Uncomfortable Question

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luvluvluvjesus

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My husband and I have been married for two years (we’re both PhD students at universities five hours apart–he’s in his fourth year, I’m in my third.) Both Roman Catholic so we use NFP. We get the opportunity to be together in the same place, usually every other weekend of the month. Our schedules at the moment don’t allow for more travel. Despite this, I think we both feel we have a healthy relationship. We make efforts to have regular skype dates to talk, send each other sentimental letters and things. Anyway.

My issue is this. My cycle is fairly irregular (I think partially due to the stress of being in school) and so for those four or five days that we can be together, I am not always absolutely, positively sure that I’m not fertile. If I’m not sure, we usually abstain, like we did for all of last month. Thing is, we saw each other again last week for Christmas/New Years and spent pretty much all of our non-family-time in bed. We lost track of how many times my husband had had an orgasm but it was definitely into the double digits.

Because of the fact that we so rarely get to have sex, we may have been a little too enthusiastic, I think. My husband always “finishes” inside of me because we know that that is what God wants of us. However, I fear I may have enjoyed–perhaps even reveled–in the act more than I should have. I expressed desires for my husband to “finish” in/on other places (and he did), desires which came from a purely hedonistic, animalistic place, in a way that did not glorify God, but rather which was worshipful of the body. It has made me and my husband feel very guilty since then and we have prayed about it.

Has anyone ever had the problem of going “too far” in sex, crossing over into some fairly obscene bedroom talk and what you would do to each other and then acting on it? While pleasurable, certainly, my husband and I feel we are not being good Catholics in doing so.
 
Firstly: I commend your love for and passion for each other.
Secondly: talk to your confessor about the rest.

None of us are privy to anything that happened. While we can recite the CCC I certainly don’t have the right to judge, so just go to confession - it’s a good thing to do anyway.
 
As has been stated, you should really talk to your confessor for the best advice.

My two cents though, in order for something to be gravely sinful, you have to both have full knowledge and give full consent to the action. Obviously, you understand that those action are wrong, however, If you “lost yourself in the moment” you might not have met the condition of giving full consent.

I’m not expert by any stretch of the imagination, your confessor will be able to give you a more definitive answer. I will say though, I am impressed by your passionate love for your husband, both sexually and in your desire to abstain and use NFP rather than any contraceptive method. I wish my wife were half as passionate as you seem to be 😛

God bless!
 
luvluvluvjesus said:
Has anyone ever had the problem of going “too far” in sex, crossing over into some fairly obscene bedroom talk and what you would do to each other and then acting on it? While pleasurable, certainly, my husband and I feel we are not being good Catholics in doing so.
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Yes, it’s a sin, and yes, you need to confess it. That kind of sex is not unitive because your bodies are not united in the act. It is lustful and not loving. I have had to confess it many times because it used to be a normal thing for my husband and me (we were not acting like Catholics most of our married life). Only recently has that changed and I have not had to take this to the confessional. I was horrified but I knew I had to own up to it, because I did know better and just couldn’t talk about it/explain to my husband for a long time. I would tell the priest something like, “I had sexual intercourse that was not unitive.” I could not be more specific than that. 😊
 
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