Turning the Other Cheek & High School Bullying

[Prodigal_Son]

Well…this is where you and I will have to respectfully disagree. I find the schools policy totally acceptable!
I would not want a bully being allowed to remain in school to perhaps drive another student over the edge where they bring a gun to school and start killing others…
Once expelled the PARENTS can get treatment if they desire for the child…

You seem to be a bit disconnected from the high school world. School shootings are extremely rare. Badly raised children are extremely common. Adults cannot simply dispose of every badly raised child; we need to respond to their needs. If relationship,understanding and firm discipline don’t work, then and only then should we resort to the ultimate consequence: expulsion.

Mature adults shouldn’t be afraid of bullies. Instead, we should be afraid of raising children who lack character.

The world is dangerous, but Jesus does not want us to simply keep our teenagers “safe” from the world. He wants us to challenge them, and form them into saints. Even if it’s painful to them.

 

[Karin]

Jrabs-
Very well stated!
" As a parent, I demand a safe school environment for my children. That does not only mean safe from weapons, but it also includes bullies."

 

[Prodigal_Son]

Loving the sinner has nothing to do with not punishing them.

Amen. I agree entirely.

But talks with teachers and administrators do work. And detentions work. And suspensions work.

Expulsion is a last resort.

 

[Karin]

You seem to be a bit disconnected from the high school world. School shootings are extremely rare.

They may be rare but they still occur as to being removed from or disconnected from the high school world far from it…I currently have a son in high schoo

Badly raised children are extremely common. .

I agree badly raised kids are far to common a sight now adays.

Mature adults shouldn’t be afraid of bullies. Instead, we should be afraid of raising children who lack character.

I as a mature adult am not afraid of a bully. Nor will I tolerate a child bullying any of my kids!

The world is dangerous, but Jesus does not want us to simply keep our teenagers “safe” from the world. He wants us to challenge them, and form them into saints. Even if it’s painful to them.

So know you are saying if you are bullied that is a good thing???
There are challenges in life and in school tolerating a bully is not one of them!

 

[jrabs]

You seem to be a bit disconnected from the high school world.

The world is dangerous, but Jesus does not want us to simply keep our teenagers “safe” from the world. He wants us to challenge them, and form them into saints. Even if it’s painful to them.

As a parent, we should not be turning a blind eye to a bad situation at school. Bullies also bully because they get away with it. Somewhere these children need to learn this behavior is not acceptable in any form - it can take a form of juvenile delinquency and should be dealt with appropriately.

In my opinion, bullying is no lesser a problem then someone stealing my son’s personal belongings from his locker. Each incident needs to be addressed.

 

[Prodigal_Son]

So know you are saying if you are bullied that is a good thing???

“Blessed are you when they insult you and hate you and utter all kind of slander about you because of me! Rejoice and be glad! Your reward will be great in heaven!” - The Beatitudes

If you have a kid being bullied, they really ought to hear that verse.

 

[jrabs]

Amen. I agree entirely.

But talks with teachers and administrators do work. And detentions work. And suspensions work.

Expulsion is a last resort.

However, the OP’s question and purpose of this thread is not about zero tolerance. It is about turning the other cheek to the bully.

And I don’t think we should turn the other cheek to a bully.

 

[Karin]

“Blessed are you when they insult you and hate you and utter all kind of slander about you because of me! Rejoice and be glad! Your reward will be great in heaven!” - The Beatitudes

If you have a kid being bullied, they really ought to hear that verse.

They should also hear his Principal tell the bully “YOUR OUTTA HERE!”
I for one do not think that a vicitim of a bully needs to be told it is a “good” thing that you are bullied (be it verbal or physcially)…THAT I think is the WRONG message to send to a kid!

 

[jrabs]

“Blessed are you when they insult you and hate you and utter all kind of slander about you because of me! Rejoice and be glad! Your reward will be great in heaven!” - The Beatitudes

If you have a kid being bullied, they really ought to hear that verse.

That applies when you are being persecuted because of Christ and your belief in Him.
Not because a HS thug wants your lunch money.

