Um. . . praying during sex

[twosweetgirls]

Last night, DH was getting fresh, and I knew what he was after. I was not wanting it, but not wanting to deprive him, I gave in (he’ll be working these next nine days in a row, so the opportunity won’t present itself for a bit).

So I prayed the Rosary the whole time. I thought that was a far better alternative than getting mad; it was the first time I’d ever prayed anything during the sexual act (rather than thinking about the kids, work, other issues, etc.).

What say you?

 

[LilyM]

No probs that I can see.

Isn’t the marital act supposed to be directly related to our soul’s communion with God? So if it becomes an occasion of prayer for you, an occasion for communing with Him, I see nothing wrong with that.

Much better than worrying about the mundane matters you mentioned!

 

[DEESYPAL]

It’s beautiful to pray before sex becasue you are invting God who made sex to love as he loves. Remember sex images the Trinity!

 

[Chaldean_Rite]

Sex is the prayer of the body, it is a liturgy.

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

Why didn’t you think about your DH during the time? If you were praying the rosary, how much were you focused on what you were doing?

I sort of feel that when you pray during sex, it’s communal prayer - together. Prayer of thanksgiving.

Praying the rosary takes focus (at least for me) that I wouldn’t have during intimacy. It seems like you were praying instead of thinking of something else like work or the kids. You mentioned praying the rosary instead of being mad. Why be mad, and not enjoy your husband?

Sex is supposed to be unifying, not just “Well I’ll give in, because although I don’t want it, I’ll make him happy but I won’t pay attention.”

Hope this doesn’t sound harsh at all…just trying to give you my take on it.

 

[Catholic90]

“beige…the ceiling should be beige.”

 

[LilyM]

“beige…the ceiling should be beige.”

My ceiling is white - if it were beige it would match my walls. And carpet.

I really dislike beige, it’s so bland, but I don’t own the place and don’t know how much longer I’m going to be here, so no real point redecorating. At least the furniture, pictures and curtains have some colour to them. I’m glad I got rid of the blahh pastel-coloured curtains they had here when I moved in.

And now back to your regularly scheduled thread …

 

[twosweetgirls]

“beige…the ceiling should be beige.”

No, I’d be thinking “dang, those cobwebs are really distracting”.

 

[Detales]

Oh dear God, twosweet, Thank you, thank, you, thank, you!!! I haven’t had such a good laugh in ages!!! And '90, that’s precious!

But poor DH. My heart goes out to him. What’s going to happen to the poor guy when all that sublimated anger on your part, twosweet, comes boiling up? My preference is always to make the emotion of the moment part of the act. Everything on the table now, love it or leave it, but in any case, deal with it. Now!

What kind of a relationship is it if you can’t be up front with DH and you are setting depth charges for the poor guy, and you having to deal with oil slicks and bodies from the results of the trap? Not to mention the noise!! “Offering it up” or praying is a delay tactic, selfish and dangerous to yourself, DH and your relationship, especially the children. DH is a “now” happening, as ought be, I think, your response. If I was DH, I sure wouldn’t want to have the feelings of obligatory relations wafting around. The encounter I’d want is honesty and dealing, because that is my urge before the other. And if he can’t tell the difference between you praying and you fully there, something else is going on as well, with both of you. Bon chance, Angel! (DH isn’t code for Dog House," is it?)

 

[shannyk]

Well I can’t think of why it would be wrong to pray during sex, but imagine if the shoe were on the other foot and DH’s mind was elsewhere.

I personally would be pretty peeved and hurt if my husband was praying during sex, because that means your mind and heart aren’t in it. I can remember times with my DH when I could tell his mind was not in it or he just wanted to be over with it and that was enough to turn me off completely. Just thinking about it gives me a blech feeling. I dunno, maybe men have a different perspective?

Rather than just putting up with ‘letting him’ have sex with you, you should probably think about ways to bring something of yourself to the act, talk to DH about your feelings and find a way to get into it. Sex is all in the mind, you can will yourself to change your perspective and be an active participant.

And not to be crude, but how much enjoyment can DH be getting out of it if you’re just…lying there?

 

[lizaanne]

And not to be crude, but how much enjoyment can DH be getting out of it if you’re just…lying there?

Oh gosh - do we have to go THERE? I really don’t want to know what she was or was not doing.

Can we just stick to her question in the OP and not analyze her motives or health of her sex life? I think that is a bit out of line actually, since she didn’t ask for that sort of advice.

I know - you post it on a forum and it’s open season. But in the case of the sex life of a married couple, can we keep this private for her as much as possible unless she specifically asks for counseling?

~Liza

 

[Nino]

first you get an A for awful…you got what you planned …mucho attento…come on now ,we Catholics or as you say…Cat licks…are not that dumb!.Your note is like getting on a Jewish site and saying…" I was visiting the holocaust museum the other day and while in there I was thinking of Shylock that …well you know…Willy Shakespeare etc…why this site opens its doors to such sewage is beyond me…it would be the equivelant of listening to Pres.Obama talking about how hard he had it in multi-expensive ivy league colleges…gee I went to Adelphi University and for 8 years at nite while supporting a family of seven…no big deal ,I was working during the day at the post office…also no big deal…but come on fella…regardless of what you have heard…opey included with his vinci code hate flick…we are not so dumb…try another site…how about Moms and killers…Jack the rippers mom used to tell us that …hey no one is perfect…ya gotta luv folks like that…

 

[lovemysix]

I’d be crushed if my husband were saying the Rosary during the marital embrace because he so very much didn’t want to make love to me. There is a time and a place for everything, and lovemaking is supposed to be a unitive act between husband and wife, not an act in which one person is having sex and the other is disassociating by saying prayers. If my husband didn’t want to make love, I’d MUCH rather him just tell me straight out then let me make a fool out of myself by basically pleasuring myself on him while he is tuned out someplace. I would consider that very disrespectful to me.

