Tween Struggle/Spiritual Battle

[ElizabethECB]

I went to Mass yesterday and asked my 11 year old son to join me. He chose to join me but was behaving horrible. He started by blowing a bubble with gum and when I glared at him and told him to stop he said he didn’t have gum ( it was obvious he DID have gum) Then he began trying to speak to me in Mass, putting his feet on kneelers, chewing gum, pretending to sleep, yawning… Finally, he asked me “what if we think Jesus is the Son of God but, he really isn’t” and laughed at my horrified expression saying “ that blew your mind huh?” It was around the presentation of gifts and he immediately asked to go to the bathroom after the comment. I said “Yeah, you better”. He hid in bathroom and I went to retrieve him before the Eucharist as he wasn’t leaving bathroom. He went up for Communion but afterwards took something out of his mouth. I was so afraid it would be a part of the Host and I asked him to swallow it immediately and it seemed he did. After Mass I tried to answer his question about beliefs and the lectionary after mass but he grew upset. I told him If he doesn’t believe or want to go to Mass he doesn’t have to. He grew very upset and angry with me saying awful things to me. After he calmed down he does believe in God and wanted to pray a rosary. Please pray for us? Has anyone had similar experiences with tweens? Could it be Satan trying to entice him? How would you respond in a similar situation? Note: I have recently come back to the Church so son Has just recently begun attending Mass again.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Is he in Religious Ed classes? If not, enroll him this week! Is there an EDGE group at a nearby parish?

At home, it is vital to bring discussions on faith into your everyday, even the hard issues “what if Jesus is not the Son of God”. That is a very valid question. Looking horrified is not the best response. “Son, I am sorry that I reacted that way to your very valid question. Let’s research together, okay?”

A good resource for you (the articles are a bit deep for an 11 year old, but, you can distill them) is StrangeNotions.com Trent Horn is one of the contributors, his books/videos are very good.

Also, encourage your son to ask questions of the priest. Invite the priest over for dinner, tell him your son has some questions and you’d like Father to weigh in.

 

[TheLittleLady]

And look at a YOUCAT for him.

 

[blackforest]

Finally, he asked me “what if we think Jesus is the Son of God but, he really isn’t” and laughed at my horrified expression saying “ that blew your mind huh?”

Well, therein lay in the intent - to get a reaction out of you. I just finished a book called Scream-Free Parenting, about how we can keep our cool in the face of our children’s shenanigans, and I highly recommend it. The advice will also help keep your emotions in check when he behaves disrespectfully. There can still be consequences for him, but it really helps when you can stay calm.

Please pray for us? Has anyone had similar experiences with tweens? Could it be Satan trying to entice him? How would you respond in a similar situation?

I don’t think Satan is enticing your son. He’s a boy - a condition that too commonly gets diagnosed ADHD (I have an actual ADHD kid, but still . . .) - and he’s getting used to sitting for an hour in a setting that makes no sense to him. That’s all.

I’m not the world’s greatest parent, but I simply impose screen-time bans for the day when they don’t behave in church. I remind them with frequent nudges during Mass. And I hold firm when they protest, “It’s OK. We can try to do better next Sunday.” Fortunately, it hasn’t been an issue for awhile.

 

[0Scarlett_nidiyilii]

Has he always been squirmy like that, or is this new?
And lying about the gum…is lying a new behavior for him?

 

[Tis_Bearself]

Note: I have recently come back to the Church so son Has just recently begun attending Mass again.

This explains a lot.

It’s a new thing for him. He doesn’t understand that he needs to take it seriously. He may even think of it as “just some weird thing his mother has decided to do”.

I agree with all the things The Little Lady suggested, except I would note that depending on the size of your parish and the personality of the priest and perhaps the diocesan policy, your priest may or may not be receptive to questions, and may or may not want to be coming over for dinner or having other social interactions with you and your kids outside of Mass or a parish event.

Some priests avoid those sorts of interactions because they lack time, and/or would prefer that the religious ed staff handle kids’ questions, and/or are avoiding situations that might pose a risk of a false accusation, and/or because if they spend time with Family A and then turn down an invite from Family B, Family B might get upset.

I also think you need to set some limits with your son for basic manners and respect when he attends church. An 11-year-old is old enough to know that there are places where you don’t chew gum, act out in a babyish way (pretending to sleep etc), or start pestering your mother when she’s trying to listen to something else. I presume he doesn’t act like this in his school classes or he’d be getting sent to the principal daily, so if he can behave for his teacher he can and should behave with you for an hour of Mass.

 

[heidi_storage]

Your kid chose to come with you. Don’t overlook that encouraging fact.

