Um, I'm dealing with a unique problem

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Much like St. Teresa of Avila, I feel tormented by the favors God has granted me. He promised me final perseverance one day in a vision (I’ve told several priests the details with no objections) and now, knowing I owe Him everything, I feel maddeningly scrupulous - but not over Hell, yet over not being fully pleasing to Him! I know we can’t earn Heaven, but I feel like if I don’t become a saint overnight I’ll be pissing Him off and I guess I’m just trying to deserve what He’s given me and can’t shake the torture of it. You’d think the opposite would be true, that I’d become a lax fatalist, but as a ex-Protestant I don’t want to fall into a sort of OSAS laziness. It’s just too much to know :rolleyes: It makes me want to be perfect for Him but I don’t have the strength to do it.

“The memory of the favor God has granted does more to bring such a person back to God than all the infernal punishments imaginable.” - St. Teresa of Avila
 
Just remember, you don’t have to be perfect! I don’t think any Saint ever was. Only God is perfect. I think as long as you continue to strive for Holyness you will be successful!

Perhaps the Serenity Prayer…

O God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time. Accepting hardships as the parthway to peace. Taking, as he did, the sinful world as it is, not as I would have it. Trusting that he will make all things right if I surrender to His will; that I may be reasonably happy in this life, and supremely happy with Him forever.
 
Praying for your intentions….

Lord Jesus, You have said, “Learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart.” With confidence in Your loving heart which offers rest to weary souls, we come to You in this time of special need. In Your unfailing love, read the prayer that is written on our hearts, and grant the grace that we ask of You, in accordance with Your holy will. In Your name we pray. Amen.

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, and sought thy intercession, was left unaided. Inspired with this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother, to thee I come, before thee I stand sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate! Despise not my petitions, but, in thy mercy, hear and answer me. Amen.
 
I will pray for your intentions…

*Our Father, Who art in heaven
Hallowed be Thy Name;
Thy kingdom come,
Thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us;
and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.

Amen.*
 
WoundedIcon said:
Much like St. Teresa of Avila, I feel tormented by the favors God has granted me. He promised me final perseverance one day in a vision (I’ve told several priests the details with no objections) and now, knowing I owe Him everything, I feel maddeningly scrupulous - but not over Hell, yet over not being fully pleasing to Him! I know we can’t earn Heaven, but I feel like if I don’t become a saint overnight I’ll be pissing Him off and I guess I’m just trying to deserve what He’s given me and can’t shake the torture of it. You’d think the opposite would be true, that I’d become a lax fatalist, but as a ex-Protestant I don’t want to fall into a sort of OSAS laziness. It’s just too much to know :rolleyes: It makes me want to be perfect for Him but I don’t have the strength to do it.

“The memory of the favor God has granted does more to bring such a person back to God than all the infernal punishments imaginable.” - St. Teresa of Avila
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I know from your perspective you cant see what I see, but what I saw right away was you saying “ME ME ME ME”. I’m not trying to be rude by pointing that out, just hoping you can see it too so that you can take a step back for a minute.

Remember Mat. 19:23-26

23 And Jesus said to His disciples, “Truly I say to you, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. 24 Again I say to you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.” 25 When the disciples heard this, they were very astonished and said, “Then who can be saved?” 26 And looking at them Jesus said to them, “With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible".

hope that helps, I will pray for you
 
May you know that your desire and efforts to become perfect are pleasing to the Lord. May you know that he doesn’t expect you to become a saint overnight, he just expects you to be faithful in your daily duties, making prayers and little sacrifices to comfort him and to save souls. May our Lord give you the grace of patience with yourself and help you to carry your cross lovingly and patiently. Amen.
 
Perfection is a goal that we work for all our lives, but only in heaven are we as perfect as God meant us to be (not infinitely perfect as He is)

Be humble. Don’t be self-assured about the reality of your vision, no matter how real it seems to you. Visions can come from the devil, or from a vivid dream. I don’t know God’s workings, but I believe that only very rarely would a great saint be given a true vision of the certainty of their salvation. Are you a great saint? Maybe the fact that you are reacting as you are is an indication that your vision is not real. St. John of the Cross and St. Theresa of Avila have both written on the danger of believing visions. These two saints weigh in heavily against the 2 priests you have spoken to.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is
the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners
now and at the hour of our death. Amen.
 
Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women and
blessed is the Fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners
now and at the hour of our death. Amen.
 
nkbeth said:
Perfection is a goal that we work for all our lives, but only in heaven are we as perfect as God meant us to be (not infinitely perfect as He is)

Be humble. Don’t be self-assured about the reality of your vision, no matter how real it seems to you. Visions can come from the devil, or from a vivid dream. I don’t know God’s workings, but I believe that only very rarely would a great saint be given a true vision of the certainty of their salvation. Are you a great saint? Maybe the fact that you are reacting as you are is an indication that your vision is not real. St. John of the Cross and St. Theresa of Avila have both written on the danger of believing visions. These two saints weigh in heavily against the 2 priests you have spoken to.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is
the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners
now and at the hour of our death. Amen.
Click to expand...
I understand your concern, however I have been reading St. John of the Cross’ works along with the summary of mystical theology on christianperfection.info and, along with the Council of Trent’s proclamation that a special revelation can reveal such a thing, it seems that it has the characteristics of a true vision. A peace and partial ecstasy occurred along with it, all it’s details are within the bounds of orthodoxy, and some of said details were later confirmed through providential signs (for example, I was a Franciscan in the vision and later, in reflection, I felt spurred on to join the SFO - the day after I met someone who was one.) I’ve done the most I can to make sure I’m not being fooled by submitting the matter to three priests who all made no objections. I don’t go seeking signs and such but big ones are pretty common in my life. I converted after having a vision in fact, a dream that had to be of God because it showed a day in my life the night before it happened and all the facts I gleaned from it without otherwise being able to know naturally checked out with my friend’s knowledge of what had happened in my absence. I’ve had other words and intellectual visions, touches, experiences of strong infused contemplation, and terrible purgations. Not to mention speaking in tongues! So, as proper, I feel driven to serve God, humble myself, go above and beyond - but I need to slow down in my approach.
 
Our Father, Who art in heaven,
Hallowed be Thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come.
Thy Will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of death.

Amen.

Glory be to the Father,
and to the Son,
and to the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the beginning,
is now,
and ever shall be,
world without end.

Amen.
 
Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women and
blessed is the Fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners
now and at the hour of our death. Amen.
 
WoundedIcon said:
Much like St. Teresa of Avila, I feel tormented by the favors God has granted me. He promised me final perseverance one day in a vision (I’ve told several priests the details with no objections) and now, knowing I owe Him everything, I feel maddeningly scrupulous - but not over Hell, yet over not being fully pleasing to Him! I know we can’t earn Heaven, but I feel like if I don’t become a saint overnight I’ll be pissing Him off and I guess I’m just trying to deserve what He’s given me and can’t shake the torture of it. You’d think the opposite would be true, that I’d become a lax fatalist, but as a ex-Protestant I don’t want to fall into a sort of OSAS laziness. It’s just too much to know :rolleyes: It makes me want to be perfect for Him but I don’t have the strength to do it.

“The memory of the favor God has granted does more to bring such a person back to God than all the infernal punishments imaginable.” - St. Teresa of Avila
Click to expand...
I thought of something right now… the worries about not becoming a saint and not pleasing God right away, - that might come from pride. If God is giving you final perseverence and all these graces do you think it’s because you deserve it, or because of His mercy? 🙂 all we have is from His mercy. We have nothing to offer but misery and sin. Sounds discouraging? If you begin to love that then you have humility. (I don’t have it. But St Padre Pio did and he said the greatest humility is to love our abjection). Just tell God…you can’t hope to become a Saint without Him basically bringing you there, Himself. Be humble and contrite and don’t ever think you are humble. It might help you to learn about St Therese and her thoughts on holiness. She felt unable to be a Saint too. It’s in our misery, in our littleness, weakness, that God works. NOT in “our” strength. No you can’t become a saint overnight, and not without tremendous graces from God. All you need to do is say yes to Him no matter what: even in the little things (especially in the little things) - say yes to anything He asks of you. He will do the rest. We need to walk beside Jesus as we grow in holiness, not run ahead of Him.
WoundedIcon said:
I understand your concern, however I have been reading St. John of the Cross’ works along with the summary of mystical theology on christianperfection.info and, along with the Council of Trent’s proclamation that a special revelation can reveal such a thing, it seems that it has the characteristics of a true vision. A peace and partial ecstasy occurred along with it, all it’s details are within the bounds of orthodoxy, and some of said details were later confirmed through providential signs (for example, I was a Franciscan in the vision and later, in reflection, I felt spurred on to join the SFO - the day after I met someone who was one.) I’ve done the most I can to make sure I’m not being fooled by submitting the matter to three priests who all made no objections. I don’t go seeking signs and such but big ones are pretty common in my life. I converted after having a vision in fact, a dream that had to be of God because it showed a day in my life the night before it happened and all the facts I gleaned from it without otherwise being able to know naturally checked out with my friend’s knowledge of what had happened in my absence. I’ve had other words and intellectual visions, touches, experiences of strong infused contemplation, and terrible purgations. Not to mention speaking in tongues! So, as proper, I feel driven to serve God, humble myself, go above and beyond - but I need to slow down in my approach.
Click to expand...
So let all this humble you further and submit to your priest 🙂

God bless you!
 
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