Uncertain about my relationship

  • Thread starter Thread starter roxylu
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
R

roxylu

Guest
I wrote another thread discussing my relationship.
Well, today I finally sat and seriously talked to my “boyfriend” of three years only to find out that he has feelings for someone else. I do not want to leave him because we have already been together for so long and through so much. I asked him if he saw himself loving someone as he loved me. I also asked him if he could just ignore everything that we have gone through. After an hour of me doing all the talking, he got out of my car, said “I can’t.” and ran off. I have not talked to him since 3 this afternoon. He is not home and will not answer his phone. I have left him voicemails and sent him messages asking to at least call back and give me closure. I do not want to end a three plus year relationship by having him run off.

I have been praying to God and Mary that they show me the way. I keep getting that I need to be patient.

Does anyone have any suggestions on what to do?
I am thinking of not going back to school because I would be too close to him and he is all that I had in that town. The town is four hours from here and my family really needs me know. My sister and mom have been really ill; in and out of the hospital a lot.

I want to trust in God and hope that he has the best plans for me. Maybe God brought this to my relationship so that I can stay home and take care of my family. I already have an associate’s degree so I can get a decent job while I save more money.

I really need any prayers or support. I lost my best earthly friend and prayer is all that I have.

Thank you all.
Roxanna
 
Dear Roxanne,
If Jesus inspires you to be patient it may be because you will be waiting for the man He desires for you; and if your mother and sister need you, this may be God’s gentle way of keeping you near to them for now.

If your boyfriend has feelings for someone else, nothing is going to bring him hack. He has already run from you in the sense of leaving you emotionally for someone else. It has already occurred. You simply hadn’t known. He may feel bad about it, as indicated by his running off, but no amount of messages or voicemails likely to change anything. This feels like unfinished business as it’s all such a shock, but in the end there is nothing for you with him. Pursuing him for any reason is only likely to wear you out and prolong your acceptance of what has happened.

It is sad and unfair that you are suffering this abandonment and loss…but where he’s concerned it is already history. His guilt isn’t much to obtain in recompense for his deception and loss, because guilt is all he has left.

You deserve wholehearted love…and in asking you in your spirit to be patient, God is giving you respite…and giving you tasks of love to occupy you and to help you get over your grief.

I ask Jesus to help you through all this.

Love and prayer, Trishie
 
I have been praying to God and Mary that they show me the way.
Click to expand...
I think they did, when he jumped out of the car and ran. Won’t answer the phone (he’s gotta know its you calling) and says he has feelings for someone else. You probably realized a while ago things were not right, but was unable to connect the dots. Learn from this sweetie.

Not going back to school depends. I wouldn’t let him derail my education, but if I could transfer to another that might be good. Sometimes a change in scenery helps heal.

When you think of him as your best friend, recall the moment he told you he had feelings for someone else, and how that made you feel, and then ask yourself and this is my best friend?

Could be lots of reasons for y’all’s breakup divine or otherwise. I’d be thankful to find out all this now, before I invested anymore time in him.

The short term is not fun. If you want to have a good cry do it, if it makes ya feel better to throw all his pics in the trash do that to, banana splits always seem to work in these situations so go down to the DQ.

This relationship will be woven in the fabric of your life. When you have some distance from it, you can see all the reasons why this needed to end, and remember the good and bad of it, and you will have it to fall back on on the next relationship you find yourself in.

You’re on the right track with Trust in God. Put this in his hands, and ask him to lead you to the man you’re suppose to be with, a you’re gonna need patience, because his time is nothing like how we see it.

I have you on my prayer list.
 
Wow, I really feel for you. I just finally stopped seeing my boyfriend of 1 1/2 years, because he is suddenly terrified of marriage and wants to go see if he’s called to the religious life. He kept wanting to hang out with me anyway, even though he’s planning to enter the priory in August, and it was really hard for me knowing he’s going to leave me soon. Like your story, he is my best friend and pretty much my only friend. So, the loss is very painful for me.

I’m so glad you have your family to focus on and take care of. I, too, believe that God wants me to focus on my family right now and be patient. I know I’m called to marriage, and if you know that too, then you can relax and know that everything is going to be just fine. God is preparing our future husbands for us even now, but our life isn’t just about waiting for the true love and marriage to come. Our life is now! We can do so much for God and spend time with Him as our true Love. After all, He is pursuing us with great passion and love and will never, ever leave us for someone or something else He likes better.

A few days ago, I heard a song on the radio called “Cinderella.” I don’t know if you’ve heard it before, but it’s about a dad who wants to dance with his daughter as much as he can before she grows up and moves away with her husband. I felt like God was saying He greatly desires this time with me, when it’s just me and Him. And it’s the same with you! Just imagine that God is dancing with you–that you are so precious to Him and He wants you all for Himself right now. He wants and desires you more than any other guy has EVER desired or loved a girl!

Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it, but we are very lucky! And very loved.😃
 
I agree with the previous posters, I think you may have gotten your answer.

And I agree that a change in school might be good if possible. I know it will be difficult and you may not ever know what happened. But trying to contact him isn’t helping you or him. It’s rubbing salt in your wounds that he won’t pick up.

I’d leave him be, and focus on your future. Maybe he needs time to think, maybe not. But God still loves you and He will still be there for you no matter what.

Time has a wonderful way of giving us perspective…
 
Some tough love here.

Stop being uncertain. It’s over. He got out of your car and ran!

I think he was wrong for you, anyway. You’re a strong-willed woman - like me. You don’t need a husband you can push around - which is what he was letting you do all this time. He wasn’t man enough to stand up to you and say “No. I’m done. Stop calling.” He was waiting for you to take the hint. When you wouldn’t, and he had enough, he ran away.

