Two weeks away and scared to be a dad

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mkipp

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My wife and I are two weeks away from having our first child. My wife is calm and excited, and I am nervous and scared. I am fearful of being in the delivery room, and scared that I will not be a good dad. We are prepared financially, have free daycare and a strong family network around us. Any advice? God Bless.
 
My friend, if you said you weren’t a bit scared and intimidated by the glory and beauty of life, we all think you were 1) A liar 2) Insane.

God Bless you and your wife for starting a family. Stay strong, pray, and realize that God has granted upon you one of his greatest gifts.

Congratulations soon to be dad, and here is a cyber cigar!
 
mkipp said:
My wife and I are two weeks away from having our first child. My wife is calm and excited, and I am nervous and scared. I am fearful of being in the delivery room, and scared that I will not be a good dad. We are prepared financially, have free daycare and a strong family network around us. Any advice? God Bless.
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I was the same way with the first one. In fact, it carried a few days beyond my first child’s birth itself. I don’t think men think of children in quite the same way women do. I was really lost with a newborn. Didn’t know quite how to relate to her, and wasn’t sure I could in a way different from the way I related to siblings long before. Being a father isn’t the same thing as being a mother.

But you get out of all that, faster than you might think. It takes a little to get used to “baby rhythms”; how they are and all. But it then becomes a really powerful thing, and you would lay your life down for the child without a second thought if it came to it. Not a second thought. There’s nothing you won’t do for the child or, indeed, your wife.

To my huge surprise, I found myself almost vying with my wife to get up in the middle of the night to comfort a crying baby. I know it sounds odd, but there is kind of like an internal impetus toward heroism that takes over somehow. I was the “colic curer” for all of my children. (Take off your shirt and the child’s. Put the baby’s tummy on your breast bone in such a way that a slight pressure is created, then cover both of you and let your body heat, which is greater than your wife’s, ease the child’s little insides. Eventually he or she will burp massively, and the colic’s gone. I have talked to lots of people about that, and women don’t seem to be able to do it. It’s a totally “dad” thing.) I was the one that gave each one his/her first taste of almost everything. I was the “roughhouser” and the “amuser” and the “let’s go have an adventure” person. I think that all comes with being a man.

Don’t sweat it, old buddy, you’ll do fine.
 
As my father told me once, you don’t have to know how to be the parent of a teenager when you bring a baby home. You just need to be the father of a newborn.

Parents and children have survived this for centuries. You will do fine. You will enjoy it. You will have times you are angry, times you are scared, times you are exhausted, times you don’t know what to do. But it is all worth it.
 
So many blessings I pray for you… it is natural that you feel this way & that’s the most important thing to remember. When your child arrives, the wonder & awe of the moment will alleviate all the anxiety you now feel. Trust in God’s design for your life as a family, & the rest will take care of itself & fall into place. Now is the time to stand back “emotionally” & observe the miracle of life 🙂

I’m excited for you, & the new life who is about to enter into your & your wife’s life. Always there are ups/downs in raising children, but as a Mother with 39 years under my belt I can assure you it is SO worthwhile. My children are now 39, 33, & 16… & as I look back on their years of growth, I feel honored that God has allowed me to experience this. I know you will one day also feel this way 🙂 Be excited for the road ahead, for it is awesome 😉

God’s blessings be with you & yours…
 
THIS is a BEAUTIFUL response to him & shows what a beautiful & caring person you are. Not to mention your honesty, which is also refreshing. I just needed to comment on your caring heart & your pure truthful response. God be with you & bless you always dear heart… I am honored to have known you 🙂
Ridgerunner said:
I was the same way with the first one. In fact, it carried a few days beyond my first child’s birth itself. I don’t think men think of children in quite the same way women do. I was really lost with a newborn. Didn’t know quite how to relate to her, and wasn’t sure I could in a way different from the way I related to siblings long before. Being a father isn’t the same thing as being a mother.

But you get out of all that, faster than you might think. It takes a little to get used to “baby rhythms”; how they are and all. But it then becomes a really powerful thing, and you would lay your life down for the child without a second thought if it came to it. Not a second thought. There’s nothing you won’t do for the child or, indeed, your wife.

To my huge surprise, I found myself almost vying with my wife to get up in the middle of the night to comfort a crying baby. I know it sounds odd, but there is kind of like an internal impetus toward heroism that takes over somehow. I was the “colic curer” for all of my children. (Take off your shirt and the child’s. Put the baby’s tummy on your breast bone in such a way that a slight pressure is created, then cover both of you and let your body heat, which is greater than your wife’s, ease the child’s little insides. Eventually he or she will burp massively, and the colic’s gone. I have talked to lots of people about that, and women don’t seem to be able to do it. It’s a totally “dad” thing.) I was the one that gave each one his/her first taste of almost everything. I was the “roughhouser” and the “amuser” and the “let’s go have an adventure” person. I think that all comes with being a man.