 

[jrabs]

They should also hear his Principal tell the bully “YOUR OUTTA HERE!”
I for one do not think that a vicitim of a bully needs to be told it is a “good” thing that you are bullied (be it verbal or physcially)…THAT I think is the WRONG message to send to a kid!

It does send the wrong message.

 

[paulah]

I know a boy in high school who is the object of bullying. He thinks Christianity’s “turn the other cheek” ethic is impractical and unrealistic; if he behaved that way it would just make the bullying worse.

I don’t really know how to answer this objection. Any suggestions?

Back to the topic…

My son is in 5th grade - he’s 10, and he’s been bullied - already!

My hubby and I have taught him that he MUST stand his ground and look the bully IN THE EYES and tell the bully in a firm voice - “Back off” or "I dont like what you are doing to me"or “Leave me alone”… something of this nature.
Eye contact being the most important thing in this situation.

Our son is 10, and your friend is a teenager… there may be a difference in reaction! (God help him if there is)

 

[Karin]

Back to the topic…

My son is in 5th grade - he’s 10, and he’s been bullied - already!

My hubby and I have taught him that he MUST stand his ground and look the bully IN THE EYES and tell the bully in a firm voice - “Back off” or "I dont like what you are doing to me"or “Leave me alone”… something of this nature.
Eye contact being the most important thing in this situation.

Our son is 10, and your friend is a teenager… there may be a difference in reaction! (God help him if there is)

You should also advise your son to tell a teacher or principal if this occurs more than once!
And BRAVO for teaching your son to stand up for himself!!!

 

[Sailboat]

MY son, for some reason, was a late grower. He’s 6 feet now, but when he entered high school he was the shortest boy in the school. But, he’s always had a quick tongue. No one messed with him because he would give him a verbal comeback that would humiliate them.

A good technique is to look for the weakness in the enemy. For instance, maybe he’s a lousy student, is overweight, has pimples, comes from a trashy family. My advise is to look for the bully’s achilles heel and go for it without holding back, and embarrass him into submission.

 

[gmarie21]

Amen. I agree entirely.

But talks with teachers and administrators do work. And detentions work. And suspensions work.

Expulsion is a last resort.

As a former high school teacher and assistant dean, I can say that for repeat offenders that are in weekly detention and suspension that those forms of punishment DO NOT WORK most of the time. The troubled child may have other issues going on in their personal life or may have an untreated psychological problem, but most schools are NOT equiped to handel what the child needs.

I have known students who were expelled in less than two weeks from the beginning of the school year. I also know of a few male teachers who have had their reputations and respect ruined by a few pssed off students who knew that if they said that a decent male teacher was inappropriate toward them (the student being a female) that she (the student) would be believed and that the male teacher had a LOT of hll to go through to even earn some respect back.

Most students aren’t a problem, but the few who are know how to “work” the adults as well as their fellow students. They are children who desperately need help and most of the time, their parents or family are the root cause of their problems (and the vicious cycle repeats itself to the next generation).

 

[Sailboat]

It’s true about many being from bad backgrounds. Good plan is for the victim to find out about it, and tell the student that his mother is a slut, drug addict, or whatever. They don’t really want that advertised and will find another, less resourceful victim. Also, good to make an alliance with a big hearted big kid. My son befriended the biggest boy in the High School who was his ally.

 

[February]

How is it a horrible thing to say? Sometimes being shy (that is, not doing some good that involves speaking) is sinful. I was very shy in high school, and I consider my shyness rooted in my own self-centeredness and sin. We’re all sinners.

I’m just saying that we ought to love the sinner, and we ought to teach our children to do the same.

“All that is required for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing.” - Edmund Burke

Reepicheep said:

Isn’t that what zero-tolerance means? I agree that a student who has proved himself an inveritable bully ought to be expelled. But “zero-tolerance” seems to be saying much more.

