Unbaptised 11-year old daugther wants to be baptised and join protestant church

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I file that under “very good” cause its much better than remaining unbaptised

But yet i ask for tips how to handle that in light of that when marrying i promised to raise our children in catholic faith (a pormise i only later realized i should take serious) and in light of that i am catholic.

Questions:
-praying: avoid certain non-ecumenical prayers?
-sunday service: considering that my wife is protestant and not enthusiastic regarding attending sunday service (which of course is not an obligation for protestants) and that my daughter is just 11, it might be that my daughter will only get chance to go to service when i accompany her; should i encourage and accompany her? Though only as so to say guest and not full participant
-sunday obligation: considering the last point i presume i now have added schedule problems and just have to accept trying to accompany my daughter and to get to mass; is there any reason not to take her along to mass, if she wants to?
-how to handle that while i file it under “very good” i do not file it under “near prefect” and therefore would like to encourage her to search further in hope she will one day come to mass not as so to say guest?
-how to handle the issue with the protestant minister? i fear my wife will suggest i handle the matter (my wife being horrified at me trying to be serious catholic and still hoping i might come down with the “less backward” protestants and here errenerously seeing a chance for that)
  • is there any issue from Church rules or laws in regard to me organizing, encouraging and helping my daughter to “get into” protestant denomination?
And yes, the entire situation is not completely simple and straight forward, so any (name removed by moderator)ut is welcome, cause it might help me developing ideas.
 
Why does she want baptism? What does the church where she wants to be baptized teach about baptism?

When I was a kid I had a big ole target on my back for evangelicals. I was invited to so many camps and youth groups and programs. I was also a kid who was desperate to fit in at times. I don’t know if your daughter is like that, but it’s worth considering if this a peer issue vs. religious conviction.
 
Why does daughter want to be baptized in this group? Has she been attending this church? Is this Protestant community anti-Catholic?
 
Out of curiosity, were you married Catholic?

I’m presuming you were based on this statement, “But yet i ask for tips how to handle that in light of that when marrying i promised to raise our children in catholic faith (a pormise i only later realized i should take serious) and in light of that i am catholic.”
 
Well, the question I have is, what has been going on for the last 11 years in your child’s life? Has she been attending mass with you at all? Where did she get wanting to be baptized Protestant from?

If your wife is not attending a Protestant service, you have no obligation to get your daughter there. In fact, I would let it be known that I am not willing to do so. It’s on her mom if she wants to, but you are Catholic and not doing it.

I would tell my daughter that you apologize for not having her baptized, and offer her the opportunity to learn more about your faith, since it sounds like she has not. Tell her you would like her to make a decision when she is truly informed, and then, work to inform her.

Do you have other children, btw?
 
carn said:
I file that under “very good” cause its much better than remaining unbaptised

But yet i ask for tips how to handle that in light of that when marrying i promised to raise our children in catholic faith (a pormise i only later realized i should take serious) and in light of that i am catholic.

Questions:
-praying: avoid certain non-ecumenical prayers?
-sunday service: considering that my wife is protestant and not enthusiastic regarding attending sunday service (which of course is not an obligation for protestants) and that my daughter is just 11, it might be that my daughter will only get chance to go to service when i accompany her; should i encourage and accompany her? Though only as so to say guest and not full participant
-sunday obligation: considering the last point i presume i now have added schedule problems and just have to accept trying to accompany my daughter and to get to mass; is there any reason not to take her along to mass, if she wants to?
-how to handle that while i file it under “very good” i do not file it under “near prefect” and therefore would like to encourage her to search further in hope she will one day come to mass not as so to say guest?
-how to handle the issue with the protestant minister? i fear my wife will suggest i handle the matter (my wife being horrified at me trying to be serious catholic and still hoping i might come down with the “less backward” protestants and here errenerously seeing a chance for that)
  • is there any issue from Church rules or laws in regard to me organizing, encouraging and helping my daughter to “get into” protestant denomination?
And yes, the entire situation is not completely simple and straight forward, so any (name removed by moderator)ut is welcome, cause it might help me developing ideas.
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As a priest, there are frankly too many unknowns to begin to offer any sort of counsel…besides which, I don’t think this forum is the proper place to air all of the issues.

I would suggest that you make an appointment with your parish priest to discuss the matter with him in all its permutations. He is the one best positioned to help, since he has the cura animarum for yourself and your family.

I will add that, on the rare occasion there was a minor who wished to become Catholic without her parents also being in the process of becoming Catholic, I would only act on the request after consultation with the parent(s) and their concurrence – they had to be in agreement or the child was told to wait until she reached her majority, presuming we are not in a situation of terminal illness/danger of death.

