college roommate went on to become a psychologist and refused contact with me. I believe my mother and father still hide behind her. Please pray for me in this regard as I have remained suicidal since I was 21 and psych immediately went bad on me. I am now 52. I would never attempt suicide again, I don’t think, but I do pray for death, but with new hope, much to hope for, I want to live, according to the Lord’s will.
 
St. Michael the Archangel,*
defend us in battle.*
Be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the Devil.*
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray,*
and do thou,*
O Prince of the heavenly hosts,*
by the power of God,*
thrust into hell Satan,*
and all the evil spirits,*
who prowl about the world*
seeking the ruin of souls.

Amen.
 
A Prayer for the Tormented Soul

Here my prayer, O God, attend unto my cry while my lips tremble and my soul breathes out the sigh. Is it true You- you alone, my strong defense, my rest My desire, even though my heart beats wildly in my breast?

Where can I escape from the enemies of right? When my mind is clouded and grace is far from sight? Darkest nights, falling upon me with unrelenting power My heart-longing only for lighted grace – even this hour.

In shades of gray, my head is confused and torn. Between good or evil, my heart is grieved and worn. How can I know the right, will I live for His determined glory? Or to man’s wisdom will I turn in fear, trying to write my own futile story?

That story, foolish and arrogant, a call to heed temporal voices Sits upon me with false wisdom- calculating trust in human choices. O bear me up though I be tempted to live with sinful determinations, Salvage me from earthly folly which certainly assures evil devastations.

Save me, is my prayer- though heart, and mind and will are wretched; Deliver me, my one desire, knowing my name into your palm is etched. Grant me mercy to abhor myself and repent in dust and sorrow, And to rest alone on Your promise of the eternal tomorrow.

For your Word alone lights the pathway darkened by sin Joy and Wisdom are only found if a Divine Word enters in. I will rejoice in your good news, recalling truth- you were crushed To pay it all, no condemnation, Troubled soul- now be hushed!

Your Redeemer draws close, no more anxiety or fear. He alone will bear you up, wiping away the painful tear. None but Jesus cares for your soul’s demise; Turn to Him, glorious, merciful and all-wise.

Wisdom for this hour comes only through the Sovereign’s will His heart, his smile, His providential glance bids my soul, be still. His grace, His faithful mercies, tender and always undeserved; Promise me peace and hope and Eternity already reserved.
 
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anybody who fled to thy protection, or implored thy help, or sought thy intercession, was left unaided. Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto Thee, O Virgin of Virgins, my Mother. To Thee do I come, before Thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. Holy Mary, Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in the Mercy, hear and answer me.

Amen.

Remembering to cling to the virtues of faith, hope and love.
 
I feel like this Titanic is sinking. There’s no turning this ship around.
 
The Lord bless and keep you
The Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious unto you
The Lord turn toward you and give you peace

Saying prayers for you
 
tenderlynew said:
I feel like this Titanic is sinking. There’s no turning this ship around.
Click to expand...
The tragedy of the Titanic could have been avoided. So can this! Prayer. support, faith, and hope will anchor and protect you if you take refuge in them.

I have suffered from depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc. for 51 years. (I am 56.) It is a challenge every day just to be “normal”. But, it can be done. Try a psychiatrist and/or therapist again. Keep trying until you find the “perfect one”. It could take awhile, but you are worth it. A great therapist can do wonders!

I will be praying for you!
 
Number one: Please do not let your son believe he will automatically become mentally ill at 21 as you did. He should seek counseling now, but he sure does not have to follow in your steps.

I can only imagine (not a doctor so just my thoughts) that you have some expression of PTS. As you are in your 50’s please let go of your parents “hiding” things. That may really free you. If you abused your son, ask for his forgiveness and let him know that he will free himself if he can do that, and that both of you can have a normal and healthier relationship through some sort of counseling regarding this. He may even need to continue on his own without you and getting help from independent individuals.

I know some forms of MI are inherited, but not all are. And in cases of PTS or environmental influences toward depression we do have the power to change things and help ourselves decrease our leaning toward certain illness. I will pray that you both can find your own ways to deal positively with your lives , and to step away from the past as a guide to your future. Let it go, and don’t look back. Peace in Christ.
 
As far as the questions of your son are concerned, this is an extremely personal matter. Feel free to tell him so and to give him only the information that you feel would be necessary.

He may be fearful of developing issues himself. Reassure him as best you can. My kids are 30, 25, and 20. I told them about my issues about 5 years ago. This is what I learned:
  1. They don’t want details.
  2. They especially don’t want lurid details.
  3. Listing just the general causes can be plenty! I told them: physical, sexual, and emotional abuse over a period of 8 years and severe trauma in adulthood.
  4. They also wanted to know how to help me: don’t startle me if you can help it, don’t scream at me, don’t panic if I have symptoms such as a panic attack, and love me!
  5. I told them my problems were caused by my experiences and not by genetics.
I told them nothing that was unnecessary. I told them nothing that would trigger me by the telling. I let them ask questions, but I reserved the right to refuse to answer. They accepted this and we had a good discussion.
 
