two questions

[Forest-Pine]

ByzCath:

So now you know the mind of those who date? So you think it is impossible to date someone with out lustfully looking at a woman?

Then everyone who is dating or has ever dated is guilty of adultery.

A divorced person is in a different boat from a single, unmarried person when it comes to dating. The divorced person has already given his future to someone else. S/he is bound to that promise until the day of death unless and until it is shown that one or both of the parties was unable to enter into such a promise at the time (ie:anullment). A divorced person who dates, even without lustful thoughts or sexual intimicy, is violating his or her marital vows, which are still binding on the person. The reason this is in violation of the marriage vows is because the divorced person is trying to create a future romantic relationship when he or she is not free to enter into such a relationship.

No one should be dating if he or she is unable to marry. That goes for single or divorced people. Divorced dating people might further compound the problem by being lustful or having sex outside of marriage, but dating when one is not free to date is still in and of itself a problem.

 

[Friar_David_O.Carm]

Forest-Pine:

A divorced person is in a different boat from a single, unmarried person when it comes to dating. The divorced person has already given his future to someone else. S/he is bound to that promise until the day of death unless and until it is shown that one or both of the parties was unable to enter into such a promise at the time (ie:anullment). A divorced person who dates, even without lustful thoughts or sexual intimicy, is violating his or her marital vows, which are still binding on the person. The reason this is in violation of the marriage vows is because the divorced person is trying to create a future romantic relationship when he or she is not free to enter into such a relationship.

No one should be dating if he or she is unable to marry. That goes for single or divorced people. Divorced dating people might further compound the problem by being lustful or having sex outside of marriage, but dating when one is not free to date is still in and of itself a problem.

Thank you. I can understand this and even find some agreement when it is explained this way.

There is no adultery commited but it is still a violation of the marital vows.

But, I do not fully see this a sin. In my opinion, it should be addressed in individual cases between the “couple”, their confessor (or confessors), and their spiritual dirctor/pastor.

 

[fineca]

Thanks for your replies. Though the answers to nr.2 were perfect examples of the dilemma in nr.1…

 

[PraRFLEsEkHm]

Forest-Pine:

A divorced person is in a different boat from a single, unmarried person when it comes to dating. The divorced person has already given his future to someone else. S/he is bound to that promise until the day of death unless and until it is shown that one or both of the parties was unable to enter into such a promise at the time (ie:anullment). A divorced person who dates, even without lustful thoughts or sexual intimicy, is violating his or her marital vows, which are still binding on the person. The reason this is in violation of the marriage vows is because the divorced person is trying to create a future romantic relationship when he or she is not free to enter into such a relationship.

No one should be dating if he or she is unable to marry. That goes for single or divorced people. Divorced dating people might further compound the problem by being lustful or having sex outside of marriage, but dating when one is not free to date is still in and of itself a problem.

I agree with this also, but I think the whole thing still comes down to intent. If you are ‘dating’ someone while you are still married to another - although that marriage is done and awaiting anullment - is it your intent to go right out and re-marry? Are you seeking another spouse in this or any other person right now? Or are you out for companionship/friendship and ‘testing the waters’ so to speak? If you are seeking another spouse, I believe it comes down to the intent, again, of your heart concerning sex in regards to the person you are seeing.

Again - I don’t see that getting close to someone, even having feelings of love for another are in themselves sinful acts. Lust is the question here - not emotional intimacy/attraction. Is that danger present? Yes. Avoidance, in this case, I don’t believe is the solution - but maturing in the spirit, and opening ourselves to the fullness found there - is.

Peace

John

 

[wcknight]

Let’s not kid ourselves, we know when we are NOT in the state of grace. To commit a mortal sin, we must KNOW it is gravely wrong AND we must deliberately do so.

And we know when we are in the state of grace, you go to confession and make as sincere a confession as you can. EVEN IF you forget or leave out a serious sin, it is still forgiven as long as you did not deliberately leave it out.

I really think the vast majority of us already know when we are in the state of grace and when we are not. When you start to get into little nuances of the law you may confuse yourself BUT if you want to be sure, don’t commit even the little sins.