Much depends upon from whom she is seeking baptism. For various ecclesial communities, their theology concerning baptism is markedly different from that of the Catholic Church. Her being baptised for them could simply represent that she has accepted Jesus as Lord and Saviour and not entail an obligation to regularly participate in any services at all.

You would need to understand more from their perspective in order to understand the implications of the baptism and what, if any, obligations she is assuming or attempting to assume…so a meeting with the person of that faith community would be important for you.
 
carn said:
But yet i ask for tips how to handle that in light of that when marrying i promised to raise our children in catholic faith (a pormise i only later realized i should take serious) and in light of that i am catholic.
In light of this, it is my opinion that your daughter should be baptized Catholic.
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Graceful_Lamb said:
carn;13887804:
But yet i ask for tips how to handle that in light of that when marrying i promised to raise our children in catholic faith (a pormise i only later realized i should take serious) and in light of that i am catholic.
In light of this, it is my opinion that your daughter should be baptized Catholic.
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WHOA. An eleven-year-old can most certainly have definite opinions on religion. I professed Christianity as a six-year-old and was baptized at 11. Please do not baptize this child Catholic against her will.
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heidi_storage said:
Graceful_Lamb;13888287:
WHOA. An eleven-year-old can most certainly have definite opinions on religion. I professed Christianity as a six-year-old and was baptized at 11. Please do not baptize this child Catholic against her will.
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In point of fact, the church will not baptize an 11 year old against her will.
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Graceful_Lamb said:
carn;13887804:
But yet i ask for tips how to handle that in light of that when marrying i promised to raise our children in catholic faith (a pormise i only later realized i should take serious) and in light of that i am catholic.
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In light of this, it is my opinion that your daughter should be baptized Catholic.
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Absolutely and positively: no.

That is forbidden by canon law, now that the child has attained the age of reason. The decision is now hers and her decision must be respected.
 
Don_Ruggero said:
As a priest, there are frankly too many unknowns to begin to offer any sort of counsel…besides which, I don’t think this forum is the proper place to air all of the issues.

I would suggest that you make an appointment with your parish priest to discuss the matter with him in all its permutations. He is the one best positioned to help, since he has the cura animarum for yourself and your family.

I will add that, on the rare occasion there was a minor who wished to become Catholic without her parents also being in the process of becoming Catholic, I would only act on the request after consultation with the parent(s) and their concurrence – they had to be in agreement or the child was told to wait until she reached her majority, presuming we are not in a situation of terminal illness/danger of death.

Much depends upon from whom she is seeking baptism. For various ecclesial communities, their theology concerning baptism is markedly different from that of the Catholic Church. Her being baptised for them could simply represent that she has accepted Jesus as Lord and Saviour and not entail an obligation to regularly participate in any services at all.

You would need to understand more from their perspective in order to understand the implications of the baptism and what, if any, obligations she is assuming or attempting to assume…so a meeting with the person of that faith community would be important for you.
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This…get ongoing guidance from your pastor, OP.
 
pensmama87 said:
Why does she want baptism? What does the church where she wants to be baptized teach about baptism?
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PaulfromIowa said:
Why does daughter want to be baptized in this group? Has she been attending this church? Is this Protestant community anti-Catholic?
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Probably caused by my efforts to teach her to honor God and efforts by my dear lovely wife to teach her not to fall prey to evil misogynistic organizations like for example the catholic church; joining protestants is so to say a “compromise” between that parental “(name removed by moderator)ut”, so that might be the cause in the end; but i have to yet find a situation to dive into details.

Its standard German protestants. I do not know how anti-catholic the locals are, but i suspect they are not that anti-catholic.

She has been attending it maybe once per 2 years, when my wife decided to go. She was more often attending mass with me, maybe about 20 times per year.
 
As Don Ruggero recommends, talk to your priest.

I would recommend saying to her, that you’re happy she wants to be baptized, and that the Catholic church is the one that Christ founded. That when she has learned a little more about her church, so she can make a well informed decision, you will honor her decision, but first you would like her to learn more.

.
 
Carn,
I am married to a Protestant that is actually active.
I have a few questions:
1-You say that your wife is protestant only on paper, how is it then possible that your daughter wants to be baptized as a protestant? There must be something you are not explaining.
2-Did your daughter’s request come from her as an individual, or is she trying to appease her mother? (you make it sound as if her mother is anti-Catholic)
3-How well does your daughter understand the Catholic Faith? If she was raised going to a protestant community that may be all she knows.
4-How does your wife feel about you being a Catholic? Do you speak about it? Is she aware of your obligations? Does she have anything particular against the Catholic Church?

