Wow, I hate to be one sided, but I think she might need to read a book about what men want, how they think, etc. I totally don’t know you two, so what I say should be taken with a grain of salt. Also, I’ve have not been part of a couple for a long time, so it’s almost like looking from the outside in and seeing a problem, but since I’m not in the same group (coupled) seeing it in its simplicity. And simplicity can sometimes be deceiving.
It sounded like she works outside the home as well as inside the home, since you mention her being angry after work (but I don’t know if that meant after you get home from work or after she gets home from work). If she works, she might have some pressures and anxiety from the job that is spilling over into her relationship with you. But I think many women who do work and have a family as well can lose touch with what a man values in himself, i.e. providing for his family, making his woman happy, being a leader or an innovator (i.e. coming up with stuff to do to help on his own, independent thinking, a sense of self that extends to helping others fix or make things.) I hope I am not being foolish in saying this - since I’m not a man. : )
My take on this, from what you have said, is that she needs to stop and think about your basic needs as a man. You’ve pretty much nailed it in your topic line, she sounds unappreciative. My idea is it is just as basic as looking at her own needs (and those of the children) and not looking at how to talk to a man or think like a man to get those needs met. Thus she is always angry because she just doesn’t appreciate what a man can offer if she let go and loosened up a bit. It’s a vicious cycle for her.
That’s just my two cents and, like I said, I am not in the situation and looking from the outside. And to be honest, I am somewhat “jumping to the conclusion” that is what is wrong because I personally had some times where I had discovered that men really, really want to make women happy but we just don’t see how important that is to them. I would venture to say that when she gets angry you feel like you are doing a bad job, not being successful at what is important to you as a man.
I think counseling would be very good if she is open to it. I’m not thinking there is anything like bi polar, etc., I just think she needs to realize that you don’t feel appreciated. I mean, you can tell her that, but she might not really get it until you tell her that you think you both need help to work out some problems. because your marriage or relationship is suffering. I think she needs to know that there is a problem in your marriage that someone impartial can help you two sort out because you want to fix it and don’t know how.
Don’t tell her it’s because she’s always angry, since women get the message in our society that we are never supposed to be angry and sometimes feel like a big monster if someone says we are angry. Sometimes anger can even come from feeling like you were never “allowed” to be angry. Anyway, you really need to go to someone professional who will get to know the both of you and uncover ways of relating and communicating that are better.
Give her a gift certificate for a pedicure. I don’t know. If her lifestyle doesn’t change though, the anger will come back. Something has to be more balanced in her life. A change has to be made.