Two shy people

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lalalissa

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So this is my situation. I’m a young single, Catholic women. At my workplace there is a young single Catholic man. I suspected for a long time that he liked me romantically. I responded to his flirting but remained cautious because I have been burned in the past. Last week his closest friend let me know that he does like me romantically. I asked his friend
“ If you’re telling the truth why doesn’t he do anything about it?”

His friend didn’t really have an answer for me.
A week has gone and I haven’t had the guts to do anything about it. Its either been too busy at work or I have just wimped out. In the past I have been rejected by men so its hard for me to accept that someone actually does like me. The last man who rejected me did so because I had made the first move. He said that if I hadn’t he ‘might’ of considered me.
I do talk to him, everyday and I flirt back and try to show him that I like him too. But I’ m just too afraid to go the extra step. He’s a shy, unpredictable person and I’m a naturally shy person too.

I have been praying about this for a long time. I’m really confused as to what to do. I really do want to go out with him and i have been wanted to have a boyfriend for ages. But i’m afraid and do nothing.
 
Well, I’m probably the last person who should be giving advice in these situations. :o

However, have you thought about talking to “his friend” and ask him to let this guy know you are interested? 🤷

Good luck and God bless! 👍
 
lalalissa said:
So this is my situation. I’m a young single, Catholic women. At my workplace there is a young single Catholic man. I suspected for a long time that he liked me romantically. I responded to his flirting but remained cautious because I have been burned in the past. Last week his closest friend let me know that he does like me romantically. I asked his friend
“ If you’re telling the truth why doesn’t he do anything about it?”

His friend didn’t really have an answer for me.
A week has gone and I haven’t had the guts to do anything about it. Its either been too busy at work or I have just wimped out. In the past I have been rejected by men so its hard for me to accept that someone actually does like me. The last man who rejected me did so because I had made the first move. He said that if I hadn’t he ‘might’ of considered me.
I do talk to him, everyday and I flirt back and try to show him that I like him too. But I’ m just too afraid to go the extra step. He’s a shy, unpredictable person and I’m a naturally shy person too.

I have been praying about this for a long time. I’m really confused as to what to do. I really do want to go out with him and i have been wanted to have a boyfriend for ages. But i’m afraid and do nothing.
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Seriously? You basically tell us that you have a habit of choosing pusillanimous and timid men, and then come to us and ask why men are pusillanimous and timid? You are not ready for marriage, so please, and I’m saying this as a dude, in the name of all dudes everywhere, quit bothering us.
 
Apollos, that’s an outrageous and cruel thing to say.

Lalalissa, you sound like a lovely demure lady. It sounds like this guy is equally lovely and modest. You both apparently like each other but you’re both too shy to make the first move.

But in your description of what’s happened you already have the answer.

His closest friend can be your go-between.

Tell him how you feel and tell him to tell his friend. He can, if he’s a good chap, act as a bridge between you so that the messages can get across without either of you getting tongue tied with each other. This friend has already passed one message to you. You just need to reply, and maybe the three of you can have an evening out somewhere - friend as chaperone, emergency conversational fallback, that sort of thing. I’m sure he’d be honoured to help you two get together - he’s already helping after all. I’d certainly be delighted if I could help two people I knew get past their shyness.

And if it doesn’t work in the end? Well, so what? Life is a journey of discovery. Whatever doesn’t work wasn’t meant to be but we can always learn lessons from it for the next time.

Good luck and may God bless all of you!
 
Apollos said:
Seriously? You basically tell us that you have a habit of choosing pusillanimous and timid men, and then come to us and ask why men are pusillanimous and timid? You are not ready for marriage, so please, and I’m saying this as a dude, in the name of all dudes everywhere, quit bothering us.
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speaking in the name of dudes everywhere: this is heartless and helps nobody
 
DexUK said:
And if it doesn’t work in the end? Well, so what? Life is a journey of discovery. Whatever doesn’t work wasn’t meant to be but we can always learn lessons from it for the next time.

Good luck and may God bless all of you!
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Best piece of advice. My very sentiment!!
Life is a journey, you need to make your own mistakes. Go for it, mate, get the friend to help out and whatever happens que sera sera. Good luck and let us know what happens.

pax et bonum
odopa
 
I would say you need to let him make the first move, but do everything in your power to indicate that you like him, such as tell others at work subtly, tell his friend, etc, so that when word gets back to him you he has the confidence to make the first move (something that only guys should do anyway).

Don’t listen to jerks like Apollos. 😦 Some people have no idea how painful it is to be lonely when you are sure of your vocation to marriage. Keep praying!
 
Lalalissa, you said you were both young but apparently old enough to be out in the work force and not in high school. The suggestion to get his friend to act as go-between is just too…well, high school. It’s very hard I know to make the first move and risk rejection. It takes a lot of self confidence and courage, but self confidence needs practice before you get good at it. Go ahead and ask him to go for coffee break together. All he can say is no, which just means he isn’t the one for you. If he says yes he still may not be the one for you (sorry to be blunt, but you have to be prepared for that too). But take a chance anyway. Ask the Holy Spirit for courage.
 