Praying to the Holy Spirit to give you guidance, direction, strength & fortitude in your time of need. Praying to St. Dymphna for your health & recovery. Praying for the intentions of you & your family. God bless.
 
Praying for you and your son.

Never despair in your faith and God’s love for us, keep an image of a crucified Jesus close, in him you will see unending love.

Visit the blessed sacarament, spend as much time as possible with Jesus

Again, praying for you
 
Saint Michael, the archangel, defend us in battle, be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil, may God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And do you, O’ Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God thrust into Hell Satan and all the other evil spirits who prowl about the world for the ruin of souls.

Amen.

†

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

†

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

†
 
Hail Mary, Gentle Woman

Gentle woman, quiet light, morning star
so strong and bright,
gentle mother, peaceful dove
teach us wisdom; teach us love.

You were chosen by the Father:
You were chosen for the Son,
You were chosen from all women
and for woman shining one.

Gentle woman, quiet light, morning star
so strong and bright
gentle mother peaceful dove
teach us wisdom; teach us love

Blessed are you among women
Blessed touch over the true
Blessed they with peaceful spirits
Blessed they with special hearts.

Gentle woman, quiet light,
Gentle woman peaceful dove
Gentle mother, quiet light,
Gentle woman, peaceful dove

Gentle woman…Gentle woman…
Gentle woman…Gentle woman

O Mary, conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee!
 
Mr_Clean said:
A Prayer for the Tormented Soul

Here my prayer, O God, attend unto my cry while my lips tremble and my soul breathes out the sigh. Is it true You- you alone, my strong defense, my rest My desire, even though my heart beats wildly in my breast?

Where can I escape from the enemies of right? When my mind is clouded and grace is far from sight? Darkest nights, falling upon me with unrelenting power My heart-longing only for lighted grace – even this hour.

In shades of gray, my head is confused and torn. Between good or evil, my heart is grieved and worn. How can I know the right, will I live for His determined glory? Or to man’s wisdom will I turn in fear, trying to write my own futile story?

That story, foolish and arrogant, a call to heed temporal voices Sits upon me with false wisdom- calculating trust in human choices. O bear me up though I be tempted to live with sinful determinations, Salvage me from earthly folly which certainly assures evil devastations.

Save me, is my prayer- though heart, and mind and will are wretched; Deliver me, my one desire, knowing my name into your palm is etched. Grant me mercy to abhor myself and repent in dust and sorrow, And to rest alone on Your promise of the eternal tomorrow.

For your Word alone lights the pathway darkened by sin Joy and Wisdom are only found if a Divine Word enters in. I will rejoice in your good news, recalling truth- you were crushed To pay it all, no condemnation, Troubled soul- now be hushed!

Your Redeemer draws close, no more anxiety or fear. He alone will bear you up, wiping away the painful tear. None but Jesus cares for your soul’s demise; Turn to Him, glorious, merciful and all-wise.

Wisdom for this hour comes only through the Sovereign’s will His heart, his smile, His providential glance bids my soul, be still. His grace, His faithful mercies, tender and always undeserved; Promise me peace and hope and Eternity already reserved.
Click to expand...
Thank you.
 
wild_thing said:
Hail Mary, Gentle Woman

Gentle woman, quiet light, morning star
so strong and bright,
gentle mother, peaceful dove
teach us wisdom; teach us love.

You were chosen by the Father:
You were chosen for the Son,
You were chosen from all women
and for woman shining one.

Gentle woman, quiet light, morning star
so strong and bright
gentle mother peaceful dove
teach us wisdom; teach us love

Blessed are you among women
Blessed touch over the true
Blessed they with peaceful spirits
Blessed they with special hearts.

Gentle woman, quiet light,
Gentle woman peaceful dove
Gentle mother, quiet light,
Gentle woman, peaceful dove

Gentle woman…Gentle woman…
Gentle woman…Gentle woman

O Mary, conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee!
Click to expand...
Thank you.
 
Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. As far as the incident with my son and the coffee it was already public, the police were there, I got tasered, I’m still recovering two years later. But you’re right I wouldn’t want to hurt him more.

And thank you for the guidelines on sharing with kids about your own traumas, I know I crossed the line many times and my son tells me he doesn’t want to be my therapist any more so I let it go when he doesn’t answer calls figuring he’s probably right, I was going to unload on him. We did have a very good conversation the other day. I was able to answer his questions straightforwardly without imposing on him.

He is so precious to me but I am learning to “suffer him unto Jesus,” even at his age, he is 20 now, it helps to understand that he belongs to the Lord first.

As for me (and him) I think I am turning the corner. As far as “turning the stone” I figure it all comes down to a flight to California to see that old friend, when I should have stayed home. Long story, but…unravelling the knot of so much bewildering confusion and, coming back toward the present. Blessings.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top