Tween Struggle/Spiritual Battle

[Annie]

Maybe it would be good to teach him what is expected behavior at Mass and what happens at various points of the Mass.

You two could be praying the common prayers as night time prayers and that would help him memorize them.

You two could read the Sunday readings ahead of time and talk about them, and then see what the priest says about them in the homily. You could ask him what he found interesting in the homily, etc.

The more he knows about the Mass, the more it will appeal to him. And the more you share, for example, if something in a prayer hits you in a new way, or your reaction to some part of the Mass, the more open he will be because you are modeling how to get more out of the Mass.

I really like this book: Survey: 7 percent of reporters identify as Republican - POLITICO --the 2020 Sunday Missal which has all the parts of the Mass included. It is very small and thick. I buy some extras for people, and use cut-up Post-its to mark different places. (I also use Post-its for the prayers one of the churches I go to say in Latin)

And after Mass, go and do something like a pancake breakfast or picnic or something. Just make that whole time really nice and not stressful.

PS from my experience teaching, your son sounds pretty normal

 

[Dan_Defender]

We were all tweens once and made immature remarks. Nothing new . But make no mistake, parents have A LOT of influence on their children. It does not seem like this now, but your example and care are fixed in his mind. It may take a long time for him to recognize it but it will happen. So my advice, patient endurance at this time.

 

[Jen7]

Note: I have recently come back to the Church so son Has just recently begun attending Mass again.

I think this is the crux of it. If he’s not used to sitting still, ditching the gum at the door, etc this is a big change. I would start with whatever your expectations are - the non-negotiable. For example,
he must leave his gum outside the church,
he may not interrupt the prayer of Mass to ask questions unless it’s urgent (I.e., can I use the bathroom now?)
he must keep his feet off the kneeler and yawn politely (covered mouth and quiet)
he must sit / stand / kneel when everyone else does…
Or whatever you want “the rules” to be. He doesn’t have to believe anything to follow these rules. He just has to honor you as his mom and do it. It’s one hour / week. He won’t die. Someday he’ll have to sit through other long ceremonies like his high school graduation, wedding Masses of his friends, award ceremonies at work. You can’t escape these things. You go; you behave; you go home. Bonus if you find meaning it it, but that’s not a prerequisite for attending. I personally would say “as long as you live under my roof Sunday Mass with respectful behavior is what we are going to do.” THEN Id attach measurable consequences to breaking the rules. Gum in Mass - no phone for the rest of the day. Spending more than five minutes in the bathroom (hiding out) no computer until Tuesday. Or whatever. Just something that actually matters to him so it’s motivational. Once he develops good behavior habits he won’t have to worry about getting the consequences. It’s all in HIS control.

 

[Jen7]

And after Mass, go and do something like a pancake breakfast or picnic or something. Just make that whole time really nice and not stressful.

We do donuts. It’s a big hit because the only other time we ever buy donuts is on family members’ baptism days. Rare = special!