Praying for one of you to have courage and take the first step …
 
DexUK said:
Apollos, that’s an outrageous and cruel thing to say.
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Not at all Dex. Women who come on too strong are usually dangerous. If a man is interested, he will act interested, and if he is too timid to do so, then he will not make a good boyfriend or husband. Lalalissa has already been told as much, but she keeps it up.
 
HickmanJosh said:
speaking in the name of dudes everywhere: this is heartless and helps nobody
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On the contrary, Josh, it sends lalalissa a message that she knows she is breaking a couple rules but is not admitting it to herself.
 
It appears that my original post has been removed (rather than edited) because, perhaps unwisely, I’d begun it by briefly objecting to a previous post (also now removed) that was rather unpleasant, to say the least. This now means I’m quoted above from the rest of my original post which doesn’t now exist! Ah, the perils of being a moderator - it has to be such an awkward job to get threads to flow right when excising stuff that shouldn’t be there!

Anyway I’ll try to restate my original advice, which was related to the original post, as best I remember…

It seems to me that you’re both attracted to each other and you’re also both too shy to make the first move, but that the solution is already available to you in the person of the friend who let you know that this gentleman is interested in you.

It may be that this third party will be willing to pass the message back that you’re interested too. He’s already clearly willing to help the two of you get together on behalf of his friend, so it’s reasonable he would relay your welcoming the idea back.

I am a shy person too and I know from experience just how excruciatingly difficult it is to pluck up one’s courage. I know how much I would have valued the intercession of a kind friend in such circumstances.

Pass your willingness to date this man back via the friend. Maybe start off with a small social occasion where you’re not alone with each other so you don’t feel awkward. Perhaps you, him, the friend and the friend’s ‘other half’ if that person has one. That way conversation is easier to start than when you’re in an artificial situation (unless you want it that way, of course).

As I said before, if it doesn’t work in the end? Well, so what? Life is a journey of discovery. Whatever doesn’t work wasn’t meant to be but we can always learn lessons from it for the next time.

Good luck and may God bless all of you!
 
DexUK said:
It appears that my original post has been removed (rather than edited) because, perhaps unwisely, I’d begun it by briefly objecting to a previous post (also now removed) that was rather unpleasant, to say the least. This now means I’m quoted above from the rest of my original post which doesn’t now exist! Ah, the perils of being a moderator - it has to be such an awkward job to get threads to flow right when excising stuff that shouldn’t be there!
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I feel your pain; all that remains of that conflagration is a sneering one-liner in which I am named without being quoted! Nevertheless I stand by my original advice, which was to let social rules work for the best.

I’d like to recommend a wonderful little book rather self-consciously titled The Rules: amazon.com/Rules-TM-Time-Tested-Secrets-Capturing/dp/0446518131/

These are some of my favorite “rules” from the book, and they have saved many who have followed them:
  1. Don’t Talk to a Man First (and Don’t Ask Him to Dance or Propose Marriage to Him); If You Do All The Chasing He Will Feel Like A Weakling For This Entire Marriage
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  1. Let Him Take the Lead; This Would Be Better For His Pride; If You Do All The Chasing And Leading He Will Feel Like A Weakling For This Entire Marriage Unless He Cannot Lead By Law and Protocol
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  1. Playing Hard To Get Is A Way Of Insuring That He Is Really Committed To You And You Not Just An Impulsive Fancy Or Side Dish. When You Do Play Hard To Get, Make Sure You Leave Some Doors Open; If All Your Contact Information Changes The Relationship Is Lost
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  1. Do Not Propose Marriage To Him; It Is His Role To Ask; If He Does Not Do This Difficult Task On His Own, He Can Loose His Pride For the Rest Of This Marriage
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There is no point in pursuing a relationship with this shy guy until and unless he starts acting like a man. Lalalissa, honey, you *do *want a man for a husband, don’t you? Otherwise, what you see now is what you will get for the rest of your relationship.

Find someone who is actually ready for a relationship. Move on. If he’s worth it, he’ll wake up and start acting like he’s worth it.
 
as somebody who did the whole dating thing in my early and mid 20’s, I agree with seagal- skip the middle man! the real way to get his attention is to approach him yourself. using a go-between is not the answer. if he is shy, start very slowly. ask him if he’d like to sit together in the lunch room…suggest he accompany you to bible study…volunteer for some sort of community service and ask him to go with you…there’s lots of ways.

if you are shy about communicating face to face, try e-mail at first in addition to light conversations. i “snagged” a very shy guy and we have been married 10 years this november. we started out VEEEERRRRRYYYY slowly and decided to do some courting before true dating. we did not even kiss until a few months before our wedding. it was the best route for us.

i will pray for you as you discern this vocation for your life and ask Blessed Mother to intercede for your needs. it is very hard to be alone when all you want is a companion and love. I hope this all works out for you! feel free to PM me if you want to talk…twk
 
Thank you for you’re advice and prayers.

I already have a copy of “The Rules” and i thought it was pretty awful. Sessh i’m not gonna go running in make up and I’d rather have a life than pretend to have one by keeping a clock by my phone.

I’m all for the guy making the first move, i have avoided doing anything too forward. its a delicate balance between being intersted and looking desperate.
 
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