Don’t sweat it, old buddy, you’ll do fine.
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If you’re scared, then you show the capacity to be a good father, because you won’t settle for less. You’d be surprised at how many prospective parents feel scared about parenthood, unsure of what kind of parent they will be, and how the baby will affect their lives and relationships when born.

Love and wisdom. Genuine concern for the baby’s true good. Love is what the baby needs before anything, and when you see the little one you’ll begin to lose your heart. Every little thing, first smile, first time your baby can be imagined to call you ‘dad’ will surprise you into amazing joy. And when your child takes the first step, you’ll feel so proud, as if you and your wife were the only ones in the world every to experience such a milestone! You’ll be a good Dad because with your good heart you will love your child…and to love and respect your wife is also one of the best gifts you can give your child.

You’ll be fine in the delivery room, as your focus will be your wife, and then your wife and the miracle baby, yours!!! Babies are born all the time…but you’ll feel like the only ones who ever had a baby!
Just don’t do what my husband did in the delivery room with your first child, and make mention of “the next time”!!!😃
 
PaulinVA said:
As my father told me once, you don’t have to know how to be the parent of a teenager when you bring a baby home. You just need to be the father of a newborn.

Parents and children have survived this for centuries. You will do fine. You will enjoy it. You will have times you are angry, times you are scared, times you are exhausted, times you don’t know what to do. But it is all worth it.
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Very wise
 
Ridgerunner said:
I was the same way with the first one. In fact, it carried a few days beyond my first child’s birth itself. I don’t think men think of children in quite the same way women do. I was really lost with a newborn. Didn’t know quite how to relate to her, and wasn’t sure I could in a way different from the way I related to siblings long before. Being a father isn’t the same thing as being a mother.

But you get out of all that, faster than you might think. It takes a little to get used to “baby rhythms”; how they are and all. But it then becomes a really powerful thing, and you would lay your life down for the child without a second thought if it came to it. Not a second thought. There’s nothing you won’t do for the child or, indeed, your wife.

To my huge surprise, I found myself almost vying with my wife to get up in the middle of the night to comfort a crying baby. I know it sounds odd, but there is kind of like an internal impetus toward heroism that takes over somehow. I was the “colic curer” for all of my children. (Take off your shirt and the child’s. Put the baby’s tummy on your breast bone in such a way that a slight pressure is created, then cover both of you and let your body heat, which is greater than your wife’s, ease the child’s little insides. Eventually he or she will burp massively, and the colic’s gone. I have talked to lots of people about that, and women don’t seem to be able to do it. It’s a totally “dad” thing.) I was the one that gave each one his/her first taste of almost everything. I was the “roughhouser” and the “amuser” and the “let’s go have an adventure” person. I think that all comes with being a man.

Don’t sweat it, old buddy, you’ll do fine.
Click to expand...
Great post! I don’t have much to add except for something one of my best friends and former Minister / Boss said to me before my first was born…

When you get home and you are holding them in your arms you will wonder how could you love something so much for virtually no reason at all? (being that love is usually something that takes time to develop).

You’ll do great! Prayers inc!

Joe
 
You won’t be scared once the baby arrives. You’ll be so excited and sleep deprived that you won’t have time to worry about much. By the time you come up for air you’ll be amazed how different your life has become, and you won’t be able to imagine it being any different.

My advice is trust your instincts, never forget you are the adult, and ALWAYS do the right thing. If you make a mistake, recover and move on.

Congratulations!
 
I bawled like a baby when my OB told me I needed to be induced with my first child…the very next morning (I was already 4 days overdue and showing signs of toxemia). It’s not like I didn’t know I was pregnant and about to have a baby, but when the reality of it hit me, it was devastating. I cried so hard that I had to pull the car over on the way home from the doctor’s office and calm down just so I could see the road ahead of me.

I was scared, devastated my life was going to change forever, and suddenly felt totally unprepared to be a parent. I’m not exactly the maternal sort by nature!

I can tell you this: the road has not always been easy. But you will love that child in ways you can’t even begin to imagine right now. You will learn the skills you need to be a good parent. It may not come naturally, but it WILL come. Newborns are just the most fascinating creatures! My husband was actually fantastic with newborns and much more comfortable with the whole experience with our first child than I ever was. But I learned as we went along, and by the time my sixth was born, I was expert. You will be one day, too.

God bless you as you start on this amazing journey of parenthood 🙂
 
I only have my “Dad” rating up to a one year old right now, but having just been through the first year, my experience is this : Be present. In every sense of the words, be present.