Since this is new, it would definitely be a good idea to set expectations for his behavior before you go into the church. Eleven is a little old to be providing him with things to do during mass, but maybe suggest he bring a notebook and pen to “take notes” (doodles would be okay).

Agree with trying not to overreact–which can be hard! But stay calm, discuss. If he gets upset, back off, try again later.

What are the “awful things” he was saying? I trust he receives age-appropriate consequences for being outright rude or disrespectful, but if he’s saying stuff like “God’s horrible, look at all the people He’s condemned to Hell just because they didn’t believe the right thing” that’s something to engage with–again, when he’s calm enough to converse rationally.

Best of luck to you both. You don’t mention what his dad believes, but if you’re able to enlist his help, you should do so.

 

[hoping4more]

“what if we think Jesus is the Son of God but, he really isn’t” and laughed at my horrified expression saying “ that blew your mind huh?”

‘what if I am not really your mom?!’

Ba-boom!
This is just classic kids stuff. Read biblical or saint stories to them everynight, pray; you know what to do.

When my kids start being rowdy at night, this time of year at dark especially, it becomes Daddy Wrestle Time. Lots of good lessons are learned this way; most of this consists of me laying on the ground while they go on the attack but one of these lessons is ‘dad can always out-do everyone of you, simultaneously, when he chooses.’

Got it?

 

[rosejmj]

Thats definitely not a bad question and I’m surprised an 11 year old even understood enough to ask it. It seems most Christians don’t have well founded reasons for believing Jesus is God other than that they were always taught to believe that. The fact that he is willing to question that, while maybe he was being a bit immature and misbehaving is a reasonable question he might actually want to know the answers to. Give him good reasons to believe the basis of Christianity otherwise he may leave the faith later when more questions arise and he can’t find good answers

 

[hoping4more]

‘“that blew your mind, huh?”’

did you miss that part? The question was not sincere.

 

[Dougbro1]

Finally, he asked me “what if we think Jesus is the Son of God but, he really isn’t”

‘what if I am not really your mom?!’

Ha! That would be a good comeback. These what-if scenarios can often come into play when people are growing up. Some dismiss these crazy what-ifs more easily than others, and it’s important to take note of that. I’ve thought of these when I was his age, but literally half a second later I thought “Nah, that’d be ridiculous!”
Naturally, keep praying for him.

Is there an EDGE group at a nearby parish?

This ^^^ I 100% recommend as I am an Edge core member as well. I have known some people who were not too serious about their faith, and they became more serious about it when they began to be surrounded by youth and leaders who know their faith pretty well, and there are even a couple of parties they have at the beginning and end of the program runs. Some Edge programs have a 5-day Edge Camp during the summer, and it is a great experience. Of course, there are some people who won’t care, and again, I have known people like that, sadly.

And look at a YOUCAT for him.

That too.
We’ll most definitely be praying for you and your son.

 

[edward_george1]

Could it be Satan trying to entice him?

C. S. Lewis said that we commit two errors with regard to the devil: one is to give him too much credit, the other is to fail to give the devil his due. I would be careful about overspiritualizing the problem or blaming the devil. It doesn’t sound like something demonic. It sounds like he’s being an 11 year old, and he’s still adjusting to you going back to Church. Nothing to worry about on the spiritual (nor really the emotional/developmental) front. Keep being his mother, keep taking him to Church, keep forming good habits of prayer with him, and you don’t have anything to worry about.

-Fr ACEGC

 

[Lea101]

It’s a new thing for him. He doesn’t understand that he needs to take it seriously. He may even think of it as “just some weird thing his mother has decided to do”

This is probably the best summary of the problem. You can’t expect kids to grasp such a crazy subject (God, the universe etc) if they weren’t raised up in it.

Then he began trying to speak to me in Mass, putting his feet on kneelers, chewing gum, pretending to sleep, yawning…

And for someone who doesn’t get it, and even for thousands of Catholics who do get it, Mass is boring for them.

Finally, he asked me “what if we think Jesus is the Son of God but, he really isn’t”

Mass isn’t the proper context for conversations like this, but it would probably help him a lot more if he gets to ask people questions about the faith so he can learn at his own pace. Engage in that conversation instead of shutting him down with a witty reply imo. Of course you need the right context.

After he calmed down he does believe in God and wanted to pray a rosary.

Did he pray it on his own accord? He wasn’t told to? That sounds like a huge win, my parents couldn’t get me to pray a rosary even with threats at that age!

 

[ElizabethECB]

What is YOUCAT?

 

[Dougbro1]

What is YOUCAT?

YOUCAT: This is short for Youth Catechism. I have one of my own. It explains the faith very well for youth to understand and it is structured in a simple question-answer format. It even has a foreword by then-pope Benedict XVI. The cover looks like this:
(Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.)
I definitely recommend it.