In the end you may have to let your daughter get baptized, but you should first try to clarify many of these things.
My wife and I have an understanding that I would educate our children in the Catholic Faith, even if they might not necessarily be baptized as babies (she is a Baptist pastor). And she is ok with this.

God bless,
D.
 
As the wise Don points out, this is a delicate issue that is difficult to talk about in public. This is one reason that we should think twice about interfaith marriages. The children, through no fault of their own, are caught between the opposed views of their parents.
 
PaulfromIowa said:
As the wise Don points out, this is a delicate issue that is difficult to talk about in public. This is one reason that we should think twice about interfaith marriages. The children, through no fault of their own, are caught between the opposed views of their parents.
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I don’t know if I’d consider this a reason to condemn or even think twice about interfaith marriages. The OP by his own admission was lapsed at the time of his marriage so the implication of the interfaith marriage, and it’s related Catholic specific responsibilities, would presumably not have been in the forefront of anyone’s mind for consideration when the marriage occurred (to be fair the OP has not even confirmed they were married validly per Catholic canon law).

Rather the OP’s experience might be a reason more to pause and consider when entering into marriage where one or both spouse are not actually active in their self identifying faith.
 
If your daughter is 11 and has only been to church with your wife maybe twice a year and has been to mass with you 20 times, how did she decide to become baptized at all? She has barely been to church.

You should discuss with her the importance of baptism and what it really means. You are her parent and it is your responsibility. If you don’t do it, who do you expect will?
 
JobinFan70 said:
According to this thread and my own experience, the consent of an 11-year-old is not required. I’d be pleased to be corrected on this matter.
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=893278
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To act without the consent of a person who is capable of giving and withholding consent is a grave violation of their freedom and contrary to their human dignity. For a priest to try to impose the sacraments against the will of someone is truly heinous and violates the nature of a sacrament and the nature of priestly ministry.

Beyond those fundamental points, the canons could not be clearer, especially as articulated in:
Can. 852 §1. The prescripts of the canons on adult baptism are to be applied to all those who, no longer infants, have attained the use of reason.
and
Can. 865 §1. For an adult to be baptized, the person must have manifested the intention to receive baptism, have been instructed sufficiently about the truths of the faith and Christian obligations, and have been tested in the Christian life through the catechumenate. The adult is also to be urged to have sorrow for personal sins.
The pastoral issue for the priest who has the cura animarum for a person who is above the age of reason but has not, actually, attained the age of canonical majority is that the application of Canon 865 has to be adjusted to the condition of the candidate for baptism. Their intention is an absolute requirement; sufficient instruction and testing in the Christian life through the catechumenate will be a relative requirement. In my experience, I have had to create a unique programme in such an instance. Some places have this happen enough to have the RCIC in place. (Rite of Christian Initiation for Children).

I have been a priest for many years. In my experience, an 11 year old child is more than capable of having an aspiration to be baptised…just as they are capable of aspiring to receive the Eucharist, to be confirmed or to serve at Mass. They are also capable of saying “No” and unambiguously.

What is typically less clear is their ability to necessarily follow through with what may be corollary to their aspiration. If the parent or one who stands in place of the parent is walking the same faith journey or supportive of it, then a child could complete the RCIC and be baptised and become Catholic.

Since this child would, in essence, be doing this on her own…the question becomes what would be asked of her by whoever she is desiring to be baptised by.

In this case at hand, I have no clue what the ecclesial community is or what its requirements are for baptism. As an ecumenist, I have worked as a priest with leaders of ecclesial communities for whom one could request baptism and it is given with little or even no preparation…even on the spot. That is at one end of the spectrum. I have also worked with Anglicans who use a system for reception that, in certain regards, is even more demanding than what we use as Catholics. In the former case, being baptised can be an act unto itself without assumption of commitments relative to practices associated with the faith community and in the latter, it is very different.

When the original poster says that the ecclesial community is German, I can only speculate that we are speaking about some iteration of Lutheran. I must add with a lament that the tendency in this forum to use the term “Protestant” as an overarching descriptive is very anomalous and not particularly helpful. It really says very little. It makes me think of the employment of a term like: “Christians who believe that there are seven sacraments”. It is so generic that it does not say enough to tell me, as a theologian, what community we are actually speaking about except in the most generic of ways.
 
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