I think your chances of having him for a friend are gone, too. After all this drama, his new gf is not going to let you anywhere near him.

If you want closure, start praying that he and his new gf find real love and happiness together. Put your feelings for him into that prayer. And start praying that you have the patience to wait and see what God’s will is for you. End every prayer with “Thy will, not mine, be done.” (As a strong willed woman myself, I have to do that. And it works.)

On into the future… Us strong-willed women attract weak men; they’re happy having us do all the work. Stay away from them, 'cuz it’s not fulfilling at all. On the other end of the scale - sometimes we are attracted to abusive men, because they seem to be as strong as we are. So pray for discernment, so you can see both types coming, if ya know what I mean.

Meantime, I will pray that you find your perfect match. I did - but I ain’t sharing him!

God bless you, Roxanne. Feel free to pm me if you want to talk about this strong will stuff. It’s tough giving my will to God; maybe we can help each other out.

Your strong-willed sister in Christ,

Ruthie
 
I’ll have to agree that it’s over with. Calling him and all will only push him further away. I know it’s hard to let go, I’ve had trouble in the past with letting go in a relationship. The longer you’re in a relationship, the harder it is to let go.
 
Let it go. Wish him the best. Call it day. Stop calling.

Take care of your momma and your sister. 👍

Trust me, you’ll meet another guy, a fantastic guy, who will blow this one out of the water. Then you’ll say to yourself “what was I THINKING?”

:rotfl:
 
Stop calling, it sounds like you have said what you needed to, now he needs time to deal with it and understand his feelings.

I would say this, it may or may not be over but probably is. This isn’t to give you false hope but rather to point out that guys (and girls sometimes) when presented with emotional overload just run form things until they have time to think. This may or may not be the case.

Just continue to pray about it and let what happen will.

Joe
 
Let him go. Phoning and mailing won’t change anything. It will only throw him away. However, I don’t think he’s likely to come back anyway.

You know, I’ve had that kind of feeling many times. I’ve lost the count of my romantic failures. I don’t care, however. They aren’t anywhere close to preventing me from enjoying life or gentle company for that matter. Looking back at all those times, I’m glad my prayers weren’t granted, and the girls didn’t come back (or come round, depending which one). I wouldn’t be happy with any of them, except maybe perhaps in some cases where I messed something up early I just can’t tell, but that’s not enough to make me lose my fun in life, either. And not enough to make you! You will just need some time to get over that, but you will be fine in time. Maybe you will not exactly be celebrating this break-up, but you won’t be downthrodden by it any more.

By the way, my best-friend-in-a-tie (she tied with my old buddy friends-wise) broke up with me two years ago. There was a lot of drama and I was devastated. I did a lot of silly thing and I said things as if my brains had gone away, in retrospect. It was an awful pain to see her half a year after that, to the point I just didn’t want to go to my university for anything, knowing she might be there (she came on a grant). Somehow it has stopped. I am still not in shape for a new relationship, but I’m not a hostage, either. Let those feelings pass. It will take a while.
 
They’re not romantic ‘failures,’ chevalier.:tsktsk: The only failures we have in life, is when we give up or don’t try at all. :o What you dub failures, really helped you to grow. Every person we meet…every relationship we have…good or bad…teaches us something. Sometimes, what we never knew…about ourselves.

Never think of your ended relationships, as failures. :o 😉
 
Thank you everyone for your support and kind advice.

We ended things on Tuesday, and I honestly think that it is for the best.

I am going to stay strong, finish my education, spend my time volunteering, and find my peace with God.
I know that God had this planned out for me to show me something. Though I am unsure about it all now, I know that if I keep praying things will get better.

Thank you all for your prayers.
-Roxanna
 
roxylu said:
Thank you everyone for your support and kind advice.

We ended things on Tuesday, and I honestly think that it is for the best.

I am going to stay strong, finish my education, spend my time volunteering, and find my peace with God.
I know that God had this planned out for me to show me something. Though I am unsure about it all now, I know that if I keep praying things will get better.

Thank you all for your prayers.
-Roxanna
Click to expand...
God bless you roxy…I think it’s for the best too, for whatever my opinion is worth to you. lol You’ll have some tough days, but God will see you through. Glad to see you seem in good spirits about this! 🙂
 
I thank God that He brought me to CAF because I feel really good about my situation now with the advice I have gotten from each of you.

Thank you all again 🙂
 
roxylu said:
I wrote another thread discussing my relationship.
Well, today I finally sat and seriously talked to my “boyfriend” of three years only to find out that he has feelings for someone else. I do not want to leave him because we have already been together for so long and through so much. I asked him if he saw himself loving someone as he loved me. I also asked him if he could just ignore everything that we have gone through. After an hour of me doing all the talking, he got out of my car, said “I can’t.” and ran off. I have not talked to him since 3 this afternoon. He is not home and will not answer his phone. I have left him voicemails and sent him messages asking to at least call back and give me closure. I do not want to end a three plus year relationship by having him run off.

I have been praying to God and Mary that they show me the way. I keep getting that I need to be patient.

Does anyone have any suggestions on what to do?
I am thinking of not going back to school because I would be too close to him and he is all that I had in that town. The town is four hours from here and my family really needs me know. My sister and mom have been really ill; in and out of the hospital a lot.

I want to trust in God and hope that he has the best plans for me. Maybe God brought this to my relationship so that I can stay home and take care of my family. I already have an associate’s degree so I can get a decent job while I save more money.

I really need any prayers or support. I lost my best earthly friend and prayer is all that I have.

Thank you all.
Roxanna
Click to expand...
you are a good person! Rozanna , hugs
…
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top