Unanswered Questions About Priesthood

[frjuan]

Hello again Matt,

Sorry, it’s been a while since I last replied you, and I still owe you to finish my answer (sorry, a lot of things have happened in the last days). I’ll try to remember the things I had in mind back then and put them here:

In the first place, prayer life is essential. I know it can sound like a topic, but it is heard so often because it is true. You need, as a priest, to find time every day to spend with the Lord, and only with Him. John Paul II said, in an encounter with priests: “Do never forget that your first duty is to stay with Christ. It is absolutely necessary that you find time to stay with Him in prayer [translated from Spanish]”. So all the duties of priesthood can never be an excuse to abandon prayer. (See Matthew 26:38.41)

Second, community life is important. It can be the regular community life of parish priests at the rectory, or being part of some priestly association or congregation with community life. But, in any case, having some community life is important for many reasons:

1. We live in a world that is contrary to Christian life in many ways, so you won’t find support on it. If you are by yourself, it is much easier that the world swallows you and dissolves your identity, while the support and example of other priests helps you to stay firm on that identity.
2. It is also a support for keeping order in your life: for example, maybe some day that you wouldn’t get up in time to do your prayers if you were by yourself, you’ll do it if there are other people waiting for you to join them in the morning prayer.
3. It helps you to “get out of yourself”, in the sense of having a life less self-centered. If you live by yourself, and have everything in every moment according to your whim, you’ll become weird very soon. On the other hand, having beside you a brother that makes you have lunch earlier that you would like to, or who snorts in the next room and gives you trouble when sleeping, or puts the things where you don’t like them to be, etc., that is an excellent medicine to stay normal. After all, those are the things that happen in any regular family, aren’t they?
   (See Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, Luke 10:1)

And, for last, remember that Christ’s disciple is called to share in his poverty (see Matthew 8:20). Even if the priest doesn’t make a vow of poverty, he is still called to have a sober lifestyle. Since a priest has normally a decent salary, and no burdens such as house renting, maintaining a family, etc., there is always a danger of letting yourself be carried on by consumerism. If you, as a priest, want to have an expensive car, enjoy a 300-inch TV with 480-degree surround sound, and eat in fancy restaurants, be sure that is the shortest way to drop out of priesthood in a matter of a few years. Or even worst, stay in priesthood and do lots of harm to the Church (sadly, behind many of the scandals there was a lack of care for this point in the beginning).

Well, these three points are the ones I can think off the top of my head. There will for sure be more, but these three are important. If some other brother priest wants to add something, I will surely appreciate it.

God Bless, Matt.

 

[MattBalkus]

Thank you, Father! I appreciate your very detailed and informative responses. Please let me know if anything else pops up that you’d like to share with me.

 

[Sophie111]

Its best not to overthink things beforehand i suggest.

Its good to join at a later age when you have good job prospects (eg after obtaining work skills and/or good qualifications). This will give you psychological freedom to leave during the long formation period if you come to the conclusion it is not for you after living the life. I know Priests who lead miserable private lives because they should not really be there but were too afraid to leave. Usually they come from poor backgrounds and joined very young.
Another reason for joining at a later age is because some guys are late sexual bloomers and by the time they realise they are not suited they are ordained and its very difficult psychologically to leave then.

You need to have a strong spiritual reason for wanting to be a Priest that overrides everything. If it doesnt involve serving others be wary.

In short just because you feel you have a calling doesn’t mean you have one or it is right for you in the place you are. It is a mutual discernment with whatever fraternity you join, they might finally decide it would not be good for you or the Church for you to follow God in that way.

Good luck.

 

[InThePew]

The first thing I’d note is that sexual connection isn’t a remedy for loneliness - there are far too many people who have far too many sexual connections with far too many different people who are massively lonely even if they themselves don’t realise it. A question to ask yourself is, “how would I feel at 50 if I hadn’t given priesthood a go?”

Do you priests ever feel lonely and sort of depressed, or bored and regretful?

Loneliness comes with all walks of life in differing degrees but at the same time solitude and loneliness aren’t the same thing. I’d be lying if I said I was never lonely - going from community life in the seminary to priesthood is a significant transition and one which brings with it struggles around things like loneliness. As FrJuan has said though a remedy is to have good, close friends you can rely on for support especially amongst the clergy. Non-priest friends are also really important - particularly people who have known you for a long time and will just treat you and you and not as “Father”; people you can just relax around and not have to be “on duty”

What do you do when you’re not around people?

Tbh, I’m around people so much in my pastoral work that there are times when I’m grateful for the opportunity to sit down, by myslef and realx in front of the TV or with a good book.

I’m just curious and don’t want to set myself up for failure

Christ calls us to risk failure - that’s the folly of the cross. In fact he calls us to risk everything in following him. Nobody ever said that priesthood was supposed to be easy but that’s not the same as saying it isn’t immensely rewarding.

 

[MattBalkus]

Thank you so much.