I consider the very act of lovemaking a prayer. But that’s different from one person using the Rosary as a distraction tool to keep his/her mind of what’s really going on.

You asked for opinions. That’s mine.

 

[daeve]

These are just my own thoughts, but I don’t think I’d want to have sex with a disinterested partner. I’d prefer for him to say he wasn’t in the mood, than just accommodate me.

Maybe a man would feel differently about things, and I’m not suggesting you did anything wrong, but I would feel disappointed to know it took a rosary for my spouse to get through it. If it happens again, try explaining how you feel and make plans for a romantic evening, something to look anticipate rather than tolerate.

 

[daeve]

first you get an A for awful…you got what you planned …mucho attento…come on now ,we Catholics or as you say…Cat licks…are not that dumb!.Your note is like getting on a Jewish site and saying…" I was visiting the holocaust museum the other day and while in there I was thinking of Shylock that …well you know…Willy Shakespeare etc…why this site opens its doors to such sewage is beyond me…it would be the equivelant of listening to Pres.Obama talking about how hard he had it in multi-expensive ivy league colleges…gee I went to Adelphi University and for 8 years at nite while supporting a family of seven…no big deal ,I was working during the day at the post office…also no big deal…but come on fella…regardless of what you have heard…opey included with his vinci code hate flick…we are not so dumb…try another site…how about Moms and killers…Jack the rippers mom used to tell us that …hey no one is perfect…ya gotta luv folks like that…

Wow, Nino, maybe I’m naive, but I took the op at face value. While I have occassionally call myself a Cat-Lick (requesting grilled cheese sandwiches on the Friday in Lent the job planned a weinie roast – they postponed it until the following Monday – ask and sometimes you do receive), I don’t know that twosweetgirls has ever used that term. Maybe you could give her the benefit of the doubt. And I’m pretty sure the poster isn’t a fella, but a girl.

I could be just as disingenuous and say you’re post was an exucse to attack the president and a movie director.

 

[twosweetgirls]

first you get an A for awful…you got what you planned …mucho attento…come on now ,we Catholics or as you say…Cat licks…are not that dumb!.Your note is like getting on a Jewish site and saying…" I was visiting the holocaust museum the other day and while in there I was thinking of Shylock that …well you know…Willy Shakespeare etc…why this site opens its doors to such sewage is beyond me…it would be the equivelant of listening to Pres.Obama talking about how hard he had it in multi-expensive ivy league colleges…gee I went to Adelphi University and for 8 years at nite while supporting a family of seven…no big deal ,I was working during the day at the post office…also no big deal…but come on fella…regardless of what you have heard…opey included with his vinci code hate flick…we are not so dumb…try another site…how about Moms and killers…Jack the rippers mom used to tell us that …hey no one is perfect…ya gotta luv folks like that…

I have absolutely NO idea what you’re saying.

 

[ALLGIRLS]

Next time, why not just try to get in the mood, if you’re going to “give in” anyway? Honestly, that’s what I do. We have 4 kids under 7 (one 9 months old who’s not sleeping through the night yet), so I’m always exhausted, and never in the mood. Seriously, I could probably go a whole year w/o wanting sex. But I’d never do that to my dh, so I make myself get interested when he inititates. By the time it’s all “said and done” , I’ve had a good time, and I’m glad we did it. I’m just really tired, It’s not like he’s gross or something and I’m not attracted to him. I (assume? I hope!) you feel the same way about your dh.

In Christ,

Ellen

 

[rayne89]

Well its better than feeling resentful or mad. Maybe next time you can pray to feel more open to intimacy, maybe ask God to help your mood if your not feeling particularly romantic at the moment. I think it was kind that you didn’t want to deprive your spouse, just maybe try use prayer to enjoy the moment instead of a distraction from the moment next time you find yourself in such a situation.

 

[shannyk]

Oh gosh - do we have to go THERE? I really don’t want to know what she was or was not doing.

Can we just stick to her question in the OP and not analyze her motives or health of her sex life? I think that is a bit out of line actually, since she didn’t ask for that sort of advice.

I know - you post it on a forum and it’s open season. But in the case of the sex life of a married couple, can we keep this private for her as much as possible unless she specifically asks for counseling?

~Liza

I wasn’t the one who joked about cobwebs in the corners and the color of ceiling paint. Don’t know what other conclusion one could draw from those kinds of comments.

As for keeping it private, how much less private can you be than asking a question on an internet forum? I honestly think it’s a question for a spiritual adviser as are most of the ‘is this a sin’ questions. Still, they get asked here and I was just trying to answer as best I could.

 

[Neithan]

Oh dear God, twosweet, Thank you, thank, you, thank, you!!! I haven’t had such a good laugh in ages!!! And '90, that’s precious!

But poor DH. My heart goes out to him. What’s going to happen to the poor guy when all that sublimated anger on your part, twosweet, comes boiling up? My preference is always to make the emotion of the moment part of the act. Everything on the table now, love it or leave it, but in any case, deal with it. Now!

If it was truly sublimated, then it couldn’t come boiling up… You mean suppressed? Suppression is always unhealthy.

Praying the Rosary during sex? Gosh… sounds like you’re made for a religious vocation!

I would compare this to people who pray the Rosary during Mass. It’s discouraged (and discouraging…poor fellow). We should keep our focus on the spiritual matters at hand (e.g. communion with your spouse).