Uncertain Faith

[leann1014]

Hi everyone,
I’m sorry my first few posts would be about me…but Ive come here hoping someone might be going through my situation, or has…and can offer advice. I’m 24 yrs old and my name is Starla.
Briefly my story:I was adopted by a single mother whom often joked about God or people who believed in Him…even though my mom has a good heart, you can imagine I didnt find religion an easy topic…I began to study and practice a pagan religion, which I was very happy with for 10 yrs, my mom didn’t care since it wasnt christian…but I found myself collecting little books about Jesus, or catholic prayer books and hiding them…Id say the rosary before bed, ma didnt know.
O
nce I moved out things became complicated, I moved across country with a boyfriend whom left me shortly after arriving in NY. I prayed and prayed to my Gods, but the pain remained, and I felt like nothing was being done to help my situation the only comfort I had was reading the Psalms… and that memory stayed with me.

Fast forward a few yrs… Im doing much better, I enrolled into RCIA but still have a problem: I keep returning to my pagan faith, and then back to catholicism…back and forth. I even have skipped a couple of the meetings because I am so confused…I cant keep returning to Jesus and repenting but do the samething…or go back to my pagan faith… I feel like I’m going crazy and don’t know what to do…Please, can someone offer advice?
thank you.
p.s. sorry this is such a long post.

 

[mlz]

Starla,

You need to talk to the priest about this. Explain it just as you have here. There is a “battle” of sorts going on for your soul. God loves you Starla, but your past “pull” doesn’t want you to come to the SON and be made whole. I will pray for you my dear. Remain in the RCIA and speak/pray with a priest their at the parish soon.

Blessings in HIM,
mlz

 

[surritter]

The best advice is probably just to keep at it – ask questions and use your mind. The truth will make itself evident if you honestly seek it.

Now I should say that I’m an engineer, so my angle is one of logic. Read lots of books and ask yourself: Did Jesus really live on this Earth? Did he rise from the dead? These questions can be answered logically by studying historical documents and the testimonies of those who saw Him after the resurrection.

Then ask yourself: Are these witnesses (the Apostles) trustworthy? Would each of them (OK, we’re not sure about John) have died a martyr’s death for something they knew was a fake?

Finally, if you can logically believe that Jesus rose from the dead, the next question is: What group or church is around today that is the direct descendent of that group of Apostles?

Remember, almost everything we believe is due to faith – how do you know what your real birthday is unless you believe someone who told you? So to believe the testimony of the Gospels is indeed faith, but no more than so many other things in life!

 

[leann1014]

wow thanks thats so helpful…I don’t really doubt that Jesus existed and died for us…thats what makes this so hard. I believe in Him, His resurrection and our redemption… but the slightest thing - a full moon for instance - will make me think and miss my pagan path. But then, like now…I just want to be Christ’s servant… is this normal for someone converting/reverting? is it even possible to walk away from a past belief?
Omg sorry just a million more questions…!

 

[surritter]

I would say that a beautiful full moon serves as a reminder of how good God is!

But yes, perhaps those are just vestiges of your pagan days that are tugging at you. Don’t be terribly worried about it, but press onward using your intellect to tell you who really made the moon…

 

[leann1014]

Starla,

You need to talk to the priest about this. Explain it just as you have here. There is a “battle” of sorts going on for your soul. God loves you Starla, but your past “pull” doesn’t want you to come to the SON and be made whole. I will pray for you my dear. Remain in the RCIA and speak/pray with a priest their at the parish soon.

Blessings in HIM,
mlz

Thank you… I sound like a nut case. I will remain in RCIA, I just feel like I am waisting everyone’s time since I am not always 100% sincere… I hate to ask people to go through so much trouble on my account… Ive tried talking to the priest but he’s not really chatty and no fault to him of course…kinda seems like I bother him when I try to talk to him, that’s why I’m here…although I havent blurted this out or anything

 

[mlz]

Thank you… I sound like a nut case. I will remain in RCIA, I just feel like I am waisting everyone’s time since I am not always 100% sincere… I hate to ask people to go through so much trouble on my account… Ive tried talking to the priest but he’s not really chatty and no fault to him of course…kinda seems like I bother him when I try to talk to him, that’s why I’m here…although I havent blurted this out or anything

You are not at all a “nut case” and having questions is normal and healthy. You are not wasting anyone’s time. Those that sincerely love the Lord, LOVE to talk about Him and His wonderful love and faithfulness. Don’t be fearful of talking to the priest, he may come across one way to you but be different when you get him alone. Tell him you need to visit with him alone, then share. Don’t be afraid or hesitant. And, as far as not being 100% sincere, everyone at one time or other might feel that way. Hang in there. I will keep you and your “faith-walk” in my prayers
Blessings in Him,
mlz

 

[Luke65]

I prayed and prayed to my Gods, but the pain remained, and I felt like nothing was being done to help my situation the only comfort I had was reading the Psalms… and that memory stayed with me.

I would recommend you read St. Augustine’s “Confessions” (online here). He was finally converted when he was reading… the Psalms! And he who once prayed, “Lord, give me continence - but not yet” p), went on to become one of the greatest Fathers and Doctors in the Church. God bless.

 

[leann1014]

Truly this forum is one of the greatest blessings. Thank you so much! I will speak to the priest, and read about St. Augustine… and continue to pray…I have renewed hope!!