Two dominant personalities - can it work?

[puzzleannie]

Why is that? Seems to be rather compatible.

domineering authorotarian controller vs low self-esteem, manipulative wuss sets up an unhealthy indeed pathological relationship from the beginning.
the will must be under the discipline of the virtues in order to be wielded properly

 

[Consecrated]

.
the will must be under the discipline of the virtues in order to be wielded properly

I believe you (and ke and chevalier and many other posters) have have something there! All personality types must strive to submit their wills to God’s, and turn their weaknesses (selfishness, thoughtlessness, propensity to harboring resentment, etc.) into virtue. If both parties are striving for virtue in a marriage, there’s a great chance it will work out! It seems to me that in looking for a spouse, you must look at the person’s desire for holiness even before trying to discern if your personalities are compatible. Yes?

At least that’s what DH and I did… I don’t remember have many conversations about whether we had compatible personalities, but we did talk ad nauseum about what it takes to live a holy life, what our dreams and goals were in the spiritual realm, what we believed to be the true meaning of LOVE in all it’s aspects… and this is how we knew we were compatible.

 

[samovila]

It works marvelously when both spouses practice **ALL **the virtues and **live **them. By doing this, one directs one’s “strong” personality towards God and doing his Will and not towards selfish desires that would lead to “dominating” one’s spouse.

Moral Virtues:
prudence
fortitude
temperance
justice

Theological Virtues:
Faith
Hope
Charity

Practicing the Virtues yields the Fruit of the Spirit:

Love
Joy
Peace
Patience
Kindness
Goodness
Faithfulness
Gentleness
Self-Control

Excellent advice! My husband and I both have what I guess you would call “dominant personalities.” I’ve found it extremely helpful for me to pray and meditate each day on the Fruits of the Holy Spirit, particularly patience, kindness, and gentleness.

 

[Gaurdian]

Cat, You originally asked. “My question to you is, can it ever work with two dominant personalities? If so, how to make it work?”

"catechumen08 Thank you all for your responses!

Quote:
Originally Posted by jmcrae
Because it becomes a parent-child relationship instead of an equal partnership. Marriage is a partnership.

Very interesting. Never thought of it that way, but now that you mention it, maybe there’s some truth to that. "

First - Marriage in the Catholic Church is in fact “The Sacrament of Holy Matrimony”. Their is no “Sacrament of Domination”. Why would anyone get married to attempt to dominate or boss someone else around? Like someone else said earlier marriage is a couple who come together to give of themselves, NOT try and dominate the other person. Leave that stuff at the corporate office in the executive suite. Also, remember the person you marry today will be the person who could literally hold your life in their hands. When you get older(as in your late 40’s on) or some unforeseen medical issue comes up. I would probably want to show that person as much love and respect as possible in the early years.

Second - If you think you can do dominate someone, you may want to think again. There is an old saying:
“A person convinced against their will, is of the same option still”.

I have been around two dominate married people several times and it is really unpleasant, the back and forth sniping, the “me vs. you”, mentality. It does not seem like a great way to spend 50-60yrs of your life.

As well when one spouse tries to be polite and seems to give in that is when the dominate spouse really looks foolish, kind of like verbal Jujitsu. It will look like this, men and women use this method all the time, but for some reason men are better at it.

Dominant Spouse says: Do this &&%^&**((@##$. Do that @##$!#$%%&&.
Other Spouse says:
Yes, Dear.
Certainly, Dear.
Absolutely, Dear.
What Ever You Say, Dear.
Of Course, Dear.
Right Away, Dear.
etc, etc.

“Other Spouse” pats, “Dominant Spouse” on the head or fanny and sends them on their way to bark at something else, and “Other Spouse” does what they want. Dominant Spouse has been completely had and ends up looking like a nag.

 

[whatevergirl]

Cat, You originally asked. “My question to you is, can it ever work with two dominant personalities? If so, how to make it work?”

"catechumen08 Thank you all for your responses!

Quote:
Originally Posted by jmcrae
Because it becomes a parent-child relationship instead of an equal partnership. Marriage is a partnership.