Also, buy a camcorder for after the delivery, not during (YMMV)
 
I love these responses! Many blessings to you and your wife. I can’t imagine life without our now grown children. I still remember those early days of exhaustion and excitement and it was all worth it.

Sit at your wife’s head if the birth itself makes you nervous. You’ll be surprised at how into it you get and forget all about your nerves. I was in with my best friend so I know what it’s like to give birth and also witness it. What a wonder to behold.
 
lovemysix said:
I bawled like a baby when my OB told me I needed to be induced with my first child…the very next morning (I was already 4 days overdue and showing signs of toxemia). It’s not like I didn’t know I was pregnant and about to have a baby, but when the reality of it hit me, it was devastating. I cried so hard that I had to pull the car over on the way home from the doctor’s office and calm down just so I could see the road ahead of me.

I was scared, devastated my life was going to change forever, and suddenly felt totally unprepared to be a parent. I’m not exactly the maternal sort by nature!

I can tell you this: the road has not always been easy. But you will love that child in ways you can’t even begin to imagine right now. You will learn the skills you need to be a good parent. It may not come naturally, but it WILL come. Newborns are just the most fascinating creatures! My husband was actually fantastic with newborns and much more comfortable with the whole experience with our first child than I ever was. But I learned as we went along, and by the time my sixth was born, I was expert. You will be one day, too.

God bless you as you start on this amazing journey of parenthood 🙂
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👍 Amen to this!

Just remember: “God doesn’t call the equipped; He equips the called.” Ask St. Joseph, patron of fathers, for his intercession.

And congratulations!! Parenthood is an amazing experience that will totally change your life, but in the best way possible.
 
mkipp said:
My wife and I are two weeks away from having our first child. My wife is calm and excited, and I am nervous and scared. I am fearful of being in the delivery room, and scared that I will not be a good dad. We are prepared financially, have free daycare and a strong family network around us. Any advice? God Bless.
Click to expand...
Be as calm as you can and support your wife no matter what she says or does. If you concentrate on being there for her at this most critical time you begin your new life as a father and provider with the correct frame of mind. You are now responsible for a new life for at least the next 18 years or so. It is going to take a lot of hard work and perseverance.

I have six kids and I felt the same way you do for the first child, who by the way is getting married this coming weekend. Time flies so be there for your kid as much as possible before you know it they are gone on their own. Be strong and advocate for your wife in the delivery room she needs you the be her man. God Bless.
 
I just had a baby on Tuesday, so I have some fresh experience for you! My husband was absolutely wonderful in the delivery room! I know I was kind of grumpy towards him, but I was in a ton of pain. He was great, and just went along with whatever I wanted. In the delivery room he helped me by using a little hand fan to fan me off, putting a wet washcloth on my forehead, giving me ice chips, etc. One of the best things he did was reminding me to breath. When you’re in pain like that the natural reaction is to want to breath heavy or hold your breath, and it really really helps if you can slow down your breathing and take huge deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. That was the only thing that got me through the contractions. My husband thought he would be grossed out and up by my head the whole time but he ended up watching her come out AND cutting the cord, which surprised me. He and my mom held my legs while I pushed, and he counted for me and kept me focused. After the baby was born, he held my hand while I was being stitched up and so anxious to be done and just enjoy the baby so that helped it go faster (at my hospital the warmed and everything is in the wall right beside us so they didn’t take the baby away or anything). Seeing him with his baby girl just makes me SO much more in love with him. Today was his first day back to work and he was sad to leave, and said he was going to miss us all day. Hope that helps a little, those are just some things my DH did for me. It will all come naturally and you’ll be great, don’t worry!
 
I was too, until the delivery. What an experience it is to witness the greatest miracle you’ll ever see (at least for me anyways) when that child is born! I consider myself a fairly squeamish person, but all that goes out the window when it’s “showtime”. So, check your fears at the door and be prepared to be in awe. That’s about all I can tell you.

If you haven’t been doing so already, talk to that precious child in the womb. Our daughter recognized my voice when they were cleaning her up on the little side table thingy (I’m sure it has a proper name). She’d stop crying as long as I was talking to her. I think it helps anyway!👍
 
mkipp said:
My wife and I are two weeks away from having our first child. My wife is calm and excited, and I am nervous and scared. I am fearful of being in the delivery room, and scared that I will not be a good dad. We are prepared financially, have free daycare and a strong family network around us. Any advice? God Bless.
Click to expand...
Congratulations and GOD bless! Take deep breaths and know that God will be with you every step fo the way… He will take care of you and your loved ones!! Just pray to GOD for His devine intervention and let Him guide you through everything you do…You will be a great dad I am sure of it! Take care!
 
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