Ugh. I'm a cruddy wife

[KCT]

Any chance you can find a mother’s helper after school 1 or 2 times a week? A middle or high school girl who can entertain the baby for a bit? The baby will be entertained and you can clean, do laundry, nap, fix dinner etc.

 

[mom2Grace]

I think my problem is that I get really lonely during the day. I’m cranky because after DH leaves it’s just me and baby until bedtime and there’s only so many verses of Old McDonald Had a Farm I can sing before I’m wondering what to do with this baby! What he really needs are older siblings, little people he can watch running around and entertaining him on occaision. Because he doesn’t much like playing alone which means I have to be very entertaining a lot of the time and it’s hard to get housework done unless I put him on my back . Maybe I’ll start another thread for this. I have Mom friends down the hall but they’re really critical of my parenting. Anyways I think my lonliness and boredom cause me to be a little crankier than I should be. I loooove being home with my DS, don’t get me wrong. I love him to bits and I love spending time with him. I don’t mind the dressing, bathing changing etc. I just need some adult interaction at times!

Same here except I’m home with DD and newborn DS. It will be a while before they can entertain each other. I fell like I should be so happy and full of energy now that I’m not off working/teaching full time at school but I find myself being cranky more than DH deserves. I’ll just try to gain something from the advice you are getting.

 

[monicatholic]

Oh Tapioca, I miss you!

first, don’t for a MINUTE let any of your neighbor gal’s criticisms get under your skin. i met her. anyone who would, to my face, call my husband a jerk is not someone helpful in my life of increasing virtue.

second, your overall lack of sleep has been a big factor since your lovely little guy has been born. if you were telling it to me, you’d say, “be gentle with yourself. sleep deprivation is a big deal.” so i’m saying it to you.

third: implement cloister rule and carry medical tape when you are choring. a kid of ours had a terrible problem of using chores time for berating time. said kid would get a dust rag or a dish cloth in hand and begin to criticize and humiliate others. as a response, (to general over-chattiness during chores, too) we imposed “cloister rule” on all persons for all chores time. when we are really into chores, we don’t talk. said kid initially ignored “cloister rule.” once or twice we lovingly taped her mouth closed with medical tape. afterward, just putting the medical tape on a visible shelf was enough to shut her up during chores.

(we also taped her mouth shut for general verbal abuse at other times, but during non-chore times she was allowed to go hide in her room. we didn’t want to humilate her, just teach her silence.)

hugs to you. hugs and hugs and hugs.

monica

 

[petitfleur]

Here is something you might or might not like- People dont change-God changes people. You cant do this by yourself. Think of this as a chance to grow in virtue, and be closer to Christ. You mentioned picturing Jesus- well thats a great start. I would suggest takeing some time (i know its hard) and pray in the morning. I also try to pray when ever I feel naggy. God help me with the next right thought or action.
In the evening I try to name 5 things I am grateful about and review my day to see where I was wrong how I could of been better ect. I also look at the good things. This works over time-it seems like a lot of work but worth it.

 

[petitfleur]

I just realized how lame my post was…It is only becuase I so relate to what you say. I am really bad at house work…and I try really hard but it seems like things are always a mess. My DH is a neat freak (his mom irons dish rags) so this has been a strain on our marriage. I can get the kitchen spotless and within two hours it is a mess again and I really tried to keep it clean.
I have come to think that God gave me flaws like this to draw me closer to him I have been made weak so I can rely on him and get strength. This is only my thoughts and they might sound ridiculouse I know. But things are better for me when i seek strenght and knowedge from Him. So the solution always starts with God.
I will keep you in my prayers. God bless.

 

[maryjk]

It sounds like you may be depressed. I mean, you sound kind of like me when I was married. I hated house work, and just plain didn’t have the energy to do much. Especially after our daughter was born. She was a very demanding baby.

Get a check up, there may be other problems as well. If you get a clean bill of health (and not just physical health) then you can start looking at what you *can *do.

I’m with Christy Beth.
Get checked out. I went through a time that I couldn’t keep up with life. I knew everyone was out to get me, so I pounced first. Then I said, “I’m sorry” every time I turned around.

I was very anemic. Low iron and B12. Low iron makes you tired and not able to keep up, low B12 messes with your mind.

Go to the doctor. Get checked out. Make sure you get a blood count. Make sure you aren’t clinically depressed.

If you are fine, get to it. When my son was little, I started a list.

Monday - run the vac
Tuesday - floors
Wednesday - clothes
Thursday - bathrooms
Friday - whatever
Everyday - 15 minute clean up

Or whatever schedule works for you. That way you have just one thing on your mind to do. I would try to get it done early. Since my husband was home for dinner, we would make it together.

But get checked out first.

 

[Teakafrog]

Well, I used to be way worse than you. Seriously. I think I’m a lot better now , not perfect by ANY means, but, man, I couldn’t have gotten much worse. The thing that helped us–Retrouvaille. Fixed our communication issues to that we could really know what the other one was thinking and feeling. www.retrouvaille.org I just can’t recommend it enough to anyone who is having any kind of issues in their marriage. If you think that is too drastic, then check out Marriage Encounter instead.