Unanswered Prayers

[DeSanto]

I’m looking for advice. I have two step daughters (ages 16 and 20) that have struggled for many years to deal with the absence of their bio-mother most of their life because of addiction. When she does pop in their life, on occasion, it only ends up causing them more pain. I think we have been able to work through many issues and the common solution we always find ourselves coming back to is forgiveness and prayer. Those are the two things they can do and have control over. They can forgive her and they can pray for her.

But recently, and on two separate occasions, both girls have said, “I keep praying but nothing has changed.” “We’ve prayed for years and nothing is happening.”

What can I say to that? I so want to be able to help them find peace and it seems the clock is running out. Their mother was diagnosed with colon cancer recently and she isn’t taking the treatments prescribed. She’s also on the run for flagrant non-support and will probably do significant time in jail next time she’s caught. They are so worried she will die soon and they feel like she doesn’t even care. They feel she doesn’t care or want them and that she’s chosen drugs over them.

What can I say to them if their prayers go unanswered and there is no reconciliation, no conversion, no change of heart or healing that they’ve been praying for all these years? Help me to find the words of wisdom they need to hear so desperately.

Thank you,
Kelly

 

[brad90956]

But recently, and on two separate occasions, both girls have said, “I keep praying but nothing has changed.” “We’ve prayed for years and nothing is happening.”

What can I say to that?

Only God can see the big picture. You have to trust in His plan. Although He hears us, He doesn’t always give the response we expect or the answer on our timetable. We are on His timetable. Years seem like a long time to us, but to God, it is only a breath.

When waiting on God to answer prayers, we must believe God will answer. Unbelief is the biggest obstacle to overcome in praying and waiting.

Never forget that answers come in God’s time – not ours. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” God has promised His own a hopeful future. Rest in God’s faithfulness. He will answer you.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I’m looking for advice. I have two step daughters (ages 16 and 20) that have struggled for many years to deal with the absence of their bio-mother most of their life because of addiction. When she does pop in their life, on occasion, it only ends up causing them more pain. I think we have been able to work through many issues and the common solution we always find ourselves coming back to is forgiveness and prayer. Those are the two things they can do and have control over. They can forgive her and they can pray for her.

But recently, and on two separate occasions, both girls have said, “I keep praying but nothing has changed.” “We’ve prayed for years and nothing is happening.”

What can I say to that? I so want to be able to help them find peace and it seems the clock is running out. Their mother was diagnosed with colon cancer recently and she isn’t taking the treatments prescribed. She’s also on the run for flagrant non-support and will probably do significant time in jail next time she’s caught. They are so worried she will die soon and they feel like she doesn’t even care. They feel she doesn’t care or want them and that she’s chosen drugs over them.

What can I say to them if their prayers go unanswered and there is no reconciliation, no conversion, no change of heart or healing that they’ve been praying for all these years? Help me to find the words of wisdom they need to hear so desperately.

Thank you,
Kelly

Oh it’s hard to say. Because it’s hard to know how they pray and what they pray for. I could be that they pray for God to heal thier mom and miraculously fix her. But it may be that this experience unites them with the suffering of Christ. Or even Mary who watched her son die. I would think it may be helpful since they struggle with thier mother to turn to Our Mother for guidance here.

 

[bitterhope]

It is refreshing to hear a step parent or really any adult including bio parents care so much about helping children to foster a good relationship with God. I have often felt as your step daughters do. I pray and nothing happens. It’s hard to trust and continue when there are never any results. When my baby brother was dying due to addiction and I prayed and bared my soul to God, the only “answer” that I got was a very deep knowledge that God would cure him but not here in earth. I knew he was going to die and was very blessed in the fact that I prepared for it beforehand. God’s ways are not our ways. I often wish they were though. Life would be so much less painful if we understood His ways.

What I have told my kids in times of deep hurting and prayers continue to go unanswered depends on their ages (the age range is 3-18). My teens I’m more open with about my own struggles. I let them know that I am weak and imperfect in my prayers. I remind them that God has all this and no matter what we are going to be alright. Just as human parents sometimes say no for what appears to be no reason whatsoever except to make life difficult, sometimes God does too. It’s never really for no reason. Eventually we learn to understand parts of some of the reasons. In the case of my brother I’ve come to understand that the only way he could get better was not in this word. He simply was too sick.

My prayer for your family is that soon your step daughters will begin to see how blessed they have been and continue to be blessed with your presence in their lives. Pray to their guardian angels and ask Mary to comfort in ways only she can. I am sorry your girls have to suffer through this.

 

[tawny]

Praying to the Holy Spirit to give you guidance, direction, strength, fortitude & wisdom in your time of need.

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

I’m looking for advice. I have two step daughters (ages 16 and 20) that have struggled for many years to deal with the absence of their bio-mother most of their life because of addiction. When she does pop in their life, on occasion, it only ends up causing them more pain. I think we have been able to work through many issues and the common solution we always find ourselves coming back to is forgiveness and prayer. Those are the two things they can do and have control over. They can forgive her and they can pray for her.

But recently, and on two separate occasions, both girls have said, “I keep praying but nothing has changed.” “We’ve prayed for years and nothing is happening.”

What can I say to that? I so want to be able to help them find peace and it seems the clock is running out. Their mother was diagnosed with colon cancer recently and she isn’t taking the treatments prescribed. She’s also on the run for flagrant non-support and will probably do significant time in jail next time she’s caught. They are so worried she will die soon and they feel like she doesn’t even care. They feel she doesn’t care or want them and that she’s chosen drugs over them.