Very interesting. Never thought of it that way, but now that you mention it, maybe there’s some truth to that. "

First - Marriage in the Catholic Church is in fact “The Sacrament of Holy Matrimony”. Their is no “Sacrament of Domination”. Why would anyone get married to attempt to dominate or boss someone else around? Like someone else said earlier marriage is a couple who come together to give of themselves, NOT try and dominate the other person. Leave that stuff at the corporate office in the executive suite. Also, remember the person you marry today will be the person who could literally hold your life in their hands. When you get older(as in your late 40’s on) or some unforeseen medical issue comes up. I would probably want to show that person as much love and respect as possible in the early years.

Second - If you think you can do dominate someone, you may want to think again. There is an old saying:
“A person convinced against their will, is of the same option still”.

I have been around two dominate married people several times and it is really unpleasant, the back and forth sniping, the “me vs. you”, mentality. It does not seem like a great way to spend 50-60yrs of your life.

As well when one spouse tries to be polite and seems to give in that is when the dominate spouse really looks foolish, kind of like verbal Jujitsu. It will look like this, men and women use this method all the time, but for some reason men are better at it.

Dominant Spouse says: Do this &&%^&**((@##$. Do that @##$!#$%%&&.
Other Spouse says:
Yes, Dear.
Certainly, Dear.
Absolutely, Dear.
What Ever You Say, Dear.
Of Course, Dear.
Right Away, Dear.
etc, etc.

“Other Spouse” pats, “Dominant Spouse” on the head or fanny and sends them on their way to bark at something else, and “Other Spouse” does what they want. Dominant Spouse has been completely had and ends up looking like a nag.

Men are better at it, eh?

 

[homewardbound]

Thank you all for your responses!

Very interesting. Never thought of it that way, but now that you mention it, maybe there’s some truth to that.

I was the weak one. All of my past relationships I was with a controlling dominant person and I was seriously the child. It was awful and I left both men because of it. It makes the weak person feel even more worthless and weak and makes it impossible to have a good relationship.

Now, I am with a man who is outgoing but not controlling. He makes me feel worthwhile and like an equal. Like I have a say in things and am worth hearing. That is important. Being controlling in any way is never a good thing.

 

[Gaurdian]

Whatevergirl, “Men are better at it, eh?”…Absolutely Dear!
You are to much, Whatevergirl.

 

[chevalier]

I was the weak one. All of my past relationships I was with a controlling dominant person and I was seriously the child. It was awful and I left both men because of it. It makes the weak person feel even more worthless and weak and makes it impossible to have a good relationship.

Now, I am with a man who is outgoing but not controlling. He makes me feel worthwhile and like an equal. Like I have a say in things and am worth hearing. That is important. Being controlling in any way is never a good thing.

Agreed! It has to be a relationship of two equals - I’d say “alliance” rather than “partnership”, since partnership is a business term, whereas “alliance” has some military or political connotations which sound a bit more noble in this context. The Bible speaks about “covenant”, not? Anyway, it can’t be something to the effect of a parent-child relationship even if the man is supposed to be the head and is normally older, more experienced, physically stronger etc.

Somewhat in connection with this, I suppose some people who are dominant but try to be good and kind, they might have it easier with another dominant personality to work with, since a clash will be a clash, a fight, rather than oppression.

Personally, I believe in equal standards, with a tendency to require more of myself than others, but I hate to have more required of me than one requires of himself. That’s not something I can take in a relationship. Granted, few people seriously think like that, but that’s how it sometimes turns out. It’s important that both people can speak, that not just one has to mince words but both or none. Living with a controlling person can be hard, but hard is also being accused of being controlling, smothering the other person, not leaving any freedom etc, when that is not true.

So, I guess it’s not as much about being submissive or dominant, but rather about whether the two given personalities are compatible or it requires more work to reach agreement.

 

[Potato1]

No, it cannot work. It is one of the few times the Church allows for a divorce. It is called the dominant personality clause. Jesus Himself said that when two strong willed people get together it will be predestined to end in disaster, thus bringing into the world the antichrist as the offspring of such an unholy unnatural union.
Of course it can work. Is it wise, easy or fun?..well that is another question.
Perhaps the reason one might be attracted to a strong willed person if they are also strong willed is that they are comfortable in thier own skin, happy with who they are an seek someone like minded. This could be benificial to the relationship.
Strong willed people never give in. This is why they never get speeding tickets or are asked to yield to others. They rape and pilliage like wanton pirates with no reason or self controll. Nobody tells them what to do, they do it thier way they are in charge why even God himself askes thier permission for the dawn.