 

[tommy37]

Sounds like he’s being a normal kid, maybe a little on the hyper side but it certainly doesn’t sound demonic. If he does this type of behavior in school too I would wonder if he may be struggling with a hyperactivity type of thing. But if it’s only in church than he may just simply be rebelling a little to the new Church thing.

I would say maybe he needs some good reasons why you are going. I recommend teaching him why it’s very reasonable to believe in Jesus and the Church. There are a number of books here on Catholic Answers that would be helpful in that regard. And then just explain to him why faith makes a difference in life if you haven’t already done so.

As far as the “What if Jesus isn’t the Son of God” thing I would explain to him the “liar, lunatic, or Lord” argument that C.S. Lewis used. The argument is simple and may be something he would remember the rest of his life. It goes like this:

Everyone thinks of Jesus as, at the very least, a good and wise man. However, Jesus didn’t claim to be a good and wise teacher. He claimed to be the Son of God. So logically, if he wasn’t God that makes him either a liar, in which case he could never be considered good ; a lunatic who just thought he was God, in which case he couldn’t be considered wise; or, he was exactly who he said he was—Lord!

You could also explain to him the amazing unity of the Bible and the fact that the prophecy of Isaiah 53 of the suffering Servant who was “pierced” for our sins (written centuries before the birth of Christ), the Gospel accounts of his Passion, and the images on the Shroud of Turin all point to the same event. How could that be a coincidence? (Even the main researcher of the Shroud, before he died, said he believed it was the shroud that Christ was buried in.)

I also recommend praying together at night if you aren’t already doing so. It’s good to teach kids to think about and pray for others. Something we do as a family is every few nights during our prayer time we each state something we are grateful for. Then we pray: “Help us to be grateful for all we have compared to so many in the world.”

Being grateful is so necessary for good mental/spiritual health and it’s good to start young with this habit. We also pray: “Help us to be patient, loving and forgiving with each other and all those we know.” We also read short Bible verses every night. Maybe start with a few short ones that he could begin to memorize over time like: “Cast all your worries upon him because he cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:7) and “Draw near to him and he will draw near to you.” (James 4:8)

Just some ideas. Hope it helps!

 

[ElizabethECB]

I don’t know if he really prayed or just said he did but, at least the intention was there

 

[steve-b]

I went to Mass yesterday and asked my 11 year old son to join me. He chose to join me but was behaving horrible. He started by blowing a bubble with gum and when I glared at him and told him to stop he said he didn’t have gum ( it was obvious he DID have gum) Then he began trying to speak to me in Mass, putting his feet on kneelers, chewing gum, pretending to sleep, yawning… Finally, he asked me “what if we think Jesus is the Son of God but, he really isn’t” and laughed at my horrified expression saying “ that blew your mind huh?” It was around the presentation of gifts and he immediately asked to go to the bathroom after the comment. I said “Yeah, you better”. He hid in bathroom and I went to retrieve him before the Eucharist as he wasn’t leaving bathroom. He went up for Communion but afterwards took something out of his mouth. I was so afraid it would be a part of the Host and I asked him to swallow it immediately and it seemed he did. After Mass I tried to answer his question about beliefs and the lectionary after mass but he grew upset. I told him If he doesn’t believe or want to go to Mass he doesn’t have to. He grew very upset and angry with me saying awful things to me. After he calmed down he does believe in God and wanted to pray a rosary. Please pray for us? Has anyone had similar experiences with tweens? Could it be Satan trying to entice him? How would you respond in a similar situation? Note: I have recently come back to the Church so son Has just recently begun attending Mass again.

Prayers ascending for you and your son.

Keep in mind, even when God Almighty, took on human flesh, and taught His own “disciples” how important the Eucharist is, THEY (His disciples) told God to His face, what He was teaching was too difficult to even listen to, and they left Him…never to follow Him again.

Note: links are operational

I mention this story John 6: to show not even God will overturn one’s free will.

AND

Even when God in the flesh is the teacher, does He successfully convince one who has no faith.

SO

Pray for your son to have faith,

AND

Ask him to ask Jesus for the gift of faith.

And

In that link above, we see how important the Eucharist is. Here is why and where we get the importance of NOT deliberately missing mass (the Eucharist) on Sunday.

For space

see HERE

Show that scripture to your son. THAT is why we don’t want to deliberately miss mass. It’s right there in scripture.

 

[VanitasVanitatum]

Could it be Satan trying to entice him?

Most likely concupiscence if its spiritual.

 

[catholic03]

You should get him a Bible. The New American Bible is an approved edition that can be found cheaply.

Get him the YOUCAT or the Compendium to the Catechism of the Catholic Church. Put a portrait of the Pope and a crucifix up somewhere.

These will remind him what is expected of him.