OK, but I would not blame the shy student for not speaking up right away any more than I would blame a domestic violence victim for “causing” the abuse or not wanting to report it. Sorry, I don’t think my shyness was “sinful”. Sometimes telling teachers/other adults works, sometimes it causes more problems for the child being bullied. This was true in my case.

As for turning the other cheek-when I was the victim it made me extremely angry, but even at the young age of 13 I didn’t think responding back with the language these girls were using was necessarily Christian of me. Sometimes ignoring works better, or saying things like Paulah suggested.

But, it is extremely important for parents, teachers, administrators to take this seriously. What did these bullies do while I was missing school? They picked on someone else, a friend of mine. The school did not take this seriously and did nothing to punish the bullies. Maybe they should have suggested counseling for the bullies, not just for me!!

 

[Sean.McKenzie]

Well…this is where you and I will have to respectfully disagree. I find the schools policy totally acceptable!
I would not want a bully being allowed to remain in school to perhaps drive another student over the edge where they bring a gun to school and start killing others…
Once expelled the PARENTS can get treatment if they desire for the child…

IMHO, I kind of have some experience here. I used to go to a “Catholic” High School, and I physically fought with a teacher and did some bullying, the police had to escort me off the school. Later on I found it a wake up call, after the “oh yeah now I am a tuff guy” thing wore off, it was a wake up call, and yes I was expelled, it was a learning experience, I think that the bullies need to go. Just like I was expelled. Later on I finally had a mini conversion, I wrote an apology letter to the teacher and had it delivered by a a friend who went there, because i was still under this “restraining order”…guess what…the teacher and i are now friends. IT TAUGHT ME A LESSON!!

Now it might be argued that it is a different situation, because i was in high school, but I would disagree with this logic. If anyone was apt and more likely to come shoot a school up, it is that boy or young man who is older, and more more determined, who has the means and the guts. Little school boys are not as likely to come shoot up a school as teenager would be…you see my point…nip it in the bud…as long as their are supportive parents and responsible adults to explain to them why they got expelled, and what kind of behavior is acceptable and what is not, and that behavior A will land you in situation B, they will most likely learn, and be deterred from bullying and violence early on.

The real danger is to assume that they will “grow out of it”, the more you compund the issue or this type of behavior by just slapping him on the wrist, he now feels he is powerful and yet can “get away” with this behavior…derail it early on, and you have more of a chance of deterring any future failure or violence

Children are not stupid, they are capable…

God Bless You

 

[estesbob]

Ill tell you somehting not to do. I was always told that bully’s were cowards and if you stood up to them they would back down. I tried that in My sophomore in High school-end result he beat the you know what out of me. Luckily he was kicked out a couple of weeks later for wrapping an innertube around people necks and choking them until they passed out.

 

[Writer]

I know a boy in high school who is the object of bullying. He thinks Christianity’s “turn the other cheek” ethic is impractical and unrealistic; if he behaved that way it would just make the bullying worse.

I don’t really know how to answer this objection. Any suggestions?

Turn the other cheek really deals with persecution for Christ and, in my opinion, deals with the adult world more than the child’s world. I experienced very bad bullying as a kid in Catholic schools because I was Protestant back then. I finally had to push back, more or less, in self defense. Self defense is not a sin…

 

[batteddy]

Meh…turning the other cheek MAY make the bullying worse. That isn’t really our concern, nor was it Christ’s…he was crucified remember. The important thing is doing what is right…even if it does “make things worse,” even if it isn’t practical.

If he wants practical, but still “cheek-turning,” ways to deal with bullies…well, maybe psychology or socially could help him learn to “disarm” them through various personal approaches.

But whether that’s possible or not, he can accept the suffering and unite it with Christ’s.

(But just as a high school student…I would be very concerned about this. Junior High is the time when people get bullied. Almost everyone has middle school bullying experiences. But if it is happening still in a high school…that’s more rare. That usually indicates a deeper social problem with either the bully or the victim. By high school…most people dont bully any more, and all the different groups usually just leave each other alone. If this is High School and not Middle School…then it could indicate deeper things wrong with the society at this school if bullying is still happening)