What can I say to them if their prayers go unanswered and there is no reconciliation, no conversion, no change of heart or healing that they’ve been praying for all these years? Help me to find the words of wisdom they need to hear so desperately.

Thank you,
Kelly

Well… the thing is that we can all pray for a number of people to better themselves until we are blue in the face but if that person does not want to change, God will not make them. Not everyone gets the road to Damascus treatment like St Paul did with a almost instant conversion. If this woman really does not care, God will not force her to care. What exactly are the girls praying for?

That is a rough age. I remember praying for something at 16 and when I did not get what I wanted I basically told God that I lost faith in Him and that I no longer wanted to be a Christian basically. It was over a girl… I wanted her, my logic was that I never asked God for anything at all but I really really wanted this girl to be my girlfriend so I kind of prayed for God to make her like me I guess… Problem is God does not make people do things against their will… He gives them a choice. He would not make that girl like me and He will not make a woman who does not care about her kids instantly care. Speaking as a former drug addict myself, God does not always instantaneously make people quit doing drugs. It is a process for some of us.

I would not beat around the bush with these girls. I would make it known to them that their mother may never recover and if so it is not Gods fault nor their fault Some people do not want to change or their will power to change is not as strong as their will power to use drugs. It is unfortunate but that is life. I have known a lot of drug addicts. Some do not recover for a very long time. Some never do. It is the reality of drug addiction. I would pray that their Mother does get arrested very soon and spends a long time in jail. hopefully she can stay clean after that. But that is just what I would tell them. I do not have kids so what do I know? I am just a 32 year old ex drug addict myself. Clean 8 years as of last week.

 

[DeSanto]

Thank you all for responding. And the responses given are pretty much within the same line of thinking I was going to go go with when trying to approach this issue. Handing it over to Jesus and truly placing our trust in Him, which can be a lot easier said than done. Praying that His will be done… even though we may never fully understand. I’m not sure what they pray for personally, but together we usually pray for God to heal her and to peirce her heart so that she may be open to His call. And we pray for understanding.

But, in the end it truly is about our free will. And God will not force us to go against our will.

I think this is the best approach and something they will be able to relate to the most.

I also keep thinking about St. Monica and her persistence in prayer even when things seemed hopeless. And how sometimes God wants us to be persistent. I think I will share her story with them and have them ask for her intercession. I also like the suggestion of uniting our sufferings with Christ’s suffering. I don’t know how much they even know about the Catholic teaching on redemptive suffering. Maybe they will be willing to begin fasting along will prayer.

Thanks again for taking the time to help me out here. I appreciate it so much.

 

[Rosebud77]

Free will, free choice to make the wrong choice… can be a hard one to get the head round.

And maybe they feel in part to blame and that needs addressing?

As a child I certainly felt hat if I had been a better child my father would not have been living with a scripture teacher and starting a second family with her…

My desperate mother once showed me a newspaper cutting where a little girl whose father had left them ran away from home, scared them witless, and yep,he came home so why was I not doing that? ( I think I was 11 and he was still nominally living with is occasionally.

So early one summer Sunday morning. I set off down the road…running away, Dad was tinkering with the car in the garage, my brother was out on a bike ride with his friends and my mother was in bed where she was spending an increasing amount of time…

I walked miles and hours then along the big main road… And then a lorry stopped and offered me a lift and thankfully I got scared. THANK FULLY.

Walked all the way back home…

Dad was still tinkering in the garage, brother still out, Mum still in bed and no one had even missed me.

All they wanted was the dinner made…

Please make sure they know that none of this is their fault. That episode followed and shaped me for much of my life and they never knew. And at base I felt guilty I had not got in the cab with the driver…Coward!

God protected me but I did not see that then.

 

[DeSanto]

Free will, free choice to make the wrong choice… can be a hard one to get the head round.

And maybe they feel in part to blame and that needs addressing?

As a child I certainly felt hat if I had been a better child my father would not have been living with a scripture teacher and starting a second family with her…

My desperate mother once showed me a newspaper cutting where a little girl whose father had left them ran away from home, scared them witless, and yep,he came home so why was I not doing that? ( I think I was 11 and he was still nominally living with is occasionally.

So early one summer Sunday morning. I set off down the road…running away, Dad was tinkering with the car in the garage, my brother was out on a bike ride with his friends and my mother was in bed where she was spending an increasing amount of time…

I walked miles and hours then along the big main road… And then a lorry stopped and offered me a lift and thankfully I got scared. THANK FULLY.

Walked all the way back home…

Dad was still tinkering in the garage, brother still out, Mum still in bed and no one had even missed me.

All they wanted was the dinner made…

Please make sure they know that none of this is their fault. That episode followed and shaped me for much of my life and they never knew. And at base I felt guilty I had not got in the cab with the driver…Coward!

God protected me but I did not see that then.

Yes, there has been issues where they have carried guilt as if somehow her leaving was their fault. Especially for my 20 y/o. She was five when her mom took off and remembers everything and every disappointment afterward. She ran away when she was 17. Her mom had come back in the picture for a while and she was at a very vulnerable age. She was rebelling because we had rules and she felt we were trying to “control her life”. Well, her mom had hatched a plan to have her accuse her father of child abuse so she could go live with her. Needless to say, no judge would ever give her custody, but she believed her mom and was totally manipulated by her. When she turned 18 she stayed with her grandmother for a while and got some first hand experience as to just how life really was hanging out with her mom with no supervision. She had some pretty dangerous experiences, and thankfully The Good Lord protected her as he did you, and us all.

I guess sometimes we just have to learn things the hard way.

She’s back home now, working and saving money, looking to get into college.

Thanks for sharing and offering your help.